Friendship problems, so upset

[crystaltash]

Hi geeks,
Just after a bit of advice. So basically my best friend of nearly 6 years has seriously cooled our friendship. We've been through so much together. She had a wee baby almost 11 months ago and of course I understood that priorities change, time becomes less available, but we would have been in contact every day.
But over thee past few weeks, I just never hear from her. And the really awkward thing is that she works for me. So anytime I hear from her it's now just to do with work. To be honest, she was a bit of a lazy friend anyway. She rarely suggested doing things....it always came from me, and even though we live 5 mins away from each other, she has been to my house twice in the last year and that was just meeting up to go out for work do's. I was at hear house every week up until she cooled off, and it was always me asking if I could come up, she never invited me. So I just got a bit sick of being the instigator and waited to see if she would make the effort for once.........she never did.
I've asked her twice to do something and she has always had a reason not to and a couple of weeks ago I got her on her own and asked what on earth was wrong, but she just kept saying 'nothing', no matter how many times I asked.

She's the kind of person who thinks that everyone should run to her and I understand that now she has a baby, she doesn't have the same time....but neither do I!
The salon has just gone VAT registered so I'm spending most of my time trying to blast our takings.

Should I just accept that she's just not that bothered anymore and get on with my life? I haven't been in work for the past 2 weeks, and I'm dreading going in to my own salon on Wednesday because I don't know what to expect! It's just an awful feeling and I just want to get on with my life. Has our friendship ran its course?

 

[daydreams01]

Ahh she's probably just exhausted. Working with a young baby consumes you and takes its toll and she may just have nothing to give to anyone else at the mo. She may have lost a bit of confidence after the baby and be a bit down or just need a bit of space. Although your best friends it can be suffocating if you work together and see each other socially all the time. Sometimes our lives go through stages where you have less in common but it shouldn't mean you need to end the friendship. Just accept that you won't see her as often and maybe arrange to catch up with some other friends or use the time to do the things you enjoy that you may not have had time for before. Maybe get something booked like a girly night for a few weeks time with her that you can look forward to. I'm sure she wasn't intentionally trying to upset you but her life will have changed enormously and it is a big adjustment to get used to. Well done on going vat registered, sounds like your business is doing really well and I'm sure that's also really time consuming for you too, having a business is like having a baby! [emoji3]

 

[crystaltash]

Thanks hun. That would all be OK but she's fine with all her other friends. She's never off whatsapp or Snapchat. It's just me she seems to be blocking out. xx

 

[daydreams01]

Oh that's different then. Do her other friends have kids? If so maybe she finds she has more in common with them at the moment? If not then then it does sound like you have drifted apart a bit but if you have asked her and she hasn't been honest with you about why she is being like that then it's hard to know what to do because you don't know what's upset her. I can understand it must be upsetting for you. Try and immerse yourself in other activities and things that involve different people if you can otherwise you will get down worrying about it.

 

[AcidPerm]

?..That would all be OK but she's fine with all her other friends. She's never off whatsapp or Snapchat. It's just me she seems to be blocking out. xx

Maybe it's time to focus on your business and your other friendships and just keep this relationship on a friendly but professional footing for now.

 

[redlottie13]

Hi geeks,
Just after a bit of advice. So basically my best friend of nearly 6 years has seriously cooled our friendship. We've been through so much together. She had a wee baby almost 11 months ago and of course I understood that priorities change, time becomes less available, but we would have been in contact every day.
But over thee past few weeks, I just never hear from her. And the really awkward thing is that she works for me. So anytime I hear from her it's now just to do with work. To be honest, she was a bit of a lazy friend anyway. She rarely suggested doing things....it always came from me, and even though we live 5 mins away from each other, she has been to my house twice in the last year and that was just meeting up to go out for work do's. I was at hear house every week up until she cooled off, and it was always me asking if I could come up, she never invited me. So I just got a bit sick of being the instigator and waited to see if she would make the effort for once.........she never did.
I've asked her twice to do something and she has always had a reason not to and a couple of weeks ago I got her on her own and asked what on earth was wrong, but she just kept saying 'nothing', no matter how many times I asked.

She's the kind of person who thinks that everyone should run to her and I understand that now she has a baby, she doesn't have the same time....but neither do I!
The salon has just gone VAT registered so I'm spending most of my time trying to blast our takings.

Should I just accept that she's just not that bothered anymore and get on with my life? I haven't been in work for the past 2 weeks, and I'm dreading going in to my own salon on Wednesday because I don't know what to expect! It's just an awful feeling and I just want to get on with my life. Has our friendship ran its course?

Aw huni I'm so sorry but sometimes this happens for what ever reason, no matter how frustrating you find it if she can't be honest then there's nothing you can do. I have learnt that people change sometimes it's down to a baby or a new boyfriend or you see the real them I'm talking from my experience (very similar) you kind of just need to stop beating yourself up.

My mum and dad died 8 weeks apart 3 years ago and my best friend of 20 years decided she couldn't deal with the way I was behaving (she actually said I was a high maintenance greiver & playing the victim!) I really wasn't though my marriage broke up then mum died then dad.... I was just lonely and she didn't have time for me! (once every 2 weeks was too much apparently) I have a few friends who have been fighting my corner but everyone else (a group of 9) have just not got involved.... This has led to me being the one left out as she didn't want me around & the one who feels lonely & has no friends. BUT the way I have started seeing it now is.....I found out the real her! I have made a conscious effort with other friends and now I'm really happy! I don't want someone in my life who can't be there when their best friend needs her more than anything! And the friends I have now are amazing! I have started to realise I'm not the problem.... She is!! If she can't be honest maybe the problem isn't you? Maybe you have done something to offend her but if she can't tell you you cannot do anything babe!

Concentrate on your business and when/if she is ready then maybe she will come to you. My advise is put your efforts into other people/ friendships try not to bitch though it will make YOU look like the baddie! you could maybe say to a close /mutual friend you know you have upset her but you don't know what you have done... Then hope it makes its way to her. Then that's it you can't do anything else that's the hardest thing I know! I cried so many times over this girl it was harder than my breakup! As she was like a sister.... Prob much like you! I'm sorry if you think this is harsh or all about me I just want you to see it sonetimes happens and as heartbreaking as it is you will be OK! I really know how you feel xxxx

 

[Lady Murasaki]

One of things I was taught is that immediate family (mother, father sister, brother, daughter, son and grandparents etc ) relationships are classed as 'unconditional relationships' so matter what you do, say etc the chances are they will stick by you through thick and thin, keep in contact etc even though they have nothing in common etc (in theory as I know there are ace exceptions to this rule)

Friendships and relationships outside this (husband, wife, partner, friend etc) these re classed as 'conditional relationships'. So as long as each member of that relationship is getting what they want emotionally, financially or physically it carries on being a fit.

Unfortunately with the later if the person ( for example your friend) feels she is no longer getting what she feels she needs from the relationship, then she will try and distance herself from you rightly or wrongly.

She may have problems at home, with money, her partner or she could be struggling with her baby, that she doesn't want you to know about as she maybe too embarrassed or feel that you may not understand.

It could be something as simple as you are her boss, and she wants a more professional relationship with you rather than as a friend or she could be thinking about working else where........

Unfortunately you are a position where she unlikely going to honest with you as she is also your employee and if it's something you have done or said (which I'm not saying it is) she not going to tell you as she may feel she would put her job in jeperdy.

i would carry on being professional around her and move on

 

[redlottie13]

One of things I was taught is that immediate family (mother, father sister, brother, daughter, son and grandparents etc ) relationships are classed as 'unconditional relationships' so matter what you do, say etc the chances are they will stick by you through thick and thin, keep in contact etc even though they have nothing in common etc (in theory as I know there are ace exceptions to this rule)

Friendships and relationships outside this (husband, wife, partner, friend etc) these re classed as 'conditional relationships'. So as long as each member of that relationship is getting what they want emotionally, financially or physically it carries on being a fit.

Unfortunately with the later if the person ( for example your friend) feels she is no longer getting what she feels she needs from the relationship, then she will try and distance herself from you rightly or wrongly.

She may have problems at home, with money, her partner or she could be struggling with her baby, that she doesn't want you to know about as she maybe too embarrassed or feel that you may not understand.

It could be something as simple as you are her boss, and she wants a more professional relationship with you rather than as a friend or she could be thinking about working else where........

Unfortunately you are a position where she unlikely going to honest with you as she is also your employee and if it's something you have done or said (which I'm not saying it is) she not going to tell you as she may feel she would put her job in jeperdy.

i would carry on being professional around her and move on

I never thought of this.... Makes so much sense thankyou x

 

[Ruby S]

How is the situation with your friend now? I just wondered as I'm in the same situation & have got to the point of wanting to give up but am worried that maybe she has post natal depression or something and is not just "being difficult" but can't help it? I don't know what else to try as I have obviously suggested nights/days in or out, have turned up with birthday presses for her or the children & she hasn't opened the door, but I can see the TV on etc… The trouble is she convinces herself of lies, so she probably now believes that myself and our other friend (who has young children & works 4 days a week) just haven't bothered trying to see her new (ish) baby. Feel bad just giving up??

 

[Sallie ford]

Beaut make new friends when she sees u engaging with others she will realise what's she's missing out on! Dnt get upset about it always remember she will need u before u need her x

 

[redlottie13]

Beaut make new friends when she sees u engaging with others she will realise what's she's missing out on! Dnt get upset about it always remember she will need u before u need her x

I have recently done this too....... She bitches about me on a regular basis about my 'new amazing friends' and it always gets back to me. But the way I look at is, if she was a good friend I wouldn't have needed to get new friends and the mere fact she still talks about it means it bothers her! People are so strange! X

 

[Sallie ford]

I have recently done this too....... She bitches about me on a regular basis about my 'new amazing friends' and it always gets back to me. But the way I look at is, if she was a good friend I wouldn't have needed to get new friends and the mere fact she still talks about it means it bothers her! People are so strange! X

Babe u don't need friends like that kick her to the Kurb and get on with your life, your going to make yourself poorly worrying about it! She's jealous of your new friends maybe she needs to think about what sort of person she is and how her actions are affecting others . As I see it she's a spineless cow who doesn't deserve good ppl in her life x

 

[redlottie13]

Babe u don't need friends like that kick her to the Kurb and get on with your life, your going to make yourself poorly worrying about it! She's jealous of your new friends maybe she needs to think about what sort of person she is and how her actions are affecting others . As I see it she's a spineless cow who doesn't deserve good ppl in her life x

Totally!