i need some help

[cozzx]

hi all my otherhalf is being a d**k he has give up our home made me and our little boy move back in with my parents who i dont get on wit he has moved in with his parents we can only stay at his house 3 nites a wk becos he wants his space. he has now borrowed 1500 for a new car off his parents im really pissed off we have got a 3 yr son who doesnt know what happening but i dont understand to tell him one minture he lovely careing the next he doesnt like me i dont what to do and i cant cope anymore i just dont know what happen has anyone had the same prob if so what did you do?:cry: :cry:

 

[melissaq]

This is a hard situation for all .....ask if he want's to be single or what ....if so give him the boot and be done with it .you'd be better off having a stable enviroment for your 3 yr old.....

 

[BABSann]

hi all my otherhalf is being a d**k he has give up our home made me and our little boy move back in with my parents who i dont get on wit he has moved in with his parents we can only stay at his house 3 nites a wk becos he wants his space. he has now borrowed 1500 for a new car off his parents im really pissed off we have got a 3 yr son who doesnt know what happening but i dont understand to tell him one minture he lovely careing the next he doesnt like me i dont what to do and i cant cope anymore i just dont know what happen has anyone had the same prob if so what did you do?:cry: :cry:

Oh you poor love,You must be feeling very let down and insecure.I would like to say to you,get your parents to babysit on one of your 'together nights',and get out on the town with your mates,show him you dont need him and he will soon come crawling back,how dare these men say,'I need my space',did he need his space when you had your baby?,I know it's easy for other people to say what you should do,only you know what's right for you but good luck and take care.Try to be strong for your son and yourself.:hug: :hug:

 

[Lease]

i am new to this - just read your dilema!

get rid of him...... like now!!!

he cant have his cake and eat it!

:hug:

all will be okay, if i was near by i would pop round with a bottle of wine and chocolate to cheer you up!

REMEMBER: He needs you more than you need him, treacle!!

 

[gucci906]

Hello....this is a very tricky thread to give advice...as we dont know all the story or the history...but this is my advice.

I dont mean to sound patronising but from looking at your thread i see you are only 21....you may be the most mature 21 year old...so forgive me...i dont know how old your partner is...maybe he is the same age or thereabouts...you now have a 3 year old child together....that child must come first!! If you cannot be together...to me it sounds like he is confused and still crying for his freedom and to be a young guy who is scared of his responsibilities and the pressure from it. Imo...his parents are completely wrong for lending him the £1500 seeing as he has far greater responsibilities than buying a car....like childcare.

YOu really need to find someone you can talk to...if you cant talk to your parents...have you got an aunt...or your doctor...or teacher at college (your profile says you are a student)

The most important advice i can give....is to give your child all the love in the world..and not to argue and shout infront of him. I really hope you sort out your problems....your partner really needs to face up to his responsibilities...it takes two to bring a child into the world....you dont need or have to do it on your own.

 

[cozzx]

im just stupid i cnt stay wit him becos this is killing me but yet i cnt live without him i dont know what made the change we was ok on the sunday hadnt had a fight or anything then he turn round on the monday and say he was giving up the house :cry: i just wanna cry i know he isnt seeing anyone which i think tht would have been easyer at least i would of had a reason.
th only thing i cn see is that he wanted a new car and couldnt get when we had a house. how nice i lost my happy home for a car of all thing now im th one who has to tell our son tht daddy doesnt live wit us he live wit his mummy and daddy your granda and nana and we live wit my mummy and daddy your other nana and granda but just doesnt understand he crys at nite for him but when i tell my other half he says tht im lieing!!!!!!!!!
y does it have to be so hard

 

[gucci906]

Honey...i am feeling your pain.....please try to be strong...this is going to hurt and be the most painful thing in the world at the moment. You HAVE to be strong for your son. for your partner to say you are lying over your son crying at night for him...just proves to me how young you both are. He cannot handle the responsibility...i am sure there is no-one else...he has just freaked out over the commitment. Having a baby is the biggest committment in the world...now your son is 3..he is a little person who has feelings too...and believe me he will (and by the sounds of it has) picked up on what is going on. His parents should have given him a stern talking to...like i said not given him £1500 for a car.

If i were you...i would not spend time wondering what YOU have done wrong...you need to spend time now working out your future. Going backwards and forwards with your partner...every time he feels he wants to be with you again as a family....is really going to confuse your little boy...and really mess you up. I know you want to be with him...because he is the father of your son....but in the nicest possible terms....anyone can be a father...it takes someone special to be a daddy.

I am sorry if i am sounding harsh

 

[Lease]

hun, couldnt you go back to the house?

Meaning, just you and your son, surely you wouldnt want to take him away from the family home, you have got as much right to be there havnt you?

to be honest dont mean to judge your fella but he sounds like a complete whelk to me, better off without him!

 

[ladybgemini]

anyone can be a father...it takes someone special to be a daddy.

So true, I have a lump in my throat whilst reading this.

Hope things work out for you x

Rachel

 

[cozzx]

hun, couldnt you go back to the house?

Meaning, just you and your son, surely you wouldnt want to take him away from the family home, you have got as much right to be there havnt you

yeah but i dnt have th cash to keep th house and eat sadly:cry:
he says it nothing to do wit being a dad he just wants 9 mths to get his head together and have some time to himself i wish he would of though of tht 4 yrs ago

 

[xniceyloux]

wow how self centered can men be!!!

he needs space eh..? im sure you need a little time aswell..isnt there anyone that you can get to talk to him and remind him that he nw has bigger commitments than a car..? and that you and your son need love and want him to be with you..
have you tried talking to his parents and telling them the real situation as maybe they dont know and are giving him more support than he deserves.

i think you need to sit down and decide what and where if anywhere the relationship is going because it will do you or your son no good keep going backwards and forwards to each other.

as of him not believeing you about your son crying for him at night maybe he should pop round at bedtimes and tuck baby up and maybe read him a bedtime story until you sort things out.

hope this helped for you hun i really do feel for you and what you are going through and hope you get things sorted out real soon:hug: :hug: xx

 

[Lease]

yeah but i dnt have th cash to keep th house and eat sadly:cry:
he says it nothing to do wit being a dad he just wants 9 mths to get his head together and have some time to himself i wish he would of though of tht 4 yrs ago

erm....i dont think so young lady, dont have none of it!!!
he is playing mind games with you it is not fair on you or your little boy!!

are you seriously considering waiting for him?

Am i being really horrible to you, god im sorry!!!

 

[xniceyloux]

i totally agree with what you just said...

be strong hun and you decide!!!:hug:

 

[cozzx]

ive talked to his parents his mum said she isnt happy and his dad try to have a talk with him but he didnt get tht far wit him i wish his parents would stop treating him like he is 5 yrs old and let him get aawy wit murder no matter what they always let him off.. his dad has just started sayin well is under alot of stress at work and it is hard having a house and a family to look after i could understand this if he was thge one who did all the house work and looked after our son but i never really asked him to do anything other than could he check on him at nite when he was asleep so i could do my college work and have abit of a break but he wouldnt do tht witout a fight most of the time it was much easyer to do myself... but it wasnt all bad he would have his gud and bad day like anyone when he is having a gud he is great loving and caring but over this last mth e.g when he give up th house he has bin a real d**k

 

[Lease]

ok let me get this straight, the poor lad has been wraped up in cotton wool by his folks!
He sees his mates out and about, clubbing, pubs e.t.c and he is missing it, so he moves back with the folk and realises he hasnt got a set if wheels, so folks bail him out, he is enjoying his social life, and has forgotten about you!


No way sweet pea, lay the law down, be brave, accept he dont want you in his life just now, but he can damn well look after his son!!!

sorry!!!

Got a bit too bloomin well harsh

 

[cozzx]

ok let me get this straight, the poor lad has been wraped up in cotton wool by his folks!
He sees his mates out and about, clubbing, pubs e.t.c and he is missing it, so he moves back with the folk and realises he hasnt got a set if wheels, so folks bail him out, he is enjoying his social life, and has forgotten about you!


No way sweet pea, lay the law down, be brave, accept he dont want you in his life just now, but he can damn well look after his son!!!

sorry!!!

Got a bit too bloomin well harsh

no becos he doesnt like goin out he already had a car but he really needed a new one he just wants more time to play on th computer at nite
but when ive asked him if he still wants me he has said yes but he wants space at nights so he wants to home at 9.00pm every night so he can do what he wants

 

[~Emmsybabes~]

id tell him to sod off ...im sorry hun,but i would
he wants time to do his own thing my @rse
god, id love to have time to myself to do whatever i want whenever i want ,but i have two children to care for ,like you hunnie i cant pick and choose when i want my free time,
he is being very very unfair,even if he is genuinlly confused at the minute...tuff luck he is an adult and needs to act like one ,not a 15 year old boy who has been grounded by his mum,
he is sooooo not being fair to you or your child ,when he says she loves you but needs a few months to himself ...no matter how hard it is i would say
"well thats all very well ,and i am trying to understand,what you are saying ,but the thing is love ,in a few months i will have moved on and you may very well have come to regret this desision,so goodbye"
hard to do but you'll be proud of yourself afterwards hun (biggest rule though,learn to genuinly mean it xxx)
again im sorry if i sound harsh,im not usually this direct,but this got me......and i am sure this is what you posted for honest oppinions !!!
i hope everything works out for you whichever path you choose love ...all the best :hug: emmaxxxxxx

 

[Lease]

how are you today/ i hope that you feel much better

 

[jobo]

hi chick

ive read your messages and you know what it all stinks!!ive been there. i was pregnant when my other half decided it wasnt for him and walked away. he tried with all the i need space stuff etc etc but he just wanted out from the responsibility of his child.he demanded that i had an abortion!!!
the only advice i can give is this.
Ignore everyones justification for what hes doing as well as his and sit down with yourself and decide whats best in the long run for you and your babe. what do you want from life for you two? is this man gonna provide it. I feel he probably wont.
You do not need a man to bring up a beautiful child or put a roof over your head. You can do that yourself no matter how daunting it seems and you will also reep all the benefits of your hard work.
Try to be unemotional about it and make a choice thats right for you and stuff everyone else. im not saying its easy but sometimes its better to have it hard for a while because we come out the other side better and stronger and in control of our own lifes.
I was young like you with a new born baby. I went to live with my parents for a year and went back to work when he was 8 weeks old. It was hard but I did it. I then rented a house for 3 years until i bought my own. My son is now 11 and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. People were cynical but i proved them all wrong and i have done a great job.
Hes so level headed and content and has never seen his father although i know he wants to when hes older which hey is fine i support him 100%. Inbetween all this i met a great guy who gave me another beautiful son who is 6 now and i loved the difference when raising a child as a couple and having someone who loved me and helped me no matter how fat or mardy i was. he never walked away and has never needed SPACE and the difference is fantastic. You deserve a proper family life !!!!
I know its hard but i hope you can do whats right for you and enjoy been a mum. Its a big big world and theres so many good things to experience
good luck babe and pm me if you need to chat cos im going on and on:hug: