Hi guys,
I suffer from depression, my psychiatrist refuses to give me any anti depressants because she believes that I can get through it without relying in any medication, my story is an extremely long one, from an extremely toxic relationship to losing close people and money issues.
Last year in around July I completely sunk and found it really hard to get through my beauty therapy course but I made it...
I was doing hair extensions from home but I completely gave up because I was just so depressed to deal with people and etc.
Now I'm finally trying to follow my dream and complete my hairdressing courses, I need $2000 to pay for my equipment which is obviously money I don't have but will need to borrow it all to get where I want to be, I'm trying to design and build my own brand of eyelashes but I have deferred it so I can cover my hairdressing course.
Life is completely ****, my dad is schizophrenic and pretty much can barely work so my family struggle but I'm thankful that they're extremely loving and supportive, I may not have bad issues comparing to other peoples lives but I used to be a very weak person and that was enough for me to sink I'm now trying my hardest to get where I want to be career wise and my life pretty much revolves around positive thinking now, i constantly stay up all night and imagine how I wanted my life to be and I imagine that the people I've lost are in it, sometimes I drive myself mad, but now I pretty much say to myself "deal with it you can't have it all" I've become very very strong but almost emotionally numb, I don't believe my depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, it's purely caused by my issues.
I've also suffered from anxiety since I was 6 years old, sometimes it's hard for me to concentrate and not give up.
All in all, life is what we choose to make if it, now I'm trying to accept that the people I've lost are gone and to move in but I never once think to myself that "they'll come back when the times right" who knows, maybe they will, maybe they won't, all I know is that it helps me cope.
I'm trying my best and that's all that we can do.
Here's my thoughts and emotions, I don't tell anyone about any of this but it's nice to sometimes let it out.
The only advice is to never give up
x