When is massage not appropriate?

[PaulaJay]

Hi everyone

I've just opened my own salon and i'm working alone at the moment, I had a man come in the other day and book in for a massage, he asked did he have to have a towel over him, which i replied absolutely. I left him in the room and returned and he had the towel over him, i started the massage and then discovered he was wearing ladies underwear and had his toenails painted. He didn't say anything, but just lets say when i turned him over he was a bit turned on!!! I continued with the massage and kept it very proffessional. He didn't make any suggestive comments or anything, but he obviously was getting a kick out of wearing ladies knickers in front of me. Part of me was saying live and let live and the other part of me was really uncomfortable. Now a few people have said to me I should not let him book again. I'm trying not to be judgemental but i'm not sure if it's right or not. what do you think?

 

[FlawlessBeauty]

Go with your instincts on this one. If you feel comfortable doing this man then continue. Like you said, he did nothing inappropriate, maybe he just likes wearing women's clothes, its not unheard of. Also lots of guys get a bit turned on when they get too comfortable.

On the other hand, if you feel awkward or uncomfortable, just say no. You reserve the right to refuse anybody you want, so don't feel trapped.

Good luck making your decision x

 

[hippy-chick]

With you just opening it might be that he has had massages at every other venue and not been welcome back, but as a positive, he might end up being a loyal customer for life as you coped with him.

I personally would not be happy with someone obviously aroused, and would not feel comfortable being in the premises by myself, safety first.

 

[kezza*]

In previous salons I've worked in we don't do full body massage for men and found that they were happy with a back, neck and shoulder massage. Because I'm working from home now and I'm the only one in the house I've may it a rule that I don't do men. It's important that you feel comfortable offering the treatment. And remember if you do offer a full body massage to a man not to go to far up the top of the leg because they do get aroused. Also if it makes you feel better get a friend or some1 to sit outside the treatment room so that any problems then some1 is around. Also you could do men on just recommendations from their partners. I had a client a number of years ago who are going through a sex change and he was really nice, I found that he just wanted some1 to talk to. Remember never to judge people but the most important is for you to be comfortable.

 

[Ruth Mills]

I think there are two issues here; firstly his cross-gender presentation, and secondly his apparent arousal.

As someone who is trans myself, I have been a regular and loyal customer of a local home-based salon for nearly 5 years now. So, if the fact he had painted toenails and was wearing knickers was the only problem, then you may be risking turning away a potentially profitable client.

As far as his apparent arousal is concerned, my suggestion here is to go with your instincts - if he was making you feel uncomfortable, then that is as good a reason as any not to treat him in future, as your own safety must always come first.

But please don't categorise all trans people as being like that!
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[geeg]

I think if you are uncomfortable because you feel physically threatened then that is one thing.

If you feel uncomfortable because you think it is not right ... that is another.

In either case if you feel uncomfortable then I would not rebook the person. But if you think this feeling of not being right is something you can get over in time and don't feel physically threatened then you could try a few more times and get to know this person and then re-evaluate your feelings.

I think your discomfort in this case is more that you are a bit frightened of the unknown or your upbringing or experience has left some prejudice somewhere in your mind (which is natural) that just makes you feel uneasy .. rather than that you feel physically threatened in any way. You will have to ponder over it to decide in which direction you want to go, I think.

I'm glad I'm not a beauty therapist .. I could NEVER do and handle people's bodies the way you therapists do. On the one hand I would be revolted by some of the things you all see and on the other I would be in a hysterical fit of the giggles ..in either case I would be completely unsuitable for the tasks you carry out. Hats off to you.

 

[gillian w]

I think he was testing to see what sort of establishment you run and i don't think you will ever see him again.

 

[hippy-chick]

I think that he obviously gets a kick out of his outfit. I work with a young gay man that dresses in 6" heels. He repeatedly talks about these heels, and even showed me with a flourish his blister from wearing them out on the weekend. He wanted a reaction, he didn't get one.

I think this man has been around all of the salons and probably been laughed at or refused a treatment, he may well get a kick out of that reaction, or he may well just want a damn massage.

but, if he had turned up with his undies and nail polish that wouldn't bother me, each to their own.
what does bother me is his arousal state. I would not be happy with that.

Your salon is new, you may well get all the rejects trying it on with you, not that I am saying he is a reject, but be prepared. Same as be prepared for every advertising company to have a go at signing you up.

 

[sukic]

I think the fact that you kept it professional is great, and I agree with the others that how you feel is what should matter. I think a lot of therapists must have turned over a male client and noticed a bit of arousal...lol. Its only happened a couple of times to me and I've massaged loads of blokes. I think your client was an isolated case, try not to let it put you off massaging guys, because you'll lose out on a lot of revenue. I think I would have dealt with it by making a joke, but that's just how I deal with things that make me uncomfortable.

 

[jcpark]

I think in addition to what Ruth says about cross gender dressing, some male clients do get aroused. As a sports therapist I have a lot of male clients and some do get aroused. So I wouldn't judge solely on that. It can be beyond their control and they are often mortified.

I think it depends on how comfortable you felt about treating him. If you are uncomfortable for any reason, then you are within your rights not to book him again. I would tend to go by gut feeling, although I've been doing it for many years.

 

[BERMUDA JAXS]

I have a lovely gent who has been coming to me for over two years and sometimes it happens,I just ignore it.He has always been a loyal and very generous gent,but at my last salon when he came they made him feel very uncomfortableand he stopped coming something had happened there long ago.Now I have my own business he comes at least twice a week.PaulaJay as the others have said take time see how it goes the next time and if you feel uncomfortable then you can always tell him nr say you only have space to do a back massage and then take it from there.Good Luck

 

[Ruth Mills]

As a sports therapist I have a lot of male clients and some do get aroused. So I wouldn't judge solely on that. It can be beyond their control and they are often mortified.

Well said! I guess it is always worth checking for signs of obviously inappropriate behaviour that may accompany any arousal - if a client otherwise conducts themselves respectfully then it may well be an involuntary reaction that they would rather not have had in front of you. But if they say something inappropriate or act inappropriately, then show them the door!

Being embarrassed can often make the problem worse (just as blushing is also caused by increased blood flow), and it might well be that your client is frantically trying to think of the stock market or quadratic equations in an attempt to try and distract themselves to "calm things down" a bit as they are feeling really embarrassed too!
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[Bagpuss]

maybe offering a towel thats been in the fridge for a while first might help...:lol:..(sorry) seriously though i guess it could happen...as long as he behaves and isn't suggestive/rude in his attitude then maybe mother nature happenings could be overlooked.

 

[PaulaJay]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I don't know what to do, i'll just wait and see if he comes in again. He didn't do or say anything wrong so maybe i'll give it another go and see how I feel. I've massaged male clients before and never felt uncomfortable, but they all made sure you knew they were wearing shorts and had the towel on, it's just that he wanted to have no towel on knowing he had ladies underwear on and was all on display, that's whats putting me off.

 

[hippy-chick]

your salon = your rules
no towel = no massage

simples xxx

 

[gillian w]

your salon = your rules
no towel = no massage

simples xxx

Totally agree in my experience ( of many many years once they question the towel they are dodgy and trying to get the upper hand ) genuine males (and i have no problem at all with them, and they can be wearing corsets and high heals,as long as they arent getting off on my massage as im not in the sex industry).Usually have their massage your way they don't question whether thay have to have their towel on or not.

They can also have erections as long as they arn't wriggling about on them or wanting to show me them.I massage i don't provide sexual favours.

These men give men who want a decent massage and are too scared to go anywhere a bad name and have caused us all to have to worry about this when there is a sex industry out there that caters for their every whim so they could leave us and our genuine customers alone.

So many men just want a good massage but end up going to sports therapists or osteos and paying twice what we would charge because the ones who want sexual favours will insist on trying us out hopefully to get a cheapy makes me steamy mad :lol: Go away look in your local paper and find Busty Bertha who will massage you in every which way you really want.

I would also like to say it is a horrible experience massaging someone professionally and then they start to turn it into something sexual.It feels like a violation and unless you have experienced it you cannot understand.

 

[elicam]

I think that 90% of men that I massage end up getting a bit turned on, even when doing deep tissue. As long as they respect your rule of keeping themselves covered, do not make noises and do not touch themselves, then I would say it is perfectly normal.

I once had a man who started touching himself and making noises, I was alone and got so scared, plus I had just started working at this Hotel. I quickly finished the massage and left. When I told my boss, she told me that if this ever happens to leave the room and explain to the client that this is a professional massage and if they can not control themselves then they must leave.

Also we get men always asking if they can stay without a towel, but again against the rules and even if it wasn't I would refuse.

Don't let the underpants and nail polish frighten you, poor guy may not be wearing them as a sexual thing, but may genuinely feel comfortable inthem, I always wear boxers.