Am I being a right "girl" here

[GracefulH&B]

I need to ask you guys something. It was my birthday earlier on this week and I was working in the morning of my birthday. My husband works in Africa but he was home 9 days before my birthday. So, I got up on the day of my birthday and my husband came in to the kitchen and said "Happy Birthday" and walked back out. So I thought OK, maybe he's just waiting till the kids are up to give me my cards and pressie (our kids are 3, 4 and 6). I went to work, got home about 2pm ........ nothing. Home about and hour and ........ nothing. I eventually said to my husband "am I not getting a card or anything" thinking he was just winding me up, but he said "no, you were at work and had the car. How was I supposed to get you anything". So, after 11 years of marriage and 3 children, I got nothing, zilch, squat. Gutted to say the least. It's not just that he didn't get me anything, or the fact that I feel the children should be encouraged to "buy" gifts to see that giving is as good as getting. It's the fact that he didn't seem to care that he couldn't be bothered to get me anything. There was no "I'm really sorry, I've not had a chance to get out ......" Nothing. "Not got you anything... get over it" was his attitude. Am I being a "girl" here or would you guys have felt the same. I dropped him off at the airport this evening for him to go back to Africa and he was all lovey dovey and all I could think ... well, it's not repeatable, lol. I appreciate he's giving up a lot, but just one little card. Is that too much to ask?

 

['chelle]

no you're not being a "girl" about it, I'd be furious!

We're the same as you, we think its really important to encourage our kids to buy presents at birthdays/xmas/mothers day etc, even though we buy them on their behalf, its the remembering people and giving them thats important so I can understand you being annoyed.

I dont think you should get wound up or angry with him, just calmly and factually explain to him how disappointed you are with his lack of thought and how its not setting the kids a good example. Surely he knew your birthday was coming up so had plenty of time to go out and buy things, he didnt have to do it just on that one day when you had the car.

Happy birthday though, despite all that |I hope you enjoyed your day :Love:

 

[tanfastic]

I am sorry you feel a bit neglected but in Africa things are very different. The male chauvanist society might be rubbing off on him a little but I would look at it in the sense that he came home to be with you and the kids for your birthday, a card is really just a piece of paper that will probably end up in the bin, but a visit from him would have been a great opportunity to build fabulous memories, not a time to be petulant about a bit of paper that is putting money in someone else's pocket. I would regret wasting that precious time with my husband feeling hard done by.

After all these years I am sure that your marriage is stronger than the sociably expected bits of tat. I have been married for nearly 20 years and only get the occasional card now,but we always spend the day together, and enjoy being with each other. I used to keep old cards but they are all lost or ruined by now but guess what.... I still have him!!!

I hope that you can see past the social expectations and try to appreciate the fact that he is working away from home to help build a better future for you and the children

 

[Leely]

No I don't think you are being a girl. After 11 years together he has no reason not to remember when your birthday is, especially as he has been home 9 days before your birthday he had plenty of time to pop out to buy a card.
I would be very hurt and upset if I did not have a card from my son. I make sure my fiancée knows full well when my birthday is, I write it down on the calendar for him to see and also make sure I remind him a few weeks before.
"Happy Be-lated Birthday" cxx

 

[souz]

no you are not being a girl!!!

it is my birthday in just over a week and i am reminding husband and kids already (actually i have been for weeks lol!!)....i just think we do stuff for their birthdays etc why shouldnt they for us...earlier in the year it was my husbands bday and our first wedding anniversary and money was tight so i got creative with presents and made some!!! its the thought that counts!! but at least he still got something...xxx

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY FROM ALL YOUR GEEK FRIENDS xxxx:hug:

 

[xxsarahj25xx]

Even if he couldnt get out, him and the kids could have made you a card! Or he could have cooked you a suprise lunch/ dinner, its only your birthday once a year, no matter how small a gesture its still something!

Id be p**sed off too! Its not the end of the world but would be a whole different story if it was the other way round! Wind up merchant that I am would probably do the same to him on his birthday, keep up the act til getting on bedtime then suprise him, would definately teach him a lesson haha xx

Sent from my ST25i using SalonGeek

 

[Bumblebee78]

Similar thing happened on my bday earlier this year. I was so upset! He had taken the day off work (I thought to look after my toddler so I could have a break!) but he booked his car into the garage which meant I then had to ferry him about town to do other bits and pieces he needed to do. I didn't get anything. No card, no card from the kids, no present, no breakfast in bed, no meal out, no child free time and to top it all off, my exhaust then fell off and I had to cook dinner for everyone! To say I was unhappy was an understatement! We have only been together 3.5 years so kind of expected something! I've warned him that if it happens again, he's out on his ear coz if my bday is so irrelevant to him then that means I am too, and frankly I deserve better!!!

So in answer to your question, no, ur not being a girl about it!!! It's the one day we can be made a fuss of after spending every other day of the year looking after them!!

 

[misslady]

He's taking the pee. I love spoiling others and being spoilt on my birthday.

I would be busy the day that he flys back in. I am sure he wouldn't sit at the airport all day waiting for you, he'd make his own way home. Therefore he could have got off his behind and got you something.

And what about duty free at the airport?? Perfume, chocolates or something small but sentimental if money is short.

Men!

X

Sent from my GT-I9100 using SalonGeek

 

[dandelionpoppy]

Well, a huge Happy Birthday. You totally deserve it. You are the one holding it all together, looking after 3 kids and a job.

Sometimes men just don't get it. I'm not excusing him, I actually think that's really poor of him, but sometimes you have to shrug and accept they think differently.

You have every right to feel annoyed though. You don't need to apologise for that! xx

 

[Lush-Lash]

I'd be annoyed too so no your not being a girl, your being a woman & most women would react the same.

if id of been you though.. I'd of made him walk down to that airport with his case this evening your kinder than me hunni lol

happy belated birthday. xx

 

[souz]

if i got nothing, not even a card for my birthday my husband would definitely be out and i think he knows it!! even at xmas he knows lol, he says im like a child and that i would have a tantrum!!