Boyfriend advice?

[SarLouise]

Hi everyone sorry if this is so long winded I just wanted to let it out to people I don't know, rather than my friends who might be worried about saying the wrong thing etc.

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months.
A few weeks ago a group chat popped up on his phone 'Australia 2016' I didn't question it there and then because I assumed he would tell about it but he didn't. I left it for about week still wondering when he was going to mention it but he never did so I did the psycho thing and went through his phone lol. I had a little nosey through the group chat, just him and his work colleague, discussing plans and how long to go for (possibly a year), how much money to take, when to go (August 2016). I was literally devastated reading it, I had heard him say he wanted to see Australia but has never said anything else since then.

I was feeling so hurt that he didn't want to tell me for whatever reason, feeling upset at the thought of having to potentially say bye and not see him for a year, I'm also terribly jealous that he doesn't want to go with me, I feel like a selfish person. I should be happy for him but I can't help feeling sad about it.
So I couldn't hold it in I phoned later on that day and confronted him, cried it all out. He said he didn't tell me straightaway because he doesn't have to money right now, doesn't have a visa, doesn't know how long. I felt like it would still be nice to know. He said I should stop being silly it's almost a year away. So I tried to let it go for while.
Month later this weekend I started talking about taking holiday in October, (centre parcs weekend or something) and possibly the idea of an anniversary holiday in January (another weekend away maybe Paris) he cut me off straightaway saying he wouldn't be able to afford any of this because of Australia. I said is this what it's going to be like for next year, not wanting to do stuff with me, I don't want to be a couple that never does nice things together. Again he says don't be silly you are getting yourself worked up over nothing.
After this conversation I found myself feeling really bitter and angry, because of his planned trip to Australia it's making things really strained. I feel reluctant to mention going anywhere, I was talking about centre parcs earlier he was just deep in his phone, not even listening, not one bit interested. I can't remember the last time he came up with an idea of something for us to do. Even if he doesn't want to do these things he never adds any input of his own. I feel like he isn't interested in me since he was asked to go on this trip.
If he's going to go to Australia that's fine I will be deeply sad I'm not going to stop him. But I'm trying so hard to arrange nice things for us, this is what I work for, for us to have memories together. I'm wondering what's the point of the next year if it's going to be like this. I'm unhappy that he didn't want to travel with me, I would of been over the moon if he had asked me. I also feel like an awful self centered person because I'm not happy for him. I feel cut out and a constant second thought.

Has anyone else been in this situation that can help me. I'm feeling so lost. Thank you for reading I know it's a long post.

Xxx

 

[CeJ]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Sounds to me like he's no longer interested. Him not talking to you about it and not even wanting you to go is a hint. I know you said it's only been 8 months since you've been together but you may care more than he does. Women we get attached super quick and it hurts us deeply when our man leaves us out of the loop.

I have been through so much with guys who treated me just like this and I was the one who ended up hurt. I would work on not planning your life around him. You don't work to make memories with a guy. The guy is supposed to treat you with respect and care. I'm pretty sure you're a beautiful girl/woman. Focus on becoming a stronger woman so the next relationship you command respect. I've been single for a few years since I broke up with my boyfriend. I moved states so no point to stay together but I'm not even looking for a man because I want to be treated better so I'm working on me. The next relationship I get in the guy will have to work hard for my love.

Never let a man have the satisfaction of hurting you because you deserve better. Next time you ask if he wants to do something with you and he says no or acts like he doesn't care take those times to go out with your friends and do new things with them. Don't sit around and wait for him to decide he's interested. He either is or isn't. You'll be okay without him.

 

[KHS]

Some people are free spirited, he sounds like one of them, you can't tie these type of people down, they'll do what they want to do and when they like. The more you try to pull hin back the more he'll pull away, you're only young, he clearly thinks he needs more "him" time and doesn't want to settle down yet, hense the trip with the lads.

Get on with your life, make plans with your friends without him. And don't make him the center of your world. Even if 2 people have been married 15 yrs they still should have an element of their own lives, or you'd run out of things to talk about.

An ex made me the center of his world, didn't want to do anything with his mates, I said jump he said how high, he put me on a pedestal, wanting to do every single thing together. It drove me nuts, he'd sulk if i went out with my friends or if I wanted a Saturday night in by myself, I'd get stressy calls with questions like...are we ok?... Do I need to worry I'm losing you?...all u wanted was a night by myself curled up in front of TV, he ended up pushing me away, he emotionaly suffocated me,... So maybe he is a person like me, who needs their own time away to do their own stuff. We always come back if you give us enough rope to be our own person....however if he is planning a 12 month trip to Australia, I feel he's wanting more than a bit of him time, it's not like a 2 week lads Ibiza holiday....it's a whole year away, sorry to say but maybe he thinks his part in your life has come to an end.

 

[Mommabear]

You know what you should do?? Book a girly holiday with the girls an say absolutaley nothing hahaha
You havent been together that long and like a previous geek has said women get attached more quickly than men which is probably why your so hurt at the moment.
I dont want to sound brutal and mean, but from what you have said it seems to me like you value the relationship more than he does, an to be fair, you dont want that! You need someone who wants what you want can be open with you if he wants a lads holiday or wants a holiday with you. If it was me, i wouldve done exactly what you have done and stressed about it until i couldnt take it anymore lol

Having said that, being on the other side looking in i honestly think you could better. He doesnt seem like hes bothered in the relationship at all an you dont need that.

Keep us posted

Sending hugs
Xx

 

[Brooke_09]

bless you! you deserve so much better and personally I don't think you should waste your time on him any longer!

As previously mentioned book a girly holiday, leave your phone off at home and forget all about him!

Sent from my GT-I9300 using SalonGeek mobile app

 

[EmmaLF]

OK so time for some harsh realities. You need to sit down and have a chat. Ask if hes planning on going to Aus for a year, what does he expect to happen with the two of you. Would he like yous to try long distance or take a break for a while to live your lives. If its the latter you're probably better off ending it now. If my boyfriend said he was off to aus and had no intentions of asking me to come along I'd be so hurt and feel like he was only with me 'for the time being' to keep himself entertained until he can start his adventure. You deserve better than being just someones 'for now.' By the time hes going you'll be together over a year, that's a long time for strong feelings to develop. It would be less painful to end it now than months down the line. But thats all what ifs. He could want to continue the relationship and is just seeing where its going before asking you to come. The most important thing is communication, you need to be straight out and ask his intentions. Its scary and might seem easier to not know.

 

[Josie34]

I'm an old fart...so I've been there, done it, and had the tee shirt....several times. My advice is this. If you love someone, you might not want to live in each other's pockets, but you don't go half way around the world without them either, and in the interim, sacrifice potential good times, sharing and bonding, in the process.

He's not that into you. Move on. Find someone who's singing from the same hymn sheet.

 

[Josie34]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Sounds to me like he's no longer interested. Him not talking to you about it and not even wanting you to go is a hint. I know you said it's only been 8 months since you've been together but you may care more than he does. Women we get attached super quick and it hurts us deeply when our man leaves us out of the loop.

I have been through so much with guys who treated me just like this and I was the one who ended up hurt. I would work on not planning your life around him. You don't work to make memories with a guy. The guy is supposed to treat you with respect and care. I'm pretty sure you're a beautiful girl/woman. Focus on becoming a stronger woman so the next relationship you command respect. I've been single for a few years since I broke up with my boyfriend. I moved states so no point to stay together but I'm not even looking for a man because I want to be treated better so I'm working on me. The next relationship I get in the guy will have to work hard for my love.

Never let a man have the satisfaction of hurting you because you deserve better. Next time you ask if he wants to do something with you and he says no or acts like he doesn't care take those times to go out with your friends and do new things with them. Don't sit around and wait for him to decide he's interested. He either is or isn't. You'll be okay without him.

Great piece of advice.

 

[salj]

OK so time for some harsh realities. You need to sit down and have a chat. Ask if hes planning on going to Aus for a year, what does he expect to happen with the two of you. Would he like yous to try long distance or take a break for a while to live your lives. If its the latter you're probably better off ending it now. If my boyfriend said he was off to aus and had no intentions of asking me to come along I'd be so hurt and feel like he was only with me 'for the time being' to keep himself entertained until he can start his adventure. You deserve better than being just someones 'for now.' By the time hes going you'll be together over a year, that's a long time for strong feelings to develop. It would be less painful to end it now than months down the line. But thats all what ifs. He could want to continue the relationship and is just seeing where its going before asking you to come. The most important thing is communication, you need to be straight out and ask his intentions. Its scary and might seem easier to not know.

I agree with this. It's not fair of him to make massive decisions like this without involving you, it's not a good sign. You need to talk to him about it and find out where his head is at regarding your relationship so you can decide what YOU want!

xx

 

[sallysally]

Harsh reality is he really doesn't see a future with you..you obviously are a make do to pass the time...I wouldn't waste another single moment on him ,Dump him ASAP and move on

 

[jacquelineanna]

You are 'just a girl friend' of 8 months ... there is no real reason why he should want to travel with you, spend his travel money with you, or include you in any of his travel plans. You are not a wife or a fiancée or even a long-time girlfriend.
He sounds like a young man? And a thoughtless one. But at 8 months he doesn't really owe you anything ... except some decency perhaps.
However, it seems that you are much more into him - and therein lies the problem :-(
It's been 8 months. Back off a little bit.
See him but do your own thing as well.
Keep your eyes open and up, look around you ... you never know who might be looking at you!!!
If this guy is meant for you he will be yours - and he would be yours without you putting in a ton of effort and crying a river over him.
Chin up. Life is short. Be happy ... Fake that happiness til you make that happiness happen.
Or be sad.
You CAN choose.
xxx

 

[rachirv]

Awww sweety. I can totally sympathise with you on this situation.
I have been there. Mine didn't end well though.
When we first got together in the September, he told me that he was going to work in Australia for 10 weeks over Xmas. I was fine with it because it was already planned Etc. when he got back we made a proper go of it. I've known him since I was little and we'd been best friends for a long time before we got together. My daughter was only 2 at the time too so it was a massive thing for me, first relationship since me and her dad split up.
Anyways, what I didn't now over the next year was that he was planning to go back, he kept it from me for sooo long.
He then dropped the bombshell in the middle of October that he was going back, he didn't know
For how long etc, and by the end of October he was gone. This was 3 years ago. I've been out to visit this year, but sadly we are no longer together.

You need to do what's right. He should be making the most of time with you if you aren't going to see each other for a year. He should be wanting to have a holiday with you etc. have u tried talking to him about it all? Explained how your feeling? I hope you get it sorted, I really do sympathise with you because it's a horrible position to be in. Hugs

Rach x