Would you believe it

#1
Hi Everyone,

These are from a book called Disorder In The Court. They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent: don't miss the last one.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What is your name? A: Oral.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.



Claire x
 

Sassy Hassy

Well-Known Member
#2
Love it - Claire I think you must be chained to your pc to come up with all this stuff. Think we'll all have to club together to help pay for your rehab!
 

Sarah Lou

Scatty Blonde Geek
#3
These are wicked, both me and my hubby love reading these funny posts of yours, keep it up xxx
 

#4
every joke you post i think is the funniest to date - BUT THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL!!
 
#5
Sassy Hassy said:
Love it - Claire I think you must be chained to your pc to come up with all this stuff. Think we'll all have to club together to help pay for your rehab!
Sassy Hassy if I didnt know better I would think your trying to nick me crown PMSL he he


Claire x

p.s it beats being chained to the nail trainer Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
 

Sassy Hassy

Well-Known Member
#6
Moi - Claire I would never nick your crown ... you are truly the queen of chit chat!!! and I for one love your threads that keep us laughing - except the veridian room which nearly made me chuck the laptop at the wall, gave up as I couldn't get the damned bin to lift up, and my eyes were getting sore from looking at the screen too long.

Keep em coming hun
 

glittergirl

Blingin' Brummie Geek
#7
soooooooooooo funny!

I have worked for solicitors for years and some of things you hear!

I've nearly wet my self a few times lol
 
#8
these are great, keep up the great work claire!
zoe x
 

dee

supernatural geek
#9
lmao again , you are a source of great humor , where the hell do you find em :D
 
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