1. Life is sexually transmitted.

2. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

3. Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

4. Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

8. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred pounds and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty pence?

9. In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

10. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.