Sensitive Situation. How Would You Handle It?

[tinkywinky]

Here's my advice - here's the vibe I also get when reading your message.

I feel this person is taking liberties, either this or she does not seem cut out to be a beauty therapist, which is belive me hard work at times setting up, cleaning putting back, etc in between sorting stuff out for clients and doing treatments etc.

She sounds like she is quite a lazy person and doesn't get it that you have to set things up and put them back.

TBH who would have guessed you had to do all this when starting a beauty course, I didn't think it would be so involved.

I personally think she will drop out or be told to leave, its a question of watch this space.

My advice to you is to mingle and have different partners to work with/on. Do not worry about this person anymore. I understand you are human and have worries and feelings, but that energy could be going into your work!

I did this on my beauty course and so I didn't get left with one person etc. I was there to study and that was that.

I met some lovely girls on my course, but my aim was to get through the syllabus and learn and practice as much as possible.

I think this is what you feel you should do; I'd just steer clear or ask someone else to work with you. Perhaps ask the tutor to rotate who you work with, that's if they aren't already doing that.

 

[bexi]

i dont think she'll get chucked out...thats from personal experince

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

Again, thank you all for your input :hug:. Just to clarify further..... I did say it was long and involved......... I think my tutor is dealing with it but maintaining discretion and confidentiality.

My tutor has spoken to XX and I have noted that XX has stayed after class. I did approach my tutor and ask how we, as a group could help XX. My tutor thanked me but said it was under control.

I am just trying to approach it from a student perspective. Some of you have said, "Leave well alone!"

Some have said, "Have a cuppa and try to learn more from XX."

Some have said, Approach tutor again." My tutor is very aware of the situation but I think she is trying to handle this discreetly. She obviously did not want to make a song and dance of an already embarrassing 30% today.

I know what it is to struggle and not receive the right help. I know what it is to fail.

Here is what I'm going to do based on all the input tonight. I am going to try and have a quiet chat with XX to see if I can learn more about why she is struggling. Based on this, I will offer some firm pointers. I will be kind but honest :hug: as she seems to value my work.

She may take it ...... she may not. After this, I will step back and focus on my ability to pass this diploma to the best that I can.

Thank you all again. I am truely appreciative. xx

 

[Chameleon]

....and THAT i think is the best thing you can do Tracey....good luck:hug:

 

[rouge]

Lots of really good advice here. I also agree with someone (sorry, can't remember who!) who said it's not being selfish, to want to concentrate on getting the most out of your course that you have paid good, hard-earned money for and that you've loooked forward to doing for a long time. It's a difficult enough course to do without having to carry somebody else through it too. Definitely, after you've spoken to her, step back from her and let your tutor deal with her.

Good luck with this situation, and with the rest of your course! Now get on and enjoy it.

 

[bexi]

good luck, i did try pming but you popular thing your fully inboxed!!!

 

[dee]

good luck hun , hope it goes well :hug:

 

[blossom]

Tracey I think you are right in doing what you feel you must, like a last ditch attempt to help, and then step back and concentrate on your course. :hug: You sound like a lovely concerned person and she is lucky to be on the course with someone who cares. Good luck to both of you. xx

 

[izzidoll]

She may take it ...... she may not. After this, I will step back and focus on my ability to pass this diploma to the best that I can.

Thank you all again. I am truely appreciative. xx

Sounds like a good plan, especially the last bit I highlighted!! good luck.

Obviously your tutor is dealing with it, but she really should be rotating your work partners anyway, as it is beneficial for you all to get to work with different members of the class.

 

[pennijar]

i dont think she'll get chucked out...thats from personal experince

I agree totally Bexi, there was a girl on my Level 2, we lost track of the number of times we were told she was off the course for non-attendance, not working, not wearing uniform etc, but she always turned up again, and guess what the tutors made sure she passed the course in the end.

I really feel for you hun, I got stuck with someone similar on my level 2, we were supposed to swop round but no-one wanted to swop as they were all younger and we were both mature students, luckily for me she finally took the hint that she didn't have a hope in hell of passing and she dropped out, only after I ended up with holes through my nail plates, yep thats how bad she was. I then ended up with a brilliant partner who wanted to learn just as much as I did. We both went on to pass the course with flying colours.

I would definately speak with your tutor, get her to talk to her, refuse point blank to work with her, the tutor will have to partner her with someone else. Explain that you want to pass the course and you feel you are being pulled right down by this woman, tell her she will not set up or clean up after treatments, she is copying your work etc etc, be totally honest. I know how much courses cost, it is your right to be given every chance of getting good exam results, that is what you are there for. I am not being horrid, but just talking from experience, some people are life's takers and you don't need that. Don't sit back and take any more, if you feel your Tutor isn't helping, speak to whoever is above her. You Paid for Your Course and you need to get your moniesworth.

Joan

 

[marioned]

As a teacher (admittedly working with children to age 12 only) I feel your plan is a good one, but I think before you step back you will need to speak to your tutor again. You are on this course to learn and as you are always partnered with this student, this is making it difficult for you.

Your tutor is the one with the knowledge, who you are learning from, BUT I'm sure you also learn from the other students you are working with. This seems like a one way parnership at the moment, and you should not be "carrying" this student all the time, without getting anything back. I feel you should speak to your tutor again before you take your "step back", as the problem has not been sorted.

It is all very well the tutor saying it is being handled, but what she is currently doing (maybe giving extra after class support to this student?) isn't helping your problem. To me, it seems only fair that you rotate, to get experience of the other students skills and knowledge.

Just my tuppence worth! HTH
Marion X

 

[Rhino]

I have dyslexia, I never use it as an excuse all it should do is make you work harder - at least it does me! sometimes we all struggle with learning new things..and our confidence takes a bashing once we out of our comfort zones - but feeling sorry for her is going to make her burden to you and helping her will not help her at all in the long run - you can take a horse to water - but can not make it drink !! she has to help herself !! surely your tutor's role is to deal with those who struggle or do not pull their weight

 

[Zo Zo]

Tracey, I have done quite a few courses and as a single parent, I haven't always had to pay for them. However, I wanted to do them. But I was astonished about the number of girls on the courses who did not seem interested, so I thought 'why?' are you here? Why are you spending your time doing this if you are not interested? and over time I began to realise that 'some' people on benefits are encouraged to do courses to get them back into the workplace, they do the courses for free, they often get financial assistance for their kits etc, but they have simply picked any old course out of the prospectus, without having the passion to make something out of it.

So, she may well not be interested. She may not see how she is going to make it work even if she qualifies. She may be very tired. (Crikey some days I feel like a zombie!) My instinct would have been to nurture her in the begining, but like you, I would now be getting fed up and I would be trying to distance myself!

The tutor (imo) should definitely be insisting you work with differnt partners every week. It just makes sense! You get to know each other and you work on different people. You will learn so much more than working on the same person each week.

Also, and this is an extreme example I know, but my husband was a very heavy drinker, so prone to ill-health, accidents etc, would steal to buy drink etc, but when we went to mediation the counsellor told me (and this was after we had already split up) that all the time I was helping him, i.e. cooking him meals, lending him money, I was stopping him from hitting rock bottom, and he needed to hit rock bottom in order to help himself.

It's a very hard thing to do, step back and watch someone flounder and resist helping, but maybe you have to be cruel to be kind.

Hope it sorts itself out :hug:

 

[littlegrohl]

This is a long one but has been niggling at me since the first day I started college 4 weeks ago. I did seek advice initially from a few peeps and things improved, but there are still issues and I would like to know how you feel I should handle it?

13 in our group, mixed age with a few late teens to early 20's, a few 30 plus, one 40 then me 43 and then one 52 yr old. We all get on well and there is a nice vibe in the class. The 52 yr old is a nice enough person but I honestly can't see her going the distance with the course as she does not seem to be coping. She sat next to me on our first day and we sort of got paired up together.

This is how the story goes; At the beginning of term XX kept borrowing my writing tools. No big deal but it became constant, then one day she borrowed a pen (okay just a stupid pen) but then I had to ask for it back, whereupon she returned it with no lid. I asked for the lid so she returned it with the wrong lid (didn't even fit) so I asked for the correct lid please. Then she returned the wrong pen:grr:.

Now you may think I'm getting wound up about nothing, but this was after I had to speak to my tutor, as XX was not helping me set up or clear away after waxing, facials etc..... And I mean just that. She would do nothing, nudda, but stand and watch!! I got wax pots, bowls, towels bedding etc..... and noticed that she would excuse herself to the loo or ramble through her kit bag for nothing in particular. She would use any stalling technuiqe possible to avoid setting up or clearing away.

I tried to give her instructions for various jobs but to no avail. Chatted with my tutor again and this time she gave us set jobs to supervise such as WW check that bins are empty, YY check cabinets are tidy etc..... Well XX was given a simple job which she did then packed her bags and watched me run like a mad person clearing up our waxing station by myself :irked: !! I suggested she start helping to clear away and her answer was, "But I wasn't given that job":grr::grr::grr:.

I lost the will to live at this point, so my tutor had a word with her and she has improved somewhat but she just seems so vague most of the time. She is not coping with the syllabus. In our twice weekly tests, the rest of the class are scoring 90% plus. Her marks are in the 20's and 30% or 50% and a college pass is 60% plus. She did get 67% once but I know the tutor gave the marks away to help boost her morale.

I know she has a few difficult family issues as she is a single mum. I don't know if she has a learning difficulty like dyslexia, but college does offer help for such difficultties. We had a very simple test today to lable a basic diagram of the nail for 10 marks. We were all told that this is what the test would be and we all have the exact same diagram in our notes. We all got 100% and she got 30%. I just felt so sorry for her as she was quite humiliated, but to be honest, I don't think she is revising at home as we all are.

Here is my question. Do I help her and try to support her a bit or do I let her sink? I am also a student and have to learn myself, plus I have a family to care for. She definitely lacks confidence and I've offered a bit of help, but I find she then tends to rely on me putting in the work. For example, I will draw a simple diagram to help me understand something which she then copies, so I kinda feel she is benefitting from all my efforts because it's easier to get the work off me. This will not help her in the long run and my colleagues also find her efforts dire.

Sorry this has been a long one. I want to handle this sensitively. I want to be kind but I also don't want to be taken advantage of.

What do you make of this?

Can i be brutally honest here.. This is no reflection on you.. but i am confused...

Are you mad because she keeps borrowing stuff?
If so tell her no.. Be straight forward with her from the start.. dont keep lending her stuff and mulling over it..

Are you mad because she doesnt tidy up after herself.. or help you with the set tasks?
well i have to say there is one in every course i have ever done.. I distance myslef from that person and leave them to it.. you have approached the tutor.. if this is still a problem speak up.. tell her your not doing it alone..

You feel sorry for her about her test scores?
Her test scores are just that.. Hers.. and i have to say i dont really feel comfortable reading that part as i feel that this should be something that shouldnt be aired in any forum.. I would be devastated personally..You seem to know everyones do they read out test results at your college.. because at mine they were private..only shared by the pupils..
That said.. its not your problem what her tests scores.. you should concentrate more on your own..

Do you feel sorry for her?
I understand that.. but dont let it become more of an issue then getting what you need from the course.. like you said at the start.. you dont think she will do the distance.. you will.. concentrate on that!

You sound like the sort of person who takes on everyone elses problems to a certain extent.. Its a great quality to have.. but you can get trodden on in the process.. you need to toughen up a bit with her.. think about it.. she made it this far without you..

Harsh? Yea probably.. and i am by no means aiming to have a go.. just felt that if she is disrupting your time then you need to tackle it head on.
:green:

 

[Klassy Klaws]

I don't mean to sound harsh but it is clear this is affecting you,if you take responsibility of her it will only get worse and grind you down

This is your tutors job,not yours,now enjoy your course :!: :hug:

Sorry to be harsh but I am with Becki on this one hun.
You need to concentrate on yourself and put all your efforts into doing well you don't need to be fretting about this lady she is an adult after all and very capable of looking after herself.
The tutor is responsible for the class so leave it to her to sort out:hug:
Good luck :hug:

 

[Terese]

Oh dear I empathised with you when I read your thread. On my course last year, we had a mature woman who would NOT clear up or put away, first out of the door, last in.....no way was she going to give us an ounce of help clearing up, she would turn up with clients not booked in, it made for an unhealthy working relationship...what did we do........the majority of us would just get on with our own stuff. We would just get on with our work, clear our own mess up and help each other. If you want a laugh.....and I know it sounds petty.....she placed all her waxing items on my and other therapist trolley..after we had put away. I stood there and said "Oh where has this come from, its not ours as we have put ours away I,ll put it by the reception area ............" Tutor came along and said whos is this quite a few of us said out loud the womans name.....I thought cheeky cow.
When you get clients in...it wont get better with her.....try chatting to her and see what you can phathom out like Theresa and others have said she may be nervous,have low self esteem from not working or maybe mixing with others for a while..you never know, she may also see her behaviour as ordinary, so mingle with others on your course, after all its good to get the experience with different skin types!
Im sure it will work out ok for you, I was speaking from my own personal experience, have a chat..take it from there
Apologies for the warbling

 

[Noodle]

Whilst it's always hard to sit back and watch someone else struggling, sometimes even heartless, I think it's important to look after number one in this situation.

Ultimately, your tutor holds the responsibility so let her do her job, and you concentrate on the course which lies ahead of you.

Good luck Tracey x

 

[rouge]

Just a thought, but if she's not helping you set up and tidy away, I think I would start doing it and if she's faffing around, say in a voice loud enough for your tutor to hear ' XX could you give me some help here please?' It may embarrass her into actually doing what she's supposed to be doing, and let her know that you're not going to let her get away with it any more. It will also let the tutor know that there is still a problem.

 

[Mrs.Clooney]

Just thought I would add that our tutor is mixing us up as pairs and we are working with different people all the time.

Sad thing is everybody else knows they will eventually have their turn to be paired up with her and nobody really wants to. As pathetic as it sounds, one student JUMPED at the opportunity to share a maicure table with her yesterday as she thought a mani was safer than facial by her.

 

[blossom]

You are no more responsible for this woman that anyone else on the course Tracey (apart from the tutor of course lol). Just because the others don't give two hoots, it doesn't mean you have to step in and take her under your wing.