Teenage son!

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Thanks Steph, make the most of your kids while they are young, they grow up way too quickly !
Do you think it's unreasonable to ask my son for his mates number to check with his parents that he stayed there ?
I feel sick thinking about the next few years and what maybe coming :Scared:

Get the phone number of anywhere he's staying, and talk to his friends parents. There's nothing wrong with that! My mum wouldnt let me go out far with people she didn't know, it's all about compromise. Explain to him your not comfortable about him going around with people you don't know and even encourage him to bring them round to your house even once so you can suss them out!

x
 
Ok, I'm only 18 now but I had a few crazy years between around 14-16 (until i started working really) which is pretty young I know, now my mum was very strict stoped me going out, grounded me shouted and screamed! My dad on the other had was pretty lax about it all, he had rules though, I had to be home by the time he said, he always knew where I was, had all my friends numbers(they were all pretty tough but some of the best friends Iv ever had), he also did something most people would disagree with, but he bought my drink for me, under the rules I was only to drink it in his house! now guess which rules I went with? My dads! I respected his rules and abided by them. My mum on the other hand, in a way.i began to hate her, I had no respect for her at all and completely ignored everything she said! I lied to her alot about where I was and what I was doing! Of corse now I'm older I get on great with my mum, but i have a great relationship with my dad. And i talk to him about every problem i have, not so much my mum. I still hide things! I don't drink and have recently given up smoking after 4 years of smoking 20 a day, I work full time and am setting up my own buisness. Mostly because I did most of my parting/drinking when I was younger!

I'm not suggesting you give him drink, but give him a little freedom, he will do it anyway! It's what all children do! :)
 
Ahhh thanks Colin, only had it diagnosed this year, in girls Ive been told its more concentration and unable to keep friends through being boys!:eek:
she is on medication which helps but now i have the problem she has lost her appetite and is so thin!!
I guess with kids you are always going to worry thats our job :)
Good to hear your son has settled x x

well girls are naturally bossy anyways and that is something that never changes even in adulthood :eek::lol::lol: so i guess it follows that as a young girl it must be more prolific than with boys

I'm certainly no expert on this subject other than from personal experience with my son but i have heard that diet change can assist greatly...i heard that taking spuds off the menu seems to assist(thats also chips and crisps ) I dont know if this is true but maybe worth a try...I know for my son that cessation of eating meat certainly did something for him :hug:

Good luck anyway and hope she finds herself when things will hopefully calm down for you all
 
I feel for you all. I have a 15 year old son and a 16 year old daughter:Scared:

Seriously though, its really difficult to say how you should deal with things like this because its a case of knowing your child and knowing what they respond to. What works for my kids would be completely unsuitable for someone elses, and in fact we treat each of our kids completely differently. Not in a bad way, but their personalities are so different that we have to treat each one in the way that we know they will respond most positively to.

My son is so laid back he's virtually horizontal, whereas my daughter is very hot-headed, extremely direct, and possibly the most stubborn person I've ever met! You can allow my son a bit more scope in terms of him making his own mind up about his behaviour, e.g telling him he should decide what the right thing is to do, and he will genuinely do that and most times come to the right decision. My daughter on the other hand will decide she wants to do something and neither hell or high water will prevent her, we have to be much more strict with her in terms of telling her what her boundaries are rather than guiding her to choosing them, because if we let her do that she would see it as carte blanche to do what the hell she wants whenever she wants. We have had some scary moments with my daughter with boys, have had a pregnancy scare which fortunately was a false alarm, and some drinking issues, so we really need to know where she is, what she's doing and who she's doing it with. She seems to be growing out of it a bit now though.

The good thing is, that both kids realise we are parents first, friends second. They respect the rules that are set for them, but we also have a fantastic relationship with them. We encourage them to talk to us about anything, which they both do and are both very open, and we have always taught them that whatever they do, they will never get into as much trouble for actually doing something as they will for lying/not telling the whole truth about it and I think thats an important thing to teach them.

To the OP I think you have made the right decision not calling your sons friends parents this time but get a number for the future in case of emergencies. Its a bloody minefield having teenagers, nothing can prepare you for it, and there are no right answers!!!
 
Well my gut instinct was right :Scared:
About an hour ago I had a call from my sons friends mum to say she had found out that the kids had all lied a group of 6 mixed boys and girls had all told parents they were staying with the other friend.
They had all been walking around town and hanging in the park.
I am so upset he lied to me.
After the phone call I jumped in the car and drove to the area which some of his friends live, and called Harrison and said where does Keira live, he was silent , I said I know what happened last night, finally he told me the address and I went round and told her parents what I new. Then went to the others houses and told there parents as well.
I have grounded him for a week and no sleep overs until I feel I can trust him again, this week he is going to have a list of chores to do including painting my new salon ( with my husband) .
Sounds silly but I almost feel relieved I know what went on, now I can deal with it.
I do let him have a drink at home with us occasionally a bottle of beer, I think it's better to introduce it so they don't go mad and see it as forbidden.
Kids !
Xx
 
Well my gut instinct was right :Scared:
About an hour ago I had a call from my sons friends mum to say she had found out that the kids had all lied a group of 6 mixed boys and girls had all told parents they were staying with the other friend.
They had all been walking around town and hanging in the park.
I am so upset he lied to me.
After the phone call I jumped in the car and drove to the area which some of his friends live, and called Harrison and said where does Keira live, he was silent , I said I know what happened last night, finally he told me the address and I went round and told her parents what I new. Then went to the others houses and told there parents as well.
I have grounded him for a week and no sleep overs until I feel I can trust him again, this week he is going to have a list of chores to do including painting my new salon ( with my husband) .
Sounds silly but I almost feel relieved I know what went on, now I can deal with it.
I do let him have a drink at home with us occasionally a bottle of beer, I think it's better to introduce it so they don't go mad and see it as forbidden.
Kids !
Xx

Good you Found out, I no when I was younger if I could get away with something I'd try! You just need to be one step ahead. Hope all goes ok and don't give in keep him grounded for the full week x x
 
teenagers will break your heart many times over! I am having terrible problems with my 16 year old daughter. She's always been hot headed and fiery but things are really hard at the moment. She has become friends with a 34 year old woman who has been buying my daughter wine, I also know this woman does coke and smokes weed. A lot. I have told my daughter that I do not want her going round this womans house but often I either get grunted at or told to ~*&$ off.
The only advice I can be is to be consistent and I tell my daughter I love her all the time. She is very hard to like at the moment though! I can't wait for this stage to pass!! Good luck and I think you have done the right thing x
 
teenagers will break your heart many times over! I am having terrible problems with my 16 year old daughter. She's always been hot headed and fiery but things are really hard at the moment. She has become friends with a 34 year old woman who has been buying my daughter wine, I also know this woman does coke and smokes weed. A lot. I have told my daughter that I do not want her going round this womans house but often I either get grunted at or told to ~*&$ off.
The only advice I can be is to be consistent and I tell my daughter I love her all the time. She is very hard to like at the moment though! I can't wait for this stage to pass!! Good luck and I think you have done the right thing x

Poor you that's so worrying :hug:
I don't think you ever know how much a child can break your heart until your a parent yourself, I know I gave my parents worry from the age of 17 till 21 and I did lie to them and say I was at friends when really I was at my boyfriends. Now I am so sorry for what I put them through. X
 
Well my gut instinct was right :Scared:
About an hour ago I had a call from my sons friends mum to say she had found out that the kids had all lied a group of 6 mixed boys and girls had all told parents they were staying with the other friend.
They had all been walking around town and hanging in the park.
I am so upset he lied to me.
After the phone call I jumped in the car and drove to the area which some of his friends live, and called Harrison and said where does Keira live, he was silent , I said I know what happened last night, finally he told me the address and I went round and told her parents what I new. Then went to the others houses and told there parents as well.
I have grounded him for a week and no sleep overs until I feel I can trust him again, this week he is going to have a list of chores to do including painting my new salon ( with my husband) .
Sounds silly but I almost feel relieved I know what went on, now I can deal with it.
I do let him have a drink at home with us occasionally a bottle of beer, I think it's better to introduce it so they don't go mad and see it as forbidden.
Kids !
Xx

unfortunatley this is all par for the course
As you say at least you know what went on and have taken good parential controll by grounding him...hopefully lessen learnd by him #

Good luck with the roler coaster of life and the evelution from child to young adult :eek::hug:
 
Can I just chuck in my perspective as I grew up with parents that got it right, IMO.

My mum always said I don't care what you do as long as I know where you are.

Now obviously she did care, but knowing we had to tell her meant we kept within certain boundaries. Yes perhaps we went out a year or so younger than other kids (I'm talking 16/17 rather than 17/18) but I can honestly say, our parents were the only ones who definitely knew where their kids were. Far safer to know your kid is in town & having a couple of drinks & home at 10/11/midnight, than god knows where having to hide out all night as they've lied & backed themselves into a corner.

I also want to add that we have all done that thing of lying & staying out for a night. I did it once (it's very boring after 2am!!) but the main thing is we were just testing boundaries. Before you write off my post as sounding like I grew up on some awful sink estate, I went to a very snobby school & lived in a very snobby neighbourhood & every teenager is the same - we all turned out ok ;) My bro & I were also the only ones of our mates that didn't touch drugs while we were teenagers, honestly.

My advice is don't overreact, it sounds perfectly normal what's happened (I also work with teenagers your son's age & this is nothing compared go some of the things the real toerags put their parents through ).
 
I was a complete nightmare!! But came good in the end. I just find it exhausting. We all have to walk on eggshells and my partner is totally fed up with it. But I just keep thinking it will pass! Luckily I have some really supportive friends. Just keep strong :hug:
 
This sounds familiar to me...
My daughter and friends did exactly the same thing about a year ago I was mortified ! I went crazy saying she could've been raped or anything etc.., she just kept saying it won't happen to me blah blah..
As I work at a police station and her stepdad a police officer we know what happens out there, but also makes her blasé.
Anyway it was even harder as a couple of her 'friends' were always in bother. For a while I thought this is it this is how her life is going to lean towards. I've had a few awful years (thinking what have I done to deserve her behaviour/attitude) she has an older sister and younger brother that have not behaved a fraction of what she did.

Then one day when I grounded her earlier this year she simply walked out the house ( oh my god she had never done this, but her friend always does) so I went looking for her brought her home I was really calm and got upset and so did she. Ended up in a heart to heart and we finally understand each other, phew!
It's been really really tough but now that I allow her a little more freedom (as I was always the mum that checked up and said no to parties, staying out later ) she is so honest and open - we have a total change around and I even found out she does have the morals she was brought up with and she is more level headed than I gave her credit for x
I never thought it would happen as I had a few years of hell! She is 15 and a now respects my rules more.

He maybe testing the boundaries again but it does pass - but if her 10yr old brother goes through it I'll be asking you for advice as boys and girls are different I'm sure..
Keep me posted or pm me for further chats I got too many examples to fit on here xx 😁
 
Can I just chuck in my perspective as I grew up with parents that got it right, IMO.

My mum always said I don't care what you do as long as I know where you are.

Now obviously she did care, but knowing we had to tell her meant we kept within certain boundaries. Yes perhaps we went out a year or so younger than other kids (I'm talking 16/17 rather than 17/18) but I can honestly say, our parents were the only ones who definitely knew where their kids were. Far safer to know your kid is in town & having a couple of drinks & home at 10/11/midnight, than god knows where having to hide out all night as they've lied & backed themselves into a corner.

I also want to add that we have all done that thing of lying & staying out for a night. I did it once (it's very boring after 2am!!) but the main thing is we were just testing boundaries. Before you write off my post as sounding like I grew up on some awful sink estate, I went to a very snobby school & lived in a very snobby neighbourhood & every teenager is the same - we all turned out ok ;) My bro & I were also the only ones of our mates that didn't touch drugs while we were teenagers, honestly.

My advice is don't overreact, it sounds perfectly normal what's happened (I also work with teenagers your son's age & this is nothing compared go some of the things the real toerags put their parents through ).

I understand no matter how we are bought up teenagers will test the boundaries, I feel I am a pretty easy going parent and want to trust my son, hopefully he will see that he can't get away with telling lies to me and I will find out and there will be consequences. I guess it's a learning curve for us all.
My parents were very strict with me (Christians) I rebelled against that, but in the end saw that the values they gave me were good ones and I eventually saw right from wrong and went back on the good road !
I hope that if I keep guiding Harrison in the right direction he will make the right decisions in the long run and turn out ok.
I guess there is no right or wrong ways of doing things they just need to know your there and you love them no matter what. X
 
My mum always checked with the parents of where I was staying, and guess what? She always knew I was safe! Whilst friends who's mums didn't check went out camping with boys and drinking.

Not only that it gives the parents a choice, u get to ask do they mind having ur son overnight!

Once we were abit older and friends parents were out til late eve this then gave my mum the choice if she was happy that we would be unsupervised til what ever time.

I will certainly be doing the same when I have children! My mum didn't say no or make me rebel, she wanted to be able to sleep at night knowing where her child was.

And if u believe everything ur child says in their teenage years-well how will u ever know any different? I'm sure all my friends parents still don't know they all camped out getting bladdered aged 14 with boys!

If u want to give ur boy abit of trust, then just ask for the parents number so u could call if u wanted to, say u will call n check-but don't. As if he knows u could well call at any time.

Xx
 
Just carried on reading, and seen ur gut instinct was right. At least he and his friends are all safe and u now know-he has now given u reason (and his friends parents) to call each other before a sleep over- he has brought the checking up on himself so he will one day look back n think u was quite chilled out until he took ur trust too far. Xx
 

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