Am I just being stupid?

[The beauty lady]

Ok, so basically 3 years ago me and the OH got to together. In the first month he thought I was going to run off with my ex because he saw a missed call on my phone from him.

So he got a girl's number at work and was arranging to meet her. I found out and packed my stuff and left.

We ended up out on the same night, at the same place. I got my other ex (more of a friend) to pick me up.

So he took some girl and his friend back to his uncle's who's house he was looking after.

We moved on but we were out the other night and it was the first time I had seen her since I knew back at the start and she made a b-line to talk to him. He just sort of brushed her off. But it really bugs me that she's still in the area and just has to cause trouble.

It's kind of got to me and now I'm second guessing everything and we're meant to be moving into new house in 2 weeks.

 

[Paige.xx]

This girl has clearly done that to try and get to you. At least he brushed her off & didn't wanna talk to her. You need to put the past in the past or there won't be no moving forward. All the best x

 

[nickysnails200]

Girls can be right bitches sorry for the language but it's true and some live for making others feel bad! She's probably annoyed that he chose you over her so wants to cause a be of trouble. He rejected her that's the important thing! You just need to decide do you trust him? If so move in and move on have a laugh with your friends about how pathetic this girl is and live happily ever after. If you don't trust him talk to him. It could just be that you're nervous or stressed about the move so you're getting more stressed about this than you usually would xxx

 

[The beauty lady]

Would you have left when things got messy to start with. I guess that's what keeps going over the my mind.

 

[Paige.xx]

Me & my fiancé had a very bad time a couple of years ago now, I saw messages on his phone from another girl but we worked through it! There was times when I thought about walking away and leaving it all behind but I'm so glad we worked at it. We are better than we've ever been & now getting married. You really need to sit and think what you want & whether in time you can trust him again. It's very hard don't get me wrong but if the two of you are strong you will find a way to make it work x

 

[Ruby S]

Does she know that you are back together? Maybe she wasn't trying to cause trouble, she might have just thought that you were his friend or whatever and came over to say hi and didn't think she was stepping on anyones toes. I wouldn't automatically go to the place where the girl is in the wrong and that she is out to get your man! He did what he did and she did it with him. If you have forgiven his actions, then you also need to forget them, otherwise you will never be able to completely move on and you will end up resenting each other because of jealousy and stuff. If you love each other and trust each other enough to be in a relationship then you both need to try and stop the jealousy because you will both get hurt.

 

[AcidPerm]

Unless you stick with your boyfriend from aged 5 yrs, everyone will have some previous relationship history when you get together.

In this case, your OH made it clear to her that he isn't interested in a romantic liaison with her now and you need to accept that at face value.

I can understand why you still feel annoyed with her but if you want a healthy loving relationship with your partner, you have to ignore those jealous feelings and not act on them in any way.

There's always going to be women around who act flirtatiously (they're usually very insecure people), and as long as your partner doesn't encourage them, just ignore them and focus your energies on your relationship.

I hope the house move goes well.

 

[jacquelineanna]

This other girl owes you no allegiance whatsoever ... its not nice that she approached him but she can if she wants to.

Your other half on the other hand owes you his trust, his love, and his commitment ... and he did the right thing ... so what is there to worry about?

The fight and the anger should never be with the 'other' female (or male), it should always rest with the offending partner ... they owe you loyalty not a third party.

Trust until someone proves they cannot be trusted ... and be happy xx

 

[Trinity]

Based on what you've told us, he's done nothing wrong

You saw him brush her off, so why are you doubting him?

Unless there is more you haven't mentioned to make you uncertain about either being together or moving in together.

 

[sammi010]

It sounds like there is no trust what so ever and you both play tit for tat games with each other for a reaction!

No joy or happy relationship lies that way. You need to have a real, honest conversation and agree to stop the jealousy games or decide you are happy to feed each others negativity.

 

[The beauty lady]

Thanks for the replies. She knew we were together 3 years ago when we got back with each other 2 weeks after it all happened. He swears nothing happened with her. He says he could have loads of time but he didn't. She used to hang around where he works. Seeing her the other night just brought it all back. And turned me a bit bitter again I suppose. She did it deliberately. And when she didn't get a reaction walked off.

 

[attitude]

Thanks for the replies. She knew we were together 3 years ago when we got back with each other 2 weeks after it all happened. He swears nothing happened with her. He says he could have loads of time but he didn't. She used to hang around where he works. Seeing her the other night just brought it all back. And turned me a bit bitter again I suppose. She did it deliberately. And when she didn't get a reaction walked off.

Ah but she IS getting a reaction isn't she? I would never blame the other woman for anything. Like Jacquelineanna says, she owes you nothing. She can do whatever she wants. The onus is on your boyfriend to behave correctly. You need to move on if this happened 3 years ago.

 

[The beauty lady]

She didn't get a reaction. These are just my after thoughts. I do blame her for delibertly trying to cause bother 3 years on even though nobody is involved with her. that's just the type of person she obviously is. Suppose some people are just so unhappy with themselves that they desperately need to make other people unhappy.

 

[perfect10kb]

Honestly ... Why are you wasting your energy on this? . She made a play for him , he brushed her off . End of . You cant blame him for her actions and you hanging onto this anger towards her is utterly pointless and totally irrelevant .

If your relationship is to survive then you must begin to act more maturely . Yes I know its annoying and I would have a good old moan to myself but it should not have any bearing on your relationship

Quite frankly sounds like a lot of fuss about nothing . ... and I dont mean that nastily . I say that as someone with a lot of experience and who has been with their partner now husband very happily for over 40 years. You have to work out whats important and whats not and from what you have told us this is not -really .



Move on . no more stressing
x

 

[attitude]

She didn't get a reaction. These are just my after thoughts. I do blame her for delibertly trying to cause bother 3 years on even though nobody is involved with her. that's just the type of person she obviously is. Suppose some people are just so unhappy with themselves that they desperately need to make other people unhappy.

If this made you unhappy, then she did get a reaction. Unless she rubbed her naked breasts in his face, I really don't see why you hate her and feel threatened by her. Does it bother you when your boyfriend speaks to other women? Or just this one? Or just old lovers? I don't mean this in a bad way at all, but you're not ready for marriage.

 

[The beauty lady]

Thanks for the reply perfect10. And 'attitude' nobody mentioned marriage. I don't feel threatened by anybody. I'm confident in myself. When you have a negative experience in life and something triggers those memories it can sometimes bare weight in your thoughts about things. He speaks to who he likes as do I. The reason I wrote this thread was to get advice and support from another angle from people who may have had a similar experience. Not for sympathy or a bitch about someone. And certainly not to feel judged.

 

[Beauty Tips]

Thanks for the reply perfect10. And 'attitude' nobody mentioned marriage. I don't feel threatened by anybody. I'm confident in myself. When you have a negative experience in life and something triggers those memories it can sometimes bare weight in your thoughts about things. He speaks to who he likes as do I. The reason I wrote this thread was to get advice and support from another angle from people who may have had a similar experience. Not for sympathy or a bitch about someone. And certainly not to feel judged.

Hiya.

I don't think it is supposed to be coming across as judging I think the gist of it is 'pick your battles'.
If it is affecting you you need to speak with your partner and explain that you still have these insecurities about what happened in the past. The way he deals with it and the way he works it through with you will determine whether you are both ready to move on and move in together.
This happened at the start of your relationship though so 3 years on hopefully you have both changed and matured, be able to discuss this and move on from it.

Hope it works out for you

 

[The beauty lady]

I don't feel judged. Just feel that the comment about marriage was a bit far out of topic. Totally get where your coming from. Think I just need to realise it did happen a while ago. I'm just an over thinker about things. Always tend to see the worst x

 

[Beauty Tips]

I don't feel judged. Just feel that the comment about marriage was a bit far out of topic. Totally get where your coming from. Think I just need to realise it did happen a while ago. I'm just an over thinker about things. Always tend to see the worst x

I 100% get it - I over think everything and then have to slap myself out of it before it spirals! A bit of harsh advice from friends always helps lol!

 

[perfect10kb]

Heres a little saying i learnt years ago and there have been soooooo many times when it has stood me in good stead

'Most of my problems have never happened '

And it is so true . How much time do we all waste worrying about things that never actually happen lol. Over thinking is a curse
x