Thirteen days of Christmas....

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CadenceAlex

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ON THE first day of Christmas, my true love said to me: 'Don't worry, love, I'll take charge of the tree.'

On the second day of Christmas, you've already lost the plot,
No gifts for your kids' teachers;
So the garage shop will have to do the lot

On the third day of Christmas, a few things still to do.
Three trips to Argos, two Tesco orders
And a Cyberman Voice-changer
Helmet from Doctor Who

On the fourth day of Christmas, the Helmet is sold out.
Four frantic 'phone calls, three online searches, two trips to Woollies
And a sack of (organic) Brussels sprouts

On the fifth day of Christmas, the
daughter wants a dog.
Five family arguments, four pet shop visits, three tear stained children,
two baby rabbits
And you've personally eaten every single mini-Yule log.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love said to me:
'What day is Christmas this year anyway?'

On the seventh day of Christmas
you've forgotten Auntie Joan. Seven tins of bath salts, six tea-light holders, five cinnamon candles, four packs of Cranberries, three bags of Satsumas, two Poinsettias
And a last minute credit card loan.

On the ninth day of Christmas, it's the true loves office do.
Nine throbbing headaches, eight trips to the bathroom, seven tins of biscuits, six mini stiltons, five packs of aspirin, four Ben****s boxes, three pots of Coffee, two bouts of nausea.
And that slapper from Accounts hopefully locked in the loo.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love said to me:
'I'm just going out to get your present, I'll be back in six hours. And no, I wont forget the tree.'

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the plastic fake will do.
Eleven trips to Homebase, ten replacement fairy bulbs, nine red-nosed reindeer, eight dangling baubles, seven sprigs of holly, six strands of tinsel, five cans of spray snow, four painted pine cones, three sticking plasters, two pints of sherry. And the angels halo stuck back on with glue.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, you go for Jamie over Nigella.
Twelve parsnips flambeed, eleven chestnuts blackening, ten rolls of tinfoil, nine bangers banging, eight giblets smelling, seven trifles quivering, six bottles opened, five oven gloves smouldering, four fingers burning, three glasses smashing, two carving knives thrown....

.. And your true love locked in the cellar.

On the thirteenth day of Christmas, the bird is overdone.

Thirteen farting great aunts, twelve drunken uncles, eleven hours of clearing, ten cracker giftettes, nine dirty napkins, eight ruined tea towels, seven cold potatoes, six squabbling children, five films of Lassie, four bags of wrapping, three glugs of Baileys, two Fools and Horses

And a small boy asking if next Christmas he can have a real gun.
 
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


pmsl



Yup, that about wraps it up
Pretty much xmas in a nutshell:green:
 

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