Do you let your child have any say in school choices?

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HollysRose

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I'll let you know why I'm asking. My 2 yr old will be starting Nursery in January and shes got places at three different schools. Shes already chosen which one she wants to go to and as shes definatley got a place there I decided to phone the other two to let them know. At one of the schools I phoned the receptionist sounded disgusted that I let my daughter choose her own school. I chose these three as I thought they had the best foundation stages (we'll be moving to a different country before she turns 5, so will only be doing her Nursery here) and then I let her decide between these three schools. The receptionist told me that school should not be her decision at all and it should purely be between parents - no input from the child.

I'm happy now that my daughter did not pick this school as her tone was so rude. I told her that I want my child to be happy at her school and she just tutted and before I hung up I heard her say, to someone else, "I would never let my kid choose, happy or not". I'm happy with my daughters decision, but it just got me thinking that I would rather my daughter was happy in a not so great school than unhappy in a brilliant school. If she was in a bad school I could give her extra help while shes happy, if shes in a brilliant school but really unhappy her work is going to suffer anyway. I know she'll be happy in the school she chose and I know the education will be good too.

Am I right to be annoyed at this receptionist or am I over-reacting a bit. I know education is really important but is it more important than happiness?
 

misslady

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She's your child and you have to do what you have to do. I'm having a similar problem with my son's nursery as he says he doesn't want to go but it's ofsted report is oustanding so I am giving him a month to settle - but when we were looking it was his favourite and that's why I chose it :)

But who is this woman?? Receptionist by day and education secretary by night? I would put it an official complaint. Cheek of it! X

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squidgernetball

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I believe an unhappy child won't learn, so you have definitely done the right thing. Having dragged a child to school and had to leave her there crying hysterically, I would have gladly changed schools, but we had no choice at all - we're in an isolated village. Having said that, it all soon settled down, but if your daughter has chosen, hopefully she will feel pleased with where she's going!
 

HollysRose

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I never thought of complaining to the school about her, I might just do that. Thanks girls, for making me confident that she was in the wrong.
 

Spa Therapist

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I don't mean any disrespect to school secretaries, but this woman obviously doesn't have any training in childrens' education otherwise she would be a teacher. She doesn't know any better than you do, so who is she to comment?

I think it's great that your little one has a say in which school you choose. I'd be glad I hadn't chosen that school, if that's the attitude they have!

Take no notice :hugs:
 

LocksOfLove

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I think children should help make decisions about their life and school. A happier child will learn more! I wouldn't be impressed what the secretary said to me - who the heck does she think she is? Lol. Xx
 

Beautyandme

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Coming from a military background my 14 year old is now in her 6th school (I hear your gasp's lol)

So I would like to think I know a little bit about "schools" and I think its great that you let your child have a say in where they would like to go.

I am sure if you felt that their choice wasn't really the right one, you as a parent would use your charms and try and sway them to your way of thinking.

You've just got to trust your instinct :)

I hope she enjoys her new school.
 

Penny Vintage

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I cant believe the cheek of that woman! Its none of her business and i do agree with letting them choose. I chose my primary and i was gutted when they were full so i got to choose which one i wanted to go to. I felt happy i got to choose and the fact people were there from my nursery helped.
 

PinkSwoon

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I'd also file an official complaint with the school. I personally think that it very rude & disrespectful for her to have even omitted her opinion, it has nothing to do with her. VERY unprofessional for her to speak to someone else in the background also, this has angered me so bad as I'm very adamant about good customer service & this was not a good example of that. People cannot go through life having decisions made for them so I believe it's important for children to make decisions from a young age to enable them to make well informed decisions as they grow older, the little things such as 'What do you want in your packed lunch today?' will eventually turn into 'What career path shall I take?' or 'Can I really afford that credit card?' You did the right thing
 

xnailsbylisax

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The receptionist shouldn't have spoken to you in that way. It is unprofessional & it doesn't set a good example for the school. Saying that, and i am in no way excusing her behaviour, i do think 2 year old is too young to choose the school. I think it is the adults decision to make that choice. After all, we are the parents :) maybe have more of a say when they were starting secondary school, but i personally think 2 year olds shouldn't pick their own school. X
 

Lyddy

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She's two, the most important factor is being happy at school. So sounds like you made a good choice.

I really wouldn't give it anymore thought, she's not going to the school with the rude receptionist, you'll probably never speak to the woman again, dwelling on it is a waste of your energy x
 

Nearlyme

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Err no. She is two. She knows nothing of OFSTED reports and early years education. My daughter at two would have chosen her nursery based on the teacher having pretty yellow hair where as I sent her to the one with an outstanding OFSTED and brilliant early years education record. She started primary school in sept and is learning stuff now that they already taught her at pre school.

I am letting my eldest decide which high school to go to after looking round three in our area but at two? I think you are taking child lead parenting too far if im honest

just me ;)
 

waffle4

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I agree that 2 years old is much too young to make important decisions like choosing your own school! Why do you think there's such a thing as "parental consent"? Because children (yet alone toddlers) really don't have the capacity to make such important decisions and we as parents rightly have to make those decisions for them. I'm not saying I wouldn't have asked which one she liked the most after touring them all with her, but the ultimate decision would be mine. And whilst I agree that the receptionist shouldn't have taken any tone with you, I can understand her shock at being told your toddler dismissed her school.
 

HollysRose

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I didn't let my daughter choose it all by herself. Like I said in my OP I chose my favourite three (which all have Outstounding Ofsted reports) and let her choose which one she wanted out of them three. I wouldn't have let her choose it completely by herself but would have been happy with any of those three. Well, except the one with that receptionist now.
 

xnailsbylisax

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I didn't let my daughter choose it all by herself. Like I said in my OP I chose my favourite three (which all have Outstounding Ofsted reports) and let her choose which one she wanted out of them three. I wouldn't have let her choose it completely by herself but would have been happy with any of those three. Well, except the one with that receptionist now.
That's not what it says in the OP but okay :) least she isn't going to the one you were unhappy about x
 

HollysRose

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I chose these three as I thought they had the best foundation stages (we'll be moving to a different country before she turns 5, so will only be doing her Nursery here) and then I let her decide between these three schools.
That's what I said in my OP, that I chose three and let her chose out of those three. Not that I let her chose by herself from any school.
 

xnailsbylisax

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The fact she had any say at all completely baffles me as she is 2 but we clearly have different opinions so no need to comment further :)
 

Elaine Armani

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Everyone raises there child differently and is completely upto the parents with anything they do.
My parents raised me to let me pick my own school and they let me pick my career and never put pressure on me, I believe this is the right way but this is my own opinion and everyone has their own ways of raising their child.
The reason why I think it is the right way because if your child is happy in their school it will make everything easier for them, I was unhappy with my first high school and as soon as I informed my parents they let me move and it made me much more happier and motivated
It was really none of her business, don't worry don't let anyone make you doubt your parenting skills.
Goodluck xo
 

Mobile Manicure

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I wish my parents had guided me more as a child and didn't give me as much freedom as they did. They let me change high schools 3 times because I wanted to be with my friends. I wish they'd put their foot down as my education went to pot. I never finished school.

Choosing a dress or a pair of boots or a coat at 2, fair enough. But education? What does a 2 year old know about education? Many are still in nappies.

My eldest daughter is 11 and with a lot of hard work and determination managed to get accepted to the local grammar school which is classed as 5th best in the country. She is very lucky to have this fantastic opportunity. Her friend, also very clever did not pass the test (on purpose) so that she could go to the not so fabulous local comprehensive to be with her best friend.

An unfortunate missed opportunity. A bit more parental input and guidance wouldn't have gone amiss. The mother is now gutted.

Another story: one of my clients grandsons is very clever and a few years ago passed all the entrance exams for all the grammar and independent schools in the area. The local boys grammar is excellent and 6 mins walk from his house. And free. But no, the boy wanted to go to the posh school in the city with all the other rich kids. So they let him. It's almost an hour on the bus to school each morning and afternoon. £12K per year. He can't keep up with his peers as they are all mega rich and have lavish parties, his parents can't afford holidays now apart from staying in the UK and two years down the line he is asking his parents if he can change to go to the local grammar as he is not forming friendships, all the other students live too far away and he is out of his league.

My opinion is that parents know best.

T
 
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waffle4

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I agree. My 16 year old daughter left her secondary school in June after doing her gcses's and chose to do her A levels at a different schools 6th form. Said school is a bus ride away and she has to leave at 7.30am in the morning to get there. We kept telling her to take the journey into account and how knackered it would make her, but no, as with most teenagers she thought she knew best. However, i was at a hospital appt this afternoon and had 6 missed calls from her begging me to pick her up coz it was raining and she was cold! I couldn't and took no pleasure in telling her that I had guessed this would happen! Wish I'd been more firmer and said no to this flipping school now but she has made her choice so will have to get used to it I suppose.
 
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