A Womans week at the gym!

Bev Rose · **A Womans week at the gym! -** 21-05-08, 06:43 PM

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
>
> If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with
> you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular
> workout routine.
>
> Dear Diary,
>
> For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of
> personal training at the local health club for me.
>
> Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43
> years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
>
>
> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
> Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model
> for athletic clothing and swim wear.
>
> My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
> encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress....
>
> MONDAY:
>
> Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
> worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He
> is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling
> white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I
> enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class
> after my workout today. Very inspiring!
>
> Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already
> aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be
> a FANTASTIC week-!!
>
> TUESDAY:
>
> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
>
> Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he
> put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
> made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel
> GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
>
> WEDNESDAY:
>
> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
> counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
> hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer
> or stop.
>
> Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
> members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when
> he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt
> when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the
> hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered
> obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy
> life. He said some other sh * t too.
>
> THURSDAY :
>
> Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
> cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half
> an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
>
> Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and
> hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
>
> Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
>
> FRIDAY :
>
> I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human
> being in the history of the world.
>
> Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you
> don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything
> that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed
> on a health and nutrition teacher.
>
> Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir
> director?
>
> SATURDAY :
>
> Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
> wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to
> smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even
> use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
> Weather Channel.
>
> SUNDAY :
> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
> thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my
> daughter (the little sh * t) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a
> root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend
> over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

PinkPotions · 22-05-08, 12:47 PM

I can actually symapthise with this i bought a weeks personal training once the guy was hot!!!

My hubby actually got worried i was enjoying it too much until the 3rd day when he became the devil reincarnated!

It's not nice to yell at someone for being unfit!

~Emmsybabes~ · 22-05-08, 01:19 PM

Lmao.....

Love it...