Housing, renting off family. What would you do?

[Miss Sylk]

This is entirely based on my personal life nothing to do with my salon although I do work from home which is a huge benefit and part of the rent also covers my salon rent I guess.
Anyway its quite a long winded story but I really don't have many friends and family to talk to so it would be great to get your advice what would you do if you are in my situation?

Me and hubby moved into his dads empty house about 5 years ago now we intend to take over the mortgage and the house will be ours as it will also be his hubby's inheritance. The amount we pay for it is less than market value we do get a bigger house, however I work and run my business and have a young boy and I just can't clean this house. I also can't keep up with paying for things that are breaking on the house as it's a very old house we need very expensive things now. I'm trying to make do without a car & dishwasher all the things that help when you're busy working mum, just to pay for things to be fixed when they break in this house.

I have nothing written contract that this will ever be my house but how can you possibly ask your father-in-law to do such a thing when we are actually not that close. Sometimes I wonder am I just paying the rent (I pay the rent he pays the home bills) for him to keep his house? what if I break up with Hubby I don't see this being very safe for myself financially at all! sometimes I feel like a mug. I don't even like the house bit
Grateful for a roof over my head it's just not what I'd choose and very hard work. however the promise of been mortgage free in 10 years sounds amazing!

About that 10 years. It was supposed to be 10 years five years ago. However I asked to spend a couple of weeks ago and he said yes in about 10 to 15 years we will be mortgage free. To which we ended up having an argument because I said five years ago it was 10 years how has it gone up? It's really got me thinking :/

 

[virtues2011]

I think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him exactly how you feel, how hard you're finding the house, and what you are both going to do about it. Mortgage free in 5- 10 years is fine, firstly if you can afford it and secondly if the house is still standing in that length of time. Old houses cost a lot of money. It sounds like you are not in a financial position just to pack up and leave....

 

[Miss Sylk]

That's all very true thanks for your reply and reading my essay!! Lol

I have tried to talk to him and he doesn't listen and we end up arguing.
leaving would be difficult to be honest but I don't think I'd be much worse off, I pay for a lot myself anyway, really it just means I wouldn't have a chance at having a house and being mortgage free but it is just a chance isn't it? nothing in writing :/

 

[virtues2011]

I can imagine how hard it is and I always end up saying the same thing; today is no different. Could you try some counseling to understand how you really feel? You may come to the conclusion that this relationship needs more work on both parts or you just need to pull out. I say this as I've just read your post on the 'Earnings' thread. I fear to continue to live like this will have a big impact on your health eventually, probably without you realising.

If nothing has changed in five years what is to say it ever will. You'll just be another five years older. X

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[Mobile Manicure]

I don't know what to say but reading your post and the other one about who earns more money I don't think your relationship is a happy one from your side. If you want to stay together with him you will really need to sit down and discuss these issues without arguing. Try and stay calm (I know its hard!) but you've got to let him know how you feel. Do you still love him? You don't need to answer that here, but just ask yourself. Is it all worth it?

Sorry Virtues, your post hadn't been submitted when I started writing mine! Oops.

 

[tonicj]

This is entirely based on my personal life nothing to do with my salon although I do work from home which is a huge benefit and part of the rent also covers my salon rent I guess.
Anyway its quite a long winded story but I really don't have many friends and family to talk to so it would be great to get your advice what would you do if you are in my situation?

Me and hubby moved into his dads empty house about 5 years ago now we intend to take over the mortgage and the house will be ours as it will also be his hubby's inheritance. The amount we pay for it is less than market value we do get a bigger house, however I work and run my business and have a young boy and I just can't clean this house. I also can't keep up with paying for things that are breaking on the house as it's a very old house we need very expensive things now. I'm trying to make do without a car & dishwasher all the things that help when you're busy working mum, just to pay for things to be fixed when they break in this house.

I have nothing written contract that this will ever be my house but how can you possibly ask your father-in-law to do such a thing when we are actually not that close. Sometimes I wonder am I just paying the rent (I pay the rent he pays the home bills) for him to keep his house? what if I break up with Hubby I don't see this being very safe for myself financially at all! sometimes I feel like a mug. I don't even like the house bit
Grateful for a roof over my head it's just not what I'd choose and very hard work. however the promise of been mortgage free in 10 years sounds amazing!

About that 10 years. It was supposed to be 10 years five years ago. However I asked to spend a couple of weeks ago and he said yes in about 10 to 15 years we will be mortgage free. To which we ended up having an argument because I said five years ago it was 10 years how has it gone up? It's really got me thinking :/

Sorry to hear you are finding things difficult Miss Sylk. You need to protect yourself in this situation and not feel one bit guilty for doing so. You say you are taking over the mortgage which turns this into a business arrangement which needs some sort of contract. As you are paying the rent, you are entitled to know for how long. Ask for some proof. It is entirely reasonable to get something written down.
I'm assuming you are paying for the maintenance and upkeep of the house too, which seems a bit unfair.

As said, you really need to have a discussion with your husband otherwise this will go on and on. Keep a note of all your expenses relating to the property, just in case you need it in the future.

I really hope you can get sorted out, but it will only be through open discussion.

 

[stacy]

I totally agree, it doesn't matter who is involved, when a situation concerns anything money related - get it in writing.

How do I know? Well it happened to me and I walked away with zero.
The mortgage was in the MIL name, I went to work to pay the bills and the hubby stayed at home to look after the kids. Me & hubby broke up, I got nothing because the house wasn't in our name, I had no contract with the MIL and couldn't prove that I'd been providing for the family. My MIL was too scared to confirm the situation as my ex is very volatile and to cut a long story short I had to start again from nothing, well I did have the kids so I got the most precious things out of it

That taught me a massive lesson and I will never be put in that position again, please don't think everything will be ok because unless you have it in writing then you have no guarantee x

 

[sarah123110]

Could you & your hubby take out a mortgage together? Enough to pay what's left of your FIL's mortgage and to repair what's needed?

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[dandelionpoppy]

Sorry to throw this one in, but if your father-in-law owns the house, and was to need to go into a care home, he would have to sell it to pay for his care.

 

[Spa Therapist]

Sorry to throw this one in, but if your father-in-law owns the house, and was to need to go into a care home, he would have to sell it to pay for his care.

This is a good point.

Also, if it's your father in law's house then why isn't he paying for the repairs?

 

[Miss Sylk]

Thanks so much for those wise replies. Really appreciate it.

We can't get a mortgage, well I doubt it. Hub has past debts and I'm self employed part time and have a £400 debt I'm not paying because barclaycard messed up (long story) so I'm standing by that ! But it's a red mark on credit non the less :/

Ok I'm going to speak again.
Can't help thinking I sound ungrateful, and that the grass is greener.
yes I do love him otherwise I'd be gone already.
I've just found a bloody slug in the kitchen! There's so many holes in this house last year kitchen was infested with them! Eiww.

 

[Miss Sylk]

He won't pay for repairs. He says we get cheap rent so we should pay but then it puts the rent up so much each month it's not cheap enough for us.
We need a new boiler too :/

 

[squidgernetball]

Just to say I get slugs in my kitchen. Oats are good as they absorb all the moisture, the slugs die and if birds eat them they are a nutritious snack whereas salt can be harmful.

Don't know where the slugs get in, they just do. Had one on a kitchen cabinet once.

Re your situation. If you are living in the house I'm fairly sure it can't be sold to pay for fees for a home. You need to look after your family and really try and get something in writing. Sadly old people need us but hate the fact that they need us and it can make them really mean. I speak from experience. I very nearly lost everything in a very similar situation. We managed to pull out of the sale of our house days before it was due to go through as my own mother pulled the rug from under us. Old people!

Good luck x

 

[Spa Therapist]

He won't pay for repairs. He says we get cheap rent so we should pay but then it puts the rent up so much each month it's not cheap enough for us.
We need a new boiler too :/

Do you have a tenancy agreement? I'd guess that you probably don't because he's family, but if you did he'd have to pay for the repairs surely? If you moved out and he had to let the house through a letting agent he'd have to fix everything, pay fees upon fees, comply with regulations - you could try telling him this?

 

[dandelionpoppy]

I could be wrong on this, but I'm fairly sure that there is a possibility that the house could be sold to pay care home fees.
I'm currently involved in putting my mother's home on the market to pay the mounting debt owed to the local council for her care. Not the same situation, but there are very draconian rules on it, I know.

 

[Rinn]

Just to say I get slugs in my kitchen. Oats are good as they absorb all the moisture, the slugs die and if birds eat them they are a nutritious snack whereas salt can be harmful.

Don't know where the slugs get in, they just do. Had one on a kitchen cabinet once.

Re your situation. If you are living in the house I'm fairly sure it can't be sold to pay for fees for a home. You need to look after your family and really try and get something in writing. Sadly old people need us but hate the fact that they need us and it can make them really mean. I speak from experience. I very nearly lost everything in a very similar situation. We managed to pull out of the sale of our house days before it was due to go through as my own mother pulled the rug from under us. Old people!

Good luck x

i get the feckers too in the back kitchen , I hate them ...

miss sylke you need to get something in writing to protect yourself , hubby and son...

 

[squidgernetball]

If the house has been put into someone else name at least 7 years before it is needed to pay for care, it can't be touched (and if it is an inheritance there would be no inheritance tax either). If the house has other people living in it as their main or sole residence it can't be sold as you would effectively be making them homeless to pay for care. If an old person lives in it and goes into care, they'll make you sell it!
This is what we were told, but I'm going back some years.

Sit on your backside all your life, and the state will look after you. Work hard, pay tax and dare to own your own home and they'll fleece you for every penny!!! Makes me so mad!

 

[Miss Sylk]

Well he's not even 60 yet so thankfully that won't be an issue for at least 15 years. But now you got me thinking about that .....something I hadn't.
What happens in 15-20 years ? which by then we should have paid it off.
Do I ask for it in writing then? Once it's paid that it's ours?
If I can take it that long!!

 

[tonicj]

You must get something in writing! !