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MissLou

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Hi Geeks,

I don't want to bore you all with more man advice but I've tried to post on other forums but tbh they all seem like nutcases and I know the geeks on here are totally level headed and honest! So I hope no one minds :)

I would like to know if anyone on here has ever dated, been in a relationship with someone who has cheated on them or they have caught that person flirting strongly or kissing someone else and then taken them back or vice versa?

I'll give you a very brief (try to be brief) run down of why i ask this and also if you all share it's only fair i do too. :)

I dated a guy last year and it was a lot of chasing involved and hot and cold behaviour from him, eventually we got it together and I had never been so happy generally. He has this infectious attitude were nothing is impossible, hes always positive, always put me in an estatic mood and above all we clicked. I loved being around him and when ever we werent together or i didnt know when i'd see him next i'd feel a lil sad as I'd want to see him that much. (i never let on to this mind)

Few weeks in crap hit the fan and i caught him flirting heavily with another girl, i didnt see them kiss or anything but it looked very cosy and i just thought no way, im one of those ppl that cheating is the lowest of the low and if anyone done that to me i'm off like a shot-so thats wat i did. Then he made a huge gesture, came round to me, completly took responsibilty, apologised, told me his feelings for me and how he then realsied how good we were, sooo i took him bk. But it led to me having those trust issues constantly there, like i thought may happen, a so-called friend (whos not a nice person) informed me after we broke up she caught him kissing another girl??dont know who to belive there... So i did the sensible thing, put us both out of misery and ended it....but I have never felt so upset and it felt wrong to end it, crazy as im thinking if you dont have trust you dont have anything right? so i didnt want to be in argumentive relationship and waste mine or his time so my head is tellling me this is the right thing to do but it felt so wrong inside...I thought it will pass, give it time, it didnt, we've seen eachother since as we have some of the same friends, we have actually said quite a lot to one another about our feelings we still have for eachother etc etc but then things went really belly up, i started seeing someone else, then he declared how he wanted to try again and had strong feelings for me (he didnt know i was seeing someone else) things got sticky and he thought i was playing games by not telling him i was seeing someone else, then i had a change of heart and decided to tell him that i infact miss him alot, still carry a lot of feeling for him but then found out he was seeing someone else!So i kept quiet.

I felt physically sick when i was told this news. Which again shocked me to my core as i didnt think he got that far under my skin! So me being stuborn I decided thats it, im not doing this anymore i went full on with the guy i was seeing but for all the wrong reasons. I admit i had behaved stupidly, i did a lot of things wrong and i see the error of my ways, he wasnt much better but i was worse. So ended it with the guy i was seeing, decided no more men! but he is STILL costantly in my mind. I try so hard to forget him, i took on new hobbies, went out with different friends, all to get over him and move on but he's still always there.

this whole time we've been in contact every few weeks or months, i dont know how but we end up being in contact and we either tear strips off eachother or we say how much we miss eachother. So, i've been brave and above all i wanted to appologise to him for my bit of bad behaviour, i wanted to mend things with him above anything else, so we spoke on the phone the other night, i appologised for everything, he said sorry for his bad actions and now I'm thinking, life is so short, if i have these strong feelings for him should i bite the bullet, tell him and we give it another go??

Just to add to this mess, hes had family problems that i've not been there to help with which makes me feel awfully guilty but again as i dont want to mess up where we are now is it best left? i know he misses me and im confident if i tell him i want to give it a go theres a good chance he will too, but i dont want to destroy any freindship or make anything worse as we've been through a hard time. Has anyone else had this kind of problem of trust issues or messing up themselves and making amends?


These feelings have been harbouring for a year now and it's time to do something, do i forget and keep trying to move on or do i try again?
 
I hate to be blunt but I will: move on. When you say, a few weeks in, crap hit the fan, that is a red flag.

If you can't trust the one you're with, you're with the wrong one.

Life does go on. Best of luck! :hug:
 
Last edited:
How long were you together? It usually takes double that to completely get over them.
Like above if there's no trust you can't go back xoxo
 
How long were you together? It usually takes double that to completely get over them.
Like above if there's no trust you can't go back xoxo


Well we werent officially together that long at all, as like you say I just ended it as i didnt fully trust him so it was only a couple months, i thought i would have been over it by now, it's ridiculous it's been almost a year and these feelings don't seem to be going anywhere...just makes me wonder if i should give it a go as there's obviously strong emotions still.
But yes do agree, in anyother situation (and this one) i run a mile, but nothing seems to be working! :S
 
I hate to be blunt but I will: move on. When you say, a few weeks in, crap hit the fan, that is a red flag.

If you can't trust the one you're with, you're with the wrong one.

Life does go on. Best of luck! :hug:


Thanks, i know it does and i've tried everything in my power but I can't seem to get past this one, i've tried so hard, think i've tried everything in the book, seen someone else, new friends, keeping really busy....i'm stumped at what else to do?!?!
 
Hia I think you will regret it for the rest of your life if you dont give things a go with him. You may end up regretting it for a while if you do give things a go and they go wrong, but you will get over it because at least you tried! Then again you might be really happy together. I always think its better to regret something that you have done than something that you havent done if that makes sense! :rolleyes:
 
My advice - and I hate to be blunt - move on & stop trying to be friends with him. You can't until you've got over it & you clearly haven't got over it. I don't mean a few weeks I mean really, stop finding reasons to see each other or talk or be friends, or else you're not really trying to move on.

I agree with the above post, problems so early on are a sign you're not really doing each other any good Xx
 
Pixiebeauty- Your not being blunt at all, i appreciate any advice, opinions :) Its not that were purposfully meeting up or trying to stay friends, the beigning of this year we were very mad at eachother and neither of us spoke/saw for a few months but we have mutual friends which i have stayed clear from and been doing things with other friends to forget about everything, also it has been almost a year now since i broke it off, i agree with what your saying but the mind bogles when it's been a long time now and the feelings havent faded? Ive tried moving on in everywaay possible but nothing is working yet, unless im missing something or being completly deluded?...

Tamii-Thanks i do get you, thats what im worried about, when im truthful with myself, i did regret a few things before like not giving it long enough last time to give it a go and see if he was going to be true to his word, i was seeing the other guy and even then i thought more about my ex...how horrible is that?? I'm just petrified of making a mistake or being hurt again :S

Anyone else been in a similar situation??
 
Hun I dont have much time but really need to say something. Keep strong and I hope you make the right decisions. I will defo reply in length when i am back home later. Big hugs
 
It sounds like you have already made your mind up to me... 😊

If you you do give it another go, you have to be prepared to totally forget the past and start fresh... You can never see forward when your always looking at the past!

Good luck x
 
Hi honey

My own personal blunt opinion is a relationship doesn't have to be this hard- or rather it shouldn't be.

In all honesty from reading your post lovey is really you've not given yourself much chance to get over him with all the back and fourth.

As i see it, there are too many other girls from his part, involved and that would honestly be enough for me to say forget it- though i know thats easier said than done when you're in situ.

But what i will say is this, ask yourself truthfully, do you think you can draw a line under it all, forget all the misdemeanours, arguments, trust issues and what not and start a total fresh and trust him implicitly? Or will you continue to mull over and let the past encroach on your future? Be really honest with yourself, as you really don't want another year of this honey do you?

I will say from past experiences hun a good relationship thats worth continuing with or embarking upon in my opinion should not be as difficult as your situation. No relationship is a bed of roses but neither should it leave you feeling the way you have described.

If you do decide to move on, that means no contact what so ever, if by chance you see him, make your excuses and leave, don't be tempted back to where you once were- and i speak again from experience here lovey.

Good luck stay strong and be happy lovey- life is way to short x x x
 
I tend to disagree with most of the above posters. If he's got under your skin so much I would give it another go but lay down some rules. Tell him if these rules are broken, it's off FOREVER. If he can commit to you this time, then it was meant to be. If he messes up, you will find it a lot easier to get over him next time.

I think for the rest of your life you will regret it if don't give your relationship another chance. It sounds as though you're both really into each other but don't want to show the other just how much. You both need to be a lot more honest with each other this time round.
 
Thank you all for your advice and opinions it really does help to see other peoples perspectives on this.

As a person you couldn't get someone more stubborn than me and the whole cheating thing, well like i said earlier i run a mile and never look back thats why in this case i'm baffled because for me to even still feel like this is beyond me!
And Im not making excuses for myself but i too behaved like a bit of selfish cow this year, and i really do think its because i had no idea what to do with myself, i was telling myself forget, move on, keep busy, bottled it up and i seemed to begrudge myself in the end for lying to myself.
Now i've admitted to myself my feelings i feel so much better for it but again if it's screaming out disaster then obviously i don't want to go there.

I do truly believe him when he tells me how he feels for me, after we got back together briefly before i got scared and ran away he did let me into his life quite quickly with things like meeting his close family, telling me about private family problems that they've had to deal with, things that no one would ever know, im not saying this cancels everything out but looking back it was steps he took to try and get me to trust in him again.

In my mind I think if I do go through with this I will lay down the law and if he did do one little thing to betray my trust i would be gone like a shot and he'd know it. I am wanting to forget the past and all the rubbish, I want us to have fun again, I miss him so much and the ecstatic feeling i get when i'm around him...i've never had that before or since. Also i think if it did go wrong, yes i would be distraught for a few days but then at least i give it a go and wouldn't be wondering what if?.....

A tiny part of me is saying this is madness stay away but the bigger part of me is yearning for it...bloody feelings, get on my nerves! lol

I love hearing all your responses, do keep them coming :)

:hug: to you all xxx
 
the geeks on here are totally level headed and honest!

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


Sorry couldnt help that :eek:

mmm rise above him and move on ...arent you worth more :wink2:
 
To be honest, it sounds like a big game between you both and I don't mean that to sound nasty or harsh.

What I mean is. it's a competition, who gets the last word, who can "win". What I see in the situation is you love a challenge and he's challenging everything. And we always want what we can't have.

Honestly, you're probably going to go for it anyway, and why not? But it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me. There's too much drama, too much history and to many issues that all red-flag it.

But hey, I don't know either of you, so go for it and see how it goes. But treat yourself nicely and think about what you would tell a friend if they told you the story you've just told us. Would you tell her to go for it, or would you tell her to admit it was not right and move on.
 
To be honest, it sounds like a big game between you both and I don't mean that to sound nasty or harsh.

What I mean is. it's a competition, who gets the last word, who can "win". What I see in the situation is you love a challenge and he's challenging everything. And we always want what we can't have.

Honestly, you're probably going to go for it anyway, and why not? But it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me. There's too much drama, too much history and to many issues that all red-flag it.

But hey, I don't know either of you, so go for it and see how it goes. But treat yourself nicely and think about what you would tell a friend if they told you the story you've just told us. Would you tell her to go for it, or would you tell her to admit it was not right and move on.

Very wise words & couldn't agree more Xx
 
Hi Geeks,

I don't want to bore you all with more man advice but I've tried to post on other forums but tbh they all seem like nutcases and I know the geeks on here are totally level headed and honest! So I hope no one minds :)

I would like to know if anyone on here has ever dated, been in a relationship with someone who has cheated on them or they have caught that person flirting strongly or kissing someone else and then taken them back or vice versa?

I'll give you a very brief (try to be brief) run down of why i ask this and also if you all share it's only fair i do too. :)

I dated a guy last year and it was a lot of chasing involved and hot and cold behaviour from him, eventually we got it together and I had never been so happy generally. He has this infectious attitude were nothing is impossible, hes always positive, always put me in an estatic mood and above all we clicked. I loved being around him and when ever we werent together or i didnt know when i'd see him next i'd feel a lil sad as I'd want to see him that much. (i never let on to this mind)

Few weeks in crap hit the fan and i caught him flirting heavily with another girl, i didnt see them kiss or anything but it looked very cosy and i just thought no way, im one of those ppl that cheating is the lowest of the low and if anyone done that to me i'm off like a shot-so thats wat i did. Then he made a huge gesture, came round to me, completly took responsibilty, apologised, told me his feelings for me and how he then realsied how good we were, sooo i took him bk. But it led to me having those trust issues constantly there, like i thought may happen, a so-called friend (whos not a nice person) informed me after we broke up she caught him kissing another girl??dont know who to belive there... So i did the sensible thing, put us both out of misery and ended it....but I have never felt so upset and it felt wrong to end it, crazy as im thinking if you dont have trust you dont have anything right? so i didnt want to be in argumentive relationship and waste mine or his time so my head is tellling me this is the right thing to do but it felt so wrong inside...I thought it will pass, give it time, it didnt, we've seen eachother since as we have some of the same friends, we have actually said quite a lot to one another about our feelings we still have for eachother etc etc but then things went really belly up, i started seeing someone else, then he declared how he wanted to try again and had strong feelings for me (he didnt know i was seeing someone else) things got sticky and he thought i was playing games by not telling him i was seeing someone else, then i had a change of heart and decided to tell him that i infact miss him alot, still carry a lot of feeling for him but then found out he was seeing someone else!So i kept quiet.

I felt physically sick when i was told this news. Which again shocked me to my core as i didnt think he got that far under my skin! So me being stuborn I decided thats it, im not doing this anymore i went full on with the guy i was seeing but for all the wrong reasons. I admit i had behaved stupidly, i did a lot of things wrong and i see the error of my ways, he wasnt much better but i was worse. So ended it with the guy i was seeing, decided no more men! but he is STILL costantly in my mind. I try so hard to forget him, i took on new hobbies, went out with different friends, all to get over him and move on but he's still always there.

this whole time we've been in contact every few weeks or months, i dont know how but we end up being in contact and we either tear strips off eachother or we say how much we miss eachother. So, i've been brave and above all i wanted to appologise to him for my bit of bad behaviour, i wanted to mend things with him above anything else, so we spoke on the phone the other night, i appologised for everything, he said sorry for his bad actions and now I'm thinking, life is so short, if i have these strong feelings for him should i bite the bullet, tell him and we give it another go??

Just to add to this mess, hes had family problems that i've not been there to help with which makes me feel awfully guilty but again as i dont want to mess up where we are now is it best left? i know he misses me and im confident if i tell him i want to give it a go theres a good chance he will too, but i dont want to destroy any freindship or make anything worse as we've been through a hard time. Has anyone else had this kind of problem of trust issues or messing up themselves and making amends?


These feelings have been harbouring for a year now and it's time to do something, do i forget and keep trying to move on or do i try again?

Hi Hun, not sure whether I can offer you any great advice but im in a similar situation at the min so I kinda know how you're feeling. It's so hard. Sending you hugs xx
 
I was in a similar situation a few years ago with a chap I thought the world of and known for years, our families were friends etc and I thought he was the one - totally out of the blue some people told me they'd seen him kissing someone else in a nightclub and I was nearly physically sick. Gave him the opportunity to tell me himself and he didn't, so confronted him and got all the tears and he told me he was sorry and kept on for a week until I agreed to take him back. My family loved him and even they said people make mistakes. But it never went away - I never trusted him after that and turned into a bit of a wreck, and it gradually got worse, I got a text from him meant for someone else once and then eventually found out he was in contact with his ex again - a complete mess and I wouldn't touch a situation like that with a barge pole again now. But it's all life experience, I learnt alot! Only you knows what's right for you.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Hi Love,

I totally agree with Kayapapaya, it sounds like he is the challenge you need to keep life interesting and exciting. I am also the type to always seek out challenges and ended up marrying one. I have had a very different life to the one I had hoped to have, we are still married after 19 years but to be honest if I had to do it all again I can honestly say I would have walked away at the start. Do you really want a difficult life for yourself, one where you are always striving to make things work between you?

My DH never cheated and is a good man but such hard work!!!! I say stick to your principles, if he cheated and you really love him, one more chance and if he does it again he is out. We are all human and things happen sometimes but now he knows that he is treading on thin ice it might make him think twice next time. I dont know if I could forgive a betrayal like that but it depends how far the cheat went. A kiss and a cuddle is not as bad as the full act iykwim.
If it was me I would probably be silly enough to give him the one more chance else you will always wonder what if. But make a promise to yourself to love yourself more than you love him. I hope this makes sense

Good luck and big hugs
 
I was in a similar situation a few years ago with a chap I thought the world of and known for years, our families were friends etc and I thought he was the one - totally out of the blue some people told me they'd seen him kissing someone else in a nightclub and I was nearly physically sick. Gave him the opportunity to tell me himself and he didn't, so confronted him and got all the tears and he told me he was sorry and kept on for a week until I agreed to take him back. My family loved him and even they said people make mistakes. But it never went away - I never trusted him after that and turned into a bit of a wreck, and it gradually got worse, I got a text from him meant for someone else once and then eventually found out he was in contact with his ex again - a complete mess and I wouldn't touch a situation like that with a barge pole again now. But it's all life experience, I learnt alot! Only you knows what's right for you.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

So glad to hear that you did the right thing and moved on. Weel done you. I can be hard but as you now know things can only get better
 

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