Relationship & Business problems

[Luxury Beauty]

Hello everyone

I have been having problems with my partner for quite a while and we have been together the last 3 1/2 years. The thing is we share a 2 bedroom house along with 2 cats. One of the rooms is my treatment room.

My partner has been refusing to pay rent for the last couple of months (as he apparently doesnt have enough) and i am trying my best to pay the money to the landlord along with all my other bills. He has been constantly shouting at me, swearing and shoving me into doors etc. Sometimes he makes me feel as if i am the cause of all the problems. he always throws it in my face that i dont work full time and i just sit at home - but i think i save money by not going out unless i have to do errands.

Everyone has been saying to leave him because his temper might get worse and it shows that he doenst respect me.

The same thing happened last year. He didnt pay rent for 3 months and i was doing my exams at uni and we got kicked out of our flat. i ended up failing my exams which i why i have taken a year out to work.

The hard thing is if i leave (to live with the parents in sussex) i lose out on my treatment room which i have worked so hard for and spent a lot of money on. I just have no idea what to do, as i wont be able to work from home if i moved in with the parents. but i cant manage paying for rent every month.

Also dermalogica would not supply to me if i was mobile and i really dont want to lose my account with them.

i havnt got a lot of money and am starting to get into debt cos of it and i just dont know what to do. i want to live where i am but i cant afford the rent by myself.

Should i just move out and live with the parents?

im just so confused.

 

[sj1973]

first thing is first hun.....get your fella to pay half the rent and bills....he says he has no money but niether do you...

if he still refuses to pay rent ask c.a.b where you stand ....are you paying landlord by cheque? if so,you have proof YOU have paid...sort out what you want to do with your fella..

your head is screwed on,you know how he is treating you is NOT ok (my ex is like that ,thats why i left) see if he will get help for his temper...if he does not...leave....why....cos your letting him do all this to you...he will do more and start hitting you and it will get worse and worse...

if he does want to change help him.....and if you and your fella split...try and keep friends ....why should YOU leave.....so....
sort out you and your fella....if you split ask HIM to leave as he has not paid the rent....i really do hope it works out for you....were are here for you xxx:hug:

 

[gemsie1983]

Get out of there if its making you feel unhappy. I lived with someone who sounds quite similar to your partner and I had too leave my home and move back with my parents and it was quite possibly the best move I have ever made, its hard at times but much better than being miserable!

Its not worth being unhappy for a house! x

 

[jacquisu]

Ok hun I really sympathise as i've been in bad relationships like this - he wont change they never do despite all the promises.

He has to leave (Why should it be you?). A) because he is hurting you physically and mentally and B) because he is not paying the bills. Once he is gone there will be less to pay out on other bills such as food, phone etc. You can work more hours without the distraction of him being around. If it gets too much then, and only then, do you give up and go back to your parents, dont give in so easily you CAN make it alone, have faith in yourself. Who knows with a boyfriend vacancy you may well find yourself a new fella with a lot more to give, but dont concentrate on that for now work on your business. You may be able to claim housing benefit to help with the rent if you need to.

Grit your teeth and be strong. I managed to extract myself from a dodgy relationship and was a single self employed mum for nearly 7 years and I cant pretend it's easy but the alternative was far worse. Now im happily engaged and my business is still going so I know it IS possible.

Good luck hun :hug::hug:

 

[cantrelax]

If I am honest I stopped reading/making sense of what was written as soon as I saw he was shoving you into doors. How dare he??

Unfortunately, socitey has trained many of us to think that it should be the men that provide for us. It sounds to me that as this is not the case in your relationship, that he feels ashamed/embarrassed and is taking it out on you. He is probably insecure. Usually I would say talk to him but you seem too unhappy and he does not deserve the opportunity to explain why he feels the need to shove you in to doors! Unacceptable!

Whatever you do, don't stay because you feel you need to. After all you are doing all the work now chick!!! You could manges 100 times better without his bad attitude.


All the best:hug:

P.S. Hope I haven't offended you. xx

 

[Bagpuss]

sorry to hear you are having a bad time right now....:hug:

basically then its just him thats the problem...so get rid...kick him out and get a lodger to share the rent...?

 

[hippy-chick]

How come he can pay the rent when it suits him and suddenly withholds money when it suits HIM, he is trying so hard to manipulate you, don't let him

get him out, try and run the flat by yourself and if you can't - move home!

 

[rouge]

Dump the loser, find a part time job so you have some guaranteed income each week and work your little butt off to make a success of yourself and your beauty business. You CAN do it, but that man is a dead weight dragging you down.

Good luck! There's always plenty of support on here when you need it. :hug:

 

[Snugglepuss]

I'm with the others on this - it will be hard at first BUT NOT as hard as it is now!

I have said this many a time before - out of all the hardships I have had in my life, it is the emotional abuse which has scarred me the most!

Beatings etc are not forgotton - the memory stays with you forever, but the physical pain goes - the trashing of your self confidence and esteem by this guy will be felt both physically and mentally for a long time to come!

YOU can survive and will survive without him - like others I dumped my ex hubby - my house was about to be repossessed, but I sorted it out along with all the debt he got me into. My 3 children were so much happier it was unbelievable - why when they no longer had their father living with them? Well because I was happier as I was in control and that is what I believe you need - control of your life!

Take care hun - I'm sure that you know deep down inside what is the right decision for you to make - sending you lots of hugs and snuggs Deb xx

 

[marioned]

Honey, he is already emotionally and physically abusing you. Shouting, swearing and pushing you are not acceptable behaviour.
Why not phone Women's Aid? They'll be able to give you lots of advice, like where you stand on getting him out, housing benefit, etc. This will allow you to make up your mind on what you want to do. Get in touch with the landlord too to see where you stand with him, eg whose name if the house in, transferring it to you, etc.

Remenber, try to stay strong emotionally. Don't let him wear away your self esteem. He's done it before when you had to give up your course. Don't let him do it with your business that you've worked so hard for. You are a successful strong woman - remember that!

Hope things work out for you,
Marion X

 

[hippy-chick]

think of the song...... sisters are doing it for themselves.

 

[chantell simone]

ok so now he is shoving you into to doors, so what next?

kick him out pronto

you don't need this type of abuse

 

[Zo Zo]

I agree with others that you cannot stay with him :hug:

However, you seem to be saying that your only other choice is to move back in with your parents

How about you downsize to a one bed flat and use the bedroom for your beauty room and sleep in the lounge? Or vice versa..

Or move into a shared house with other girls and go mobile?

Or rent yourself a 3 bed house, sublet 2 rooms and use one of the reception rooms as your beauty room?

I'm just kicking ideas around here because you do have other choices hun, and inspiration will come to you

Take care :hug:

 

[soriminah]

Don't want to sound harsh here but he has absolutely no respect for you and things will get worse if he is shoving you into doors and if he's making you feel it's your fault - that's an abusive control issue. Also him not paying his way and you say he's done it once before - that's not on - let him go home and sponge off his parents or mates - he won't have mates for long, parents put up with a lot more.

There are always options as zo zo pointed out.

You could go mobile until you get another place sorted - can you put your dermalogica account on hold in the meantime until you find a place.

Not matter what any of us say it comes down to one thing - You have to do what is best for you and what behaviours you are willing to accept from other people. Do you feel you deserve better than you have or are you willing to settle for what you have.

 

[Luxury Beauty]

Hello everyone

I just want to say thank you all so much for your advice and support. Me and my partner (after alot of tears) have decided to stay together but we have both decided that he move out. I think that if we keep everything separate then our relationship might be alot easier in the future.

He has realised what he has done and i think because we are both trying to find our feet in the business world and it takes a lot of time and effort - which means that, yes, we are deprived of each others company but i think the distance will do us good.

We have come to an agreement with rent and so forth and he is supporting me in my business to carry on.

I am so grateful for the help all of you have given and i appreciate it so much (you will not believe!)

Thank you again
All my love

Lima
xx

 

[jacquisu]

I'm glad you have made progress Lima lets hope it works out for you, good luck and stay strong xx

 

[marioned]

Hope it all works out well for you.Good luck!
Marion x