Dear Diary,

I was reading some fellow geeks journals, I know this is probably a weird thing to say but isn't it strange how reading what other people go through, good and bad, makes you feel that you're not alone, makes you realize how grateful you must be for good health, how lucky you are for having such a wonderful partner and here I am worrying about my lost staff.

The replies I've received and support I've had through this hard time have made me stronger and have taught me so much. Life is a battle all on it's own. You battle your way through the trouble to be happy and then you battle again to stay happy but it's how you get there that's the good bit. The journey there can be something to be proud of, the friends you make along the way and the friends you lose because you have to.

I saw my employee's mum yesterday and my heart just broke for her. While I was doing her nails, she was explaining the pain she felt when she lost her Dad the previous week. I lost my Dad when I was only 16 and I wouldn't have wished that pain on anyone. I cried while she told her story to me. My employee's mum was always very strong headed and held grudges and hated people etc etc. I barely recognised her when I got there, she was warm, she was telling me life is too short, she'll never take her family for granted again. This wasn't the woman I left 2 weeks prior to this. And she was even stronger but in a good way. It's a shame that it takes the death of someone or the loss of someone to make you realise just how much you have to be grateful for.

I used to hate my Dad, awful thing I know but I hate being told what to do and that's all it was, how small. I got over the grieving but never the guilt, I would have given anything to have him back for one day just to do as he said, just once. It took his death to change me into a more forgiving and understanding person.

And the recent loss of my friendship has taught me this:


This is a poem I wrote when I was sad about how bad things got with my best friend (my employee). After reading it I realised that I wrote about myself and how I was there for her.

Don't get me wrong ... this is meant to be a positive diary entry and it is ... but oh how we learn!!!

xxxx

Dear Diary

I know things have been bad and one of my employees has resigned, well she did what I asked her NOT to ... I asked her not to mention it to the clients just yet, I would like it to come from me that she's leaving as I don't want the ladies to feel I've let them down and that they have no one to do their hair. I told her I would like it to be a professional and positive piece of news from me and not a bit of random gossip.

Well ... some clients already know and are sending me emails of worry all thanks to her. Not to mention she couldn't wait to tell my new hair employee. The new lady phoned me today full of doubt and confusion and doubting whether or not she wants the position anymore. The trainer she came to know and had faith in is leaving and she doesn't feel she has the confidence to go at it alone. I assured her that this is for the best as I can pay more attention to her and give her the very best to help her confidence. I have a meeting with the new lady on Monday anyway and will discuss this all then but my gut tells me I've lost her too!!!

This employee has also told me that she is taking her clients with her. They are my clients. I paid money to advertise for her to get that business. The clients are my company property not hers. Ronald is seeing red, he does not want to get involved, he said if he does he would ruin her every chance of becoming a success and he doesn't care how many solicitors he gets on her back.

I am fuming at her for doing this to me, this story just gets better really ... She screws me over twice, basically makes my new employee think I'm not good enough to work for, wants my clients for her new business and still wants to part as friends!!!!

Every best friend I've ever had in my life has always used me for something. The minute they don't get it, they bugger off or they hurt me. I've never been wrong yet!!! It's like waiting for a bus ... it's always bound to come up.

I am comfortable with this thought though ... When I have my chain of salons, my Audi A3 and my yacht ... yes I'll be alone with no friends but I'll be so happy in the knowledge that I have great shoes and great bags ... my collection is growing beautifully :wink2:

xxxx

Dear Diary,

It's been an awful two weeks. It's 4am and I can't sleep, I've basically had the world thrown on top of me and I feel so upset that I can't cry, I don't know who to talk to and I've never felt more alone in my life :cry: I thought maybe writing these things down might help. I am even getting my shop keys tomorrow and I feel like I don't have any happiness left in me to celebrate.

Clair, my long term employee of nearly two years resigned today or yesterday. I new this was coming, her attitude had changed and she wasn't herself. I think I found the culprit that planted these seeds in her head. It was one of our clients who stopped getting her nails done by me when she fell pregnant and decided to start her own wedding planning business. She told Clair that us going into a salon would be a big mistake due to overheads and the fact that she was going to recommend us to all her wedding clients for nails and hair. Clair said this dawned on her and made her think that maybe becoming self employed was not a bad idea.

I was not shocked when she told me, she cried and said she deliberatley tried to tick me off to make me hate her so I wouldn't think that one minute she's my friend and the next minute she's not. I told her it was too late for that, I knew what the meeting was about and I'm over it already. I told her I knew I'd lost her 3 weeks ago and I have been mourning that loss ever since. She said she didn't want to tell me sooner as she didn't want to lose me as a friend. She said she wanted to do something for her now and hopes we can still be friends.

I tried to convince her not to leave and she said I could offer her all the money in the world but it won't make her stay. I said I couldn't argue with her as I love being my own boss and when I worked at the office I couldn't think of anything I wanted more. I asked her what made her leave and she said it was a mixture of everything. Getting bored doing normal hairdressing, she always wantedto become a beauty consultant come fashion hair stylist (which she did say to me ages ago) when she left school.

This just closes every door for me, her timing is so bad :cry: My new hair lady needs her confidence training that Clair was busy with. Clair refuses to show her any hair techniques for obvious reasons. I told Clair she is not leaving until I have a suitable replacement.

My shop is going to need painting and decorating which we were all going to pitch in and do together. She won't want to do that now. We have no family in the UK to help us, we have only a few friends but we're not amazingly close and I would feel really out of place to ask for favours or they stay 2 hours away. I am scared to death, it's just me and Ronald again, I can kiss Clair and Andy goodbye as friends, like I said why would they help their competition.

Ronald is in a panic, we unfortunatley needed Clairs salary to afford the Rent. I can't make the full months target on my own. My new hair lady doesn't have a client base and I stilll haven't found a beauty therapist and nail tech. But without Clair's profits I will struggle to pay their first months wages. I am not expecting Clair to earn me any money while she works her notice period. I know she'll telll her clients to hold off until she's on her own. Her contract says two months notice and she said she wants to give me a month, i said it's not an option!!! We are moving house next week, getting the shop keys tomorrow, I have to decorate the shop myself, build a new client base for my new hairdresser, do her company training, find other staff as well as do my average of 6 clients per day :cry: She said I can't put that on her shoulders, I said sorry my dear I am not super human and I have to think of my business now.

Ronald said I can always find another hairdresser but what worries me most is starting from the bottom all over again after 2 and a half years. I'm going to have to kiss my salary goodbye again to make sure I can pay my staff and as you know we have just bought a house so we have a mortgage to pay now. I don't know how much more of this I can take, Ronald and I have been screwed over by everyone we know even our so called friends.

Sometimes I wonder if all the dreams I have ... opening my own shop, becoming an inspiration to the nail industry and being with Ronald for the rest of my life ... are just slipping through my fingers every day. Will I ever just get a break? I always look on the bright side (even though my journal says otherwise) and I always try to stay positive but I don't know how long I can keep it up :cry:

xxxx

Dear Diary,

I feel a bit better than what I did last time I was on here. Me and my employee are ok I suppose. She is on holiday at the moment and will be back on Monday and back to work on Tuesday.

I have been extremely hurt by her, I suppose I have seen her as more of a friend and she has seen me as more of an employer, I don't know.

Last week I was so sad and so hurt that it felt like someone had died. My heart actually hurt. I haven't felt pain like that since my dad died, which was the saddest I'd ever felt in my life. It was like I was grieving over my lost friend. Even when I tried speaking to her, I told her she's broken my heart and she was as cold as ice. I'll say this one thing though ... she won't do it again! I've had to emotionally detach myself from this whole situation and look at what is best for my business and my future with Ronald. It took alot of talking to myself to convince myself that I'll be ok and I will. I forgot this salon was MY dream and MY future plans before I even met her. I now feel stronger, prepared and over it basically. I loved her like a sister and I still care but I can't care that much, I can't risk getting hurt like that again ... and yes I know it's my fault getting as attached as what I did!

Ronald can never question my love for him, if this is how i feel for a friend imagine what I feel for him! We are doing so well, we're alot closer these days, we have alot less stress. Our mortgage got approved and all things are so far going to plan, at least we now have a house!! Yay! We move out on the 25th of May and don't have a date for the new house just yet, God knows where we're going to live in the meantime! :)

Shop is looking good, twit face (the current tenant) should have moved his stuff out by Saturday, the papers should be complete by next week and I should have the keys on the 19th of May!!! At the moment I am running around like a headless chicken trying to get all my final quotes and people booked in to start the work. It's going to go very fast now. Hopefully my girls (employees) will be happier next week to see things are finally coming together!

This whole shop schedule was arranged because I demanded a meeting with the commercial agent, the tenant and the landlord. Asking doesn't get me anywhere anymore! I reminded them how patient I have been, I also said this scenario is dragging on and on and I deserve to know what the hold up is, a plan of action and above all, a blimin date! On Tuesday this week I gave the tenant a piece of my mind! I think he was scared of me, he kept drifting to the rear of the shop to talk to the agent, I followed them and reminded him to include all parties in what he has to say, this meeting is for all of us to discuss what's happening and no one will be excluded from any information whatsoever! I don't think he liked me much, Ronald tapped me every now and then on my arm to remind me to calm down. I suppose it didn't work. I made sure he knew how much money he was costing me and that I will not be mucked about anymore.

My suppliers who are holding my other furniture can't hold it for longer than after next week so I am screwed because we move house on the 25th of May and I am losing two double bedrooms when we go into the new house. All my equipment and furniture (that CAN fit into the house) at the moment is in my 2 spare double bedrooms.

Just my luck that the shop fitting and moving of house happens in the same week!!!! Hey ... it could be worse ... I may not have a house or a shop .... but I do :D ... almost! Watch this space ....

xxxx

Dear Diary,

I feel I've basically hit a stage where I don't know what to do anymore about this blimin shop. The current tenant should have moved his stuff out by the 9th of march and all I've had from the commercial agent since then is ... "Rose we are making progress, he's clearing a space in his garage ... Rose, the guy who promised him to assist him stood him up ... Rose he needs to get rid of the fridge freezers first before he takes down the shelves" I have had enough of the excuses. I don't see what the hold up is to clear out the shop!!!!:(
He is mucking me about, I've threatened to deduct £200 from the lease amount (which I'm buying from him) every week until he gets the shop cleared. I've run out of threats and can't afford to look elsewhere, the rent on this place is too good!! I will never get the same sort of location (the hight street) or the great client potential anywhere else!

I don't get it, in the beginning he couldn't wait to get out of there, now he is dragging his heels and no one has a freakin clue why!

I am spitting snakes at the moment as I am starting to look like a fool to staff and clients. I don't know what to do anymore, not a clue :cry:

xxxx

Dear Diary,

The other day I posted a very distasteful post about one of my employees. This employee also happens to be my best friend. Over the last week I have felt that my heart has been ripped out of my chest :cry: I feel that everything I strive to achieve or have achieved is no longer important. I know ... don't mix business with pleasure, but how do you say no to someone that always makes you happy, makes you laugh and is loyal to you. I feel like this has been severely screwed up somehow and I have no idea how to fix it.

Ronald and I are also buying a house, trust everything to happen at once! We have fought constantly due to salon stress, house stress and your normal couple stress.

The last time I was on here, we had found a salon ... it turned out being the wrong decision (not a costly one thankfully) and we moved on. We found another shop in early February, that is a newsagents that hasn't been trading since December 2006. The current Tenant was looking for someone to buy the lease. I went to view the shop and after much negotiation we agreed that he would move his belongings out of the shop by the 9th of March. In the meantime I worked on my business plan for a solid 3 weeks, till 2am most mornings, and started applying for business loans. My bank being a pain in the butt was the one that laughed at my work and treated me like a dreaming fool. I stood up to the bank manager and told him I don't see how my efforts are at all humorous and I'm expecting my bank to come through for me. After many sleepless night and much fighting from my end we managed to get a loan from them of 18k.
The shop doesn't need alot doing to it and we've over budgeted alot on everything to cover ourselves.

This is where the problems begin, the tenant didn't stick to his agreement because of a cultural difference so I had to give 3 Referees to the commercial agent to prove I'm not a time waster. The references came back which were apparently the best they've had and they forwarded these on to the "time waster" Tenant. Then he knew I was serious and got his solicitors involved. Anyway for weeks, the solicitors never did a damn thing and the Tenant avoided phone calls and never cleared the shop. I decided to get involved and I asked the commercial agent if we had any leverage on this tenant. The commercial agent said yes he still owes the landlord £6000. He also apparently owes his solicitors money which is why they haven't budged either. After weeks had gone by he finally came up with the money for both the landlord and the solicitor.

In the meantime I decided to check with the Council that I could in fact have the shop as a Nail, Hair and Beauty salon. They said no, I had to apply for change of use which cost me £275. I got my building surveyor in to do the floorplan and the application. Apparently while trying to process the application of mine which would take 6 weeks to do, the council searched for the Newsagent on their data base, turns out that since the current Tenant has been in there he has never registered the property with the Land Registry so my application for change of use had to go on hold until he registers the shop (which could take another 6 weeks) He did this and the council have put up my planning notice outside the shop ... which I suppose is some good news. They said the change of use shouldn't be a problem as it was a very successful salon before, for 11 years.

In the meantime, I have been advertising for staff and interviewing as well. We have found a lovely lady, a second hair stylist that is an amazing person. We're currently company training her as her confidence levels aren't up to scratch. She will start her new job when the salon opens.

I am also making changes to my contract side of things. I've been working on a company policy (H&S, and general employment rules and regulations) and staff handbooks for the girls to help them with any situation in their jobs and if I'm not around, the answer is in the staff handbook. I thought that this way, at the time of signing contracts, the company policy will be read and understood and so will their handbooks. This will clear any confusions and also protect me legally. We would also have a monthly meeting to discuss any issues or questions and they can note these down in the appropriate sections in their handbooks so that they don't forget. This handbook is designed to be their bible.

On top of all of this I am still very busy and doing my 6-7 clients average per day. I started to fall behind on my books, mistakes were being made and I decided to get an accountant in take over. I am not an accountant and I have way too much on my plate.

Last year, I messed up and payed one of my girls too much on her wages, every month. I found the mistake last year August, apologised profusely and corrected it. I didn't ask her for a penny in return as it wasn't her mistake. This year my accountant, and Inland Revenue have both said I've paid her too much again.

Before the second financial error of mine, this employee's work and attitude started to change. She used to do everything and more for me and i never expected her to do more than just her job. She wanted to be more involved and said she enjoyed it. We make decisions together, she's not an official partner as she has no financial input or risk in the business but she acted like one in a good way. She treated the business as if it were her own, she gave 150% always and when I made the 1st financial error she was fine with it, she said she understood. Because this error cost me dearly, I explained that I couldn't afford a Christmas bonus which I wanted to give her as she worked so hard. She understood again. I always praised her and I always have, I've never taken her for granted and always encouraged her in anything she came up with to better the business and her job. I was always grateful and showed her in small ways by buying her a top now and again or taking her out to lunch. I treated her to a spa day as well because of something she took very hard.
I employed another nail tech and she and I clashed. I asked this employee of mine to try and manage her, this would count towards her efforts in becoming manager of a salon one day. She jumped at the opportunity as that is what she wanted to do, manage people. The nail tech didn't work out and this employee thought she'd failed. We tried to make this work for 6 months and she felt like she'd let me down, her efforts were for nothing and ever since that day she's never been the same. I treated us to a spa day to show her how much I appreciated her. We had an awesome day together like we always do.

I always said to this employee that she will one day be manager of my first shop and I meant it, at the time her work was unbelievable, I questioned my own ability to do my job as I constantly compared myself to her. She was amazing. When the shop was starting to happen in Feb she was very excited and I said to her that I needed help with quotes for shop fitting. As always she was more than happy to help.

As the last 3 weeks have passed I've noticed a negative change in her attitude towards her work. I started noticing change in her mileage. Because we're mobile, we record our mileage and the money is refunded at the end of the month. Her mileage was increasing and she wasn't making as much money, I compared these figures to almost a whole year of average income and average mileage. I spoke to her and she got defensive so I left it. I thought I would give it one more month, this month, April. I mentioned that her mileage was very high this month and that she only had 2 clients a day on average and did 540 miles. I did £600 more than what she did, had 6 clients average per day and did 450 miles. She got angry and said that that is her mileage and I must believe her. This month she also didn't complete the proper expenses sheet she normally does and wrote all this down on a scrap piece of paper. I told her to correct it and then she'll get paid. In my mind, someone that only does 2 clients a day has time for this. The accountant found that she was claiming too much mileage, she checked it with Inland Revenue and they said to correct it immediatley. The accountant also found that I was refunding her too much mileage money. I suppose after the amount of disappointments she's had this was the wrong move .. I gave her a letter stating the mistake and that we had to correct it, I apologised for the lack of notice. She didn't understand then and doesn't understand now. I explained how the mileage works and she doesn't get it. She thinks that all the money she brings in at the end of the month goes in my back pocket. I said to her it goes to the business and for the salon. She then said that I can afford to give her a raise or extra mileage money as she gives me a big enough cut at the end of the month. I explained to her that the profit we make goes to the business and goes onto new staff's salaries, uniforms, products, everything!

Besides this, she has been busy training our new hair lady, the training program she has come up with is great but it was her idea as she wants her team to do well. She was fine doing this until just this last week. This week she has reminded me that I don't pay her for any extras she does. She again reminded me of how much she gives me at the end of the month and then in the same sentence tells me it's not about money. She then said she doesn't see the point of training the new lady when she's only going to see the benefit in the long run. She said she wants the benefit now. I told her that in the salon, if her team performs well and meets their targets, she will get a small % as a reward for managing her team well. In the meantime I agreed with her that she may keep all the training money, as long as the mileage and products are given back to the business, she can keep it all. I said to her that she could be doing other clients in these times and I want to make it worth her while. Her argument is that she could earn more doing clients. My argument is, why did you even bother with the program then?

I had a meeting with her on Friday to discuss what we could do to improve. I didn't even get around to mentioning the Personal Development Performance Appraisal I had in mind to help us understand each other and reward her for tasks carried out well. It ended up being a shouting match about mileage again.

She has never been one to remind me of her day off and she did this week, she's never been one to use her lack of business sense against me because that is what this is. I said to her, you know too much but don't know enough. I asked her repeatedly why she still works for me and she said because she's seen all that I've been though and wouldn't be able to do what I do. We have been through thick and thin together, when I've been down she's always said it'll get worse but we'll get through it and we have.
I feel it's all over now.

We both wanted our own shop one day, we both wanted to be successful. This week (before the mileage correction) she's said she doesn't know what she wants anymore and is even wondering if she's made the right career choice. This is how it all started on Monday. I tried to make it better on Friday and she still didn't know what she wanted and threw the mileage thing up in my face and not to mention how much money the business makes. She said she doesn't know why we're mobile then, I said, that's why we're going into a salon, we've hit our earning potential!

I went for this salon guns blazing for us, I feel betrayed and misunderstood. I will admit I haven't given her any tasks anymore to prove herself but then I wonder if I'm doing the right thing by doing that. Maybe she cannot handle the pressure, maybe she does just want a job, what if I give her mileage back? Will she stay then? Do I look like I've been bullied into giving her what she wants. Her work lately, forgetting to do things, not returning my phone calls and not doing the amount of clients she used to does not warrant a salary increase.

Maybe she thought the path to the new salon would go smoothly and it hasn't so it's another let down. I know her clients haven't been happy about the salon thing. They've been nothing but negative saying that they're going to stick to her mobile day which is a Wednesday. She's cried about it saying that this salon is everything she's worked for and they won't be there. I know how this feels, I was where she is in Feb, my clients started giving me the cold shoulder and I thought, you don't know what my dreams are, mobile isn't one of them anymore if you don't want to come to a salon with free parking and 10 minutes from your house .... your loss!!!!! I know they love their nails, I can't keep everyone happy but it's my future at stake. If they won't follow, I'll find others!

I have been through so much with this shop and the house, we have been let down time after time after time. I felt like giving up on Monday, I cracked, hence the deleted thread. And now my best friend doesn't seem to care. My mother can't give me any advice, Ronald and I argued till 3am this morning. I know I've made mistakes, problems have clouded my mind making me forget about everything else but I am not super human. I just keep hoping that everything will work out but it won't. I feel our friendship is destroyed, our working relationship is destroyed> How do you compete with a young girl of 21 that doesn't know what she wants to do. We hugged yesterday and I said I would see what I can do but I didn't get anything in return, assuring me that the problems I have with her would be sorted ... Is it worth my while then? This is what I cried about all night!

Dear Diary,

Yesterday Clair (Blondie21) and I sat and mapped out our plan of action for the next three months leading up to the salon, we've got some costing to do and budgeting to do, we've made some recruiting plans, marketing plans and research plans etc etc. we got a massive amount done yesterday. I told her about my awful experience with solicitors and that was the only thing that had to be sorted, everything else we covered.

We went back to the shop yesterday to take photo's of the court yard that I want converted because the freakin council is being ever so helpful and haven't got back to me!!! So the commercial agent I'm with has done me a favour and asked a friend who is in building regulations and he said yes I will need planning permission as it is commercial property.

Today has been good as the comercial agent gave me his friends number to call him first thing in the morning tomorrow so that we can make an appt to meet at the shop yet again to discuss what needs to be done. I am feeling a little less stressed because things seem to be happening now.

I did get some help with the solicitor thing from Louise or Lou, she gave me her solicitors number. I phoned him today and he was the easiest person to speak to. What a nice man!!! He said he'd pop some info in the post for me to have a look at so I can see he isn't ripping me off (his words) and already I'm feeling better about that too!!

I am really hoping everything keeps looking up. I just love having to go back on a weekly basis, it's feeling more like mine now ... but I'm not getting my hopes up too much, you never know what tomorrow may bring!!

xxxx

Dear Diary,

The agent got back to me yesterday and said the landlord had agreed to my offer but he would only wave the deposit for the first 6 months to give me some breathing space. Then in the second six months, I would need to pay it monthly. I'm ok with that and the fact that he has agreed to a 3 year lease. I don't want it for too long as I might get bigger and want another shop.

I'm very scared but excited and the same time, I haven't relaxed yet as I still need to know if I can get planning permission for the beauty room. If I don't get the planning permission, this isn't meant to be. I said to the agent yesterday, I can't take on a shop if I'm going to have to let two beauty treatments go (waxing and spary tanning), no matter how much I want it, I can't listen to my heart now, it's head's turn!

I am thinking of opening my doors beginning of February. Christmas is manic and january is too quiet, although january of this year was very busy for us, I doubt it would be in a brand new shop. Then as january will hopefully be quiet I can concentrate on my invitations for my open day, my marketing and advertsing whhich is gonna be huge. I have a set budget for that to help me get off the ground. My open day is going to be masive! I'm going to open my doors with a bang! So everyone knows I'm there and the surrounding competition can worry a little, just a little :) These are the nss salons by the way, there's two of them!

I will also offer my current mobile clients a voucher for another treatment if they come to the salon. I will aslo be pushing up my mobile prices slightly because some of the clients I've told aren't to happy about the fact that after almost 2 years of being with me they're gonna have to start lifting their butts and drive to a salon 13 minutes from their homes. I know for a fact that I am going to possibly lose 40% of my clientele but I know I can't keep everyone happy. It'll break my heart but how badly do they want nails done by me. Alot of my clients are thrilled and can't wait but then again these ladies say they'd follow me to Japan if they had to.

It's going be very hard in many ways but I love a challenge!

xxxx

Dear Diary,

Well, I put an offer in yesterday and the landlord didn't accept, I'm not surprised really as I was a little cheeky. The asking price is already a bargain considering the location and size of the place.

I said to the agent this morning that I would do the asking price if the landlord waves the deposit for me and helps me out with getting the planning permission for the beauty room coz all that isn't free either. So I am waiting for my call. Hopefully they'll call today, I'm very nervous.

The council wasn't particulary excited and raced through the information as if I've done this before so I stopped him and said, I don't understand any of that, this is the first time I'm doing this so could you make yourself a little clearer. He was ok after that. I then sent him an email with the details of the beauty room, size and what not and he said he would check with some builder regulators (I think!) and if It is possible to build there then, I can apply for planning permission, instead of just waisting my money and having to re-apply at every change.

I just want this so bad, I dreamed about his exact shop, how weird, and a week later I got the info and the viewing. It will bbreak my heart if I don't get planning permission for the beauty room, that means I might have to give it up. The top floor is big but I don't want to have to squueze in partitioning and it then looks cluttered.

Just praying now ...

xxxxx

Thanks to whoever replied to my last journal entry. It has taken me a while to get over the things that were said in my journal. I never write about how great I am as I don't think I am but you are right, I didn't think before I posted.

I am sorry and I won't be too quick to tell anyone anymore about how I do. It's really put me off now. I have been through some very rough months and I haven't felt that good in ages, I don't write everything in my journal and on this occasion I wanted to share my good news with the people that got me to where I am today, the GEEKS. The Geeks gave me the strength to leave my office job, to give this business thing a go on my own, and the Geeks gave me their time and advice on how to get the best training out there. I made a mistake and I think if everyone knew me, they'd understand that I wouldn't hurt a fly. :cry:

I didn't mean to bad mouth my fellow techs but evidently enough they didn't seem that interested in their work at all. None of them brought a model with except for me and another lady. None of them had their nail ext's off as stated in the letter and I think it created a bit of an atmosphere to be honest. This is not me bad mouthing, this is me stating the obvious.

Anyway, I'm sorry to those I offended. :cry:

This episode was one of the many reasons I don't post as much as I used to. I am a aware I have a tact problem.

xxxx

Who knew we had to be extra careful about what we write in our journals but here is my reply to those of you that did read my entry:

Guys, I am not the type to blow my own trumpet! I am not having a go at anyone or saying that they were awfull. I just feel that all my hard work has finally payed off. Yes I know how it came accross, I was only having a laugh, I'm not full of myself, just been through a hell of a lot lately and think I've come a long way in such a short space of time.

Those of you who know me well, will know that I meant this in a very light hearted manner. I am hardest on myself and always have been. For once in my life and in months I was proud, so what!

For a long time I didn't post pictures anymore as I felt I was no longer worthy of this site as I feel I hadn't progressed much especially as I don't work in a salon and have no one to compete against but myself, it was just nice to feel worthy again.

And those of you who don't know me took this post the wrong way ... how quickly we learn what not to do. That's the last time I get that happy about my work ...

xxxx

I haven't been on here in a while as I've had a pretty rocky path since my last journal entry. I apologise to all my geeky friends if it seems like I've ignored you, I've just been through so much and had to find my own way up and out.

I have finally taken on a new lady, full time, her name is Sam and she is a fellow geek. She is doing very well and has taken quite a bit of pressure off my shoulders, work wise that is. I'm forever on the poor girl's back as I'm quite a hard person to please but I have a good repuatation to live up to and she understands this, she's very trying and gets on well with myself and Clair.

Business is still going well but I'm feeling a bit of pressure as I'm not being taken seriously about a salon. The agencies I've contacted have been absolutely helpless. I ask for viewings and no one contacts me. I ask to register with them and again, don't get called back if I leave messages. I was told by these agencies that the only way to get them to do anything is to be nice to them but being nice seems to have got me no where. I don't know where to start or what my first step is. I really need to get that salon now as I need the growth space.

Ronald and I are better and doing very well so far. We've just moved house over the last few weeks and yes lots of things are still in boxes but I am so glad to be out of that awful flat. Our house has 3 bedrooms and a really big garden. We are very happy and I have already redecorated the office. The girls are very happy with their new "easy to work and find stuff" office and I am glad it's being used for a change :lol:

Ronald and I had a massive argument about a week ago, we spoke, we cried and we're so much happier now. I was very hard on him and said we need to decide if we should split up or if we are worth fighting for because, the arguments are getting way too frequent and I can't keep living like that. I think I finally got through to him about being more positive about life. And he is really trying! I can't hold us both up anymore and that is how I've been feeling for months. In turn I was getting stronger and he just continued to rely on me for strength, for happiness and for friendship which I told him he can't. He needs himself and others as well, not only me. I finally got him to buy a mobile phone which means he now has more of a social life than he did before. I did tell him that I love him, I would die for him but I don't need him. For him, it's the other way round which I said isn't healthy. One step at a time but we'll get there. We seem to have a bit more of an understanding now.

I have also booked my master classes and start on the 3rd of October. I am really excited and can't wait. I have been waiting for this for ages! I'll let you know how I get on!

That's all I have for now, speak soon :hug:

xxxx

:cry: Isn't it funny how everything goes wrong all at once!! Isn't it funny how a year ago you complain about having little to no business and now you complain about having too much. Isn't it funny how two people in love can be so close yet so far apart. And isn't it funny how no matter how honest you are and what you admit to, someone will fine a way to screw you over for selfish reasons!

There are so many things I am grateful for, so many things I don't regret but when it gets to you, you find yourself wondering what you could have done better. Is that regret?

I am so happy doing what I love and yes it comes with determination, passion and perseverance. I wish I could just wave my magic wand and everything would be ok. I only want to be the best I can be for my clients, for my staff and for Ronald. It so hard to keep smiling and stay bubbly when I've had a hard day, when I've built close relationships with my clients but can't talk to them about my worries and my troubles or I'll be stepping over a line, it's so hard when I get home and can't talk to Ronald about my worries as I don't want to seem like I'm the least bit unhappy in doing what I've always wanted to do! It's not that I'm not happy, I am but I just need a breather every now and then. When I do talk to him he states the obvious, what I should have done better and makes me feel guilty ... or is that just me being defensive? He thinks he understands but he has no idea how much I do in one day. I don't just sit on my butt and chat and make peoples nails look pretty all day, I plan, I worry, I organise, I find solutions to problems, I do so much more but he doesn't seem to think so or he just couldn't understand as he has never been where I am now, which is no through fault of his own. At least Clair sees what I do all day and can understand and lend a helping hand here and there, thank god for her but I want Ronald to be that understanding too. Clair has more hands on experience and always reminds me to take a break or have lunch or whatever ... all I can say is thank God for Clair.

I was in a small accident a little while ago, I was driving behind an Audi A3 and the idiot in front of her breaked so suddenly and I breaked but the car didn't stop in time. It was rush hour so we were bumper to bumper most of the way. I didn't gather enough speed to hit her hard enough to cause any damage and there was no mark on my car. This story just spirals ... next thing I know, after exchanging numbers and checking her car three times, I found no damage, I get a call from her later saying that she needs a whole new bumper which is bull, her bumper didn't have a mark on it!! My insurance rings me to ask what happened, I gave my statement and hadn't heard anyting for the last two weeks. Now I get a letter on Friday stating that I was driving with a provisional driving license and why didn't I have a licensed driver with me? I have Business insurance on my car for God sake how can I not have a driving License. I rang them up this morning and yelled (couldn help that) at them and told them to get their facts straight and if they are in fact looking for a court case, I'll give them one, for harrassment!!!! I lost it! Then I get told I need to reply in writing to correct them, for F*** sake I have admin I'm behind on, I barely eat or sleep, I have a partner I'm trying to sort things out with and trying to look for new staff. I don't even have time to go to the loo let alone write a letter to correct some idiot because he's not bothered about getting his records straight in the first place, I may as well do his bloody job for him!!!!! Turns out, the damage to this cow's car is gonna set me back by £500 after my insurance has done a full investigation. Watch Ronald go moggy over that one! I was honest with my insurance, I was in the wrong but surely a bump so slight couldn't have done that much damage. Stupid woman even took my registration down wrong, I could have got away with it too but I was honest enough to phone up ... oh well!

Ronald and I had such an argument last night, until 2am this morning. He said we would never argue about money and we do, how is it that together we bring home more than other couples we know and he thinks we struggle. We don't struggle, I know for a fact that we just need to be smarter with our money. I'm the type that thinks, "if things go wrong, so what, accept the things you can't change and do something to prevent it from happening again" Ronald on the other hand will go through bank statements for the last 6 months and regret spending every penny. Life is too short to regret, why shouldn't we spend our hard earned money? Then last night after telling me how I don't help enough, as I can only help to a limit financially (I pay the bills, he pays the Rent) he wants to buy 40" tv to cheer us up as the house we were gonna buy fell through! How hypocrytical is that? Now he wants to buy on impulse because it's his hard earned money, what about ours!!!! After a long night of arguing we eventually turned over and tried to get some sleep. He woke up this morning and was worried he was gonna lose me, I told him he wouldn't but I couldn't be bothered about money, about a house falling through, about anything petty, all I want is to be his wife and he knows that. I know he feels that whatever ring he buys me will never be good enough but I want him, not the ring. We've been together for 5 years this year and we both know that we'll end up spending the rest of our lives together but today, I'm not so sure.

Lets hope things get better :cry:

xxxx

Dear Diary,

So much has changed in the last two months, I haven't really had a lot of time to come onto the site as I've been entertaining family from South Africa since December. Ronald's family was extremely hard work and I really enjoyed my thirteen hour days immensley, I could come home and go straight to bed. My sister just left yesterday to go back home after spending three wonderful weeks with us. I miss her terribly already and really wish she would move here but the boyfriend is not too keen.

Business is going very well, the clients I thought would fade after christmas, didn't, I still have them. My saturdays are very long as I'm running out of everyday space. Last week was the worst, I worked 12 hours for about 4 days and I then had to do another 9 people on saturday, my acrylic wasn't setting on my fisrt lady as her house was too cold. I did ask her to turn up the heating but she said she had ... oh well!! It made me 1 and a half hours late for the rest of the day. I went straight home at 1pm and balled my eyes out saying I couldn't do anymore nails, poor Ronald was as panicked as me trying to calm me down. I had to rearrange one of my appointments for the Sunday which turned out very well as she booked in for waxing and feet in the end also, not only nails. Anyway, the next day Ronald said to me in a very serious tone, we need to chat.

We were on our way to windsor castle that day and chatted in the car, he suggested I get another nail tech to help me out because at the rate I'm going, Ronald sees me in a salon in 6 months time. I agreed with him and said I would start iterviews very soon. He said I am beginning to work myself into the ground and I don't even know it.

All I know is that I wake up every day of my life going, "Yay!!! I get to do more nails today!" It doesn't even enter my mind how many hours I actually work until I look at my watch and 10.30pm and even then I'm too tired too care.

So watch this space!

xxxxx

Dear Diary,

I went to bed last night and had a good sleep until about 09:00 this morning, I felt better than I've felt in weeks, I so needed that!!

Today was very exciting actually, I spoke to Clair this morning as she has been promoted at the salon she still works for full time. I think they get the feeling she has a job elsewhere and I think they are trying to convince her to stay and she said to me that they can try all they like but she is still going, she does not want to work for a company that only pays her £3.29 per hour! I asked her if they had discussed a contract or a salary increase and she said no, all they gave me was a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates. We laughed at their inexcusable efforts to hang on to their staff!! :) She wants to leave the salon early, before the end of December, the plan was, she stays there until the end of December and starts with me full time in January but she wants to start earlier than that .... Hey I'm not complaining!!!

Clair got another two phone calls today for appointments and got me a new client as well after they saw her gold flame nail art. She is booked up for the next 3 weeks (Mondays and Thursdays) in her diary, I am so proud of her!!! My nail clients are starting to book in with her as well, I've told them they have no excuse, they know my standards are high and they'll only get the best from us! She has had loads of calls from her clients the next day to say thank you for such a great job and how much easier their hair is to handle now in the mornings! I sit there and listen while she is on the phone and I can't believe my ears!! She has worked so hard and has so much enthusiasm, I've deffinatley made the right choice and I'm gonna look after her too!

I went to the Disney shop today as I was at the mall anyway and couldn't help but buy myself the cutest Eayor pyjamas, they looked so warm and so cute, I had to have them. I never buy myself anything these days so thought sod it! :biggrin:

Ronald writes his last exam tomorrow, yay! ... the last after three long years. He should have his computer science degree next year. Then we can see each other again lol!! But not for long .... because the "outlaws" are coming over in December to stay for about a month which is gonna drive me up the wall, my mom inlaw is clingier than a friggin cling on. Oh well ... at least I'll have my clients, they're all offering me their homes bless'm.

Well overall it's been a good day, can't wait for the weekend, I wanna catch the Harry Potter movie!! :biggrin:

Chat later!
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