The Inland Revenue decides to audit John, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office.

The auditor is not surprised when John shows up with his solicitor.

The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.'

'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says John. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, 'Okay. You're on!'

John says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'No way! It's a bet.'

John removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

John says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye.'

The auditor can tell John isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

John removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with John's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Would you like to go double or nothing?' John asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastepaper bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way John can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

John stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains like hell, he can't make the stream reach the bin on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win. But John's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'No,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when John told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £10,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk. and that you'd be happy about it!'

That was bloody brilliant!! Excellent