Dodgy enquiries for massage

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JanVenus

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Yesterday I had another enquiry from a male asking if I did 'extras'. It's not the first time and, unfortunately, it won't be the last - it's all too common for my tastes and I'm incredibly lucky that I've managed to flush out prospective pervs during the enquiry process and not had to challenge it face to face.

Is there anything, as an industry, we can do about this? I had a google to see if it was reportable but all I came across were articles about "masseurs" that provide happy endings and the folk that visit them :eek: These enquiries are disrespectful and hilarious at the same time - but I'm very concerned (as a solo worker) that some perv turns up in my cabin and asks for a private massage, we shouldn't have to deal with that kind of nonsense.

I've been wracking my brain to see if there's something I can do - I thought about putting a notice on my FB page but felt it would just gather shock value rather than have any positive effect - although our massage lecturers warned us that these guys are out there, it's not something that's talked about in general public and my non-industry friends and family are always stunned that it happens at all.
 

Haircutz

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I’d start by installing a CCTV camera on the cabin door, maybe something like a ring doorbell as they’re a very easy diy install and will record anyone approaching. Mention it early on in the conversation when they book in, but maybe indirectly, so as not to be too off putting to genuine clients. Perhaps something along the lines of your insurers insisting on it to reduce opportunistic burglaries.

This should act as a deterrent because they’ll know that even if they give you a fake name and address, you’ll have recorded their face that can be given to the Police and you can post the image on your local social media. Many men who visit seedy massage parlours are married or in relationships and won’t want any of their family finding out.
 

JanVenus

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I’d start by installing a CCTV camera on the cabin door, maybe something like a ring doorbell as they’re a very easy diy install and will record anyone approaching. Mention it early on in the conversation when they book in, but maybe indirectly, so as not to be too off putting to genuine clients. Perhaps something along the lines of your insurers insisting on it to reduce opportunistic burglaries.

This should act as a deterrent because they’ll know that even if they give you a fake name and address, you’ll have recorded their face that can be given to the Police and you can post the image on your local social media. Many men who visit seedy massage parlours are married or in relationships and won’t want any of their family finding out.
Yes, I've got all that sorted but it still doesn't change that guys will still ask - is there anything we can do to raise awareness and change attitudes?
 

Kyralouise

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Yes, I've got all that sorted but it still doesn't change that guys will still ask - is there anything we can do to raise awareness and change attitudes?
It's really sad that we have to face issues like this in our industry. I don't offer massage, but I get the same requests with male waxing clients. I'm absolutely not saying that all male clients are like this, but so far EVERY waxing enquiry I've had from a man has been inappropriate, I have not had a genuine male client. I have also found that these particular men do not like taking no for an answer, they are pushy and are borderline harassing. If you do find a solution and need some backing, I would really like to be involved.
 

JanVenus

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It's really sad that we have to face issues like this in our industry. I don't offer massage, but I get the same requests with male waxing clients. I'm absolutely not saying that all male clients are like this, but so far EVERY waxing enquiry I've had from a man has been inappropriate, I have not had a genuine male client. I have also found that these particular men do not like taking no for an answer, they are pushy and are borderline harassing. If you do find a solution and need some backing, I would really like to be involved.
I made a meme and have shared in in a couple of Facebook groups, it doesn't apply to you as you're not doing massage but I could change it and post it here so people can save it and share on social media?
respect.jpg
 
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I now advertise as ladies only, for exactly that reason. If any men book in, I immediately text them to inform them it is ladies only and canc the appointment. It is on my website and my online booking.
 

JanVenus

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I now advertise as ladies only, for exactly that reason. If any men book in, I immediately text them to inform them it is ladies only and canc the appointment. It is on my website and my online booking.
I have male clients - ones that I know and trust - so I wouldn't want to run them off. It's just so sad that, in the 21st century, we have to work like this :'(
 

Chriss87

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So I'd be careful advertising for women only? Could it not been seen as discrimination? You might be better off having a male and separate female service list. Offering men back massage only?
Fro the 'extras' side its legal and can be insured so I'm don't think there is a way of reporting it unless it's the same person asking repeatedly which would be harassment if you've responded saying no.
 

JanVenus

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I don't think advertising personal close contact services for women only is discriminatory as it's a safeguarding issue for both clients and the therapist.

While 'extras' may be legal and lucrative for the "massage parlours" that thrive on it - why should respectable, professional therapists put up with being shoved in the same category?
 

Chriss87

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I don't think advertising personal close contact services for women only is discriminatory as it's a safeguarding issue for both clients and the therapist.

While 'extras' may be legal and lucrative for the "massage parlours" that thrive on it - why should respectable, professional therapists put up with being shoved in the same category?
I'm not saying they should be put in the same category, just that it would be extreamly hard to report anything based on it.

It would and is discrimination to offer a service to a single gender unless you have a legal exemption. And personally would take action against a local business that advertised that way. However offering a different service would get around that.
 

New Spa

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80% of my massage clients are male, and have zero issues with them at all.

I have experience of perverts by phone, text and in person. So the phone stuff is quite easy to deal with. I just do not engage with them on their level, if they ask for extra, yes I can offer hot stones, infrared, audio sonic blush blah. If they ask for groin I tell them to see their GP if they ask outright for happy ending, I am blunt but not rude and tell them they have contacted a professional not a sex worker. Hang up and block.
In person, now haha.
I have cctv covers the front door and cars parked, entrance hallway. All clients must book through my site paying a £20 booking fee which is knocked off treatment cost, unless it's a male massage. They pay 50% booking fee which is non refundable.
They mention anything sexual or make me feel uncomfortable they get a blunt polite warning, then thrown out without refund.
I find that guys who have to pay a good deposit are less likely to risk it, as I got their details and cash up front.
I am finding right now the pandemic seems to have brought all the fruit loops out en masse.
 

Chriss87

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80% of my massage clients are male, and have zero issues with them at all.

I have experience of perverts by phone, text and in person. So the phone stuff is quite easy to deal with. I just do not engage with them on their level, if they ask for extra, yes I can offer hot stones, infrared, audio sonic blush blah. If they ask for groin I tell them to see their GP if they ask outright for happy ending, I am blunt but not rude and tell them they have contacted a professional not a sex worker. Hang up and block.
In person, now haha.
I have cctv covers the front door and cars parked, entrance hallway. All clients must book through my site paying a £20 booking fee which is knocked off treatment cost, unless it's a male massage. They pay 50% booking fee which is non refundable.
They mention anything sexual or make me feel uncomfortable they get a blunt polite warning, then thrown out without refund.
I find that guys who have to pay a good deposit are less likely to risk it, as I got their details and cash up front.
I am finding right now the pandemic seems to have brought all the fruit loops out en masse.
Perfect!!
 

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I’d like to mention something...I’m not a massage therapist I’m a nail tech and esthetician but we recently had undercover police that were making appointments with massage therapist in our area to see if they would provide “extras”. Sadly enough they did make a bust at one of the local massage businesses and made several arrests. It’s really sad for the industry. What’s crazy is I would have never imagined that something would be going on like that in my little town. It’s not like it’s a major city. Anywho, just wondered if it might’ve been undercover police checking you out. Unlikely but just thought I’d share the crazy situation that happened here.
 

Enchanting Beauty

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I am mobile & I advertise as ladies only. I don’t care if it is viewed as discriminatory & I do not want to tar every man with the same brush but my safety comes first as I am visiting their homes, same as it would be if they were visiting me if I worked from home.
When I worked in a salon, there were some strange men come in. Didn’t get asked for extras but just had that feeling around them which made me uncomfortable & I told myself I would not do that in my own business.
I will treat husbands/partners of my regular ladies, I have no problem with that as I usually get to know them anyway when visiting & the ladies are normally in the house at the time.
One thing you could do if you want to carry on doing Male treatments & I have heard others doing, is only do men that you have been recommended to by a regular client. Or you could just say you’re not taking in any new clients at the moment.
Most important thing is to do whatever feels right for you. It’s not worth doing something & feeling scared or uncomfortable throughout.
 

Haircutz

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So I'd be careful advertising for women only? Could it not been seen as discrimination?
No, personal services such as massage are specifically exempt.
 

JanVenus

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I know how to deal with the enquiries and protect myself.

What I'm saying is, as an industry, we should be doing something about it.

All the CCTV, deposits, only booking male massage for partners of female clients .... it doesn't stop creeps from asking.

I'm not saying they should be put in the same category, just that it would be extreamly hard to report anything based on it.
Like it or not - to pervs on the search for a hand job, we ARE in the same category. I'm just really sick of it, I haven't been doing massage for a long time - 2 years - and I've had at least 5 incidents like this. As I said - fortunately I've caught them all at the text/call point but we shouldn't have to constantly be on guard for this kind of behaviour in our workplace.
 

Kyralouise

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it doesn't stop creeps from asking.
I guess this just goes much deeper than issues in our sector. It's not just "extras" with their massage, it's also the sexist comments made towards women in the office, that you wouldn't dare say to a man, or getting that little bit too touchy in a nightclub. Creeps will be creeps, no matter the setting. Something needs to change in the way men see women, and it really does start with their upbringing. They are clearly learning that these behaviours are ok after seeing it from family/friends. And until that changes, I really can't see anything changing in the personal services industry. It's sad really, but I can't see what can be done to change it.
 

JanVenus

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I guess this just goes much deeper than issues in our sector. It's not just "extras" with their massage, it's also the sexist comments made towards women in the office, that you wouldn't dare say to a man, or getting that little bit too touchy in a nightclub. Creeps will be creeps, no matter the setting. Something needs to change in the way men see women, and it really does start with their upbringing. They are clearly learning that these behaviours are ok after seeing it from family/friends. And until that changes, I really can't see anything changing in the personal services industry. It's sad really, but I can't see what can be done to change it.
Oh it definitely goes deeper, no one is going to argue otherwise, but probably the only industry that gets propositioned at work more than Beauty is exotic dancers.
 

Charlie276

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My masseuse was originally sought out by my partner and she stated that she would only see him if I came with him and sat in her lounge for the first appointment which I thought was very fair.

Is this not sexual harassment, can you not pass their numbers onto the police who maybe could call them and explain that their actions are not ok, hopefully whilst their wife/partner is in ear shot 🤪

Very sad that anyone should feel harassed or unsafe at work, I’ve worked in an office where the boss kept saying inappropriate things to me regularly and it was very stressful but this was years ago when I feel you just had to put up with it. In this day an age I feel these things are generally taken much more seriously and am surprised there is no process for reporting it
 

New Spa

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I know how to deal with the enquiries and protect myself.

What I'm saying is, as an industry, we should be doing something about it.

All the CCTV, deposits, only booking male massage for partners of female clients .... it doesn't stop creeps from asking.



Like it or not - to pervs on the search for a hand job, we ARE in the same category. I'm just really sick of it, I haven't been doing massage for a long time - 2 years - and I've had at least 5 incidents like this. As I said - fortunately I've caught them all at the text/call point but we shouldn't have to constantly be on guard for this kind of behaviour in our workplace.
Its definitely the entitled male attitude. I had more than a handful when I started out by myself but since I established a while now it's rare.

When it has occurred I circulated the persons numbers to every therapist in my area with cctv pic, I not sure where I stand legally with that. If reported to police it's a he said she said situation.
 

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