Is there still a stigma attached to age gap relationships?

#1
Hello

I am a bit confused at the moment... I have met this fantastic man :Love: who I am enjoying getting to know. However there is a large age difference between us and he is a considerable amount older then me. He also happens to be very financially stable and a manager at where I work.

We have not even discussed how old exactly either of us are but just have bonded really quickly. I haven't really met anyone who understands me or what I want in life. But he just gets me. We are certainly not rushing into things as a bit awkward with work. I feel like I should feel it is wrong but I just don't. I like him! The other thing is, peoples opinions that I would be with him for simply his financial status. Now this is certanly not the case but ... :sad: I don't know how to feel, what to do.. My feeling is that we are both single, get on well and are not hurting anyone so what's the problem?

I know people may say 'well in 10 years time he'll be this age and you're be that age' etc. But then I'm inclined to say surely life is living for the moment and not looking that far ahead. Enjoy the current time.

I just don't know!!! Raah!!! :grr:

Do you think there is a stigma still attached to age gap relationships?

Thank y'all xxx
 

#2
Hi,
I think you should live for the moment, if you two get on and are willing to give the relationship a go, then i say go for it.

Who cares if other people are worried about the age difference, as long as you two are happy.

There is a hairdresser where i work who is 19 and her boyfriend is 40+ (not sure of his exact age) and they have a sound relationship. They don't care one bit about age difference.

Don't make it an obstacle, just enjoy getting to know him.
 

florence2004

Well-Known Member
#3
Unfortunately you will always get comments from people who don't fully understand the situation or who are jelous.

But if you can be happy and ignore those people then you have nothing to loose.

You go for it and nevermind what anyone else says!!
 

VHunter

Well-Known Member
#4
Is there a stigma? Ummmmm some people are narrow-minded. And there will always be narrow minded people around. It's unnavoidable. They are there in every walk of life.

Some people just don't understand. It's not that they judge negatively, they just don't "get it". So, while they may not be judging... they will be questioning and can't wrap their minds around it.

I think before you even look at the age... look at the fact that you work together. This can make for some very stickey situations... and there are reasons that relationships at work are frowned upon.
I urge you to take things extremely slowly, and privately. Because even innocent friendships can go awry and cause issues at the work place.
I quit a job because of a friend and her work ethics or lack of. And that was because of a friendship and not a relationship. Working together ruined our friendship as her way of working was not acceptable, and I learned some things about her character that were dissappointing.

Now, in terms of relationships. I would urge you to go slowly. VERY VERY slowly. Slower than you normally would, because who the heck wants a difficult or hostile work environment?
And while you build a friendship, seek out what he sees in his future. Not necessarily with you, but in general. Find out his present and future goals. You don't want to get all invovled, and then wind up in a mess when you both have different futures in mind.
I'm sure you're no idiot, and you can figure out if you're truly compatible.

Just take it slowly and see where it goes.

When two minds are as one, then age is irrelevant. It's when they are not as one, that the age difference is so apparent.

I always dated guys that were older than myself. Minimum 5yrs older. My ex before my hubby was 10yrs old than I. And go figure, he was more immature in terms of relationships than my hubby who is younger than I by 4yrs. My first 'younger boyfriend' LOL
When I met him, and later found out his age, I was crushed. Saying to myself, he's too young, blah blah.
Well, turns out numbers are just that. NUMBERS, and didn't mean a heck of a lot.

Hope this helps.
:Love:
 

#5
Is there a stigma? Ummmmm some people are narrow-minded. And there will always be narrow minded people around. It's unnavoidable. They are there in every walk of life.

Some people just don't understand. It's not that they judge negatively, they just don't "get it". So, while they may not be judging... they will be questioning and can't wrap their minds around it.

I think before you even look at the age... look at the fact that you work together. This can make for some very stickey situations... and there are reasons that relationships at work are frowned upon.
I urge you to take things extremely slowly, and privately. Because even innocent friendships can go awry and cause issues at the work place.
I quit a job because of a friend and her work ethics or lack of. And that was because of a friendship and not a relationship. Working together ruined our friendship as her way of working was not acceptable, and I learned some things about her character that were dissappointing.

Now, in terms of relationships. I would urge you to go slowly. VERY VERY slowly. Slower than you normally would, because who the heck wants a difficult or hostile work environment?
And while you build a friendship, seek out what he sees in his future. Not necessarily with you, but in general. Find out his present and future goals. You don't want to get all invovled, and then wind up in a mess when you both have different futures in mind.
I'm sure you're no idiot, and you can figure out if you're truly compatible.

Just take it slowly and see where it goes.

When two minds are as one, then age is irrelevant. It's when they are not as one, that the age difference is so apparent.

I always dated guys that were older than myself. Minimum 5yrs older. My ex before my hubby was 10yrs old than I. And go figure, he was more immature in terms of relationships than my hubby who is younger than I by 4yrs. My first 'younger boyfriend' LOL
When I met him, and later found out his age, I was crushed. Saying to myself, he's too young, blah blah.
Well, turns out numbers are just that. NUMBERS, and didn't mean a heck of a lot.

Hope this helps.
:Love:
I'm lucky in a way as he is based an hour away and although has constant contact with the office, only comes down seldomly. We have both agreed to keep whatever happens very private as there are some awful gossips @ work! I went out with someone @ work before but he was a dipstick. I said work relationships no way. But I didn't plan this... It has just kind of happened in a natural way.

We have also chatted about the future as in where we each individual would like to go. I think there is a strong chance that it will turn into something good.. As you said, take it slow. Which we are.. I think it is good just getting to know each other first. He is quite shy when it comes to making moves etc. Also he is such a gentleman! I think taking it slow and chatting through everything.. Also keeping it very quiet which we have so far and definately will continue to.

:Love: Thanks for the comments :Love: xxxx
 

linzwee

Ice Hockey Geek
#6
Don't let other peoples opinions stop you for doing what you want. Age is just a number. The people who actually care for you will prob disagree to start with but once they see how happy you are the age gap wont bother them. All my long term relationships have been with older men, one 10yrs old and the other 20yrs.

I mean look at that bloke who does that channel 4 program, time team i think, hes about 40-50 and hes going out with a 25yr old! As long as they're happy good for them!
 

oey

Well-Known Member
#7
Hi Hayley

I am afraid people automatically jump to conclusions when there is a considerable age gap. Quite often members of the respective families are also affected by this relationship for one reason or another.

You need to think about who else is affected by your relationship - your two families and how they would feel. If this isnt an issue that you think will cause any problems then go for it and dont bother about what other people who are not affected think.

What sort of age gap are you talking about? If you think about it there is probably more relationships with such an age gap and they dont even think twice about it so why should you.

I hope things work out well for you both.

:hug:
 

#8
I met my husband at work in 1995, we got together, I lost a few friends over this and there was also people that wanted to be my friend. Gary was also a manager, and there is a 9 1/2 year age gap.

Alot of people who got really funny and did not like the relationship, said well that will not last, in 2000, we had our first child mitchell, and I think there were a few people that could not believe it. We got married in Feb 2002 and we had our second child Jodie is 2003.

Since I worked there alot of people have left, recently, someone was asked if they knew if we lasted, and this person could not believe that nearly 12 years on and we are still going strong, married with 2 children.

All I can say, is if you think that this man is the right person for you then you must go for it, take no notice of other people, and if the age gap does not bother you then you tend to forget it is there. You would not think that there is 9 1/2 years between me and gary.

Hope all works out well and that you make the right choice.
 

butterfly100

Active Member
#9
My partner is 50 and i am 27...........we are like two peas in a pod and our veiws on pretty much everything are the same! I dont really have a thing for older men its just who you fall in love with and if he makes you happy and it feels right then so what! You only get one life and people spend much of it looking for the right one, if he might be it then give it a go!
We are getting married next year and he definatley knows how to treat a woman properly.....he doesnt look anywhere near 50 either( not that that should make a difference but always a bonus), in fact my friends thought he was about 40!! :D
 

loubylou

Well-Known Member
#10
It shouldnt matter to either you or him what other people think as long as you are both happy that is what is important, my fella is nine yrs older than me but looks about twenty yrs older and ive had loads of people ask me if hes my dad but i just smile and say no hes my boyfriend and the few people that ask "what are you doing with him" i reply hes a good man and very good to me thats what im doing with him, before we met i was with a man ten yrs my junior the only problems there was he was a bit immature at times but i dont let age or others opinions bother me its my life and i will do as i please and you shoud too, all the best hun :hug:
 

CadenceAlex

Well-Known Member
#11
There's 19 years between me and mine.... it doesn't bother us or anyone else to be honest - we don't look that different in age :o - I look in my 30's easily.

My grandad was disgusted to begin with and wouldn't come to our wedding - I phoned him from the hotel the weekend we got married and in my drunken state... passed the phone over to my husband - Grandad said 'ah well... you got your child bride then'!!!!!!!!! (I was 21 when I got married)

Everyone else came to the wedding, my mother who is younger than my husband even!!!!

When we got the wedding album... my grandad saw me with my dad and wanted a picture.. and he was upset I think, as it was a beautiful wedding and everyone else told him so!

Now they get on great.. Grandad is working with my hubs on the house and there is no problem. Some people just need time to see when a relationship is serious.

Good luck and enjoy your relationship - age regardless. xxx
 

#12
Thanks everyone, your support is amazing. I do really like this man... It may be a bit of a long road with a few pot holes in it but I think it'll be worth it. Besides, putting everything aside surely the point of life is to happy? Whatever that is within reason :Love: xx
 
#13
I can say that there are some who will look askance at it, but that is their problem not yours. If your happy then go for it, it is your happiness that matters not other people's.

If it is any consolation, there is a 10 year gap between my wife and I.
 

*Marie*

Active Member
#14
You go for it despite what anyone else says or frowns upon! There are so many narrow-minded people out there!

There is a 5 year age gap between me and my boyfriend, me being the older one!... he's almost 23 and I'm 28 this month. It has never been a issue for us... but I think for some people it is, especially as our relationship is very new and we are so much into each other already!

I think a few people think its strange when a man goes out with an older woman, especially in my case when I have two children, as well as being married but separated. :eek: But we get on like I have never got on with anyone else in relationships before. I'm really hoping this time he is the ONE I've been holding out for!... Got a pretty good feeling about it anyway! :green:
 

Tsia

Banned
#15
I dont think age matters if you TRUELY love someone for who they are.

There are too many young girls out there that give the genuine couples bad names cos all they are after is a father figure or their money etc..

AGE is NOTHING BUT A NUMBER.. no matter what others think.
If you know you are compatible and happy then you have nothing to worry about.

My first boyfriend was 20 years older than me, I was only 16.. him 36. We just clicked.

Second was 5 years older, and the third.. (and last steady) boyfriend (ALI) is 8 years older than me.
Personally, I dont like a man the same age or too near my age anyway.. I think they come across as immature.. but each to their own.

My dad had a child with a girl a MONTH older than ME! at 18, it was the talk of the town.. there was 28 years between them, and all credit to them as they were together for 10 years.
(split up a 2 years ago cos she had an affair with someone else.. a whole different story! LOL)
My little (half)sister now being 10.

It happens hun, dont worry about it I say. xxxxxxxx:green: :hug:
 

Lellipop

Lelli Loo Loo
#16
My parents had a 24 year age gap, They were married for 36 years and were very happy, The only sad side was that Dad died first due to the age gap.
 

Dessi

Active Member
#17
My husb and i have 17 age gap, well actually when we met we had 11 years gap and after 2 years he said the true.I was little bit in shock at first time i heard, but we were so happy together we are even more happy now, the age difference really doesnt have matter. If u are happy u have nothing to lose:hug::hug::hug:
 

Teri

Well-Known Member
#18
I think if you two are happy then who gives a monkey what anyone else thinks.


Teri x:hug:
 

HappyHands

Well-Known Member
#19
live for the moment... you only live once so enjoy it.. age does not matter its you that makes it that way by worring what people say, if you are happy that is all that matters:hug:
 

Sals

Well-Known Member
#20
Everyone's words have been spot on. Victoria is right when she says the main point is your work colleagues..... but you've already addressed that.

I don't know how old you are, but I'm 35 and my husband is 40. As you get older the difference in the age gap gets smaller.

My husband's step mother is 40 and his dad is nearly 65! They are as happy as anything, have great fun together and a beautiful 15 year old daughter (who scares the heck out of my hubby!). :)

It sounds to me like you know exactly what you're doing and, as you say, you're both single so enjoy being together. :hug:
 
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