Am I being petty?

[Clareh]

I sold my flat which was mortgaged and moved in with my boyfriend - his grandparents owned the flat.. fab, they won't be breathing down our necks and I can have my cat there.. A year on and his grandad sadly passed away. I've been absolutely trashed with working full time and training 2 evenings a week, volunteering in a salon 1 evening and looking after my ill mum 1-2 evenings a week. So as my partner isn't exactly a house husband, things have slipped. His parents have taken over the flats. They let themselves in one day when we had a leak even though I said we would be sorting it and it was the worst possible day in terms of how the flat looked. I had turned off the water and was going to tidy up and report it the next day. They have popped in a couple of times with no warning or without invitation and whilst we were on holiday spent virtually every day there cleaning our bin, cooker and other odd jobs. I said to my partner that I was really not happy and he said "they won't listen". I look at my home as somewhere I can shut the world out, not invite it in and even if they were genuinely trying to help out im not comfortable with this arrangement. Not happy with him or them and feel that either we should broach the subject or we move as I can't accept that kind of lack of respect for my privacy plus I am under enough strain without the extra worry of having a showhome every day. Am I being unreasonable as I NEVER get this annoyed so feel it's probably warranted!

 

[PicklePie]

You're not being petty, you are right to want your own space and they should respect that. However, they probably see the enormous amount of stress you are currently under and how little time you actually have and are probably trying to help. Agreed they should ask before they step in but we all need help sometimes and maybe they think you'll be glad of it. You could always change the locks

 

[fluffy26]

Yes I do think you have reason to be annoyed, but If I am being totally blunt they are looking after their investment, presuming , the flat is now theirs? Of course they want things to be looked after & in good working order!! Yes they shouldn't turn up unannounced nor let themselves in, but speaking from a family who rents out property, if I knew there was a leak I'd be round there like a shot! You are a tenant & do have rights (do you have a contract?) but as mentioned above, changing the locks is not an option! Don't let it fester, have a casual chat with them & tell them how you feel, you don't want to end up in a world of resentment!!

 

[Clareh]

I'm seesawimg between being really annoyed about it and seeing that they might be trying to help. We didn't tell them about the leak as the grandad had died the day before plus the place was a mess and they were sorting out all the stuff. I have emergency cover that I transferred from my old place and made the property safe (I work in maintenance). I think maybe I feel that I'm being judged and not my partner. We had a huge row this morning as they wanted to come round tonight and yesterday I said "that's fine if you want to clean up" as I was cleaning at my mums until 10pm. I came back and the house was a tip and he had a friend over. This morning I said that we should go over there instead. We've just come back from a fortnight holiday and I was unwell when I got back and he did some washing up. He accused me of making the mess and not doing anything since we got back and I lost my sh*t. He had two jobs before we left for holiday:clean the house and get the money. When we left the house was a tip and when we were twenty miles away he realised he left the money at home. Before we left I had to sort the car, cat, my mum, volunteering job and all the beauty stuff you need to do. I have suffered with anxiety and am still recovering. It's hard.

 

[Clareh]

I think I need to get some more support from him. There, that's the problem!!!

 

[fluffy26]

Your working hard trying to keep all the balls in the air & we can't do It all, all the time with no support! Turn to your partner that's what they are there for! X

 

[Reidebot]

The way I see it is that (even if they are are your partners parents) they are your land lords. There are legalities that come with that.

 

[Leeloo]

I think that there are two separate issues here and perhaps they need to be looked at separately.

The first is the flat itself. Are you and/or your boyfriend paying rent? Is it market value or a lot less because you are renting from family? If you're paying a normal amount of rent then I think you're well within your rights to insist on it being a more formalised landlord/tenant relationship and that his parents have to give you notice if they're coming round for anything property-related (but also accept that you'll need to keep the flat very tidy for these visits as you would do for a normal tenancy). If you're paying less, then you need to balance up in your mind the benefit of that versus the inconvenience of having to keep the flat tidy in case of unexpected drop ins. In the worst case scenario, could you afford to live somewhere else?

The second issue is that your partner doesn't seem to be supporting you in a particularly stressful time of your life. From what you've written, it seems as if he's not taking responsibility for things (you had a previous mortgage - he had his living arrangements sorted out by his family, you are busy at your mums - he has friends round instead of cleaning for his parents etc) and is still in the child role with his parents, so doesn't have any objection to them coming round and cleaning. Have you explained to him how stressed you are by all your various job roles and your mum being ill? If you have and he hasn't made any effort to step up, then again I think it's weighing up the pros and cons of the relationship. If you're recovering from anxiety then you really need support rather than looking after a man-child..!

 

[emilywithers]

I used to actually work in lettings. If there's a landlord/tenant agreement between you, and there's a contract, they aren't actually allowed to enter whenever they like. They have to give you AT LEAST (usually) 24 hours notice, otherwise it's a breach of the tenancy on their part against your right to privacy.
If they want to see the flat for any reason then it needs to be made clear in advance. Any informal visits as I'm sure you have as they are his parents need to be just that...no poking round the flat, looking round, fixing things etc.
I once had a tenant who complained their landlord who they didn't know personally was just letting himself in. He had the best intentions as he was fixing things but I had to call him to explain he can't just do that. If there are any issues with the property this must be dealt with in advance and let the tenant enjoy their privacy which you are entitled to as well.
It's all very difficult when family/friends are involved but that's why ground rules and formal contracts are always so important so everyone knows where they stand. They probably have the best intention but they really cannot just do as they please. When renting, a landlord is in effect leasing that property to you, as yours for a set amount of time and they must arrange access in advance with you.
I hope it's helped a little bit, it must be very frustrating for you!