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Poo Etiquette -
18-08-05, 07:04 PM
>
>HOW TO POO AT WORK > >We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in >our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we >try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For those >who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump >at work: > >CROP DUSTING >When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in >your >area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be >careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been >expelled. >Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. > >FLY BY >The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for >other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back >again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become >suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. > >ESCAPEE >A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop >in >a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If >you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. >If >you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear >it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a >joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. > >JAILBREAK >When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is >usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do >not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to >spare >everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. > >COURTESY FLUSH >The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This >reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This >can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. > >WALK OF SHAME >Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk >up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks >in >and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not >exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. > >OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER >A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an >Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine >under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The >Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom. > >THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) >A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off >without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out >Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. > >SAFE HAVENS >A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect >visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will >reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom. > >TURD BURGLAR >Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force >the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that >can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall >until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable >eye >contact. > >CAMO-COUGH >A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are >in >a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential >Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. > >ASTAIRE >A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are >occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. >If >you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in >peace. > >WATERMELON >A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is >also >an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a >diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. > >HAVANA OMELET >A case of diarrhea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet >water. >Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire. > >UNCLE TED >A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended >lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted >makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait >to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other >bathroom attendees. > >Good Luck!! 
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(#2)
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18-08-05, 07:09 PM
I've wet myself laughing - Kimmi only you could post this!
ps a great tip to stop watermelon splash - put loo paper in pan first!
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(#3)
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18-08-05, 07:10 PM
rofl
 very funny
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(#4)
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18-08-05, 07:12 PM
Quote:
please stop, im laughing so much im gona wet myself, im gona ask hubby if he has noticed any of these at the office
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(#5)
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18-08-05, 07:13 PM
omg kimmi,.
i have wet myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im definately taking this into work tomorrow to show my work mates!!!!
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(#6)
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18-08-05, 07:15 PM
OMG lmfao...............
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(#7)
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18-08-05, 07:41 PM
LOL!!
Is there a name for someone who leaves the work premises and drives 4 miles home to have a poo in an emergency then has to drive 4 miles back? I 'refuse' to use the loo at work for No 2's ... just not dignified lol!!!
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(#8)
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18-08-05, 07:44 PM
Very good...lmao
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(#9)
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18-08-05, 09:12 PM
Quote:
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(#10)
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18-08-05, 09:15 PM
what is wrong with me? I started out thinking 'this is so not me' I am not going to read this. But I ended up reading EVERY WORD! Whats more, I could associate with every single one ! Cant believe I admitted to that one.
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(#11)
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18-08-05, 09:20 PM
Hee Hee very good!!
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(#12)
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19-08-05, 04:18 AM
LMAO love it!!!
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(#13)
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19-08-05, 06:35 AM
Quote:
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(#14)
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