'Stepping Back' in relationships - Good or bad?

[mouseyc]

Hi Girls,

I am writing an article on what happens when a couple take a 'step back' in a relationship.
Have you moved in with your boyfriend too soon, then moved out again to get?
Did you get engaged then call it off, but stay together?
Did you try an open relationship?
Would you recommend 'stepping back' it to others and did it get your relationship back on track?
I would love to hear your stories and find out what effect this had on your relationship and whether it had a happy or- no-so happy ending.
Thanks,

Clare x

 

[jodie_glo]

Hi Girls,

I am writing an article on what happens when a couple take a 'step back' in a relationship.
Have you moved in with your boyfriend too soon, then moved out again to get?
Did you get engaged then call it off, but stay together?
Did you try an open relationship?
Would you recommend 'stepping back' it to others and did it get your relationship back on track?
I would love to hear your stories and find out what effect this had on your relationship and whether it had a happy or- no-so happy ending.
Thanks,

Clare x

a very wise friend if mine once said to me - obviously when i considered getting back with an x "if a pair of shoes hurt you why an earth would you walk in them again!"

i thought about it changed my mind and decided never ever to step back lol.

Jodie x x

 

[eskimonailtech]

my boy and I have been on and off for a while over the stupidest things. I've never considering it "stepping back" as we've made concerted efforts to let the past be the past and move forward.

we've both tried dating other people with rebounds but we both ended up getting hurt and going back to each other. I think at some point, I realized I was never going to find the prince of those fairytales. And that once you find the right person, you can ALWAYS keep looking for other guys, but you'll never find the thing you're looking for if it's already right in front of you.

Life is real, not a story book. You can't just find someone who's a charmer and be done with it. Everything else has to fit. Your goals, ambitions, desires, strengths, weaknesses. Him and I fit perfectly together like a two-piece puzzle. We're very similar but different too.

We are both incredibly (and I mean over the top) strong-headed and we'll go down swinging over something as dumb as a picture or a joke taken out of context. But the next day we're back and happy again.

It also makes us very passionate too :o haha

Long story short, with us, it wasn't the "you just know" kind of love. It took a while. There were a lot of tears shed and a lot of nights spent yelling. And a lot of nights doing other things LOL and I think that's what makes a good relationship. It's the ones that seem so perfect that are the most fragile.

I think you're only stepping back when you're going into the same circumstances with the same problems. If it's because he doesn't want kids and you do, then move on. If it's because he's a little messy and you're a neat freak, find compromise. Weigh the pro's and con's of the situation and make your choice.

 

[Redchick]

Wow eskimonailtech that's a lovely post. I wanted to reply to this thread but couldn't quite find the right words. You hit the nail on the head.

I've been together with my man for 5 years now and we have got that perfect kind of "hollywood" relationship now, but it wasn't always like that. The first few years were tough.

Lots of tears, tantrums, heartbreak and growing up to do.

When I say "hollywood", I think the movies have a lot to blame for the way we perceive how relationships should be. Relationships are not always easy. Ours was hard and is now easy because we've worked on it, got used to each others annoying habits and know how to sort out arguments.

I think going back can work, but it depends on what the reason for the break up was. If it's something that can be resolved and worked on then it can work. People change, dreams, ambitions change, whatever chemistry and magic brought you together could be enough to get you through if circumstances change and your lives are more in sync.

But if it's something major like, he cheated on me and I can't forgive him then it'll never work.

When I look back now, I think we love each other so much because we went through so much and know we can get through tough times together. We did split up a lot and get back together in the past, but it just made us realise how strongly we felt for each other.

People can be so damaged from their childhoods, previous relationships, we had a lot of previous damage to work through together.

 

[Kim Lawless]

The best advice I've been given is 'When someone shows you their true colours........believe them the first time'.

We all try to make it fit, usually ending in heartbreak and it's only ever one heart that gets broken......never two.

 

[Chameleon]

The best advice I've been given is 'When someone shows you their true colours........believe them the first time'.

We all try to make it fit, usually ending in heartbreak and it's only ever one heart that gets broken......never two.

Sometimes,and it may be rare but two hearts can get broken,and i do not mean that in the "menage a trois" sense.

The fundamental thing is communication and honesty.Without these two a relationship will not last.

 

[Rapunzel]

Me and hubby split up and got divorced we were apart 5 years in that time we both had other relationships and I had a child but nearly 6 years ago we ended up back together dont ask me how it happened but it did we had had a friendly relationship after split but never in a million years did I think we would get back together but I have to say it was the best thing that could have happened I also think we needed the time apart we were both young when we got together and didn't realise what we had we now appreciate each other much more we still argue and fall out like we use to we just know how to move past it and work things out now and I have to say the deciding thing that made me realise he was my soul mate is how he is with the youngest (his step daughter) he loves her and cares for her like his own its takes one hell of a man to take on another man's child but it takes a really special man to love her like he does I dont see our split or reconciliation as a step back or forward just some thing that happened sorry for no breaks in paragraphs on my phone and it wont let me Posted via Mobile Device

 

[sarahpoppy24]

hmmmm, I think that when people are younger they think about relationships they think it is all a hollywood story, people think the same about life, as you get older you actualy realise that the saying "there is no such thing as normal" is so true. I think with relationships you have to do what works for you and your partner. I realy dont think you can generalise with relationships escept if there is something like physical violence or something totoally unacceptable. Then obviously you would tell them to get help but as for moving in too soon and that kind of thing, ive known people who have moved in after a few week and are still together ten years later and then I have a friend who doesnt live with her partner, she is devorced and said she will never live with a man again, but hey both these situations could change. Nothing is set in stone, I think a relationship is a very personal thing and it cant realy be put into a box. Its down to the induviduals and kids envolved xxxxx

 

[Chameleon]

Me and hubby split up and got divorced we were apart 5 years in that time we both had other relationships and I had a child but nearly 6 years ago we ended up back together dont ask me how it happened but it did we had had a friendly relationship after split but never in a million years did I think we would get back together but I have to say it was the best thing that could have happened I also think we needed the time apart we were both young when we got together and didn't realise what we had we now appreciate each other much more we still argue and fall out like we use to we just know how to move past it and work things out now and I have to say the deciding thing that made me realise he was my soul mate is how he is with the youngest (his step daughter) he loves her and cares for her like his own its takes one hell of a man to take on another man's child but it takes a really special man to love her like he does I dont see our split or reconciliation as a step back or forward just some thing that happened sorry for no breaks in paragraphs on my phone and it wont let me Posted via Mobile Device

That is such a sweet story:hug:
My father once told me that you only find one true love....the others are just pale imitations.You can be in a room with someone,and feel comfortable without exchanging any words.

It takes bravery though to walk away from a relationship,that can not be reconciled.However sometimes it can be too late to go back to a relationship once the time has passed and that person no longer has feelings for you.Either way you have to be strong.

I remember once many years ago i met a woman that i had strong feelings for.We had a long term relationship,and then i left her and went away to Italy.When i came back,even though months had passed,we still had a connection....spiritual,whatever you want to call it,it was there.Sadly she died in a car crash.She was a wild one....just like i was....still am.For that moment in time that we met and had a relationship....and even after when we still maintained a sexual relationship,aswell as a friendship,she was someone i needed,and she needed me.

What i am trying to say is going back to someone is just something that can happen.People have a long lasting relationship for 30 yers or more,others have short term,some never maintain a relationship at all.It is called human nature,and that is why we are all different.

 

[alexandra1984]

Hi .. When i desperatley wanted to get back with my ex( the father of my child) somebody close to me said
"
Don't repeat chapters. The ending of the story will never change."

I didnt belive them. We had been split up for a year, My son saw him reguarly and i was doing fine for the first 11 months.. then it hit me smack bang in the face like a ton of bricks.. it was all i could think about, Having the love of my life back, Having my family back.. having my routine back. THAT was the PROBLEM. I had got it all mixed up in my confused emotional little head. I was missing my old routine. I wanted it all back, I "thought" i wouyd have given anything to be cooking ,cleaning and washing for him, To be running round like mad wearing myself out. Now i have all that and by god do i know it. Im not respected as a good mum, a good girlfriend, no no,. I t is just expected of me. Basically i may as well be on my own again, I had a nice social life, i didnt have to scrub the settee down if i didnt want to. It was all ok. But no.. I had to go back. To sum up, I think people like routine, Obviously it depends on the people and the situation, But in long term relationships people cant help going back to their comfort zones,
Even if they know deep down it isnt right

xxxx

 

[Chameleon]

Maybe we could learn a lesson or two from these two....or on second thoughts maybe not,after all he did die the following day,only to reincarnate in the shower a year later,and then she left him,after a car crash and had plastic surgery for her burns:suprised:....so stepping back into a relationship could be learnt from that!

WARNING:This clip contains gut wrenching sick bucket material,but then again they did rule in the 80's...
YouTube - Bobby proposes to Pam

 

[brittone05]

It's the ones that seem so perfect that are the most fragile.

This is so me and my husband right now! For the last 9 years, we have been the perfect couple to anyone looking in. Now, it is so far from the love at first sight that we found in each other.

We haven't actually split up yet but I know in my heart of hearts that I would step back into a relationship with him in a flash because I adore him so much. He could hurt me over and over again but like the fool, I would be there at his side whenever he needed me. Bit like a faithful puppy I am right now!!!!

Sure I will learn one day though and give up trying