Any help with CSA?

[Nails<3]

nails>3 i thought so it just disgust me how he cant even offer me a penny without csa im a single parent and as my sons getting older he wants and needs more and its hard.but im the mother and father to my son...x

It is disgusting it really is. Your son will be very proud of you for doing it by yourself with no help from him. They only show up when the hard work has been done bringing up their child.

I'm quite lucky, my daughter has been brought up by my boyfriend since she was 6months old so she knows no different until the time comes when she is older and we will tell her, but like I said in a previous post I will go for sole custody so I can cut all ties from the sperm donor and my boyfriend will adopt her as his own. Which will be good for him as he won't have to pay anything again as he won't be a parent to her. I think I could cope without the £5 that's whenever I actually get anything lol x

 

[FuzzBall]

Ladies, lets not forget that woman too can also be the baddies.

My husband has his daughter split custorday after a terrible incident caused by the egg donor.

We are waiting for 3 years worth and only a week ago recieves a letter saying we will be paid £50 back dation.

It swings both ways.

 

[becky30]

It disturbs me that people can behave this way towards their own flesh and blood.
My eldest sons father died before he was born, I got together as a couple with my second sons father when my first son was 4 months old, (we had been friends before then,) we split when my second son was 4 years old, but he contributes towards both of my sons. My eldest has always called him dad and my ex sees him as his son. I can't get over how parents, mothers and fathers just forget about their children just because they have split from the partners.

 

[FuzzBall]

Its terrible the way the society is going parents should be there no matter what!!

 

[Chezzababy]

Csa cringe! My boys are 13 and 10 their dad is a waste of space! Wants to see them then can't be bothered, I sometimes get payments not guaranteed. My ex was working in Aberdeen, got his employer to employ him abroad so he could avoid tax so the Csa couldn't catch him! Loser!!

They do take your income etc into but that's all I know.

Good luck.

xxx

 

[Fionalex]

My boyfriend has two children, he pays 50 pound more monthly than he should, (calculated through CSA) just to keep his ex kinda happy, so in total nearly 300 per month. He has them every other weekend, over night on the friday and saturday and also goes round there twice per week, and puts them to bed. She still isnt happy, he does eveything by the book yet she still causes us hell!
Always asking for money, asking for school uniform costs, clothing costs, money because she is short that month. Oh and he also pays for half his sons football and half his daughters ballet.
I'm so fed up with her.
She is in a housing association house fully furnished paid for by him, and he has only just finished paying off the loan that he took out to clear the debts of the furnishings he bought when they lived together. He would never take the items away from the children, but she doesnt ever actually see how good she has it, whilst we are desperatley saving to get a house of our own, she sits with everything around her, whilst shes lives on benefits.
Still she says he isnt a good enough dad. He left her with everything but is never grateful.
Sometimes there are good dads out there but nightmare mothers.

I am a little worried about one of the other comments though, if we marry does that mean are salaries are combined and we would pay more maintenance? I have no issue with paying but dont want my money going to pay for her nights out and alcohol!

 

[Baggybear]

Fionalex

I am not 100% sure but I think that if she is on benefits then the social take back all the money from CSA bar a very small amount, they say it is because she is not entitled to the full money from them as the CSA money is counted as earnings - hope that makes sense.

My ex husband won't get a job and when he did have a job he gave them the wrong NI number so he could avoid paying the CSA more than the £5 a week for our 2 children. I had no choice but to tell CSA who he was etc.. as they threatened to stop all my lone parent money if I didn't 'grass him up'.

As soon as I met my boyfriend & got off benefits I told my ex I would stop the CSA from collecting if he got a job and we could agree an amount between us, he told me where to go and that he would never work again.

He caused the kids so much upset by saying he was going to see them and then not turning up and then blaming me for him not seeing his kids. In the end I made him take me to court for access, I tried the mediation but he walked out.
When we got to court and his solicitor asked me for access she almost paased out when I told her there was no problem with him seeing them, I explained that if he was going to see them it had to be when he said and regularly, no letting the kids down last minute.
So meetings were set up where I took the kids somewhere and stayed in the background until time to go home, he turned up for less than 50% of those agreed weekly visits between the 2 court dates.
We went back to court and after explaining my concerns about his commitment levels to his kids he seemed to wake up a little. The judge awarded him 24 hours each weekend (so from Fri at 5 overnight until 5 on Sat) and if he messed the children about he would lose all access and be denied any further court time.

Thankfully he has stuck to the 24 hours every weekend and there have been very few troubles, but he still will not get a job. He is now in a relationship and she seems to be a great influence over him as he took them on a weeks caravan holiday for the first time last summer (the kids are 15 & 9 and we have been split up for 8 years).

I'm glad he is moving on and putting the effort in to be a better father but he is still nowhere as good a dad as my boyfriend is. It makes me wonder why I was with him for 9 years but I do thank my time with him for making me realise just how wonderfull my boyfriend is for taking on my 2 children and treating them exactly the same as the other 2 kids we have together (he treats all 4 the same).

 

[Fionalex]

Yea to be fair, i dont know the in's and outs of the benefit and csa system, that does sound like it could be correct. I know he pays her through direct debit and not through csa, as they said he can do that. Its just more annoying that she just asks for more constantly, and tell's him and others how bad a dad he is, when he does so much. Apparently CSA doesnt include all the extras kids need, thats what she says anyway, but I dont know the rules behind it. He works from 5am through to 6pm, and saturdays all day. He has two jobs and still try to see the kids as much as possible. There are some good dads out there and some not so good. Avoiding paying is terrible, cant belive someone would do that. Whats even more annoying is she keeps threatening to take him to court because she will get legal aid and he wont, she says she'll get him in debt because of it. The thing is if he pays monthly, see's them twice a week, has them for the weekend every other, I dont think a judge could tell her he needs to do more. Nothing will ever be enough, except him going back to her, and I think thats what it boils down to.

There are some funny people in this world. Baggy Bear sounds like you have found one of the good ones your boyfriend sounds like a keeper!

QUOTE=Baggybear;1590562]Fionalex

I am not 100% sure but I think that if she is on benefits then the social take back all the money from CSA bar a very small amount, they say it is because she is not entitled to the full money from them as the CSA money is counted as earnings - hope that makes sense.

My ex husband won't get a job and when he did have a job he gave them the wrong NI number so he could avoid paying the CSA more than the £5 a week for our 2 children. I had no choice but to tell CSA who he was etc.. as they threatened to stop all my lone parent money if I didn't 'grass him up'.

As soon as I met my boyfriend & got off benefits I told my ex I would stop the CSA from collecting if he got a job and we could agree an amount between us, he told me where to go and that he would never work again.

He caused the kids so much upset by saying he was going to see them and then not turning up and then blaming me for him not seeing his kids. In the end I made him take me to court for access, I tried the mediation but he walked out.
When we got to court and his solicitor asked me for access she almost paased out when I told her there was no problem with him seeing them, I explained that if he was going to see them it had to be when he said and regularly, no letting the kids down last minute.
So meetings were set up where I took the kids somewhere and stayed in the background until time to go home, he turned up for less than 50% of those agreed weekly visits between the 2 court dates.
We went back to court and after explaining my concerns about his commitment levels to his kids he seemed to wake up a little. The judge awarded him 24 hours each weekend (so from Fri at 5 overnight until 5 on Sat) and if he messed the children about he would lose all access and be denied any further court time.

Thankfully he has stuck to the 24 hours every weekend and there have been very few troubles, but he still will not get a job. He is now in a relationship and she seems to be a great influence over him as he took them on a weeks caravan holiday for the first time last summer (the kids are 15 & 9 and we have been split up for 8 years).

I'm glad he is moving on and putting the effort in to be a better father but he is still nowhere as good a dad as my boyfriend is. It makes me wonder why I was with him for 9 years but I do thank my time with him for making me realise just how wonderfull my boyfriend is for taking on my 2 children and treating them exactly the same as the other 2 kids we have together (he treats all 4 the same).[/QUOTE]

 

[kattyj]

My boyfriend has two children, he pays 50 pound more monthly than he should, (calculated through CSA) just to keep his ex kinda happy, so in total nearly 300 per month. He has them every other weekend, over night on the friday and saturday and also goes round there twice per week, and puts them to bed. She still isnt happy, he does eveything by the book yet she still causes us hell!
Always asking for money, asking for school uniform costs, clothing costs, money because she is short that month. Oh and he also pays for half his sons football and half his daughters ballet.
I'm so fed up with her.
She is in a housing association house fully furnished paid for by him, and he has only just finished paying off the loan that he took out to clear the debts of the furnishings he bought when they lived together. He would never take the items away from the children, but she doesnt ever actually see how good she has it, whilst we are desperatley saving to get a house of our own, she sits with everything around her, whilst shes lives on benefits.
Still she says he isnt a good enough dad. He left her with everything but is never grateful.
Sometimes there are good dads out there but nightmare mothers.

I am a little worried about one of the other comments though, if we marry does that mean are salaries are combined and we would pay more maintenance? I have no issue with paying but dont want my money going to pay for her nights out and alcohol!

When I married my husband my salary wasnt taken into account as to what he pays for his daughter and what I get from my ex husband for my boys is only from his wages. I do believe though that years ago the rules were different and the new wifes wages were taken into account so maybe thats where the mix up is?

 

[Fionalex]

Okay, thank you for your reply

When I married my husband my salary wasnt taken into account as to what he pays for his daughter and what I get from my ex husband for my boys is only from his wages. I do believe though that years ago the rules were different and the new wifes wages were taken into account so maybe thats where the mix up is?