Hi peeps need some of your advice, prepare yourselves(its a long one!)

I have or should i say had a best friend called Pam. But just lately ive realised shes not quite the friend that i was first led to believe. Let me get something straight first, when i call myself a friend to someone i give loyalty as well as friendship and in return expect it back.
For ages me and Pam were inseparable I have always been there for her as a shoulder to cry on (when her and her hubby were having problems) looking after her son at the drop of a hat, helping her with her weight problem. Then we introduced husbands to each other mine Sean and hers Dan. They seemed to get on well and at xmas when everything got too much for us at home with family round and sean leaving his job we went to there house for abit of time out on a saturday evening and them to us. So came the habit of we would either be round there or them here on a saturday night. Weve spent ALOT of money on our house over the last 18 months since we bought it rarely going out so that we can decorate and furnish it exactley as we want. When they started coming round regularly Dan decided it was time they sorted there own house out, which is great I helped Pam pick bits out ans sean helped Dan with some of the work, then Dan started saying things when he came round like I was snobby, Mrs bucket,there house wasnt good enough for me and they would wait to see what we decorated next and go one better!
This I could put up with but I didnt want competitors I wanted friends!

Anyway to cut an even longer story short, Sean and my sisters partner started working with Dan.
My sister is pregnant and me and her went to look at a showhouse she was interested in, Me and sean cant have anymore children, and That night we waas telling Sam that the showhouse is the type of thing I would like to strive towards in the future, She asked me how my sister was and i said fine, and that I bet I will get broody when the baby comes.
So that night Dan came to pick sean up for work (they car share) Dan said to sean "when are you having the reversal?" of course sean had no idea what he was going on about and Dan said yeah Donna told Pam "she either wants a new baby or a new house coz shes bored!!!"
Sean rang me upset, i ressured him. I had ago at Pam and she said nothing!!. Thing is her and Dan were having problems again and he told sean Hed had enough and wanted her out of his life and planned to go stay with his brother to sort his head out (i feel like ive been used as a plaster to repair their marriage)
She told dan, the doctor suspects she has breast cancer, a brain tumor, thyroid, and needs a liver transplant, which i think is abit sick in the head! as a doctor would not just come out with all of that at a regular appontment.

Eventually we started speaking again but things have been abit strained although she still kept asking me from time to time to have her son. Then one night 5 weeks ago my son kyle broke his wrist while rollerskating, she was on the computer the next day so I msn her to let her know and she said " she didnt have time time to talk aboout me know and she was too busy"!!!
So we havent spoken for 5 weeks now. Kyle ended up having to have an operation on his hand 2 weeks ago, and I think when sean was off work while kyle was in hospital my sisters partner told dan he'd been admitted , so then i got bombarded with emails, text messages from them both, asking if they could do anything. I just ignored them and TBH since i havent had alot to do with them I feel calmer and more relaxed like i havent got anything to prove. I do have a feeling it is all gonna start up again though because at work Dan keeps asking my sisters partner what him and pam have done wrong.
Have I over-reacted there has been other stuff too, but dont want to bore you.

Hi there Hun,

BIG to you. I don't think you are being unfair at all. You have to put yourself and your family first. You should do what feels right for you.

I too am going through the same thing with my best friend since i was 2 (almost a whole 25 years now). I am 29 weeks pregnant and just feel like i could do without all the extra stress.

I hope things sort themselves out for you, and hope you son is recovering well from op.

to tell you the truth they don't sound like very good friends to me. sounds like there is some jealousy on their part and some back stabbing as well. you say that your feeling more relaxed now you don't see them, doesn't that tell you something! sounds to me like your well shot off them, personally i'd keep it that way!

I think that they have just 'reaped what they have sown' so to speak. They have treated you badly and of course they have forgoten all that, but you havent.

It did occour to me that there was a lot of jealousy going on which probably manifested in the fact that they are having marriage problems and were jealous of you and your hubby who seem to be pulling together in the marriage stakes and also in being focused in getting your house nice. Hence the Mrs Bucket jibes.

It is totally up to you now whether you take up the friendship again or not. Is your hubby fine about breaking the friendship up permenantly. Personally I would go with my gut feelings. If you feel happier for not being in their company, well that tells you the answer.

poor you! I know what you are going through in a way as I went through a similar thing a few years back. You think you have a REAL friend but it turns out they are only a friend when it suits them!
I ended up having a huge row with my 'friend' and things were a bit strained for a while. before the row we used to either see each other or speak on the phone every day, and our children were really close (we met at antenatal classes with our first children) after that I only saw her a couple of times and it gradually got to the point where I would text or phone and not get a reply so I thought sod it!!
About a year passed and she must have heard about my divorce and meeting my new husband, she phoned out of the blue all chatty and wanted to get together. I agreed but we only got together the once that was the last I heard, think she was jealous that I was happy now and she wasnt!
If she called me now I would tell her to P*** off!! she is no friend of mine! Maybe that would work for you but it is complicated with the men working together I suppose? maybe you all need a meeting and clear the air, perhaps you will fall out but it wont be any worse than it is now will it? at least you wont be stewing in your own juices thinking it over and over - you'd be suprised how much better you will feel saying your piece even if it doesnt bring you all back together as friends again.... hth xx

Doesn't this answer your question?

Who needs so called friends that give you that aggro and stress? The next thing you know, you and your hubbie will be having problems OVER THEM. Dump 'em.

Hi there, think you need a big . I don't think you're being hard on her at all - I think it's the other way round hun. HOpe you're son is doing okay - give him a great big too. Take care babes.

Thanks guys, my hubby and hers working together isnt too much of a problem because initially it was them that distanced themselves from us Dan would go into work and not say 2 words to sean allnight , I think it was there way of saying to us that they wanted us to be all "whats wrong" etc...and give them are undivided attention and because we havent done that theyre now wondering why. I just cant be doing with playing games lifes too short.

Pams now started getting her 6 year old son to email me saying " I luv yoo! "
which makes it really akward now because i feel it isnt her sons fault. Although if im honest Im not keen on my kids being around her son too much because for a 6 year old he swears terribly, is spitefull to his animals and Pam does nothing.And then Dan has the cheek to say he wants to bring Adam up properly and not spoil him, well if spoiling a kid means taking them out once a week on his dads only day off swimming, cinema,skating ..whatever then yes theyre spoilt!! lol

i know where your coming from too hun
you grow up have kids pay bills yet you have mates who dont seem to grow past pubity.
i had a friend like that, we buy something they bought it bigger and better they claim to be best mates yet they talk about you behind your back,
i have had right to do's with friends if i have a problem i will say up front but one friend used to say stuff behind my back so i just flippin dumped her.
i have scince moved and although i am a tad lonely i am more at ease because i used to get so wound up about it all........
you will miss her of course but your nerves will be all the better..........lol

My heads spinning after reading all that!!! Im still a bit lost, but i can tell you this...

Friends are meant to make you happy. they are "the family you get to choose". They shouldnt give you agro and cause trouble. friends pull you through tough situations not make them tougher!

xxxx big hugs xxxx

Ofcourse you know this is just a ploy to eventually get herself back into your good graces, she's using her son which is sad in of itself. Seems to me she is the type that is not happy unless all the attention is focused on her...hence her alsways trying to "one up" you and telling her husband that the doctor told her all that stuff was wrong with her. You DON'T need "friends" like that, all that she will do is make you continue to feel miserable as long as you give your all trying to make her happy...I've had to cut off many people like this in my life, be cordial, but as my mom would say, "feed them from a long handled spoon." Say hi and bye and if they want to come over or want you and your husband to go with them, tell them "thanks, but we already have plans." That's the way you have to deal with people like this.

An old saying comes to mind: With friends like that, who needs enemies??

Hi, l've learned the hard way that freinds come and go, people change so quickly! l don't get to freindy with anyone now, l say hello have a chat then get on with my own thing.
l'm always genuenily happy for anyone, to call you snobby etc is mean of her as you did'ent do your house to pee her off!! you just wanted her to be happy for you as you have no reason to think she would'ent be, if it was me l would'ent bother with her again you just don't know what shes saying about you, anyway take care Angie xx

I know exactly how you feel as me and my partner had friends (that were a couple) that did comletely the same thing to us and made us argue nearly everyday saying that someone had said something when they hadn't, and taking something the wrong way and stirring it between us all. We hadnt seen them for over a year, however my mate got back in contact and i have spoken to her and met her and now her other half is phoning mine. Me and my partner have promised not to get too involved with them again as it nearly drove us apart.

Doesnt sound like your friend has been that fair to you and like the previous post said you need to look after your family and the people that care for you, so NO you have not been unfair, don't kick yourself for it, you sound better than they are dont worry

Big Hugz
Emma xxx