Fear of losing parents

[joannaellen]

I'm 32, and both my mum and dad have been diagnosed with serious illnesses. We have talked about and planned funerals and I guess I feel like my life is on hold waiting for the inevitable, yet never really knowing if its unnecessary worry it that it might not happen tomorrow or the next day. I just feel like I am carrying around permanent sadness knowing that when they are gone I will have no family. I often think there would be no point without them. Has anyone ever been in a similar place and come the other side of this? I feel that no one understands because anyone else always has a larger extended family for support.

 

[nailpod]

I understand your fears and I had a melt down a few weeks ago about the exact same point. I also don't have kids or husband but I do have a sister which is not close to me as much as I am with my parents.

What I learnt was: loving each day to your best ability and enjoying the time spent with and experiencing your own life. It sounds easier said then done. I often thought I have wasted my life waiting for my parents but they still here (praise the Lord) but I do also feel we need to look past the fear.
Fear is a disease it eats away and hold you back from doing the things you too afraid to do or experience.
Don't let it consume you.

Obviously your parents are your life and they gave you life but they more then likely want you to enjoy your life without going into deep depression.

I can't really offer much more then words of encouragement as I am not a qualified psychologist , but thoughts of positive rays and a faith in something greater then ourselves for me has been God and that has and does help me through a lot of terrible situations.

[emoji177][emoji120]

 

[Redduck]

It's a very difficult position to be in and I'd say make the most of the time you do have. My dad was diagnosed with a serious illness at 64 and we were told we could lose him at any time. He survived another 29 years and of those he was still relatively ok and could enjoy life for 20 years.

A lady at the hospice I work at recently changed my outlook too. She said she was lucky that she knew her husband probably only had about a year left because she knew she had to make the most of every one of those 365 days. She said other people just drift though life and don't make the most of each day. Really made me think.

Hugs to you x

 

[pinknsparkly]

There will be lots of people in your position that when parents are gone you have no family I just find they don't talk about it yet people with loads of family seem to be everywhere posting on Facebook family related things all the time and it will feel like they are rubbing your nose in it when they arent they are just dont realise there are people out there that might be hurt by that.

Just remember you aren't alone as there are others going through the same. I have no family and although i wish it was differnt it never will be so i try and concentrate on what i do have - my children and my business for example.

 

[AcidPerm]

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a sad and difficult time. It must feel like being in limbo.
My parents died years ago (dad when I was 21 and mum when I was 30), and whilst it was very upsetting at the time, you can learn to live without them and even begin to find enjoyment in life again.

I admit that the year following her death was the absolute worst in my life (for a variety of reasons) but things slowly improved and I met my husband a few years later.

Without a crystal ball, it's inevitably hard to imagine living a different and happy life without the people you love now being a part of it, but you can learn to look forward, and really, anything is possible.

Big hugs. xx

 

[joannaellen]

Just wanted to say thank you for your comments and support. I will try and focus on the positives. x x x x

 

[Noodle]

My Dad died 7 years ago, and my Mum died in July of this year.

Like everyone, I hoped and prayed that day would never come, and I could not have imagined my life without one or both of my parents in it or to turn to.

However, what I can say is that there is some kind of in-built resilience within all of us, a kind of automatic coping mechanism. While we can never get over the loss or come to terms with what has happened, we can learn how to live without, safe in the knowledge that our loved ones are always watching over us and guiding us.

Stay strong, and try to make the most of every day, as time is very precious.