Should I be angry and hurt?

[greenreader29]

My daughter just had her baby. Her fiancé could post on Facebook (I do not have a Facebook) but when I asked for information , I was told and I quote "No news is good news. If something worth knowing happens I will let you know. " her water broke on Monday and the last time we talked was at 5pm. At 8 am Tuesday , people start calling me wanting info, I live 1700 miles away. I waited until 4 pm and sent a text to her fiancé and got the previous message. At 7pm I told him , I am her mother and I'm worried about her, please tell me what is going on. I got one sentence" she is fine" she was having a home birth. He facetimed with me and he had friends over but couldn't or wouldn't tell me anything. So at 2 am I text asking how r things, he calls and says they are going to hospital she's been pushing for 3 hours and no baby. Don't hear from him again till 3 hours later and it's a picture of my daughter and baby, says didn't have csection. One of my friends was on Facebook this morning and knows all the vitals and details everything by his postings yet I was left in dark. Would you be hurt and angry??

 

[pure]

Yes I think I would! It's totally inappropriate as her mother, that you weren't one of the first people to be told everything. What's your relationship like with him?
However huge congratulations on becoming a grandma

 

[mlea79]

Can I ask why you didnt text ur daughter? I think thats what I would've done or rung and asked to speak to her? I suppose it all depends on how close u are. My mum was with me during both my births along with my hubby and I couldn't have done it without her. Have u spoke to ur daughter since? I definatly think I would be upset but I dont know how it will pan out me having 2 boys lol

 

[greenreader29]

Can I ask why you didnt text ur daughter? I think thats what I would've done or rung and asked to speak to her? I suppose it all depends on how close u are. My mum was with me during both my births along with my hubby and I couldn't have done it without her. Have u spoke to ur daughter since? I definatly think I would be upset but I dont know how it will pan out me having 2 boys lol

I did message her and no answer :/ she shut her phone off. I had planned on being her coach but she had her early, we are close talk to each other everyday. Finally spoke to her about 10 minutes ago, she's tired slurring her words so I just said I would talk to her later

 

[greenreader29]

Yes I think I would! It's totally inappropriate as her mother, that you weren't one of the first people to be told everything. What's your relationship like with him?
However huge congratulations on becoming a grandma

The relationship is , I agree to get along so my daughter is happy, he is not my favorite person and I don't like his style of living and they way he is. Likes to frequent strip clubs and get drunk and says no big if you don't pay your bills.
We had a blow up 3 years ago. But I helped him pick her engagement ring so we have worked through things some.

 

[AcidPerm]

There's nothing wrong with feeling hurt and angry. You're entitled to have feelings, after all.

However, I think you probably have to suck it up for the moment and not say anything to your daughter about how you feel other than delighted with the news.

He's obviously enjoying his bit of power in deciding how much information to share with you and your daughter is probably physically too knackered to care much one way or the other at the moment.

Some people take time to adjust to learning to be a responsible parent and in the meantime, your daughter might need your support during this period of change.

If it was me, I'd just let him get on with it and be there when your daughter calls and don't mention how he's deliberately trying to upset you. He obviously knows you don't approve of him so just be courteous when you do speak. If you don't respond angrily, what can he do?

It's probably going to be a very long road ahead so just navigate it slowly and don't let him antagonise you.

Just keep thinking about your lovely grandchild and your ultimate relationship with them.

I had a friend who had a rocky period with her daughter and she didn't get to see her granddaughter until she was 4 years old! She told me once that if she'd had been as non confrontational as her ex-husband, she'd have probably got to see her much sooner.

Congratulations on becoming a granny. It's a grand role in life. :green:

 

[dandelionpoppy]

First of all, I totally understand how you feel. You gave birth to your daughter, and when she was in labour I bet you counted every minute.

Emotionally, take her partner out of the equation. Enjoy the relationship you have with your daughter, and don't let anything get in the way of your lovely new role as Granny. It's the best!

 

[greenreader29]

Thanks everybody , I appreciate it. I will never tell my daughter what happened. I fly out on fri , let me share with you what she just sent

 

[satchel]

Many congratulations. BEAUTIFUL baby. Your heart must be so full.

I agree with the others above. (But I'm a bit blunt and from what I've read, he sounds like a bit of a d-bag. Actually not a bit of one, but a big one. Maybe he will turn himself around now.) That being said, people now communicate electronically in different ways. I loathe FB, but I'm always on Instagram. So I would post something on IG, but never FB or text it. But you are her Mom, so that part is odd. The great thing, a healthy baby is here and your amazing daughter is now a Mom and doing well.

Safe travels!! Have an amazing time!!!

 

[AcidPerm]

Aww, Gorgeous!

How's your daughter doing?

I hope you remember take lots of photos and at least you have the benefit of FaceTime & Skype these days. I love 'chatting' to our 18 month old grandson.

 

[LilCheekyMonkey]

As others have said let it be for now and enjoy seeing your new grandchild.

Though I do hope your daughter has words with him! I'd be mortified if my partner did that to my mum. I'd make sure he'd apologise to her and send her flowers.

Anyway, enjoy your trip and get lots of pictures, maybe without him in them lol. xx

 

[greenreader29]

My daughter is good, thanks for asking. Were having a great visit, both are healthy
Me and Millie

 

[pure]

Lovely picture