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Deflated.....

Posted 13-10-08 at 11:13 PM by Scratchers

I know i don't blog very much, but i do know this is where i can off load so sorry in advanced....

I've just got back from manchester and i am finding it really hard to be happy about my competition results, istead i just feel like bursting into tears????

i have probably had the worst week, we have been so busy getting ready for the show and doing training at the same time, then being in the salon that i haven't had time to breathe, my friend lost her baby and the funeral was friday morning, she asked me to do a reading which i said yes as we are very close and i didn't realise how much it would affect me i think.

i was back in the salon at 1 after the funeral with clients back to back til 9 pm, sat was just a rush to get to manchester after doing clients and getting 2 of my models right hands done for fancy french and encapsulations that when i sat at the dinner table i could feel myself welling up!!!

the comps went fine and working on the stand went fine but then i found out my fiancee's grandad died this morning........

it never rains but it pours ay

i can't really seem to get over my friends baby's funeral i just can't get it out of my head, i just feel so bad for vicky..??

poor rachel myatt and the girls didn't know what to do with me on sunday as i went to see rachel before the comps and all she said is 'are you alright' and i burst into tears?!?!
(so girls)

i don't know what to do with myself i can't seem to control my emotions at all and its just not like me, i'm even crying as i'm typing!!!!!

i'm sorry for the essay

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Kirsty hun, first: Didn't you get a first place today? I saw you, but you were busy so I didn't speak to you and congratulated you. CONGRATULATION! And then: You obviously have had too much on your shoulders lately and on top of it, everything in your personal life happen. It's not very strange that you get an emotional "shock" now! To be close to somebody whose lost their baby is very, very sad. I've been through it twice (very close family of me) and it's overwhelming. On one side you feel so strongly for the parents, and on the other side, you feel selfish for being happy for your own child/ren. At least that was what I felt, and no matter how you turn it, it's heartbreaking. Cry your eyes out now, for a strange reason, it will help, Then go to bed and try to get to sleep. You may be so exhausted that you will sleep before your head hits your pillow!

Big hug from me.

Posted 13-10-08 at 11:42 PM by Cec Cec is offline

That is exactly it i feel so bad for her her becaus she now feels so empty but at the same time i look at tiegan and thing thank god......and i feel awful thinking like that, i did do really well this weekend with 2 1st's a 4th and a 6th but i just can't seem to get my head round it i guess i normally come back from the shows feeling inspired and excited, i feel like i'm having a meltdown,

thank you cec xxxxxbig hugxxxxxxxxxx and many congrats to you, you are a star xxx

Posted 13-10-08 at 11:55 PM by Scratchers Scratchers is offline

I can only imagine how you must be feeling hun,
it must be so hard, trying to hold it all together, something has got to give sometime, so give in to your tears. You need to let them out.
To have all that on your mind and still do so well in the competitions is amazing and shows what a professional you are.
It may not mean much at the moment, but your achievements so far are awesome well done babes big

Its was nice meeting you as well Sunday.x

Posted 14-10-08 at 12:21 AM by suzie49 suzie49 is offline

	I feel for you kirsty I know how you feel, I went through this with my sister. It is heart breaking and you feel useless I know, but you where probably a great help to her. As Cec has say just let it all come out and get some sleep. Big hugs xxx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 12:24 AM by annemac

Aw Kirtsy. Not too long since something similar happened with a friend of mine. My geeky friends were fabulous but it hit me like a train,i wasn't expecting it. Personally i suffer with depressive episodes and the whole situation sent me on a downward spiral for months.I hardly came on here ,i hardly did anything,so i fully understand how you feel. The way i dealt with it eventually was seeing how strong SHE was. Greife is a terrible thing and we also lost my fil very suddenly five weeks ago so i really can empathise,if you need to talk hun i'm here

Congratulations BTW xxx

Posted 14-10-08 at 07:27 AM by becki x becki x is offline

Kitsty - I do feel for you, going through what you have done in your personal life it was an amazing thing that you went through the comps at all. You did come through and it was meant that at this time you probably werent able to handle the added pressure of higher places, but you were meant to compete to get you through a few traumatic days.

You will bounce back and so will you friend. I do believe that the **** that life throws at us all were meant to happen and happened to make us better people (although at the time we dont know why as it feels like the worst thing in the world - I have been there too). Just take time now to grieve and embrace what things we do have in life.

x x x

Posted 14-10-08 at 07:46 AM by oey oey is offline

	Can't add anything more mate. JUst gonna send you a special instead xxxxxxxxxxx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 07:52 AM by PeepPaws

	xxxx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 08:45 AM by stoney

	It's grief Kirsty and it affects people in so many different ways....... Losing a baby is one of the saddest things imaginable and when you have children of your own it brings both empathatic and sefish emotions out....... You'll be ok but it's important to cry when you need to. Well done at Gmex, and you will appreciate it in time xxxx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 09:01 AM by Vetty

	big hugs hun xx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 09:14 AM by bubbabinks

First Kirsty well done for comps ! and im so sorry to hear about your friends loss really the only thing that helps is time honey and if your half the friend i think you are you will help her so much ! My daughter was still born ten years ago and i still think of her always your friend will always feel as if a part of her is missing but the pain dulls and you do get on with life because you have to .. just remember that she will need you just as much over the next few months as she does now and will she mind your upset im sure not ! my thoughts are with you all honey xxxx

Posted 14-10-08 at 09:14 AM by liza2009 liza2009 is offline

Oh Kirsty, I can really understand how you feel as I went through almost exactly the same thing 14 years ago - my best friend lost her husband and both children in a car crash and it still affects me everytime I see a small coffin on TV. Coffins are not meant to be that small. It will take time to grieve and get to cope with it but you have to also allow yourself your own happiness and not look at your life and feel guilty because of your friends loss. Mega hugs!

Posted 14-10-08 at 09:24 AM by naturalnails naturalnails is offline

	aww hun , i am not surprised you dont feel like celebrating your wins , with all the other stuff going on !! you are human hun and its normal to be affected by something so awful .. take care hunny xxxxxx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 09:55 AM by dee

	Kirsty xx big hugs hunny .. first good on you for being that special friend xx you do sound like YOU need a little me time now and maybe a little break with your little girl, you always seem to do so much and always on the go xx take care relax and have a break, you'll be a better mum/tech/friend for it xx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 09:55 AM by clara doon

	xxxxxxx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 10:32 AM by fifitrix

	's from me too xx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 02:12 PM by Noodle

	Awwww bless ya MMMWAHHHHHH theres a big kiss for ya Kirst M8 xxxxxxx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 02:18 PM by champagne

Babe you need a break! You have been working way too hard.... infact you've always worked too hard, but recently you have been working even harder - I don't know how you're still standing hun.

I am gutted for Vicky. You all must be devastated. It is hard when something like that happens to someone you are very close to... because as well as suffering pain and grief too, you also need to be supportive, strong, positive..... That isn't easy when you are feeling so low.

Everything had been gearing up to this weekend for you. You've been travelling long hours, working and training long hours, not forgetting that you have your own family to look after too. Then the awful news of Vicky loosing her baby.

All of these events climaxed for you in a matter of a few days....... It is no wonder you feel like this.

If you can, try to arrange some time out.
If you want me to help at all, just let me know and I will see what I can do.

Posted 14-10-08 at 03:17 PM by Gelly Gelly is offline

	thank you all so much i am in floods of tears AGAIN....lol what you have all said is completely right i guess i was just trying so hard to keep everyone else together and keep going with everything else that when it was all over i just broke down.... i am feeling better today and i will defo book some time out, thankyou for all your support and help you are all angels xxxx
	Posted 14-10-08 at 04:28 PM by Scratchers

	Not angels.... we just love you hun.... and when you're sad, we're sad.
	Posted 14-10-08 at 04:53 PM by Gelly

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