How to spot a forum bully

[jacquelineanna]

Many years ago I was bullied at work because I asked difficult questions, looked a bit different to most of my cohorts, and almost ended up in the psychiatric hospital "Park Prewitt" in Basingstoke.

Everyone knew it was going on but nobody, it seemed, had the guts to stand up to the institutional bullying that was going on. It got so bad with me that even Radio 4 made a programme about it, and I appeared in a book - link attached.
Bullying At Work: How to Confront and Overcome It: Amazon.co.uk: Andrea Adams: Books


That said, there is a caveat on internet fora.

If one joins a forum and has posted nary a thing, it is not a good idea to wade in with criticisms and accusations, and strident opinion. Far better to be a lurker for a while and test the waters so to speak. To get an idea of the atmosphere almost.

For instance, on one (now thankfully deleted) thread, I was attacked for having an opinion, and asking what could be described as "awkward" questions. Not only on the public forum, but via private message, and all by someone who actually was lying about who and what they were! They weren't even a qualified therapist, but the best friend of the company owner!

I try to think of myself as being a straight down the line kinda person; comfortable in my own skin, and this vile individual (remember, they're not a therapist) reduced me to tears and gin.

Make no mistake though, I will stand up for professionalism, expertise, honesty and integrity, and if I feel that anyone, newby or other, is belittling that my dander will be well and truly up!

I didn't see this thread Lynne but I do hope you had geek support whilst it was going on.

I also hope this individual was banned.

Me and my dander will stand by the side of you and your dander should it be required :hug:

 

[Rinn]

Many years ago I was bullied at work because I asked difficult questions, looked a bit different to most of my cohorts, and almost ended up in the psychiatric hospital "Park Prewitt" in Basingstoke.

Everyone knew it was going on but nobody, it seemed, had the guts to stand up to the institutional bullying that was going on. It got so bad with me that even Radio 4 made a programme about it, and I appeared in a book - link attached.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bullying-At...sr=8-1&keywords=bullying+at+work+andrea+adams


That said, there is a caveat on internet fora.

If one joins a forum and has posted nary a thing, it is not a good idea to wade in with criticisms and accusations, and strident opinion. Far better to be a lurker for a while and test the waters so to speak. To get an idea of the atmosphere almost.

For instance, on one (now thankfully deleted) thread, I was attacked for having an opinion, and asking what could be described as "awkward" questions. Not only on the public forum, but via private message, and all by someone who actually was lying about who and what they were! They weren't even a qualified therapist, but the best friend of the company owner!

I try to think of myself as being a straight down the line kinda person; comfortable in my own skin, and this vile individual (remember, they're not a therapist) reduced me to tears and gin.

Make no mistake though, I will stand up for professionalism, expertise, honesty and integrity, and if I feel that anyone, newby or other, is belittling that my dander will be well and truly up!

well i do know what thread you're on about and I'm outraged that you were intimidated like that, which reinforces my opinion that it's a load of bollocks.

 

[waffle4]

Many years ago I was bullied at work because I asked difficult questions, looked a bit different to most of my cohorts, and almost ended up in the psychiatric hospital "Park Prewitt" in Basingstoke.

Everyone knew it was going on but nobody, it seemed, had the guts to stand up to the institutional bullying that was going on. It got so bad with me that even Radio 4 made a programme about it, and I appeared in a book - link attached.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bullying-At...sr=8-1&keywords=bullying+at+work+andrea+adams


That said, there is a caveat on internet fora.

If one joins a forum and has posted nary a thing, it is not a good idea to wade in with criticisms and accusations, and strident opinion. Far better to be a lurker for a while and test the waters so to speak. To get an idea of the atmosphere almost.

For instance, on one (now thankfully deleted) thread, I was attacked for having an opinion, and asking what could be described as "awkward" questions. Not only on the public forum, but via private message, and all by someone who actually was lying about who and what they were! They weren't even a qualified therapist, but the best friend of the company owner!

I try to think of myself as being a straight down the line kinda person; comfortable in my own skin, and this vile individual (remember, they're not a therapist) reduced me to tears and gin.

Make no mistake though, I will stand up for professionalism, expertise, honesty and integrity, and if I feel that anyone, newby or other, is belittling that my dander will be well and truly up!

Oh that's awful and I hope you don't have to go through that again.

I get pm's too if I dare to question anything. So uncalled for and does upset me

I'm soft as marshmallow really but I will always try and stick up for myself and others too.

 

[Lynne Baker]

Bless you, you Axel lover, you!
I fear I got praise and slating in equal measure, and it goes on til this day.
I won't back down though; even though it drives my humsbums to distraction.
The user remains on the board. Until the next time, when I'm assured that they will be dealt with. They are of course entitled to their opinion, and to quote Voltaire "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"
In my opinion they lose that right when they're not honest about why they hold such an opinion.

 

[jacquelineanna]

Bless you, you Axel lover, you!
I fear I got praise and slating in equal measure, and it goes on til this day.
I won't back down though; even though it drives my humsbums to distraction.
The user remains on the board. Until the next time, when I'm assured that they will be dealt with. They are of course entitled to their opinion, and to quote Voltaire "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"
In my opinion they lose that right when they're not honest about why they hold such an opinion.

I am shocked by things I have read over the last few days!

Our country is built on the spirit of people like you and although your dear humsbums may be driven to distraction I am sure that this quality is one of the reasons he loves you.

And why you are a highly respected geek here in cyber space

 

[jacquelineanna]

Oh that's awful and I hope you don't have to go through that again.

I get pm's too if I dare to question anything. So uncalled for and does upset me

I'm soft as marshmallow really but I will always try and stick up for myself and others too.

This must seem quite menacing .. are the mods able to intervene when this happens?

I wonder what these kind of people would do if this was a face to face community??

 

[pulsive]

I think that is really sad but certainly 'accurate'. Exactly why I'm too scared to comment on anything (except this) took a long time to join SG after being a serial 'guest' lurker and now I feel like a serial 'member' lurker for the fear of being shot down!
Still, it's nice to see not everyone is like this!

Omg me too im a serial member lurker now for the same reason!

Sent from my GT-N7100 using SalonGeek

 

[Noodle]

are the mods able to intervene when this happens?

PM's as well as posts can also be reported.

 

[Kim Lawless]

Bless you Lynne Baker; I didn't realise you'd been through that.

This thread shows that most people in life are very lovely. It's jealousy and insecurity that fuels a bully's actions.

 

[tjmadmum]

I must be in the twilight zone!

I have no idea what is going on anymore .. multiple personalities and secret groups targeting others :twisted: :sad:

OMG.

Really?

Ditto! Xxx

 

[fozzyo]

Unfortunately online people can hide behind the screen. It can lead to very Jekyll and Hyde personalities.

I've use forums where people specifically attack people for no ther reason then they enjoy it and go to great lengths to create multiple profiles to do it.

Too many times I've nearly left SG because of the bitchy comments, fighting, bullying, and general rubbish. There is a Facebook support group for those who are pissed off with the place.

I come here to try and help others, and to learn a bit. I've made some amazing friends on here and hopefully helped a few people on the way.

As forums get older cliques form, and it is often harder for new members to break in. They don't know who the personalities etc are and it can make places seem quite unfriendly.

 

[TIPTOP]

I personally feel that there is no need to bully on any forum, we're in a part of an industry that is unfortunately stereotyped as 'bitchy' we are all in business wether it's newly qualified or a mega pro, we are all entitled to an opinion and we know that sometimes you to have to agree to disagree, we all want to grow in business and as a professional and we all have a hunger to learn new tricks, new ways of which SG forum has been a god send for me, we have quite a few royal geeks on here with decades of knowledge, knowledge is power in my eyes, they give help regardless on what brand we are using, words can be taken out of context, twisted and used to belittle the person who perhaps can not express themselves this to me is a form of bullying... I give my tuppence worth of advice on this forum and on other pages as id rather help fix than bitch and bully!

 

[Planky1]

Interesting and a little uncomfortable if I'm honest as to me this seems to be a thread that is now referring to certain individuals on here and is that also not a bit witch hunt like or bullying/ganging up?

In regard to how newbies feel when posting for the first time (feeling intimidated etc) I totally get that. I ruffled a few experienced, long standing geek feathers when I first joined and the first time that happened I felt totally ganged up on, I cried, I got annoyed and felt really rubbish and at first felt like I wouldn't come back.

BUT I soon learned from it, learned not to be so sensitive and got to know the regular geeks and their personalities by reading LOTS, got to know a bit about their experience and backgrounds, how the site itself works and the rules and I didn't let it stop me from coming on and contributing whether my answers were right or not. In fact I'm so glad I started using Geek because it has taught me way much more than college ever did and I feel like my exciting journey is just beginning because of it.

If I ask what is deemed by others to be a silly question and get an abrupt reply does it really matter how it was said when I now have the information I wanted and needed to know? Or can I now crack on with whatever because I know how to do it now?

Can the replies sometimes be abrupt? Perhaps but I let it go over my head. Fundamentally I am learning valuable information (for free by the way) from absolute experts in our industry. I don't condone absolute targeted bullying, as that's different but getting an abrupt reply isn't the end of the world to me, I learn from it. And I've had my fair share of abrupt replies myself.

Over the past couple of years I myself have also been accused of being a troll on a few occasions, one person who is actually now a good friend :lol: It's not nice to be accused of that just because I'm expressing my own opinion on something but has it stopped me coming on? No. Because I know I'm not a troll nor a bully, so why should I stop contributing to and using a resource that ultimately teaches me so much just because someone has that opinion of me? I also know my own personality, as do others on here now and you couldn't get further from the truth if you think I'm that way inclined, confrontation and making people feel rubbish is not my thing :wink2: but sometimes I read things and feel I have to jump in and defend if I think comments are out of line and that is just me and not something that's likely to change. I always try to ensure my replies are as polite as possible and are put in a way I'd be happy to receive myself.

Sometimes our passions run so high, it's inevitable that there will be some blunt replies or heated debates. Like I say, the people who I upset or who upset me in the beginning are now good friends, so sometimes we just have to rise above it and don't take it so personally. Take the information that is useful to you, that teaches you the correct way to do things and disregard the rest :hug:

@curvygirl, sorry you seem to have experienced something not nice at the event, each time I saw you you were beaming and seemed to be having a ball. Hope you're ok xx

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[lynn amber]

Unfortunately online people can hide behind the screen. It can lead to very Jekyll and Hyde personalities.

I've use forums where people specifically attack people for no ther reason then they enjoy it and go to great lengths to create multiple profiles to do it.

Too many times I've nearly left SG because of the bitchy comments, fighting, bullying, and general rubbish. There is a Facebook support group for those who are pissed off with the place.

I come here to try and help others, and to learn a bit. I've made some amazing friends on here and hopefully helped a few people on the way.

As forums get older cliques form, and it is often harder for new members to break in. They don't know who the personalities etc are and it can make places seem quite unfriendly.

Just had a look at the group on fb and it has one of the main bullys from here so it would be interesting to see the multiple personalities, but I have not joined :-/

Sent from my LT30p using SalonGeek

 

[souz]

im finding all this very interesting, i had no idea such things went on!

I for one will always speak out for someone else if i feel they are being intimidated. As ive said before we are all entitled to voice our opinions and our different ways of doing things.

I was mugged once on a train station at 3.30 in the afternoon and no one stopped to help me. This has made me realise that people dont want to get involved in others business for fear of backlash but what kind of society does that make us?? the kind that cant leave our front doors open when our children are playing out and the kind that locks ourselves on our cars!! Its only us as individuals that can change the way society and the internet is. Stand up for what you believe but in a considerate way and if you think someone is not very nice just say i respect your opinion and thanks for your time. xx

 

[naturalnails]

It was never the point of posting this article, to have people saying he said, she said type of things.

All I was trying to do was point out that there are differences between people who deliberately set out to make an individual look uncomfortable and those people who are passionate about their craft and post without the fluffiness.

I think it is time for this to be closed, but if anyone feels they are the target or experience this in the future then please report it. As has been asked either on here or on another thread, I cant remember - can the mods not do something about it - yes we can but we need to be told about it first, we are not mind readers and neither do we have access to PMs unless we are shown them.

Thanks and enjoy your day!