Newly single after 6 years

[nietta]

I've had the most horrid week geeks
I've been with my fells from school, almost 6 years and we have a 3 year old daughter.
We got engaged last month but have had a lot of rocky patches. Being young he adjusted to settling down and having a family but still had the urges to go get drunk and not come home for days, turning his phone off the whole time.
He did this again last week and the week since has been filled with arguments.
We said some horrible things, he packed everything he owns and has left 2 days ago.
I'm gutted, obviously. I was planning a wedding and a second baby next year.
I'm getting on with things. I haven't given myself time to think or cry...I don't want to.

We split up when my baby was 7 months for a year and I spent the whole time looking (in hindsight) quite twisted and desperate to get him back. I'm heart broken, but maybe this is the right thing now?
I'm young, 22, and I know I have. Long time to meet someone else but I just don't know how, I can't see it happening. Finding some one my age-ish who is willing to accept me, and a 3 year old and the baggage that comes with my now ex and co parenting?
I work non stop, the rest of the time I'm with my daughter, so finding time to have a normal relationship where I can go out, have some fun, go for dinnernetc just isn't plausible.
Plus the fact I've only ever been with my ex! So im terrified of starting over, and just can't imagine feeling that way for anyone else. I hate him, but I love him, and the thought of him being with someone else breaks my heart.

Sorry for my rant, any tips on a break up? Especially with kids involved? I can't see how I can be really happy again

Thanks xx

 

[DivineByDesign]

I won't offer advice on whether or not its the right or wrong thing for you and your daughter, as only you can decide that, and again it will probably be in hindsight. What I will say is, I know from experience that a child doesn't make any difference if the potential new relationship is right. I started dating my husband when I was 22 and he had custody of his 4 year old who has special needs. People told me I was mad as I was "footloose & fancy free), but I knew he was "The One". We've had our ups and downs, but here we are stronger than ever, another 2 children in tow, and nearly 11 years on.

Basically, you are in an emotional and lonely place at the moment as everything is new and raw. You and your daughter deserve someone who respects you both, loves you both and offers stability and security to you both. That isn't necessarily financial, or presumably the bio father, but make no mistake, that is what you both deserve. Maybe it will be your recent ex, maybe it won't, but in the meantime, take a deep breath, straighten yourself up, and give your sleeping daughter a kiss, because as long as you have her, everything else will work out. Don't settle for second best, when you meet the right person for you both, you WILL know, as they will love you both unconditionally, and would never intentionally hurt you. Things will get easier, and you'll look back on this post and smile knowing you are a stronger happier person once the initial hurt has subsided.

Sending much heartfelt love xxxx

 

[Maz101]

Sorry to hear about your break up Hun, always hard.

I just wanted to say, I separated from my hubby many moons ago, hardest thing ever as had 2 young children, but now looking back best thing I did and my kids agree. Me and x hubby are now good friends, I remarried just over 9 years ago to a lovely guy who's younger than me and in coupe of months we are renewing our wedding vows on a beach. He never minded my kids, he treated us all really well and life's been fabulous. I won't say it was easy, first 6 months/year was hard but you will get there and I promise that there will be another fab guy there just for you and your child.

 

[wonderwoman]

Aww im sending you a warm friendly hug!:hug:

I might not have children, but speaking from my own experience on meet the one or your first is always heartbreaking and time is a great healer. I never thought id meet anybody after my ex but you know what i did, and well ive dated several since....hee hee hee!:wink2:

You dont have to go mad to find a normal person, but you deserve somebody that wants to spend time with you... not when they can pick up and throw you away. Your a person with feelings, you've gota young child and well you need to know men arent intimadated by "baggage" there are decent men out there that will accept your for you and nothing else matters.

Sending you positive vibes xoxo

 

[melissab]

Sorry to hear about your breakup.

I just wanted to say that I was with my ex for 3 1/2 years and we had a child together. Breaking things off with him was the best thing I ever did. I could not trust or depend on him. Being a single parent was not easy but my daughter and I were so much better off without him. I was not looking to meet anyone and honestly I didn't think I was ever going to. About two years later I met my husband. It did not bother him in the least that I had a daughter. We have now been married for almost five years and have another child together. My husband is more of a father to my daughter than her biological father is. She calls him dad and he tells everyone, and has done from the start, that she is his daughter. He is a wonderful man and I have no worries with him. I trust him completely which is something I did not do with my ex. I'm sure you will meet Mr. Right and he will be a man that you can trust and depend on. Do not settle for less as you deserve more.

 

[l.a.m.x]

Hi there, sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time! I just wanted to say that someone else will come along and sweep you off your feet and open your eyes to all the things you've been missing out on! I am 22 as well, we have so much to look forward to in our lives!

Stay strong for your little one, why don't you organise a girly night in? I'm thinking face masks, crisps, sweeties, DVD, maybe a bottle of wine! Just so you can let your hair down a little without worrying about a childminder etc xx

 

[umvemve]

Oh my love, I want to swoop down and give you a big hug. Sounds like you have had a lot to deal with but it also sounds like you are doing well at your age to have your head together! It is hard when you feel low and easy to want what you have lost back. I can say (at my ripe old age) that a relationship where someone treats you like that is not one you want. Just keep in mind that you are a strong, independent woman and you are going to be okay. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Just concentrate on yourself and your daughter and all of the other bits will fall into place x