Need your lovely geeks advice-stuck and feel helpless

[Mommabear]

Hello geeks 😘

Its been a while. Im the one who usually posts the really long threads that people dread reading 😂😂

After a bit of advice of you lovely lot.

If any of you have read my precious posts you will know i split up with my ex a year ago. Ill try an skim the surface as to not bore you all again haha.

After a year of HELL with this so called MAN *eurgh* ive been verbally attacked, physically attacked, threatened.......you name it hes done it to me. Anywho i had a harrassment order put on him october last year..........an he breached it last tuesday.......still no arrest from the police (thats another story) anyway.........he approached me an tried to get into my car after i picked up our son (please bear in mind he has made NO effort to see his son in 6months especially when ive never stopped him either) at the minute im having to get people to follow me to drop my son off or pic him up from nursery as im afraid he will pop up again (doesnt help his mother works in the gym a few doors down) i spoke to the nursery as i was concerned he would try an take him out of nursery.........i basicay got told that they cant do nothing because he is on the birth certificate and that i need a solictors letter to say he isnt aloud...........untill acess has been arranged via a solictior and due to a violent past from him to me im not prepared to let him have him unless its done legally now.

My question really is do i have to get the solicitors letter? Or is the nursery chatting bubbles? If not what advice do you suggest?
Ive had no solicitors letters on his behalf and im not chasing after him if he cant be bothered. Due to lack of funds STILL from our house we had together i dont know if i can afford a solicitor. With him still not being arrested im on pins all the time 😢😢

Hope you lovely geeks have more knowledge than i do 😘😘😘😘

 

[Nails<3]

Wow the nursery should be following your orders.

When my children were in little ones I had to fill in a form to say who was allowed to pick them up. If they wernt on the list they would need my permission to take them. Same for school. Only me, their dad and nan can pick them up.

I hope you get this sorted as it sounds awful! Really feel for you. You should never have to have people follow you to secure your own safety.

Xx

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[Mommabear]

Because he was allowed to pick him up when we were together and he is legally his father (i use that term extremelty lightly &#128513;&#128513
They arent allowed to refuse him. Ive been told there talking BS and there just covering themselves.
Its just hard finding out what to do without having to hand over a ton of money

Xx
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[iamtina22]

When I first signed my daughter up to nursery I said I'm the only one to pick her up and they said that's fine.. Then a year later I requested that her dad be able to pick her up when I told them that was fine and I had to give them a password so that when he picks her up he could give the password and be allowed in... We then had trouble and I refused him access, no courts or solicitors.. I let nursery know and so he is now not allowed into the nursery.. He is on the birth certificate but it makes no odds.. If you are the main carer of your child it should be your choice

 

[pinkcouture]

The nursery are talking poo. I would tell them that you are instructing them about this for your childs safety and that if they let him take your child you will hold them accountable and they will be facing a lawsuit. So they will get that solicitors letter but it might not be the one they were expecting &#128540;

 

[lou lou north]

The nursery are talking carp. I worked in the admin dept in a nursery and it's up to YOU, the person who is the main care giver to the child, who is and is not allowed to pick up your child. Absolutely no need for a solicitors letter. Follow what pink couture said and give them what for.

 

[surf girl]

Sorry this is quite negative but Well that's not entirely true, my sis in law just went through a divorce.... Child is 5 now, dad took child away from mum police did nothing because he's on the birth cert... 8 weeks of not seeing her daughter finally they end up in court... Equal Shared acsess was granted (there's also violence involved by dad)

on the initial day of the kidnapping of the child, mum was at school letting the teachers know about the situation and that under no circumstances was dad or grandparent allows to take the child.... The meeting was at 1pm in the principal office... Principle is in and out of the meeting the whole time coz random teachers are bringing her messages and she's apparantly letting the teachers know what's what.... 5 to 3 the mum says I need to go get little one now and goes to leave and the principle explains that dad & grandpa already took her 30 mins ago.... Yes they actually allowed dad to take the child after hearing what the mum had told them! And on the sneak behind the mums back! It's utterly outrageous! Never trust schools, or nurserys! go get the solicitors advice, a day without your child is bad enough let alone 8 weeks! All this was because dad was on the birth cert! Get legal advice & get a set in stone court order anyone who deviates from the order goes back to court and gets dealt with accordingly for this particular case if dad dosent give up child on certain day he goes straight to jail

 

[lou lou north]

I'm sorry but how does a school or nursery know who is on the birth certificate? I never supplied one to any of the schools or nurseries my children went to. Nor did we request one at the nursery I worked at. Is the father carrying around a copy of it in his back pocket? A standard form is filled in and signed by the parent which states who is authorised to collect the child. The form can be amended by the same parent at any time. Not anyone else. There is also a password in place in case of an emergency and you need someone who is not on the form to collect the child.

Kahuna, with all due respect you've probably heard an exaggerated tale of woe. A 2 hour meeting at a school? Very unlikely. The mother must not have got to the school in time in order to notify the staff that the child wasn't to be picked up by anyone other than her.

 

[surf girl]

Please don't do that that's very disrepectful

 

[Mommabear]

Thanks geeks.

Im going to speak to a solicitor tomorrow and see what they say.
If he was going to do it he probably wouldve done it by now so i could possibly be panickingfor no reason. Better safe than sorry, as fellow geeks have said 1 day without them is bad enough if he did, id never live with myself if that happened.

Like a few of you have said there talking crap, a few people have said there just trying to cover there arses. It frustrates me even more because i went in eith all the police papers i had and said just so u know im not trying to be a bitch i am telling the truth lol

Xxx

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[lou lou north]

Please don't do that that's very disrepectful

????

 

[Diamondgirl]

I can only speak from experience....my ex husband went into my child's school after not seeing her for 6 months to try and see her .....( I have never stopped him seeing her it is her choice not to see him as he continuously let's her down) because he is on the birth certificate he had absolutely every right to do this... as at the time I had no more rights than him even though my daughter lives with me and the school are not in a position to decline him this right ...this is fact ( I know I've been to court ) .....my child is 14 so she told the school she didn't want to see him as she is now old enough to make her own decisions and the school respect her wishes as they have a responsibility to protect her but legally if he had kicked off so to speak they couldn't have denied him....I have now gone to court and got a residency order this is a court order ‘settling the arrangements ... as to the person with whom a child is to live.’ ....I would def advise to getting this as your ex has the right to get a residency order as well .....I have also got a prohibited steps order which is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent....so for example if my ex was to want to take my daughter on holiday he'd have to get my permission first or if she went to stay at his house for the weekend and he didn't bring her back the police then have to go and get her and he will be arrested .....where as unfortunately if he is on the birth certificate and I didn't have a PSO and he didn't bring her back the police don't generally get involved as the law states he has equal rights as a parent so isn't actually breaking the law! ....and I have a restraining order on him which means he cannot contact me or come to my house due to past violence so arrangements are made should my daughter want to see him I've covered every angle and I can now sleep at night and not have the constant worry .....

So I would strongly advise on getting a residency order and a PSO ....I hope everything works out for you....

 

[beautybyleigh]

You need to see a solicitor and get a residency order, without this your ex can refuse to bring your child back and there is nothing you can do until you go to court.

As for the nursery I would suggest telling them the history of abuse and police involvement, if they are still not going to help then move him to a different nursery.

Did the police offer you any victim support? It's worth speaking to them and also you will get a free 30 mins with any solicitor, write down a list of things you need to ask before you go, they usually suggest mediation but you may not have to do that because of the abuse.
Good luck x

 

[Mommabear]

Thanks geeks &#128536;&#128536;&#128536;

Im gathering info on the residency order an will seek advice from a solicitor asap.

He handed himself in last week and gave a statement, denying half of what i said (no surprise there) still waiting to here back from a sargent with the outcome of the breach an if its going to go to court or not. Fingers crossed. The harrassment order ends on the 18th of this month so im getting nervy now. Need something set in stone

Thanks for your advice geeks much appreciated xxxx

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[AnewMe]

My other job is in child protection in a school and I can tell you that legally they have to allow a parent with parental responsibility (which I assume your ex has?) access to the child until you produce legal paperwork that says he can't have access or a social worker/the police advises that he mustn't be given access. Having said that, if he tried to pick your child up and the child clearly was distressed and didn't want to go with him, the nursery could refuse to let your child go in the best intetests of the child.
Hth

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[Emily9]

From personal experience and a lot of money spent if there is no court order in place saying that he isn't allowed near the child then they can't stop him! Only a judge can put things in place it's also the same on sharing information about the child with an ex partner parental responsibility is a term slung around normally over money etc as and when it suits but if a judge stamps the paper saying no access and you give all care providers a copy then they must follow!

 

[Grace_Hair]

I know someone who is a nursery manager.

She says that she cannot refuse the dad to take the child IF he gets into the nursery if he's on the birth certificate.
But if mum has requested him not to collect LO then the nursery manager would make it hard for him. And contact mum ASAP.
But again she said legally they can't stop dad, if he gets into the nursery x

 

[lfbarnett717]

Agreeing with AnewMe and Emily9 - my day job is also in this area! They can't refuse him access, however the agreement in these situations where I have worked has always been that if the individual showed up that the carer would prefer didn't pick up the child, a fictional delay would be created, the carer would be called and have to deal with the individual themselves. In the 7 years I've had this agreement in place, it's never actually been used! It's all that can really be done to stop the individual taking the child in situations like this. Different nurseries operate in different ways with regards to passwords etc, but regardless of any procedures like this, they genuinely can't stop him unfortunately.

 

[Mommabear]

Thats exactly what his nursery told me they would do. Unfortunately i got a knew job which meant travelling 20minutes by car too. Luckily my mum only works round the corner so if it does happen there is someone about to get there while im on my way. Thanks geeks for your help xxxx