So devastated - positive vibes please

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My thoughts are with you at this most difficult and heart breaking time. Xxx
 
I do think that he did probably fight longer because he didnt know he had 8 weeks. A woman I know had terminal cancer and was told she had 8 weeks, she passed a week later. Her husband said he believes when she heard that she just gave up but I suppose that could be different with different people.

Also I second a good word for the hospice as the care my nan got was excellent and they managed her pain very well and we weren't restricted with visits and we all had some great times in there as a whole family, I know its probably not what you wanna think about right now & I hope you are keeping well & strong as im sure you are xx
 
Thank you. we have been put in touch with our local hospice who have a really good name locally, mum had a little op today just to make her more comfy but sadly not to cure.
 
Stay strong xxx
 
Thinking of you and your family blossom Xxxx
 
Positive thoughts to you Blossom, and your family.

My mum is going in for surgery next week after three "inconclusive" biopsies to see if she has the cancer that killed her brother.

We're all a mess.

Make sure you look after yourself in this difficult time.

:hug:
 
Wow that is interesting. Thank you so much for that info, much appreciated, and everyone else for your kind words.

I think spirit/mindset plays a major part. Probably in everything. I lost my dad to cancer when i was just 7, (he was 40). They said he had 8 weeks. But he never knew what he had, he thought he had some kidney probs but had no idea it was cancer. With me a little girl, mum bravely kept it from him (at great personal torture to herself),she didnt want him to think he might never see me again every time we said goodbye at the hospital. They said 8 weeks. He lived 6 months. With no chemo or radiotherapy, nothing in those days.

Perhaps because he didnt know?

They wouldnt do that these days with patients charter but it tortures me that she did that for him and now has to go through this herself.

Thanks again for the nutrition info, am looking into it and have ordered a nutribullet last night ready for juicing. (There was a good thread on here about it)

In these dark times i cant tell you how much it means to have the support of you guys.

Thank you again xx

No problem at all, its a horrible horrible situation and when it happens to both parents it's like someone up there is just being cruel. However what it does do is make you really think about what's important in life, and at the end of the day we are all going to the same place and nobody knows when. It really does force you to think about today.

I don't think anyone even doctors can accurately predict timescales, because it's so easy to obsess over it and think of it like a count down instead of making the most of every day. Life is a real challenge sometimes but your not alone :) There's a lot to be said about the power of the mind. I remember I watched a documentary on it once, and they were saying that sometimes when people are in accidents and end up in court over it, they only actually stop feeling the pain when they receive compensation and it's all over.

Like the other geeks have said, I also believe in complimentary therapies i.e. reiki and massage etc. I know there's controversy over massage because when we are taught they say oh no massage can spread cancer cells. According to my research, there's actually no evidence to suggest this, and more importantly massage boosts your immune system as well as having so many other benefits. There is so much out there for your Mum. And nutribullets are amazing, a great way to get some fruit and veg into you with very little effort, and so easy to clean.

Remember your not alone, sending lots of love xxx
 
Hi Blossom,

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I lost my dad to lung cancer, he was given 6 months and I believe his spirit was the reason he lived two years from diagnosis to his passing.

I am studying nutrition at the moment and when I seen your post I knew I needed to comment. One of the girls on my course has a friend who was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the pancreas, two years ago. He was given 6 months max to live. He had nothing to lose so he embarked on a juicing plan, meditation, yoga and nutrition for optimum health. 2 years later my friend said he's never looked better, full of energy etc. cancer wise, who is to say what will happen but he believes his lifestyle change is the reason he is still here, and I can see why. He's enjoying a full and happy life.

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, it was caught early and she has finished treatment and I'm now trying to advise her on wee lifestyle changes but she isn't really interested, which is fair enough! I can see where she is coming from. But from my point of view, surely feeding your body with nothing but nutritious, wholesome food has god to have a positive impact on your physical and mental health. It has to! I'm reading books on it at the moment and it really is fascinating stuff.

I just wanted to share this wee story of hope with you, sending you hugs xx

Great post. I think we all underestimate that we actually are what we eat, and that our bodies have a massive capacity to self heal if we just help rather than inhibit the process through diet and lifestyle.
 
Shes going to be coming home in a few days, we are in touch with the hospice and nurses will come out sometimes but mum wants to remain at home while possible. Unfortunately stepdad has dementia and while not bad enough to go into a home., he is no way able to look after her so i will be going in 3/4/5 times a day to check all ok, do meals and meds.

Ive just taken 2 whole weeks off but need to start doing a few clients again for pennies and to keep my business going. So will be alternating between client and care.

Its the least i can do for her to make sure shes ok. If stepdad wasnt around i would have her to live with me but there we are. And the offer will always be there.

Thanks for following this thread. Anyone have any tips on coping or done anything like this?? Xxx
 
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Sorry to hear how hard things are at the moment.

A couple of thoughts...

Does your mum have any friends who might be looking to visit and keep her company? They might prefer you to help them arrange it if they're not sure and worried about getting in the way.

Sometimes people can be a bit paralysed about wanting to help but a bit scared to make the first move.

You also need to give yourself a bit of time off from caring & working occasionally to recharge your batteries otherwise you can be in danger of getting so drained, you're not much help to anyone. This is just my personal experience btw, so it might not apply to your situation. :hug:
 
So sorry to hear your sad news blossom. Hugs and prayers to you and your mum x

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As she will be staying at home try ringing Marie curie. They specialise in end of life care and are lovely. As you will be juggling things they will be able to offer support by spending a few hours a day with your mum to give you some time for yourself, they are all trained and would be able to give medication Aswell. They are free so there is a high demand for their care. Also there's a free service called crossroads in most areas which are also free, their not medically trained but will sit with your mum a few hours at a time to also help ease the strain. Also some counties have provide a free nhs care scheme for people staying at home. Carers who are trained in end of life care, who will work alongside you and district nurses, you could always start with one check call a day and then up the calls if needed. Keep strong and sending love x
 
Positive thoughts to you Blossom, and your family.

My mum is going in for surgery next week after three "inconclusive" biopsies to see if she has the cancer that killed her brother.

We're all a mess.

Make sure you look after yourself in this difficult time.

:hug:

Ajay I hope she's ok xx
 
Hey there. Some great advice here. I agree with what the geeks have said. I would say take all of the help that you can possibly get. I remember juggling work with caring for my dad in his last few weeks, and for some reason I thought I had to cope alone. Totally unnecessary! Get in touch with Marie curie or any other hospice support team, they are actually amazing. Such nice, genuine and caring people. It's good just to know that you have someone to call if you just need to speak to someone. Also, they may be able to advise you if you are entitled to some form of carers benefit, which helps if your taking time off work? All you really can do is be there for your mum and focus on today, it's all anyone ever really has. And laugh, watch funny films, talk about funny things. When we found out mum had cancer the first thing my sister said was "I'm not going out with you wearing a dodgy bloody wig, get it sorted!", to others that might sound harsh but we all laughed together and it helped us a lot. What's life if you can't smile and laugh :)

Thinking of you xx
 
Thanks so much for the support, it means such a lot at this sad time.

Mum is coming home this week sometime and i'm going to sleep at hers as she will feel more secure. (My stepdad will b there but he has dementia so i can understand how she feels and i want to be there for her).

I am thinking i will try and do just 2/3 appointments a day at my house in between caring for plus carers are going in as well.

The bit that scares me most, apart from the obvious, and i feel stupid saying it, is that i will be in charge of her medication as some of it will be quite heavy as time goes on. But my stepdad certainly cant be in control of it so i have to. Why am i so scared? Xx
 
Big hugs to you. It must be so daunting. With the medication you can get the pharmacy to sort it for you and put it in blister packs if that would make it easier with everything else you have to do. Thinking of you xxx
 
Thanks so much for the support, it means such a lot at this sad time.

Mum is coming home this week sometime and i'm going to sleep at hers as she will feel more secure. (My stepdad will b there but he has dementia so i can understand how she feels and i want to be there for her).

I am thinking i will try and do just 2/3 appointments a day at my house in between caring for plus carers are going in as well.

The bit that scares me most, apart from the obvious, and i feel stupid saying it, is that i will be in charge of her medication as some of it will be quite heavy as time goes on. But my stepdad certainly cant be in control of it so i have to. Why am i so scared? Xx

I think it's natural to be scared. It's your mum and you want to make sure it's right. Just take one step at a time and try not to get bogged down by the minutiae.

My only other suggestion is to make sure there are no ticking clicks around your mum. It may sound silly but when I was caring for a loved one someone pointed out that they hear time ticking away. We moved the clock and she became calmer. We made sure she could see the time, just not hear it.

I'm really into feng shui as well so we tried to make the room a positive place to be. Removing any rubbish immediately, keeping it tidy, using plants etc. It make it a more harmonious area, not just for the loved one but for the carers as well.

Good luck on your journey

Vic x

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So very,very sorry to read your news.Keep strong and look after yourself as well xx.
 
So sorry. You are my thoughts xxx
 
Blossom hope you and your family are doing ok.

With regards to medication, when my mother in law was ill, her husband made a spreadsheet with each drug down the left hand side and hourly intervals along the top. Then he'd simply enter the dose ie 20mls or 1 tablet in the corresponding box. It really helped all of us as although we couldn't control what was happening, at least we had organisation and could focus properly when we were with her. It also helped when the nurses would visit that they knew exactly what was going on.

I really feel for you, it's a dreadful situation to be in and being a 'bystander' for want of a better word, is awful as well. You'll have some utterly crap days and others where you'll feel guilty if you laugh, and then you'll have some really touching moments that you'll never forget.

Just please remember to be kind to yourself through all of this xx

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