Hi Everyone,
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After the mas he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor repiled, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So next sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning ot the sermon he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded totalk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T'.
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said 'Take this and eat it for kit is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.
12) The virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the cherry'.
13) The remmended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's not a Peter pulling contest at St Taffy's.
Claire x
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After the mas he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor repiled, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'
So next sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning ot the sermon he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded totalk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T'.
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said 'Take this and eat it for kit is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.
12) The virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the cherry'.
13) The remmended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's not a Peter pulling contest at St Taffy's.
Claire x
