A Dog's Diary…

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

A Cat's Diary…

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...............

OMG LMAO that's so funny

I thought so too, and so like the different personalities of a dog and cat.

Brilliant love it

That gets Sonia's approval LOL...

Have you been ringing up my persians?

I've got asthma and am allergic to cats. My daughter has 2 cats (do you think she is trying to tell me something? LOL) They insist on trying to rub up and down my ankles, not going anywhere near anyone else. When I move away from them they usually jump up onto the chair I've hung my coat on and rub their faces up and down the collar of my coat. Grrrrr!

love it!

Brilliant!!!

Hysterical..............best laugh I have had in ages

This is hysterical! As an owner of 3 cats, I am now very frightened. LOL!

Thank god I have dogs... and fish!!!

Ihave 4 persian cats and a dog. I can confirm that the cats are sneaky, sly, and far cleverer than either the dog or us humans. We are merely the staff, the dog is THEIR pet puppy! They have taught the dog how to behave around the superior cat people.
We now have a dog who refuses to get wet or dirty, and who lets the kitten have first dibs on his food.
The persians believe that their mission in life is to be as decorative as possible, and to revel in their own beauty. They waft through life demanding cuddles, strokes and endless supplies of ham.
I hoover a lot.....

Thats Brilliant

Ive got dogs but my boyfriends parents have cats and think that diary is just spot on

xx

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