My man on a dating site behind my back

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Sparkle n shine

Active Member
Joined
May 28, 2011
Messages
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Location
Warwickshire
Hi all it's been a while since I last came on here.
Was in a relationship with a total control freak who controlled me,abusive and violent. Lost my friends and family all cuz of him. It's a long story but thank god it only lasted 8 months as I found him cheating while I was on holiday asking women for sex on a dating site to my house, took a woman out on valentines night, it all ended when I caught him at my local club all over a woman so I hit him a few times and went home lol.
I am now with the love of my life and could not be happier we have been together 10 months and he asked me to marry him and of cause I said yes.
I have noticed him being a bit funny with his mobile so while he was asleep I checked it and found out he was on a dating site but pretending to be a woman!!! I told him I seem what he has beèn doing and I told him to leave my house! I got home to all his stuff packed ready to leave but I knew why he did it as it was to set my ex up on the dating site, long story!!
So we stayed together he promised me he would never go on the site again and never want to hurt me!!! Haha yea right!!! Looked at his phone this week and he is back on that site pretending to be a woman!!! He don't know that I know so I have made an account on there to see when he is on there!!! I'm fuming and don't know what to do!!! He has not been on there yet as he has not read my message lol. Can't wait to see why he is on there again!!!
 
Oh no, that's awful. Good thinking setting up an account as a man! Arrange to meet up and see how white his face goes when he's actually meeting you!!
 
Strange as he's set up again as a woman, you'd think he would set up for real this time now he knows how the site works from using it in the past, and maybe thinks he wants to try it out lol I can't understand why he would bother to set it up as a woman? Is he pretending to be a lesbian or something?

This happened a while ago with me. I was with my friend who was messing about on a dating site (she was single and loves attention) and as she was showing me I came across my sisters husband!!! I was mortified and didn't know what to do or wether I should tell her so I set up an account using a friends pictures and spoke to him only to find he was replying and flirting while he was at work but never at home.. They went on holiday to Butlins with the kids and he was even logging in on their holiday because I could see his location changing! I print screened everything and showed my sister when she was back because I would want to know if this was happening to me.. He gave his excuses and said he meant nothing by it just fun 6months later he's on it again and fake Facebook accounts chatting to women and she still takes his excuses!

When he replies to you print screen everything and show him when he's home but don't act off with him be normal all day then when he's back drop it on him so he has no time to think of excuses all day x
 
Firstly in my opinion hitting someone is never "lol" even if you caught them in the act.
Secondly if you are both really happy then why is he trying to "set up your ex"? Why is your ex/thoughts of revenge on him, part of your relationship?
Thirdly, he has lied to you. Dont set him up to catch him out, it will only backfire. Instead you either need get up and leave or if you truley love him, sit down and talk to him, face to face. No throwing accusations at him just finding out tge root of his problems, be prepared to hear some things you may not want to hear and then make your decision based on this

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He is saying he is open minded on his profile but I have only seen a few messages to women and he is just talking but I see he has blocked over 1000 people on there! Think he has been on there ages by the looks of things. I'm going to wait and see if he goes on there and chats to me! For me to know what he has been doing and acting normal so he don't see me acting funny towards him is so hard cuz all I want to do is ask him why he is doing this to me but I'm going to wait as he will be of work next week so will see if he goes on and chats to me. I'm so angry!!
As for my ex he was Cuban and he sent me a message saying nice pictures on a dating site when I was not on one at all so my boyfriend made an account to set him up and tell his girlfriend he was on a dating site but my boyfriend has no excuse this time to be back on it again!!
As for me hitting my ex believe me he desearved all he got I won't go into detail on here but looking back I wish I had gone to the police but was to scared what he would do to me and my kids! He is out history now thank The Lord
 
This is very strange. You caught him last time so why does he think you won't catch him this time?! There may be some good reason for it (what I don't know) I would be inclined to see what his excuses are before making judgement. I do hope there's a good reason
 
How old are you and how old is your OH?

Our partners aren't people we own or control, and everyone has their secret fetishes, past-times or weird eccentric hobbies. Your partner's appears to be maintaining a profile as a lady on a dating site and chatting to (or winding up, should I say) single guys. He does it occasionally (evidenced by the fact he hasn't read your message yet) and he must get a sense of satisfaction and a few laughs from it.

Is he going to meet anyone from it? No. He's advertised as a lady for one. He's hardly likely to show up to any dates is he? "Surprise!" Lol.

I can understand that you're feeling hurt because it was a secret, which again suggests to me that this is some type of fetish he has. People have some strange and bizarre fetishes and you can search the Internet to see just how strange and bizarre they can be.

Other than his alias, are you happy in your relationship? If you are, I'd forget about the phone checking and maybe start talking more face to face about intimate things such as his deep desires and yours. I'm sure you aren't 100% vanilla in you're thinking, and neither is he.

This could have been a whole lot worse...he could have been advertised as a single man and actually been doing something other than fantasy role play.

Xx
 
Do you think he may be confused about his sexuality? 😳
 
Do you think he may be confused about his sexuality? 😳

I doubt that. If he was his phone would most likely be loaded up with Grindr rather than a straight dating site.

Maybe he likes powerful women and is acting in that role?
 
He is only talking back to women as he has not read the ones from men or replied to them. Also asking the women to view there private photos!! He can't meet up with anyone cuz he is saying he is a woman!!
 
Also we have only been together 10 months and we both talk about everything and we are really happy. He is really shy and quiet I just don't know why he is on there as a woman and asking to look at private pictures!! Im just going to wait and see when he goes on the site and talk to him/her!! See if I can find out why he is on there!
He has used his friends pictures from his Facebook and ones of her pregnant!!
How can he use her pics it's his god daughters mother!!
I'm going to a kids party this week and the woman my boyfriend is making out to be will be there to!! How can he do this to her she is married with a child and I'm sure someone will see her pics on dating site if u put the postcode!!
 
He is only talking back to women as he has not read the ones from men or replied to them. Also asking the women to view there private photos!! He can't meet up with anyone cuz he is saying he is a woman!!

Ah, my apologies! Sorry.

So he's advertised as a woman who swings both ways and is chatting with other women who are gay or bisexual and looking at their photos?

You do know that almost every straight man I know has a fantasy about a threesome with 2 lesbians? Sounds to me like he is turned on by these women who would gladly meet up with and sleep with him (if he were female).

This will probably make you laugh, but it is true. About a month ago I was chatting with a young male client (about 25) and during the haircut he told me he had split with his girlfriend as she had come out as gay. I said that I was sorry for him and asked how he had handled the break-up. He told me that he had tried to help her as he wasn't sure at first if she was fully gay or not. To help her he agreed to set her up in a dating site to meet women and see how it went...this was all while they were still living with eachother and I remarked to him how amazingly mature I thought he had been about the whole thing. He replied, "We'll, yeah, I guess you could call it that, but to be honest I just thought I'd finally get to have a threesome!". I laughed and asked him if he did, to which he replied, "Unfortunately no."

And yes, he was deadly serious! Lol.

Perhaps it's time to ask your fella how he would react if you told him you had been having an affair with a female friend of yours and watch to see if he reacts the same way as my client did? I do think that your partner has fantasies and fantasies don't stop just because a ring goes on a finger. He hasn't acted on them. Are you happy with the other aspects of your relationship?
 
I think he's pretending to be a lesbian so he can get women to send their pictures :| either way the explanations better be good to support why he has done this x
 
This is weird, my man hates me being close to my girlfriends! When I meet up with my friend we hug and kiss when we greet each other and she has been my rock and she always saying how much she loves me as a friend and my man hates it all because one of his ex went of with a woman!! So he says he don't like me kissing and hugging her, I have asked about three sum lol and he said he could never do it! He has had a very sheltered sex life till he met me and now our sex life has just got better! He has never chatted a girl up or never been up to a girl and asked her for a drink! He is so shy even with me still. I try and get him to talk naughty to me when making love and he can't cuz he is so shy. I don't know what's going on in his head yet!
 
This is weird, my man hates me being close to my girlfriends! When I meet up with my friend we hug and kiss when we greet each other and she has been my rock and she always saying how much she loves me as a friend and my man hates it all because one of his ex went of with a woman!! So he says he don't like me kissing and hugging her, I have asked about three sum lol and he said he could never do it! He has had a very sheltered sex life till he met me and now our sex life has just got better! He has never chatted a girl up or never been up to a girl and asked her for a drink! He is so shy even with me still. I try and get him to talk naughty to me when making love and he can't cuz he is so shy. I don't know what's going on in his head yet!

Hmmm...well his actions are speaking louder than his words, and as you say he is shy. Perhaps he is telling you what society has brought him up to say, but the fact remains that he is actively seeking photos of and conversations with gay and bisexual women and so is obviously turned on by it in some way...he's just afraid to admit it.

You sound really open minded and sexually expressive so maybe he needs some time to come out of his shell?

I guessed he was naive and sheltered before you even said it because there are far easier ways to see pictures of naked lesbians than the route he currently employs! Lol.

Either way I'd forget about the whole phone thing and setting up yourself with a fake profile as its unnecessary IMO. Pour a few drinks and get chatting. Let him know you logged on to that site recently and noticed he still has an active profile...not that it makes you angry or emotional or anything....you were just intrigued if everything is ok in the bedroom lately or if its just a bit of fun or a laugh he is having? It might take him a good few years for him to feel sexually comfortable around you (or anyone else) due to his lack of experience...in the meantime he might do kiddish stuff like this. ;) go easy on him Tiger! Xx
 
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My son's absent father goes on match and claims he has no children but want two. He is 40 and pays via the csa although I haven't seen him in years, he was a abusive horror, no doubt his dates will be having a traumatic time. Although on that matter my son went missing for a half an hour I panicked and called the police the first thing they ask you is who is the father. My son returned and I explained I have never seen his father in years. They told me if I did social services would be involved. No doubt he is abusing wonan yet again, hence why the police know about him. I have been put off men for life after him nevered dated in 7 years as a result. He earns £70k a year and charming but a psychopath too. Girls never make excuses for men! If a man loves you he has respect!
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After 10 short months quite a lot has happened ... the warning signs of something not quite right are there.

I don't know why you would want to invest anymore time in trying to 'understand' this guy's problems really.

The first year or two should be the pinnacle of joy and happiness.

However, if you want the hassle and aggravation of having to look through his phone and check him out on the internet to find out what he is up to for ever more then I guess you could continue to do what you are doing.

If you were my daughter I would be urging you to set your sights a little higher ... I am sure you deserve it my lovely.

xx
 
Is it at all possible that he is trying to 'catch you out'?? If he has been burnt by a girlfriend in the past who turned out to be lesbian, maybe he is trying to find out if you are also?? Wondering if you might be on these dating sites looking for women??

Ok, that sounds ridiculous now that I've written it!! Total long shot. I've got my coat already!! Hope you're ok love x
 
After 10 short months quite a lot has happened ... the warning signs of something not quite right are there.

I don't know why you would want to invest anymore time in trying to 'understand' this guy's problems really.

The first year or two should be the pinnacle of joy and happiness.

However, if you want the hassle and aggravation of having to look through his phone and check him out on the internet to find out what he is up to for ever more then I guess you could continue to do what you are doing.

If you were my daughter I would be urging you to set your sights a little higher ... I am sure you deserve it my lovely.

xx
Wise words I'm with you on that one!
 

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