Confusing relationship

[amyvictoria]

1st January 2012 I met the love of my life,with in months I could see ourselves having a future together kids marriage moving out... The lot! And I mean it , I have never felt this way about someone in my entire life.
Everything was going dandy..

After a while his mum started having a problem with me, for example she would allow me to sleep over and then bitch about it behind my back to him, she would invite me for tea and then bitch about it, which obviously really upset me when he told me gave me a complex tbh.
His family in general are all generally quite selfish and for some reason no matter how much i try still hate me

Anyway As soon as the clocked striked midnight New Year's Eve 2013 everything just went down the pan. He turned into a complete and utter nob.
Putting his friends before me all the time, went out on the piss every single weekend never invited me with him and then when I see him the day after we don't go out or anything. Stay in nursing his hangover. He would tell me he was going on lad nights when there will actually be girls there, he went on a lads weekend and gave me half a days notice after keeping my entire weekend free for him. And then when I got upset about it he told me I was being pathetic and needed to grow up. He told me he cheated on me with 3 girls and then he told me he was in love with his best friends sister,then he wanted me back and told me he made the biggest mistake of his life he lied about the cheating because he thought I could do better than him, sweet talked me back, his sister gave me abuse on Facebook for no reason so I informed her that he told me he told me he cheated on me and that shut her up. it was my 21st birthday party beginning of feb when we were together and I'm still waiting for my present now... I spent £500 on his birthday.
We have broken up and got back together 3 times this year already and i keep going back to him because I love him so much it hurts!!! my best friend got killed in an accident and in the same week he broke up with me again he then went into work drunk got the sack,then lead me on for 4 weeks and then told me he didn't want me he then told me the day after saying he didnt want me saying he wanted me back and I've been back with him for 4 weeks and I'm so insecure, he keeps telling me I'm clingy. But it feels like he's the one making me clingy! I think if your in a relationship with someone you should at least talk to them every day especially if you don't see them on that day 5 or 10 minutes that's all it takes, 1 phone call = happy days. I personally don't see that as being clingy. That's communication in a relationship.
But today I've tried phoning him and all he's been doing is hanging up on me, I phoned him 4 Times around 5 o'clock, and he said I'm busy ill phone you later, and I just said to him please answer your phone ill only be 5 mins, no I'm busy I'm with my mates stop hassling me. And it's like.... If you just bloody talk to me I won't be hassling you!! He was meant to be helping a mate move house tonight and let him down for his mates that he ditches me for all the time. And I'm actually quite upset because it feels like he's calling the shots all the time. Keeps promising he's gonna change and then he doesn't. I asked him to put our relationship back on Facebook and he wouldn't which made me think like... Why wouldn't he want to? And then that night he deleted Facebook.
And then today been ignoring my calls all day. It's just like I'm putting so much into it to make it work and I'm getting so upset and insecure incase I'm being used it's just like as soon as his mates are there I'm dropped straight away.
Sorry everyone I just need to vent I've never loved someone so much but It's taken me alot to forgive him for everything and it just feels like its been chucked in my face :/ xxx

 

[sarah_louise92]

Hey, I'm really sorry your going through all of this. Reading what you have written is like ringing big bells in my head thinking (and sorry to be blunt) this guy doesn't care about you one bit. If he did he would want to spend time with you and talk to. It sounds like he doesn't want to be in a relationship but have the perks of one! He seems al take take take. Reading this sounds very similar to a relationship that i was in, and then it turned abusive and carried on been abusive for months and not just physically emotionally too. It destroyed me for a long time I didn't recognise myself because I was a mug.

If I were you I would get out now your better than him. Do you not want somebody that asks to see you and does Time with you, says to his mates I'm not coming out I'm with my girlfriend tonight, or calls you for a chat? Runs around after you. Just think how nice that would be! To me doesn't sound like he will ever be like this if he isn't now.

You can either waste more time and effort into trying to make it work, take more crap from him, make yourself more insecure and paranoid and effect yourself, and letting him walk all over you!
Or you could leave move on and find somebody who wants to treat you like you should be.

Just tad what you have written and ask yourself one question, is this a guy that sounds like he cares for you?

Chin up girl!xxxx

 

[Scissorz]

Hi from what I've read I think you need to get rid of this guy, I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but realistically he's playing you for a fool, my sister was in a relationship like yours except she made the mistake of not ending it and it carried on for 8 years! During which time he cheated on her constantly although she didn't know it until it was over. You've only got to look at how many angry/sad faces you put in your post to see your not happy, so if your not happy do something about it, life's too short to waste

 

[lydia c]

I was with someone years ago he was an alcoholic didn't work real loser really , I was working buying everything ( we didn't live together ) he was nasty just verbal and basically I was there for when he wanted s#x ! I really really loved him even though he was a ass !
He was ending things , going with other girls ect .. And when that was over I was ok to go back too and I always went back as I " loved him " the final time he ended it I met someone else and when he came back ( when his new girlfriend left ) I said no I'm with someone else he gave a mouthful of abuse ( he was drunk at the time ) I never saw him again !
9 years and two kids later me and my partner are still happy , I'm glad I never went back to him !
Move on your better than him concentrate on your hairdressing and be the best you can be !
I guarantee you few years from now you will look back and think what was I thinking !
It is hard and you will hurt for a while but think of you and your happiness , when will enough be a enough ? Best of luck and us geeks are here for you to get things of your chest lol Xx

 

[JKNails]

Sorry to hear that you have to go though this.
You need to have some respect for yourself. Thi guy cleary doesnt appreciate you and shows no respect . You are better then this. A loving relationship shouldn't feel like this!
I personally think you should stop wasting your time with him and move on with your life. Until you make that decision it won't stop. He will carry on braking up with you and then asking to take him back again and again which will just cause more pain for you. You dont want your life to be like that. Call the shots. Respect yourselv and if he doesnt want to treat like you want him to treat you, well... it's his loss not yours. You deserve better

 

[umvemve]

My love, you need to get out of this abusive relationship now. I know it hurts but this man and his family will bring you nothing but sadness.

 

[yummy mummy]

Hi I beg you to find the strength and get out of this as soon as you can. Cut all ties it will hurt like mad but it will get easier in time I promise. He will never change and it will only get worse and you will get hurt over and over. Do it now as it will be so much more heart breaking in the future if u had children together and a home.

 

[yummy mummy]

We are all here for you I'm sure if you read back your own post you will realise you need to get out xxxx

 

[Alexis_onfire]

Please get out now! You may think that you love him but this is not love. A man should respect you, card for you, and want to treat you well.
If I call my boyfriend and he's busy with mates he simply says, 'I'm out with the lads, can i call you later?' And I never question him. I just say, ok my love ring me later.
I can remember the time when I was in a renationalised like you are in. And I thought with every bone in my body that I loved my ex. And I couldn't imagine ever loving anyone more than him. But now, years later, when I am properly in love, it feels a million times better and I'm just sorry I stayed with my ex for so long. You deserve better.
Be the more mature adult. Don't get into a war of words - just explain its over. His family can leave you alone and not affect your confidence and you can move on and get the love you deserve. Do not waste any more time on him.
My favourite quote: 'You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice.'
Xxxx

 

[Alexis_onfire]

Hi I beg you to find the strength and get out of this as soon as you can. Cut all ties it will hurt like mad but it will get easier in time I promise. He will never change and it will only get worse and you will get hurt over and over. Do it now as it will be so much more heart breaking in the future if u had children together and a home.

You are so right!!! Said so well xx

 

[amyvictoria]

Thanks everyone for all your kind words. I know I'm a complete idiot for going back with him. it was ok to begin with but this last week has just been like how it was. And I feel like I'm gonna loose my friends over him, cause ill vent about it all and then we get back together and they all hate him. The bad is starting to outweigh the good now.

 

[amyvictoria]

It's just we booked a holiday together last october and that's worrying me cause I can't afford to give him his share back, all my memories of my best friend over the last year was with my Boyf, mum came in earlier when I was upset and she said he's just a user. He uses everyone. As soon as something better comes up he's there. My stress levels are through the roof. But I keep thinking its my fault because I'm so paranoid and insecure- I never used to be like that before. And I said to him he needs to give me time to overcome that. But it makes me worse when he ignores my calls forwards me to voice mail, I do honestly believe you should talk to your partner every day.... We fallen out tonight about it and I just said to him look if you just answered
Your phone to me and said oh I'm round so and so's house can I phone you tomorrow I would be like oh ok cool... End of discussion. But when he hangs up all the time it makes me ring Him more I get upset and cry and then ill text him saying please answer he sends me a ****ty text and then ill try phoning again and then he just ignores me. I know that sounds clingy but its him making me like that cause if he just answered that would of new fine. I know I need to get out we were meant to be seeing each other Saturday and he said maybe we shouldn't see each other cause he needs sometime to himself. So it might even be over by the weekend. I just hope your all right.i do sit there and think about everything that's happened and I just sit there and cry sometimes lol. I said this is the last time and i think this is it. I hate being on my own though, just hope I can get used to it xxx

 

[amyvictoria]

It just gets to me cause all I want is someone there to want me and love me as much as I love them. I want someone who wants to spend time with me, not letting me organise every time we see each other. I was with my ex for 5 years and that was awful too. Such bad luck with men. Mum keeps saying to me I need to get rid of him he's a dick he's selfish. And it's true, but it's like a magnet you know? I just can't tear myself away from him, but I need to break all ties. I feel is such a messed up place I'm glad I can relate with some people who have been through it before xxx

 

[umvemve]

You will be so much happier once he is out of your life. It is his behaviour that is damaging your self-confidence. Listen to your Mum, kick him to the curb and hold your head up high. As for the holiday, why would you have to pay him anything. You need to stop letting him make you a victim. He has let you down repeatedly, what goes around comes around I say. Hugs.

 

[amyvictoria]

Lol I would love someone to run around after me like i do with him, and all that stuff you said phone me up randomly and say no to his friends for me and all that. That would be my heaven. Xxx

 

[amyvictoria]

Thank you Hun. I do need to listen to mum. I proper kicked off at him tonight tho he said I was trying to make him whipped and breathing down his neck Etc. and I was like no I don't mean to be that way I just want you to talk to me when I don't see you! I don't understand what the problem is with that and he was like I don't want to talk to you or see you every day etc etc etc and I just had ago at him saying how much I sacrificed for him and how much it's taken me to try and forgive him. I don't think we will be together by the end of the weekend the rate it's going. I didn't take any **** tonight and he's livid. Yeah your right about the holiday. Ill just have to put my foot down xxx

 

[amyvictoria]

It's just bloody awful situation. Im such a nice person tho and i forgive so easily, im gonna toughen up and i Will keep u all updated with it. I doubt I will hear from him tomorrow. But It's numbered put it that way x

 

[umvemve]

To be honest I doubt you will. If a man wants you he will move heaven and earth to be with you, if not, then just like the film: he's not that into you. Although he is complaining your running after him is feeding his ego and making him resent you all in one. Tough but true.

 

[Alexis_onfire]

Stop bring so nice, don't give him a penny for the holiday and spend time with your girl mates! At this rate, if you're not careful, you'll be properly alone cause they'll get sick of you being messed around as well. I hope you know I'm saying this to help and in no way upset you - I just wish we could all convince you that it's going to be ok once you get rid of him. You, alone, are enough. Believe in yourself. Now is a perfect time to spend nurturing yourself and loving yourself xxxx

 

[Alexis_onfire]

AND!! You decide it's over!!! Don't give him the satisfaction. Just send him a simple text: "Hiya, it just hit me! You're not good enough for me. Good luck in the future "