Single Mothers by Choice (SMC)

[Wonda]

Since there are so many members from all over the world on here & mostly are women, i was wondering if there are any women here who've chosen to be single mothers ??

I don't mean not being with the child's father due to one reason or another, i'm talking about having a baby by donation.

I'm at the age where i really want children (am 33 this year & have wanted them for 6 years now), however i've not been in a relationship for 3 years & do not see this changing any time soon, mainly because i no longer have an interest in dating.
I've found over the last 3 years i've dated a few guys all of which i've looked at as how are they for possible potential husbands/fathers rather than are they the right person for me. Also, i can not physically remember the last time i was chatted up by a bloke other than to ask me if i was the butch one (on a night out with my best friend), they think short hair = she's a lesbian.

I'm not after dating advice, or for people to tell me that Mr Right will turn up when i'm least expecting it etc etc as i'm coming to the fact that yes Mr Right may turn up, but i now want a child rather than a partner.
Purely because Mr Right may turn up .... but there is no guarantee he'll turn up in time.

Therefore i'm seriously considering donor insemination.

I'm doing a lot of research & it seems that there less disruption to children brought up by 1 parent alone than 2 separate parents. Yes ideally children should have 2 parents who are together, but from all the studies i've read, a child growing up knowing they do not have a daddy are less affected than those who know they do have a dad but the dad doesn't live with mum/doesn't want to be involved/does want to be involved but is a crap dad.


I really hope i've not offended anyone by this post & if i have, i'd be more than willing to remove it or ask a Mod to take it down.

All the info i'm reading is mainly American based, all i would like to know is are there people here that may want to send me a message to chat about this subject or even better if there's anyone close, if they want to meet up for a cuppa & a chat.

There is a dedicated forum on the internet on this subject, however it's American based & you have to have a subscription to the forum to find information out, i don't mind paying it, but only if there are UK/local people i can turn to for information/support.

 

[Mobilenailsbfd]

I'm not a single mother by choice or indeed a single mother but I didn't want to read and run. I have three children and i often look at my single mother friends and I applaud them. They are fantastic! Their children are no more or less happy than my children, they may have only one parent but they are loved sooo much it doesn't matter.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful mum. Who needs a man anyway? Lol

 

[sarah_clancy]

Since there are so many members from all over the world on here & mostly are women, i was wondering if there are any women here who've chosen to be single mothers ??

I don't mean not being with the child's father due to one reason or another, i'm talking about having a baby by donation.

I'm at the age where i really want children (am 33 this year & have wanted them for 6 years now), however i've not been in a relationship for 3 years & do not see this changing any time soon, mainly because i no longer have an interest in dating.
I've found over the last 3 years i've dated a few guys all of which i've looked at as how are they for possible potential husbands/fathers rather than are they the right person for me. Also, i can not physically remember the last time i was chatted up by a bloke other than to ask me if i was the butch one (on a night out with my best friend), they think short hair = she's a lesbian.

I'm not after dating advice, or for people to tell me that Mr Right will turn up when i'm least expecting it etc etc as i'm coming to the fact that yes Mr Right may turn up, but i now want a child rather than a partner.
Purely because Mr Right may turn up .... but there is no guarantee he'll turn up in time.

Therefore i'm seriously considering donor insemination.

I'm doing a lot of research & it seems that there less disruption to children brought up by 1 parent alone than 2 separate parents. Yes ideally children should have 2 parents who are together, but from all the studies i've read, a child growing up knowing they do not have a daddy are less affected than those who know they do have a dad but the dad doesn't live with mum/doesn't want to be involved/does want to be involved but is a crap dad.


I really hope i've not offended anyone by this post & if i have, i'd be more than willing to remove it or ask a Mod to take it down.

All the info i'm reading is mainly American based, all i would like to know is are there people here that may want to send me a message to chat about this subject or even better if there's anyone close, if they want to meet up for a cuppa & a chat.

There is a dedicated forum on the internet on this subject, however it's American based & you have to have a subscription to the forum to find information out, i don't mind paying it, but only if there are UK/local people i can turn to for information/support.

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to say good luck!
I am a single mum, from day one... It can be hard, but the good times defo out weigh the bad!
Being a mum really is the best thing ever, you deserve it
I hope you can find the information your looking for, keep us updated!x x

 

[Macoroni]

I was not a single mum by choice but my son is the best thing that ever happened to me without a doubt ! Controversially I always say to anyone who asks me when the time is coming as in thirties if you think you can cope do it have a baby a man may or may not come along and since I had my beautiful boy I have dated without pressure. I'm too old now for any more kids but I'm so glad I have the one I have he makes my life amazing even though it is stressful being a single mum with minimal support xx good luck

 

[eternalscot]

Good luck, Im a single parent myself but through a deadbeat father anyway my posh mate (boarding school toff who is lovely) has lots of seriously rich female chums approaching their 40s who have done it alone in extraordinary ways:

1. Donation with her divorce settlement (lol)

2. Got pregnant with the 25 year old ski instructor

3. One got a child from Cambodia (I think it was definately South America) took years and she took her man who she met on Match.com overseas to get the girl (she is beautiful) as I see photos on facebook

Mumsnet would probably be best for getting info on people who have done this. Although at least I get good maintenance from my son's Deadbeat father, even though I hate him for how he has treated is own.

It is difficult explaining to a child he doesnt have a father and schools love to do these patronising "family" projects.

Good luck though

 

[Wonda]

Good luck, Im a single parent myself but through a deadbeat father anyway my posh mate (boarding school toff who is lovely) has lots of seriously rich female chums approaching their 40s who have done it alone in extraordinary ways:

1. Donation with her divorce settlement (lol)

2. Got pregnant with the 25 year old ski instructor

3. One got a child from Cambodia (I think it was definately South America) took years and she took her man who she met on Match.com overseas to get the girl (she is beautiful) as I see photos on facebook

Mumsnet would probably be best for getting info on people who have done this. Although at least I get good maintenance from my son's Deadbeat father, even though I hate him for how he has treated is own.

It is difficult explaining to a child he doesnt have a father and schools love to do these patronising "family" projects.

Good luck though

Thanks for your info, I know of a woman who is doing it but she's married to another woman, so will have 2 parents ..... Sort of.

I can see your point of view & others who've kindly posted. My main thoughts to doing it alone by choice is I really don't want to risk involving a bloke who may turn out to be a deadbeat as you put it in my child's life, maintenance or no maintenance.

Yeah I might meet Mr Right tomorrow, then I wouldn't have to go down this route, but the chances are I won't, so I just don't want to find myself in 3-5 years deciding to do it alone & struggle even more cause I'm older.

I'd rather have a child on my own with no impact from a father, meet Mr Right who'll accept us both & then maybe consider another baby if/when the times right.


I'll have a look on Mums Net over the weekend, I'm just coming to the end of my 2nd book & am swaying more towards doing it every day.
I know it'll be hard, but I've already had some seriously hard issues to deal with in the past & I'm still standing so why not !!

 

[Tomme]

My mum was a single mother. My dad just didn't want to know but incidentally has a family of his own now.
I will say, no matter how the child is conceived or who they live with, they will always wonder about who else made them.
I have never thought it nessasary that 2 bring up a child, granted it may be easier, but that's all.

I would say, if you go for the surrogacy route, that the donor be willing to meet the child if and when that child chooses. I know that I would like to meet my dad, but he wouldn't. And because of that, I have gone a bit bitter toward him and my half brothers. All I now care about is claiming my inheritance off them when he pops his clogs. Xoxo

 

[Tomme]

Oh, and my colleague is a single mum, with one of the politest children I have ever met. Xoxo

 

[eternalscot]

My mum was a single mother. My dad just didn't want to know but incidentally has a family of his own now.
I will say, no matter how the child is conceived or who they live with, they will always wonder about who else made them.
I have never thought it nessasary that 2 bring up a child, granted it may be easier, but that's all.

I would say, if you go for the surrogacy route, that the donor be willing to meet the child if and when that child chooses. I know that I would like to meet my dad, but he wouldn't. And because of that, I have gone a bit bitter toward him and my half brothers. All I now care about is claiming my inheritance off them when he pops his clogs. Xoxo

I'm sad to hear this and as Mother's we feel guilty, even though it was the father who abandoned their responsibilities. I hope you claim your legal rights in inheritance, i did on another matter it's easy just contact the solicitor, no need for your own they are legal rights and in Scotland at least you cannot disinherit a child and there is no such thing as illigetitmate anymore. Good luck I'm sure your mother loved you lots and your life was possibly preferable without someone selfish in it.

 

[Tomme]

I'm sad to hear this and as Mother's we feel guilty, even though it was the father who abandoned their responsibilities. I hope you claim your legal rights in inheritance, i did on another matter it's easy just contact the solicitor, no need for your own they are legal rights and in Scotland at least you cannot disinherit a child and there is no such thing as illigetitmate anymore. Good luck I'm sure your mother loved you lots and your life was possibly preferable without someone selfish in it.

Oops. Maybe I should have worded my post better. My mum is very much alive lol. Although she doesn't look so good in her coffin. Coxo

 

[eternalscot]

Think you worded it right were you not inferring to the day your absent father dies?