Am I right in doing this?

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MissBBox

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2011
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Location
North Wales
Hello geeks,
I just wanted a bit of a rant and please excuse the long thread I just wanted a bit of advice with regards to my ex fiancé..
I was with him for 4 years, engaged and have a 2 and half year old little boy with him, he left me in October 2011, I moved from my family 20
Minutes away to be with him in which I'm still living in the house we shared, he moved back in with his parents.. I'm still really close with his mum and dad and siblings, he met someone else 2 days after we split up and was with this girl for 7 months (heartbroken wasn't the word) which he then decided he wanted to be single and finished with her , and then I started getting harassed by this girl, she seemed to think it was my fault, abusive messages, text messages, phone calls, my house had eggs thrown at windows, threatened by male members of her family and then I got the police involved as I was concerned for me and my sons safety, I then find out he had been cheating on the abusive girlfriend with another girl -_- and he had left the abusive girl to be with her, and also a week after hed got with the abusive girl he had taken my son to her house behind my back when i told him not too (as she has a reputation around my area of being into drugs) in the mean time id moved on passed my driving test, qualified in all my beauty courses and started building my business up,
Now this other girl (who looks VERY similar to me, she even has basically the same name as me,) has started getting abusive about me, horrible awful things have been said about me on Facebook and twitter, she has also said things about me to my friends, stopped him doing things with me and my son, like taking him to swimming lessons, coming to the house and contacting me although he goes behind her back and still does so and hes also started playing really bad mind games with me, I broke down infront of my health visitor and she told me that he's mentally abusing me, he still try's to control everything I do, He shouts at me everytime I won't tell him where I'm going and I also get accused of everything under the sun.. He's never been like this only since he's been going out with this other girlfriend.. Now she's started putting pressure on my ex to meet my son, when he asked I straight away said no!!! Now he's started saying I'm not well in the head and I'm not putting my sons feelings 1st when I am he doesn't need to meet yet another girl, and being abusive with me, how would I know she wouldn't be with my son!! I also found out he has been caught arraigning to meet other girls whilst she's in work.. How is that stability for my son?? his mum and dad refuse to let her in there house.. As he has come home with a cracking black eye and no explanation.. He's drinking a lot and he's lost a lot of weight since he has been with this other girl.. Im a Really caring person despite what hes put through, I've been brought up to respect people and there feelings but my son is the most important thing in my life..

Am I right not letting my son go near her or am I putting my own feelings before his??..

Thankyou for any advice you can give me, I am at a bit of a loss with all this, all I want is to be left alone and live happily and peacefully with my son

Missbox xxxxxxx
 
I didn't want to read and run lovely, Sorry to hear your going through this but I don't really have much advice!

My ex was extremely controlling, but I didn't have any ties to him so he got cut loose. You have a child with this man so things are a bit different.

Sorry I couldn't be anymore help xxx
 
Emotional abuse is now a recognised crime like physical abuse has been for years. Any threatening behaviour can be reported to the police. You don't have to take any of it. Save any messages, screen dumps of Facebook etc and keep a diary/evidence log of events. Next time he threatens you just walk away and report him. The police have to follow it up. Stay strong sweet heart. I'm living proof you can escape. PM me if you want xx
 
Emotional abuse is now a recognised crime like physical abuse has been for years. Any threatening behaviour can be reported to the police. You don't have to take any of it. Save any messages, screen dumps of Facebook etc and keep a diary/evidence log of events. Next time he threatens you just walk away and report him. The police have to follow it up. Stay strong sweet heart. I'm living proof you can escape. PM me if you want xx

I agree with this and would like to add that you have to do what's best for your child. I know there are two sides to every story but if his parents don't even want his girlfriend in the house there has to be something there. On another note, he has no right to treat you the way he does. Regardless if you are a couple or not. I had to get a restraining order out on my ex as things got so bad. We do have a child together and when we talked I would only talk to him about her. If he started trying to get personal with me about my life I would tell him I was only willing to talk about our daughter and if he persisted I would hangup. Stay strong for your son and don't let him play mind games with you. Good luck.
 
I don't think your son needs to be introduced to this girl, he is 2yrs old his time should be with daddy not daddy and latest bit of skirt!!

You are putting your son first and continue to do so, I would answer any questions he has regarding your son but he doesn't need to know any of your business now!
 
Thank you for taking time In replying to me.. I'm going to stick to my guns and keep telling him no.. I said countless times if you need to speak to me then ask your mum to contact me I'm so lucky she's brilliant with me and my son but within a couple of days he's back texting me grrrrrr..

He was crying in the pub on Xmas eve to my friend one of whom is my sons godmother that he was spending Xmas day alone and that he missed his "family" and that he loved and missed me.. I'm completely head wrecked and fed up of these games.. My son is my priority not him.. I also vent a lot of my anger in this situation to her (which I know is wrong) as I don't know what he's saying to her but I feel like I'm blaming her.. Even though I don't know the girl at all and she doesn't know me.. Like the 1st abusive girlfriend, and nothing was done to him, it was me and my home that where damaged because of him.. I would love to cut all ties with him but my son also loves his daddy to bits and I can't take that away from him, all I want is to be left alone, peacefully and bring my son up the best way I can, Thankyou again geeks much love xxxxx
 
Hiya hun,

My first thought when reading your original post was that you and your poor son must be going through a lot right now. I too have a 2 year old and know just how smart and alert they are to things like this. I whole heartedly agree that your son shouldn't be subjected to his daddys new gf.

My second thought was, you mentioned that your ex is always talking to other girls whilst with the girl he is with etc. He could be trying to pull at your heart strings by saying he misses his family etc because he hasn't gotten much luck from the other ladies he was chasing. I don't know you, so don't want to start saying whats best for you. But personally if it was me, i would make sure he had connection and contact with his child unless he did something dangerous or harmful to your child or in front of your child (drugs for example). In that case, i would make sure it was only supervised contact only. But apart from for you son I personally wouldn't let him back into your life.

Does he have set days with him? Is there a time table? If not, i suggest you make one and have him stick to them times and dates without his newest GF. And then if he needs to contact you on a day that's not down as a visiting day, then it should be about the child and nothing else. So not to just call and have a chat etc. He has 'moved on' with this new gf so shouldn't have the right to ask where your going and why etc.
 
Agree with all the above posts - your son must come first, and don't let any new gf meet him (a long-term relationship is different, however hard that may be for you).

Continued texts, phone calls, fb messages etc is "harrassment" and therefore a criminal offence. Call police, (phone 101 to start with, obviously if you feel danger at any time call 999) and log your complaints. Keep a record of ALL contact (ie save messages, texts etc....) and let him know you have reported him. This may make things worse in the short term, but if he continues to harrass you, call police again with all the details. Forget his xmas tears and ramblings - he was probably drunk and maudlin - truth hits home when drunk, so he is probably missing the comfort of you and son - but that's not your problem now!

Am so glad to hear that you and his parents are close: keep that contact as children love grandparents, so whatever happens in the future at least your son will have their love and support.
 

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