Originally Posted by i-tan

Jeeeeeesus....... How did you even start to figure that one out.

Try this Hun: -

Buy a pack of industrial wet wipes from B&Q and scrub away, or....

Go down to the superstore with your orange hands and buy the biggest fresh pineapple, put your other shopping away and then taking the pineapple, a sharp knife, a cup and something to squeeze with, slice it up and try your best to extract some juice (about 1/2 a cupful). If you can't get half a cup out of it, you either haven't bought a big enough pineapple or you're not squeezing hard enough. Alternatively, buy a carton of fresh Pineapple Juice, assuming it contains the Bromelainaninalin thingies, which is already squeezed for you, (assuming you can't even be bothered to to apply a little effort and squeeze the juice from a pineapple yourself) and add to some, (ooops, you forgot the lemon.... go back to the shops and buy a lemon, make it 2, or a palstic pancake lemon thingy thing), then when ready, add to some diluted lemon juice. You can either add the lemon juice to the cup of Pineapple, meaning you only use 1 cup, or, you can squeeze the lemon into a 2nd cup and then pour in the pineapple juice. I think either way works but it will prove less washing up afterwards if you pour the lemon into the pineapple juice cup thingy. Unless you have a dishwasher then it makes no difference really if you have to wash one cup or two. Anyway, when you've done that, mixed the juices (you will have to experiment with the amount of lemon you use as no quantity was given.... just be sensible about how much you use). Next, either pour this in with your bath water and soak till the colour has ‘lifted’ off your skin whilst exfoliating, or slather this mixture all over your body and then cover with olive oil.... Oh p1ss...... Go back to the shops to buy some Olive oil, smelling heavily of lemon juice mixed with pineapple juice and probably feeling a bit sticky by now, but soldier on, do not give up at this stage. You may have to re-apply the mixed pineapple juice and lemon juice, (buy another pineapple and a couple of lemons when shopping for your olive oil, just in case), because by the time you get home, the juices will have dried out somewhat on your skin. So, when you've re-bathed or whatever you want to do by now, like give up tanning all together, apply the olive oil all over your body, (is this something you need some help with maybe?) Then leave this to get to work for 20 minutes. By now, this should only have taken about 3 hours and 24 minutes. Jump in the shower now and scrub away with some mitts, (you did buy some mitts, please for god sake tell me you've got mitts?). Use some friggin shower gel if preferred, or why not use a soap bar, whatever you want, i don't care, just wash all that muck off, you stink. You need to smell normal again.

You will be p1ssed off due to the 4 hours you've been doing this, amazed!!! at how stupid you have been in letting your friend tan you in the first place, amazed at how silly you've been by following these instructions. This method may well work as Pineapple contains an enzyme called Bromelain and along with the fruit acids also in the pineapple, and may they work together to create a fantastic ‘chemical exfoliator’, but surely you've got better things to do?