Stag night and strippers?

[mimmimus]

Hi girls
My fiance is going to a stag night and needs to be away for 3 days as its far away in another state. I will be at home obviously on my own and I am recently pregnant and feeling very vulnerable. My issue is that there will most likely be strippers there as we are in australia and its the norm here and they can be quite full on. I am hugely uncomfortable and not okay with this. I dont know what to do. We have spoken about it, to him its usual for a stag night but where I come froim it is not. I am dreading those 3 days.. I dont know what to do to feel okay about this. I fully trust him and all that he would never cheat on me but I just really dont agree with this it is killing me... Any advice?? am i overreacting?

 

[Selina]

I wouldn't say your overeacting. If it's something that really doesn't sit well with you then you are more than entitled to feel how you feel.

However, personally it's not something that would bother me. I trust my other half and see it as a bit of fun and part of tradition for a stag do (probably more for the benefit of the other people with him more than the stag himself haha). I would let him enjoy his celebration with his friends knowing it's me that he loves and is going to be with forever anyway. I doubt he would suddenly fall in love with a stripper and run away with her lol xx

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[mimmimus]

its not like i think he will run away with a stripper lol, its more like i dont agree with the whole thing, I dont even see the point and i think its hugely disrespectful. I would probably be okay with a strip club (although I dont agree with that either) but its more the private show type of thing I have a real issue with and feel sick even thinking about it
Maybe I should be more relaxed about it, find it very hard though and its causing disagreement between us which we never have otherwise, just this stupid strip thing!

 

[Nikki May]

Strippers get paid a fortune by men stupid enough to pay to watch them dance. God I would to it if I was thin and could dance. It's just fun for stag dos. I mean I've paid to see men get their kit off for hen dos. It's just fun, and when in a year's time when it's all over you will never think of it again. Is it worth the stress and upset to yourself?

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[Kate Minerva]

I know a lot of girls out there that don't like strip clubs and hate it when there oh goes to one. It doesn't personally bother me. But one of my best friends hates it if they go away on stag dos because of this. Have you ever been in a strip club? I don't think they are as bad as they sound. Someone paid for me to have a dance with my oh once - more for them to laugh at my face. I didn't know where to look!! but I can see how they are just a bit of fun. People's opinions on them are so different though. Your definitely bit overreacting you can't help how you feel about them and you definitely aren't alone feeling the way you do. Xx

 

[mimmimus]

Thanks girls. I may be overreacting, I am quite conservative sometimes. I have also never been to a strip club so perhaps that makes it worse in my mind. I am not insecure about my looks but I dont like the thought of someone sticking their bits in my fiances face. It hurts my feelings. Also, it feels so crap sitting at home on my own while he is three days away and seeing strippers while Im here with my belly and all alone. I have just relocated here with him so I dont know anyone so I have no girlfriends to talk with etc... which makes it worse. It does helt what you are saying though, maybe it seems worse than it is in my mind since Ive never even been to a strip show or club or anything like it

 

[collin]

Hi girls
My fiance is going to a stag night and needs to be away for 3 days as its far away in another state. I will be at home obviously on my own and I am recently pregnant and feeling very vulnerable. My issue is that there will most likely be strippers there as we are in australia and its the norm here and they can be quite full on. I am hugely uncomfortable and not okay with this. I dont know what to do. We have spoken about it, to him its usual for a stag night but where I come froim it is not. I am dreading those 3 days.. I dont know what to do to feel okay about this. I fully trust him and all that he would never cheat on me but I just really dont agree with this it is killing me... Any advice?? am i overreacting?

Having spent the last few years in OZ there is most definitely a different culture there with the guys and gals as there is here in the UK ..and yes the strip acts most certainly are more ..well...full on than we see here in the UK

That said from what I saw hen parties were just as full on as stag ones and in many cases even worse ...its just the way it is there I guess

The thing is...is to be grown up about it...he is committed to you and will be marrying you ....weres the real harm here . its life .so he gets an eyeful of candy and has a good time out with the boys .that doesn't mean he is going to be unfaithful.

I know a stripper out of the gold coast.. yes she gets her kit of and does all sorts of weird and wonderful things with ping pong balls and the like ...she is a single mum To her its a job and pays the bills.
Just because she does what she does doesn't mean she sleeps with all the guys that come to her show

Ok so he will have fun ...and rest assured you will be the beneficiary of his night out :wink2:

If you are looking to become one through life..there needs to exist trust between you ...start that trust now

HTH and that all goes well for you both in the future

 

[amys-beauty]

I would busy yourself up for the 3 days. Have something to look forward to. Have a Skype or get on the phone to friends and family. Maybe look at some spa deals. Get loads of food in, get a pedi bath or fill up your washing up tub with warm water and bubbles and have a movie night. Have a sort through of clothes/cupboards. Decorate the nursery.

I know where your coming from. My bf wanted to go magaluf for 10 days with a bunch of single lads who didn't stop talking about getting prossies n strippers. I broke down in the end n said I can't take it n he didn't go. I know a lot of geeks won't agree and people around me were half n half but for me I just couldn't handle it. 3 days will fly by, and he won't necessarily have a stripper.

 

[mimmimus]

Having spent the last few years in OZ there is most definitely a different culture there with the guys and gals as there is here in the UK ..and yes the strip acts most certainly are more ..well...full on than we see here in the UK

That said from what I saw hen parties were just as full on as stag ones and in many cases even worse ...its just the way it is there I guess

The thing is...is to be grown up about it...he is committed to you and will be marrying you ....weres the real harm here . its life .so he gets an eyeful of candy and has a good time out with the boys .that doesn't mean he is going to be unfaithful.

I know a stripper out of the gold coast.. yes she gets her kit of and does all sorts of weird and wonderful things with ping pong balls and the like ...she is a single mum To her its a job and pays the bills.
Just because she does what she does doesn't mean she sleeps with all the guys that come to her show

Ok so he will have fun ...and rest assured you will be the beneficiary of his night out :wink2:

If you are looking to become one through life..there needs to exist trust between you ...start that trust now

HTH and that all goes well for you both in the future

Thank you for the advice.. I will try and work on it.. I do trust him. What annoys me is that I asked what they were going to do and he said paint ball and then later I asked if there willl be strippers and he said yes.. I said why didnt you tell me then? he said because he knew how peed off and upset Id be. So that makes me feel like he isnt telling me what is really happening at the stag do either and will probably make it sound much kinder than it were and that pees me off... Its 8 weeks until this stupid stag do and its causing me too much stress. I wish I could relax more and not be so bothered about it. I dont feel I can tell him not to go either Id feel very bad. Ill work on it!

 

[facelashbrow]

I hate it too. Yes its my own problem that it makes me feel insecure amd I don't think my husband will fall in love and run off with them...I also think strippers are the ones laughing, making money out of the men. However. If my husband had bare t&a in his face in a club on a night out I would be furious and upset and its not something I would expect he'd ever do without fear of repurcussions, so why is it ok when they pay for it? I dont like the idea of him paying to be turned on by someone who isnt me.

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[PinkSwoon]

I wouldn't like it either. My OH is mine & if the tables were turned he would hate it. To think that some other woman is flaunting herself infront of him winds me up but it's double sided for me, I saw a video of a girl in my village with a male stripper and I was shocked, fair enough if you're single but I have enough respect for my partner and myself to not let another guy rub his tackle up and down me haha

 

[mimmimus]

glad someone else has the same feelings... I dont know exactly what the scenario will be but I am upset already .. and nothing has even happened. I know the strippers are really full on here. I feel like things like this ruin so much, If my fiance had a stripper at his stag do then Id call off the wedding pretty much. This however is not his own stag do so he cant decide what happens there and I cant tell him not to go as I dont want to take that away from him as I know he wants to go but it is really upsetting altho I try to work on it and to feel more okay about it. It is what they do here! I just dont see how its okay only beause you are paying for it, if it were for free it wouldnt be okay right?

 

[collin]

Thank you for the advice.. I will try and work on it.. I do trust him. What annoys me is that I asked what they were going to do and he said paint ball and then later I asked if there willl be strippers and he said yes.. I said why didnt you tell me then? he said because he knew how peed off and upset Id be. So that makes me feel like he isnt telling me what is really happening at the stag do either and will probably make it sound much kinder than it were and that pees me off... Its 8 weeks until this stupid stag do and its causing me too much stress. I wish I could relax more and not be so bothered about it. I dont feel I can tell him not to go either Id feel very bad. Ill work on it!

speaking from a guys perspective..maybe ,given that he knows your conservative stance in life,that it would upset you.

the main thing is when asked directly...he didn't lie to you or try to hide things.

Rest assured that this event is one that is more than likely to have been organised by his friends and is very much a part of the Australian macho way of things down under

go give him a kiss and a hug and tell him you love him ...he will be feeling guilty about the whole thing for sure

There are phases in life and things people do during those phases that when you are older and in a different phase of life that you look back on as part of your journey together...its these things and the many other things that will define your relationship and make it one that is full of the most important ingredient ...trust and love for each other.

Also ....make a point at some point to go to one of these events together ..if nothing other than one of life's many experiences

 

[collin]

I know where your coming from. My bf wanted to go magaluf for 10 days with a bunch of single lads who didn't stop talking about getting prossies n strippers. I broke down in the end n said I can't take it n he didn't go. I know a lot of geeks won't agree and people around me were half n half but for me I just couldn't handle it. 3 days will fly by, and he won't necessarily have a stripper.

I think you were quite right with this..one thing seeing a strip show on a stag night...something completely different for a committed guy within a relationship to go on a 10 day singles vacation with a bunch of randy single guys

far to much for a man..or woman for that matter to ask me feels :hug:

 

[amys-beauty]

I think you were quite right with this..one thing seeing a strip show on a stag night...something completely different for a committed guy within a relationship to go on a 10 day singles vacation with a bunch of randy single guys

far to much for a man..or woman for that matter to ask me feels :hug:

Thanks Colin. The lads have just come back n I'm so glad he didn't go. However I got a lot of stick for it... Your only young once... He won't be doing lads holidays forever... Can't believe your bf is so whipped. For me it wasn't appropriate, they're doing a last lads holiday next year which I'm okay with aslong as it's not magaluf again! Hopefully more of the lads get gfs (I doubt that though) and I'll go away to see my friend in Spain so I'm not home worrying and missing him.

Same as the OP I do trust him but if it doesn't sit right with yourself or isn't appropriate, you just can't help the way you feel. If he's not the stag I'm sure he won't get a lap dance, I thought that was mainly just for the stag or am I wrong?

 

[Cherry Darling]

I would never let my husband go to a strip bar, it would send me on a downward spiral. All I'd be thinking is "did he?" and "what if?" If something doesn't agree with you and upsets you then surely he would leave it and do something else instead?

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[mimmimus]

Thanks Colin. The lads have just come back n I'm so glad he didn't go. However I got a lot of stick for it... Your only young once... He won't be doing lads holidays forever... Can't believe your bf is so whipped. For me it wasn't appropriate, they're doing a last lads holiday next year which I'm okay with aslong as it's not magaluf again! Hopefully more of the lads get gfs (I doubt that though) and I'll go away to see my friend in Spain so I'm not home worrying and missing him.

Same as the OP I do trust him but if it doesn't sit right with yourself or isn't appropriate, you just can't help the way you feel. If he's not the stag I'm sure he won't get a lap dance, I thought that was mainly just for the stag or am I wrong?

I guess so but I dont really know what happens there, probably what makes it even worse, not knowing. I think here they are just a lot more full on. I think this is where we have to speak about it, I need to know what happens at these types of events and so on so that I am not just making things up in my head... I feel so weak feeling so mad about this thing

 

[coco.]

It's a horrible situation to be in and one which I have been in a few times

You don't want them to go but then don't want to look like you don't allow him to do things

I don't think it's a cheating thing, it's just a pointless exercise lol
What's the point of paying a fortune for someone to wangle their bits and bobs in your face

My husbands stag do was 10 years ago and I said to him and everyone else I don't like strippers etc so I'd appreciate it if you didn't go to a strip club and they didn't. Well unless they lied lol

I've been to male stripper nights and my god they are vile, I actually think the male ones are probably worse than the ladies

I'm not a prude at all but I just don't see the point in it, keep your bits in your pants and your money in your pocket

 

[collin]

Thanks Colin. The lads have just come back n I'm so glad he didn't go. However I got a lot of stick for it... Your only young once... He won't be doing lads holidays forever... Can't believe your bf is so whipped. For me it wasn't appropriate, they're doing a last lads holiday next year which I'm okay with aslong as it's not magaluf again! Hopefully more of the lads get gfs (I doubt that though) and I'll go away to see my friend in Spain so I'm not home worrying and missing him.

Same as the OP I do trust him but if it doesn't sit right with yourself or isn't appropriate, you just can't help the way you feel. If he's not the stag I'm sure he won't get a lap dance, I thought that was mainly just for the stag or am I wrong?

your so right there....**** happens and he will just have to get over it,grow up and realise he is now in a relationship and no longer single
the sooner he realises this and that there are two people with feelings going on here the better

im sure he is far better off in his current position being in a relationship than being in the position that his ..so called single mates are ..the sooner he realises this and behaves accordingly the better...for him as well as you :hug:

 

[collin]

I'm not a prude at all but I just don't see the point in it, keep your bits in your pants and your money in your pocket

trouble is so many cant which is why certain professions ,being amongst the oldest professions , still exist today :lol::lol::lol: