what age to have children?

[PenelopePitstop]

Hey,

I need some advice, what age do you think is the right age to start having a family?
i'm having a few issues in my relationship..i found out that my b/f dosen't want children till he's 35 ish, that would make me 33!! i personally don't think i want to wait just under 10yrs. i thought of seeing myself having children at the age of 27/28 but now i know it could be 5 yrs later i don't know how to feel about it!
i know it's early to start thinking about it but i can't seem to get it out of my head.

you guys are always giving good advice...can you advise me?

Pen xxx

 

[~shelley~]

I had my little Girl when i was 21 & although i know that is young I didnt care as I had been told I couldnt have kids when i was 19 so i was over the moon. Im 24 now & she is 2.5 & I wouldnt have it any other way,

But you should wait till you are both ready, but there should be more
comprimise(sp?).

Take care x

 

[louise]

Hi,

I think its a very personal opinion & when you are ready you will no when. I was 24 when i had my little boy, he will be 2 in March. Me & my hubbie had done the things we wanted to do & now its nice to do new things as a afamily. Just one word of warning, its bloody hard work being a parent, well worth it, but hard work!!!

Just make sure you have done the things in life you want to do as when you have children it all changes!

HTH's xxx

 

[Fingertips ND]

I think it is when the time is right.

I know me and Chris haven't been together long but he has already said he wants to marry me and said he will ask my dad's permission this year.

That would mean getting married in 2007 and I want kids straight after so i'll only be 25.

 

[Vetty]

Well, when I was in my early 20's I couldn't see myself with children really, but when I turned 27 it felt right to have a baby. However, due to taking a year to concieve then 2 miscarriages I ended up having my son when I was 29 and my daughter at 32. I'm happy with my age in comparison to theirs.

If I'd been any younger I wouldn't have had the patience (runs out regularly now though!!), and would have felt deprived of my freedom. At the age I was I was happy for my life to change.

I think it's different for different people, but I don't think 33 is too old!

 

[PenelopePitstop]

i know you have to be ready, by the time i reach 27/28 and i didn't feel ready then i wouldnt.

i personally could have them earlier, 26 would of been my age, so 28 was the compromise, so now he's changing it to 33!!

it sounds really silly to talk about what might not even be, but dosen't everyone have an "age" in there head as to when they feel they might settle down??

also it's been said it's hard work to have a child and be a parent, do you think it's even harder when your older as to when your younger?

thanks for the advice
xxxx

 

[Lady H]

Have PMd ya hun x x x

 

[louise]

My mum was 21 when she had me & my twin sisiter, then when she was 38 she had my little sister. And she said she found it harder having my younger sis thean when she had me & my twin! But thats only her personal opinion. I think when you are ready you will now.

It must be pretty annoying when your partner wont agree my hubbie was ready to have our baby beofre i was so when i suggested it he jumped at the chance! (Sorry about the wording!!!lol)

 

[lotus blossom]

i had mine young, 18 and 21, im now 34 and my son is at college!!!!
but i feel its been a breeze, cos my kids are, a constant reminder to stay feeling young!
and it wasnt that long ago when i was at school, college,whatever, so i sort of know what my kids are going through , im very proud of them ,and they say to me my friends wish you were their mum, cos theirs are all old fashioned!!! i love it when they say that!!! ego boost,
im not saying its wrong or right to have them young,, just my own opinion, if i have another at 40 ,i be sure to let you know!!!

 

[Becky120881]

Hi

I had my first child at 24, which was the perfect age for me, because my husband is 12 years older and he wasn't getting any younger.

We plan to try for another in the not to distant future.

Me personally I wouldn't have a child at 33, only because I still want to be youngish when they grow up. My Mom is 48 and I have such a good relationship with her and thats how I want to be with my kids.

Becky
x

 

[MINKUS]

hey pen,

I think the answer to that is when the time is right.

Youve seen the probs i had and faye is having is that something thats at the back of your mind too?

This is something really important that you need to sort out....or else your going to have big probs !

I met rob at 20 engaged at 21....he wanted kids from the word go....it was me who wanted the nice house, money in the bank, travel a bit, get the partying out of the way....THEN have kids.

Well, when i decided the time was right...at 26.......my body decided differently !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (early menopause for those i HAVENT told ! hehehe)

Luckily we got our miracle MINKYBELLE....but if your getting broody (which i know you are).....youve got an awful long wait babes.:hug:

I suppose with your sis being preggers too its making think about it even more.

On the other hand....blokes dont like being pressured INTO having kids and i know you and eddie arent THAT old so youve gotta be careful.

Wish i had a crystal ball for you babes....i KNOW YOU WILL BE A FABAROONEY MUM whenever the time comes.

Amb xxx

 

[Lellipop]

I had my daughter at 24 and my son at 30 personally I wouldn't want to have a baby over the age of 30 but thats just me. My sister in law has her first child in july and she will be 38, I think nowone can tell you what age is right for you you'll just know.

 

[Zuise.e]

Although other people can tell you their experiences - it's the the way you feel and what you want to do with your life - it's swings and roundabouts really -
If you have your kids young, you may feel you miss out on your twenties when others are out having fun etc...but then again - your'e still young enough to do stuff when they get older.
if you wait until your'e older you may be more financially secure and done all the stuff you wanted to do.
I feel my twenties slipped by so quickly in a mound of nappies! I'd had 3 kids by the age of 27 started at 21 - It was hard work but I loved it.
Now I'm 39 and they are 12, 14 and nearly 18 I feel I'm getting a bit of a life of my own other than being just somebody's mum!

 

[*JOANNE*]

i had 3 boys all under 4 by the time i was 25 and like others have said my whole 20's was spent in sick and poo and it was bloody hard work...but i am now 33 my youngest is nearly 8 ash nearly 9 and joe nearly 11 and my life is really getting going and i can continue now for as long as i like and more so in a few yaers when the youngest is in high school.
if i had waited...which was the plan (joe bless his heart was totally unplanned) then i would still be in the navy serving 22 years coming out at 40 and then starting my family having done what i wanted...but i am doing what i want now just a different carear and path.
although i didnt plan joe or my youngest...bless i did plan ashley because i wanted and the maternal thing kept knocking...yes it may be up to the hubby but.......if you feel ready now you must put your points and opinions across...he must understand mother nature and the body clock....

 

[suey]

Pen, if your sister is pregnant you can borrow her child for a spot of babysitting, you get the best of both worlds as you get to hand him/her back.

I had my life mapped out as well, married at 24 children at 26! Life doesn't work like that though hun. I had my first child at 31, second one a year later. It was right for me though, same as Vetty, I was older so had more patience, something you definetely need I also had done all my partying, travelling etc. That is not to say i don't do either of those now....occasionally!:biggrin:

It is years away for you Pen. Just think in 6 months time you may be posting saying "my boyfriend has changed his mind and wants us to have children now! I want to wait!" lol!

 

[PenelopePitstop]

hey pen,

I think the answer to that is when the time is right.

Youve seen the probs i had and faye is having is that something thats at the back of your mind too?

This is something really important that you need to sort out....or else your going to have big probs !

I met rob at 20 engaged at 21....he wanted kids from the word go....it was me who wanted the nice house, money in the bank, travel a bit, get the partying out of the way....THEN have kids.

Well, when i decided the time was right...at 26.......my body decided differently !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (early menopause for those i HAVENT told ! hehehe)

Luckily we got our miracle MINKYBELLE....but if your getting broody (which i know you are).....youve got an awful long wait babes.:hug:

I suppose with your sis being preggers too its making think about it even more.

On the other hand....blokes dont like being pressured INTO having kids and i know you and eddie arent THAT old so youve gotta be careful.

Wish i had a crystal ball for you babes....i KNOW YOU WILL BE A FABAROONEY MUM whenever the time comes.

Amb xxx

Ahhh bless you that's really sweet....i think that's what it is, i see what you and Faye has had to go through and i actually feel like a mega bitch even thinking about when i have kids!! i may not be able to anyway!!

i am broody although i don't want a child as yet 10yrs is a long time to wait if i'm feeling broody now!! your so right!! i don't want to pressure him i just want a compromise, he talks like i want them now i don't i'm just getting myself sorted...i just don't want to live my life through him.

thanks everyone for your advice, i know everyone is different but it is good to know what other people do and feel!

xxx

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Haven't read all the replies so apologies if I'm repeating what others have said. When I left school I said that I wouldn't get married before I was 25 and children until late 20s. Well life never turns out as you plan it! I was married 4 weeks before my 21st birthday. We planned to wait a few years before starting a family, but I had the coil fitted and whilst it was first in they thought I was pregnant so they removed it. Turns out I wasn't but I was soooooo broody by that point that we decided to start a family then, so Elizabeth was born when I was 22!

So we all make plans, but who actually sticks to them? You'll know when the time is right, and it may happen quicker than you think!

 

[too_dam_perfect]

What was his reason to WHY he doesn't want kids sooner?

 

[Bagpuss]

I had my first child at 22..another at 27 and another at 28. I don't think there is ever a right time to have kids...and there will always be reasons why you shouldn't ... those reasons are just the same when you have kids. To be honest (and older mums please don't be offended i am speaking about people that i have met only) i have known couples to wait and have kids when they are older and its been harder for them to adjust...they are set in there ways and used to just doing as they please and a little selfish (they can be as they have no-one to answer to) then this baby comes along and they just don't seem to cope as well as the younger couples. Don't get me wrong..sometimes i wish Rob and I had spent more time together and had holidays together first...but we will have plenty of time to do that when the kids are older.

What does he think will be better/different in 10 years then..?? people make excuses about not having kids just yet all the time...i don't get it...the time is never right and if you keep waiting and waiting...the years tick by and all of a sudden...here you are lovely home..nice holidays...stuck in your ways...no-one to share it with.

For all the reasons not to have kids i could give you a million more reasons to have them.

Sorry for rambling but for all the headaches i get from mine i would never be with out them...i just love babies and kids...they give you so much..and i believe make you a better person...babies rule !!!!

Start biting holes in them dobbers babes...lol

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Start biting holes in them dobbers babes...lol

Huh??????!