Saveable relationship?

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suzysuz

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This is abit of an odd subject so if it offends anyone then please let me know and i will have it deleted but i dont know where else to go.

My and my OH have been having big probs for over a year now but everytime we argue we get so far, patch over it (thinknig we have sorted it) and then we're ok for abit and then it all goes wrong again.

It has finally got to the point that it is making me feel really down, i feel like i have no self worth, hate how i look etc and this is seriously effecting how i feel in everyday life. Ive started to get very teary on and off and then flip to being VERY short tempered (i do have quite a short fuse normally but not this bad) things that wouldn't normally annoy me set me off into a frenzy. Some simple things that he will say to me really tick me off so i have asked him not to say them or word them better as even he has admitted that certain things really grind on me.

He has now started to really bring up the fact things are like this more often and they have gotten so bad there isnt really any "jiggy" in our relationship anymore, im just not interested. Partly because of things he does but mainly just because i just dont want it :confused:

Things are really hard with his business at the mo and there is an ongoing issue with one company that might go to court, if it does go to court he has said that i will be called as a witness and i will be in trouble too as i have spoken to this company on many occassions. I dont think i could get in any trouble over this or that they will be able to come after me for any money as my name is on none of his business stuff etc but he keeps saying they willm, i think, to try and panic me (sometimes it works :cry:)

I live with him at the mo and my cat is at homw with my mum and dad, i want her with me and he said in the past that i could have her when we get out own place, he is now starting to go back on this and wont even help out with her food. So my mum has said that i need to think about what to do with her cos its not fair on my cat as she is fussy and only really likes attention from me. I dont want her to have to be rehomed or anything but i now have a feeling that he wont let me have her with us if we ever moved out together.

Has anyone been in a similar situation at all? Is this a relationship that can be saved or is it best to cut ties as hard as it will be and just move away from him?
 
Hmmm I'm sorry to hear things aren't great , sounds to me like you should go with your gut instinct , do YOU think your relationship is worth saving ? X
 
You need to sit and have a calm think chicky. All relationships go through ups and downs, but a successful relationship should have more ups than downs. Is there one particularly bad thing causing stress for you both? If there is, think back to before you had that negative impact, was it a really good relationship then? I'm very happy with my hubby who I have been with for 11 years, but in the early days an outside problem caused enormous stress and our relationship suffered. However, we both knew the situation was the issue, not us, and worked through it together. What I'm trying to say, is are you just generally unhappy in your relationship, or do you think you could put your finger on one thing that is the root problem of your unhappiness? Big hugs xxx
 
I'd go back home to the cat. Much less hassle. If you're in this rut now it really doesn't sound like its going to get better, especially if youre off jiggy.

If you have no kids or mortgage together it's an easy decision to make. Can I ask how old you are?
 
I think you have had that advice when you posted about this way back in October 2012, and again in January this year.
It would appear none of your fiancées behaviour has changed, and you are still no nearer achieving your own goals in life.

From the information you have given this man is controlling and manipulative and does not treat you well.

You are only young, and again from the information you have posted on here, this is not a healthy relationship for you. Walk away back to your parents, and the cat, and make a new happier life for yourself.
 
I've been in a very similar situation and I know it isn't fair feeling the way you do. You should be feeling happy in your relationship and even though you fight you should still look forward to seeing him and if you've stopped then the flame might have gone. Someone should make you feel like you're the most 'beautiful' female they are with and make you feel special. I know it would be hard to leave but sometimes love isn't enough anymore especially when change and progress isn't happening. 😭The main question is - Are you happy?! Or unhappy most of the time?! Xx
 
First of all, I'm really sorry to hear that you're in this situation for a long time.
It seems like an emotional rollercoaster, which isn't healthy.

I've read your other posts and it doesn't seem like anything is gonna change. I know that you really want to believe that it is, but if this is going on for such a long time than it seems to me that it isn't gonna change, not now, not over a month and there is a big chance (95%) you're still unhappy in a year if you stay. Since he is already in his 30's I don't think he will ever grow up.
It's really hard to admit that it isn't good, it might feel like you have failed, but you don't. He seems like a man that shouldn't be in a relationship. You probably couldn't have known this in the beginning.

If you stay, the controlling will probably get worse, and because of that you will never be able to fulfill your dream, do you have got the course yet? If you want your own business, this guy will always hold you back because of his own business, he seems like he is very selfish, so if he indeed is, he will always want to invest his money in his business, and maybe even expects you to do the same! Because it's 'from the 2 of you'.

If you leave, there isn't someone that holds you back anymore! You will have so much freedom, and when you realise that (may cost a few weeks) you will be so much happier. Make a list of the pro's and con's if that helps you. Wouldn't it be nice to put all your energy in your business instead of fighting with him?

Please don't be afraid hun, you don't have a house together, you don't have kids yet, so it's easy to go! Just pack your stuff and call your mom.
You have nothing to be afraid of, it will be hard in the beginning, but if I were you I rather feel bad for a few weeks and than move on and do whatever you want than feel bad because of another fight! Either way you feel bad. It's your choice in which way.
And about the job, if you really want a job you can find one, it can be though but just don't stay because of fear! I did once and it makes me really angry when I look back. Not going to bother you with that stories.
It will be better to have an empty space of a year than maybe 5 years.

Fights are normal, and I know you want to do anything to solve it, but sometimes you just can't, don't blame yourself for that, just go to your parents and think about it for a few days. Just don't let him manipulate you to act nice for a few days so this can start all over again, it seems like this has happened 100 times before, it's not that the 101 time it's going to be different (I'm sorry, I have to be honest, the chance is really really small)

I'm sorry if this sounds offensive, but this is the way I think of things because of experiences.
Hope you will be happy soon, with or without him.

Hugs x
 
This man is manipulative and controlling. I really do not like the fact that he is threatening you about his business problems and the fact that you are now showing signs of very low self esteem is a form of emotional abuse. You say HE WONT let you have your cat, again sounds to me like more control. There also seems to be a pattern of talking things through and thinking they are sorted for them later on to raise their head again. Could it be when things are "talked through" that maybe he uses controlling words and it's all just brushed under the carpet for an easier life???

Honestly, there are times on this forum when I just love being an older geek!! Again as I say over and over again we teach people how to treat us and if this is happening to you over and over again it's because you let it. I am so sorry to sound so harsh but I really think in this instance that your cat seems to be a much more attractive offer. Please don't let anyone tell you that you CANNOT keep your cat. You decide that for yourself. I don't know how old you are but for goodness sake don't just settle for someone because you are in a rut. If your partner is not bringing quality to your life and doesn't make you feel really great about yourself then my advice is to get out!!
 
If you're asking the question I think you probably already know the answer. Go with your gut!
 
Thanks guys for all your replies, it really does help me. I no longer have any really close friends and just somethings you cant talk to your mum about and my sister doesnt like him and she has just said when i decide what im doing she will back me the whole way but until then she is leaving me to it which is completely fair enough.

You guys are all right, im asking a question that i deep down i already know the answer.
 
How are things going now? x
 

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