Pervy personal trainer or not?

[tanfastic]

I was 19 with a 40 yr old but this isn't about age difference it's about professionalism, as a professional he shouldn't have done what has been described. As a massage professional my code of ethics is pretty clear. I can date a client but as soon as that happens they can no longer be a client. Not sure on uk standards. I'd be wary on doing anything in this instance as it's hearsay. But would advise mum to take it further as it's not normal behavior for a professional.

I agree with you here, it is the lack of professionalism. I will stay out of it as suggested and do understand where you are all coming from. She should be able to handle herself if she is a swimwear and lingerie model.

Just to clarify though I was asking if anyone else thinks that he was being a bit pervy or not as I was not sure either way
Thank you all

 

[Mobile Manicure]

I agree with you here, it is the lack of professionalism. I will stay out of it as suggested and do understand where you are all coming from. She should be able to handle herself if she is a swimwear and lingerie model.

Just to clarify though I was asking if anyone else thinks that he was being a bit pervy or not as I was not sure either way
Thank you all

I don't think he's a perv. I think he's a man who is trying to get into a 17 year old's knickers. As she is a lingerie model he probably likes what he sees and wants a piece of it. This is normal heterosexual male behaviour in my opinion. I was 17 once (many moons ago) and can still remember the lengths men would go to in order to get into my knickers. Sleep on the sofa? Please!!

 

[Chickafish]

...I'd be a bit weirded out if my personal trainer asked how supple I am. :lol: I've had trainers come up to me before (still do) giving me tips and advice on how my posture should be when I lift this or push that. Some are a bit too hands on than others. It usually comes with a pitch... them advertising their service, class, ect. Never to hang out outside the gym! But, he obviously knows what he's doing. And so does she. If it were a client he wasn't physically attracted to, he wouldn't bother asking half the questions he did. Only what her goal is, what's her problem areas, what her eating habit's like, how many days a week she can commit to him, and if she has any medical conditions that would prevent her from certain activities.

 

['chelle]

Jesus Christ on a bike, have I slipped into a parralel dimension???? This man is in his 30's and hitting on his teenage clients, asking inappropriate questions about them, touching them in an "overly friendly" way. He needs to maybe stick to ladies who he's not old enough to be a father to. If this sort of behaviour was going on in the workplace everyone would be screaming "sexual harrassment" but because he's her instructor its ok? Get real people. And as for the comments about "well she's a lingerie model so men are bound to want to look at her body, what does she expect in that sort of work" etc etc you all make me want to scream, have we gone back to the 1950's without me noticing? Since when was overt and uninvited sexual behaviour excused by the fact that a girl dresses a certain way or does a certain job. Maybe we should suggest she wear a burkha to the gym to make sure she doesnt come across as a tart who's asking for it????

It's all our jobs to protect children and make sure they are safe from anyone who may wish to take advantage of their naivety, it's a crap excuse to say that its not someone's place, leave it to the mother etc. I'm not condemning this man to a guilty sentence without knowing the facts, perhaps the girl has got more involvement than she's letting on, but do we ignore it in case thats the case? No!! The right thing to do is to report the matter to his employers and let them investigate. They can get his side of the story and make an informed judgement, and most importantly it makes them aware of the potential for a situation like this so they can make sure the instructor knows what sort of behaviour is and isnt acceptable with clients. If this matter is left it could well end up with a girl being taken advantage of, both physically and emotionally, which could really mess up the rest of her life, all because no one wanted to get involved or assumed that she might be asking for it. The whole principle of people not involving themselves in situations when they see something wrong happening makes me sick quite frankly. Just because the girl isnt the OP's daughter doesnt mean she hasnt got a valid concern about the conduct of this man, she's perfectly entitled to complain to his employer.

 

[CHarvey]

Jesus Christ on a bike, have I slipped into a parralel dimension???? This man is in his 30's and hitting on his teenage clients, asking inappropriate questions about them, touching them in an "overly friendly" way. He needs to maybe stick to ladies who he's not old enough to be a father to. If this sort of behaviour was going on in the workplace everyone would be screaming "sexual harrassment" but because he's her instructor its ok? Get real people. And as for the comments about "well she's a lingerie model so men are bound to want to look at her body, what does she expect in that sort of work" etc etc you all make me want to scream, have we gone back to the 1950's without me noticing? Since when was overt and uninvited sexual behaviour excused by the fact that a girl dresses a certain way or does a certain job. Maybe we should suggest she wear a burkha to the gym to make sure she doesnt come across as a tart who's asking for it????

It's all our jobs to protect children and make sure they are safe from anyone who may wish to take advantage of their naivety, it's a crap excuse to say that its not someone's place, leave it to the mother etc. I'm not condemning this man to a guilty sentence without knowing the facts, perhaps the girl has got more involvement than she's letting on, but do we ignore it in case thats the case? No!! The right thing to do is to report the matter to his employers and let them investigate. They can get his side of the story and make an informed judgement, and most importantly it makes them aware of the potential for a situation like this so they can make sure the instructor knows what sort of behaviour is and isnt acceptable with clients. If this matter is left it could well end up with a girl being taken advantage of, both physically and emotionally, which could really mess up the rest of her life, all because no one wanted to get involved or assumed that she might be asking for it. The whole principle of people not involving themselves in situations when they see something wrong happening makes me sick quite frankly. Just because the girl isnt the OP's daughter doesnt mean she hasnt got a valid concern about the conduct of this man, she's perfectly entitled to complain to his employer.

She's not a child though..

 

['chelle]

She's not a child though..

Actually yes she is. I have a lot of involvement with barnado's, the chidrens charity, and they work on cases involving any young person under the age of 18 as they are still classed as minors at that age.

 

[CHarvey]

Actually yes she is. I have a lot of involvement with barnado's, the chidrens charity, and they work on cases involving any young person under the age of 18 as they are still classed as minors at that age.

So how do you feel about a child modelling sexy underwear?

 

[CHarvey]

My point is she can't be classed as mature enough to do modelling in her pants but not expect unwanted male attention. Rather like wearing a low cut top and then crying if someone looks at your boobs. I moved about at 16 and married just after my 18th birthday, I had a mortgage and baby by 19. She needs to man up, if she's not interested tell him wear to go not aggree to go out with him. A simple text "I'm not interested" if he carries on then report him. Sounds more like a case of a mum not wanting to see her princess in a relationship with an older man tbh

 

[Only-me]

Can I just say that in the eyes of the police 17 is classed as independent..not a child (if arrested parents need not know) and can make a statement.
I would be thinking this if it was my daughter

Is the girl complaining or unhappy about what is happening?
What is the gyms policy on client/trainer?
Is she vulnerable for any reason? (or more than capable of making own decisions - ie seeing him out of the gym..
Is he forcing her? Or is she agreeing to requests ?
When modelling she may be fully aware of the 'other' side of it... But choosing not to be drawn in.
It is hard but only the ones that know her will 'know' what's what.... And remember there are 2 sides... To every story.. She could be encouraging him but only declaring so much info ?! 😯😳x

 

[laurakate]

I would stay out of it.

I'm thinking that if the 17 year old really felt uncomfortable she would stop going to the gym.

If the mother is concerned she could maybe find a way of getting her daughter into something else to keep fit, dancing, swimming etc..something that means she won't be going to the gym.

I would hate to think that a gym instructor who is behaving professionally is being accused of something when it may just be a misunderstanding. Only the daughter can say if she feels comfortable or not with this individual.

 

[spoken-words]

Shes a lingerie model and 17 year olds shouldn't be allowed to do that in my opinion. If the mum was so worried she wouldn't allow it to carry on. I know i wouldn't. Id report him let my daughter have a face on for a week and thats it. There are 2 sides to every story and for a guy to ask a girl out she must show some interest and she did by going out with him. Don't get involved if the girl is innocent and mum is really worried she should sort it out herself.

 

['chelle]

I completely agree, 17 is far too young to be a lingerie model in my view and I would never let my daughter do that, but you cannot say that because she is a lingerie model she should expect unwanted male attention. It's an extreme comparison I know, but I watched a documentary recently about women in Egypt who suffer from sexual harrassment from men in the street, they interviewed some of these men who said it was the womens fault because they dressed provocatively which drove them to do it. Obviously this is a ridiculous suggestion, no woman deserves to be harrassed, I dont care if she goes out in her bra and knickers, it's the mans job to exercise some self control. Have a look by all means, I'm not suggesting men shouldnt be men and of course they will look at an attractive woman, but taking it a step further is out of order, especially if that man is in a paid position of trust, and the girl is a minor.

I am very passionate about this issue because I have personal experience of a similar situation. I was groomed when I was 15, and it completely changed the way my life turned out. It makes me very angry that there are people who are prepared to sit back and let a situation go unchallenged just because that girl is borderline minor/adult, and because she chooses to model lingerie.

 

[Rinn]

I also wouldn't allow my 17 year old daughter be a lingerie model.
I also think at 39 he's too old for her.
I also think he's over-stepped the mark from a professional point of view.
All my opinion as a mother.
But not as her mother.

If a client told me that same story , I would indeed give her my opinion as to how I would handle it but I also believe it is up to her mother to handle it and in this case , no, I wouldn't get involved as I wouldn't see it as my business and as has already been pointed out , it's all hearsay.

If it was my daughter ....well all I can say is don't mess with a lioness and her cubs.

 

[Jellybaby1970]

Can I just say that 17 year old girls today are nothing like we were when we were that age. They do things I wasn't even doing in my mid twenties! I have a 16 year old but she looks a lot older and would easily be served in pubs and clubs. I was still going to parties in my pretty long party dress at that age!
It's worrying when things like this happen but they are a lot more sreet wise than we give them credit for and seem to be able to handle themselves a lot better than we give them credit for. If the mother trusts the girl then surely she has nothing to worry about. If she is worried about his actions then she should report him

 

[Mobile Manicure]

Quick!! Someone call the police! I'm a lingerie model and an older man has asked me out.

For goodness sake! Get real everyone.

If he starts stalking and harassing, fair enough, he needs to be reported.

My friend had a baby at 16, I won't tell you when I lost my virginity but it was before my 17th birthday.

 

[tanfastic]

"Unfortunately" some of us grew up when it was a good thing to hang on to our childhood and innocence and were allowed to grow up in our own time.

I too had a lot of attention from older men when I was young but I was brought up to be a good girl and am proud of it. I come from a different culture, not as liberal as the European way but I can understand that things are different here.

I still feel that he is taking unfair advantage of an impressionable young woman and tbh unless he looks like Brad Pitt or is super rich he should wake up and smell the coffee. LOL No gorgeous woman young or old ought to have an interest in a middle aged loser preying on clients under the guise of "Personal Training"

Sorry if this offends, but it is my opinion and I am not ashamed to air it

 

[CHarvey]

"Unfortunately" some of us grew up when it was a good thing to hang on to our childhood and innocence and were allowed to grow up in our own time.

I too had a lot of attention from older men when I was young but I was brought up to be a good girl and am proud of it. I come from a different culture, not as liberal as the European way but I can understand that things are different here.

I still feel that he is taking unfair advantage of an impressionable young woman and tbh unless he looks like Brad Pitt or is super rich he should wake up and smell the coffee. LOL No gorgeous woman young or old ought to have an interest in a middle aged loser preying on clients under the guise of "Personal Training"

Sorry if this offends, but it is my opinion and I am not ashamed to air it

So if he looks like Brad Pitt or is really wealthy tgen it's fair game?

 

[Chickafish]

This thread got long
I feel really bad for the mom. I don't have any kids, but I know it's a maternal thing to constantly be on the lookout for your child's safety and well being. You can be 35 and your momma will still have worry for you in the back of her mind. That's just how it is. And I don't blame her for being concern with the situation at hand. She obviously feels this man is trouble and just wants him away from her child. Unfortunately, we don't know anything about the child other than that she's 17 and models undies. We don't know how mentally mature/immature she is (which is way more important than how old she looks). We don't know how exposed/experienced she is with the real world (life away from home ect). And it's unfortunate there isn't much the mom can do because her daughter is at that age where she's trying to gain more independence and such. She doesn't want to intrude because she doesn't want a bad relationship between her and her daughter. If she's really that concern, she should just stop trying to be her friend and be her mother and have a talk with her daughter. I mean... having dinner with your personal trainer, then he tries to invite himself into your home? The professional client/ trainer relationship has pretty much vanished at that point.

 

[tanfastic]

So if he looks like Brad Pitt or is really wealthy tgen it's fair game?

I am not going to be drawn into an argument, fact is fact, good looking guys get more girls than less attractive ones, same goes for wealthy. End of story