Hi please help I've got a problem

I have recently met up with another therapist who qualified end july last year. She thought it would be good if we swapped treatments. This was nice initially, but she is very intense, and thinks she does everything the best way. I have been qualified for 3 years, whilst I don't know it all I have a good client base, but I feel intimidated by her, it knocks my confidence and it is affecting our friendship.

She makes comments like 'my pedicure is so different to yours.....you are going to luvvvvvvve your pedicure with me' and 'why don't you do that, oh I don't do it like that etc, etc or 'I've only been going a short time and I've got xxxxx clients how many have you got?'

I somehow seem to be working my way through her price list, and everything she books with me she insists I have with her, and then gives me the lowdown on how good her way is etc as I she is trying to prove something to
me. Or she is only being friends to pick my brains to further her knowledge.

I know I am good at what I do and my clients like me and are long standing, but this is really getting to me. I don't have this problem with other therapist friends. I thought that in the industry we were supposed to support each other. I feel this site is warm and caring so that is why I am opening up to you all. You all support each other on here.

What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Awww I really feel for you

"Everyone likes different things, that's why we have different types of clients" might be an answer I would practice on her

hiya
every swap i have done the massage is compleately different, if you have been doing it years you get to know what works and what doesn't, it would be very boring if we were all the same, next time she says something just say, well i do what works best for me and what my clients like and its obviously workin!!
hope she gets the message xxx
sally x

Just be honest, tell her how you feel about her babbling on and on. Its all new and fresh to her so she sounds like an excited puppy with a wagging tail. Lets see how she deals with a not so good day, which is what we all have sometimes in the industry.

We all do things differently.
Whilst its good that you share treatments, I dont think that finding out the quantity of each other's client base is relevant to swapping treatments.

If she wants to share ways of doing things thats fair enough. If not, then she should keep her trap shut and get on with it.

This is a real hard one!

I do swap treatments but in the respect that i get my hair done and do her nails in return.

There is a nail tech local to me and she can't do her right hand, i offered and i think her boss took offence to that.

We do do things slightly different/better (not saying that she does and you don't) thats what makes us win competitions, stand out, get our work put into magazines etc. It sounds to me like shes sounding you out, if you have a regular clientel and they are all happy then stick with what you know, she may be encouraging you to take on bad habits, you never know!

I wish you all the best with your dilemna, maybe it would be better to distance yourself slightly for a while/forever!

Let us know how you get on!

Teri x

Face it head on and maybe explain you prefer your ways because clients prefer it the way you carry out treatments. I know how you feel had same prob with a person that i knew. Because they have the knowlege doesnt mean they know it all !.

Good luck hunny xxxxxxxxxxx

I trade services with other techs too. And some are like that, some are not. I have just decided that everyone has their own style and technique, and many times they have something new to offer that I might not have thought of, so I use it as a learning tool... take something positive out of it and turn it into something you can use or incorporate into your service.

I have a therapist friend that does my treatments and I do hers. Yes, we probably do take pointers from each other, (there is always something new to learn) but are still very differant. I actually wouldnt want to go to her if we did our treatments the same as I would know what was coming! She does lovely treatments, and I (hope) that i do. I think you need to be honest with her and say that you like the treatments that she does, and its interesting that there are so many differant ways of doing something! Dont let her make you feel intimidated. You have a good client base so just carry on as you are.

I have been doing this for a long time now and I would never make someone with less experience than me feel intimidated, and wouldnt expect someone to try and do it to me.

Well you could say things like 'well, when you have been doing it as long as me, you have pretty much seen everything' or 'everyone does there treatment different - and thank god, cos not everything is suitable to everyone' or 'some days when Im fully booked, would you like me to pass your name on- cos I feel awful turning them away' its a bit sly but shes really enjoying trying to make herself superior to you - I came across this years ago and just couldnt be arsed with it.

Hi, Thanks you guys for all your support, I don't feel so alone now. I have taken on board all your advice and it has given me confidence to face up to her.

Thank you so much

When she says 'your going to luuuuuuve my pedicure' you have to say 'I know - I cant wait, Iv never stopped this week, its just what I need!!!

I find that people who are like this are usually deeply insecure themselves but portray it in a belittling way towards others. I'm not saying that this person is definately like this but in my experience this patronising, 'mmm, my way is better' type attitude is their way of trying to prove to themselves they are good at whatever they do and to make them feel better about themselves.... its a form of bullying if you like. A bully has low self esteem and tries to overcome this by lowering other people. Not saying she is a bully as I don't personally know her and it wouldn't be kind to her, but the principle applies.

If we are lacking in confidence then these sort of people make us oversensitive and start fretting... which is exactly what they intend.... you won't find them trying the same attitude towards someone who is more assertive.

Its a combo of being more assertive yourself, becoming more self assured and learning to let go over your head this sort of thing. It only comes with experience, practice and believing in yourself... it takes time but you'll get there.

xx Tamm

I agree with this,but also with Huberella,we can never know enough so it's great to watch and learn other peoples methods.

Quite often it's where we pick up on pointers.

I think it's not nice of your friend to keep doing this though and I would be inclined to stop swapping treatments.

It would just make me feel anti towards her.

awwww thanks everyone, it's so nice to get feedback from people who understand how I have been feeling I've fairly new to this site, but I feel I know some of you already. I sure I will need to call on your advice when I start my cnd training .