Assertiveness - Help

[Ashleigh_21x]

Hey Lovely Geeks!

I'm feeling super low right now and I know you geeks will have a sympathetic ear!

I have been working for a beauty business since January 2013, It is a small salon with 2 treatment rooms and there are 6 therapists, We work in a serviced apartment building so we rent out rooms occasionally and do massive pamper parties also. I have worked my way up to being "senior therapist" without actually being asked. I get given a lot of responsibility and I am told when the owners are not there I am in charge of the other therapists and the day to day running of the salon. Fine. I am quite happy with this, But what I am not happy with is that I choke every time I feel like saying no or asking for a wage increase. I work 10 hour days 5 days a week for minimum wage and I go over and above what is expected of me because I adore this industry and my loyal clients.

The straw that broke the camels back came on Monday when I was flicking through the diary and noticed that I am in on Saturday (1 of my very precious days off, Neither owner has asked if this is ok, They have just popped me in knowing i will say yes and cancel everything to be there) So now I will be working 6 days this week with 1 day off. Not cool. Also my partner has booked us a weekend away this weekend and since I am the only one who can do Shrinking Violet and Eyelash Extensions I will have to cancel my plans :sad: I just really want to know how to communicate with my boss's that I need my 2 days off a week and that is final. I really work hard for them and feel that 2 days off is only fair. I just don't know how to say no and put my foot down.

Sorry for the long post. I am just really starting to lose my motivation to even drag myself out of bed in the mornings. My whole social life is crumbling around me.

Thanks in advance for anybody's help!

Ash xxx

 

[laurakate]

They should have asked you about the saturday. I dont know how to best address it but if it feels like you dont want to work there anymore i would call a meeting as a matter of urgency to try and repair the situation...ideally before saturday...you shouldnt have to lose money from booking something on what was meant to be a day off.

Hope you get your saturday off *hugs*

 

[Lauren1492]

Hey Lovely Geeks!

I'm feeling super low right now and I know you geeks will have a sympathetic ear!

I have been working for a beauty business since January 2013, It is a small salon with 2 treatment rooms and there are 6 therapists, We work in a serviced apartment building so we rent out rooms occasionally and do massive pamper parties also. I have worked my way up to being "senior therapist" without actually being asked. I get given a lot of responsibility and I am told when the owners are not there I am in charge of the other therapists and the day to day running of the salon. Fine. I am quite happy with this, But what I am not happy with is that I choke every time I feel like saying no or asking for a wage increase. I work 10 hour days 5 days a week for minimum wage and I go over and above what is expected of me because I adore this industry and my loyal clients.

The straw that broke the camels back came on Monday when I was flicking through the diary and noticed that I am in on Saturday (1 of my very precious days off, Neither owner has asked if this is ok, They have just popped me in knowing i will say yes and cancel everything to be there) So now I will be working 6 days this week with 1 day off. Not cool. Also my partner has booked us a weekend away this weekend and since I am the only one who can do Shrinking Violet and Eyelash Extensions I will have to cancel my plans :sad: I just really want to know how to communicate with my boss's that I need my 2 days off a week and that is final. I really work hard for them and feel that 2 days off is only fair. I just don't know how to say no and put my foot down.

Sorry for the long post. I am just really starting to lose my motivation to even drag myself out of bed in the mornings. My whole social life is crumbling around me.

Thanks in advance for anybody's help!

Ash xxx

Oh ash i am so happy i am not the only one that is undervalued and underpaid. I love my job i couldnt imagine myself doing anything else but where i work is putting me off it so much so i find it so hard to get out of bed in the morning. I work long days and bend to suit my employers needs so much so that i work split shifts somedays coming in in the morning and then again in the evening. I think we just need to grow a pair hun anyone i say it to this seems to be their answer xx

 

[perfect10kb]

I am in a bit of a rush but wanted to give you a quick reply .

Do NOT cancel your weekend away !!! . Why should you . You were not asked and this really is taking the p...s .

Just tell them politely that you noticed they have pencilled you in for saturday but It is a shame that they did not check with you first as you have already booked a weekend away so cant do it ..... Simples

xx

 

[Ashleigh_21x]

Thanks so much guys!

Lauren - It is so hard to just say NO! I totally get where you are coming from. I was having physio on my wrists a couple of months ago due to doing a tonne of massage. I was leaving at 2pm and had to be back for 4pm every time. And I never once said no. At least I've found someone who is in the same boat! I do need to stand up for myself and grow a set, My partner goes mental! And the fact he surprised me with this weekend away is just breaking my heart as he knows how stressed I am and how much I need it. Chin up lovely! xxx

Perfect10 - Thank you for taking the time to reply! That sounds perfect actually! I know I'm going to get the same speel they reel off every time but I'm going to have to be firm and enjoy my weekend! Thank you thank you thank you xxx

 

[emma@lashes]

This is the advice I give to my children if they are worried about confronting an issue, and it can relate to every aspect of life.

What do you hope to achieve? In your case you want a pay rise, 2 days off a week , and to be consulted about which days you work.
When you ask for these changes, there are really only 2 possible answers you will get, yes or no. If the answer is no, you are left in the same position as when you asked. Nothing has changed. It is no better, but it is also no worse. And if the answer is yes, then well done you.

Take a deep breath, and ask!!!!

 

[Ashleigh_21x]

Emma that is amazing advice. Thank you so much. Your right, it's so simple but could change everything. Thanks xxx

 

[tonicj]

Sounds to me like you bring a lot to this business. Your requests are very reasonable. Make an appointment with them and have your say and if they are not prepared to accommodate you well at least you will have planted a little seed that you are not as happy as you could be. You will feel better about yourself if you address this issue in a polite, friendly and confident manner. Good Luck x

 

[laurakate]

I strongly feel that you should get your Saturday off and I'm crossing my fingers that you get the Saturday off without any hassles coming with it.

Overall, in your shoes I would be asking myself if I wanted to stay in that job. I talk from experience.....For me, I don't work as an employee in the beauty industry because I want nice hours and nice pay because frankly, I know that most job roles can't/won't offer that. Therefore, I need a job that makes me feel appreciated and respected. This could exist in the form of scope for learning new things/product training or simply being treated and spoken to as if I am a worthwhile member of the team (and human being!).

Basically, I'm saying that in this industry, I think an employed role needs to offer that bit more in terms of the little touches that boost morale. Minimum wage and antisocial hours and the pain of doing massage aren't enough to get a lot of people out of bed in the morning (and rightly/fairly so!) and therefore I do think that employers need to offer things that are easy for them to give employees. If they don't, they're fighting a losing battle due to high staff turnover.

If I was given split shifts with two hours in between and put on shift at the last minute without being asked, I wouldn't last long in a company that treated me that way. I too struggle to assert myself and I *can* do it if push comes to shove but with some jobs, I feel that when it comes to the point that you feel you have to constantly stand up for yourself, you might be at a point where there is something better out there for you, even if that simply means moving to another spa.

No job is perfect in this (or any) industry but I think there is a line to be drawn if that makes sense? (trust me, I've very much been there)

 

[Lauren1492]

Lauren - It is so hard to just say NO! I totally get where you are coming from. I was having physio on my wrists a couple of months ago due to doing a tonne of massage. I was leaving at 2pm and had to be back for 4pm every time. And I never once said no. At least I've found someone who is in the same boat! I do need to stand up for myself and grow a set, My partner goes mental! And the fact he surprised me with this weekend away is just breaking my heart as he knows how stressed I am and how much I need it. Chin up lovely! xxx


I completely understand ash. It is a pain in the arse!! The reason i havent said anything is because i wonder am i digging myself a hole if i do say something will they make my life hell. So thats the only reason i havent said anything. My hubby also goes mad. You poor thing u sound like u truly deserve a break! I went away in may and my employer was so begrudging about it. I have this friend who keeps saying if your not happy in your job leave! I just have to be braver . All the advice is much appreciated 😊 xx

 

[laurakate]

I completely understand ash. It is a pain in the arse!! The reason i havent said anything is because i wonder am i digging myself a hole if i do say something will they make my life hell. So thats the only reason i havent said anything.

I agree with this. I think one of the reasons it's so hard to assert yourself is because you worry that it will make things worse for you than just taking what they're already dishing out.

I still struggle with this but one of the thing I remember from a course I did on assertiveness was that a key reason as to why people don't assert themselves is because they are fearful of consequences. Some good reasons to assert yourself is because it's about respecting yourself and commanding respect from others. I would hope that someone worth working for would have respect for you sticking up for yourself. If somebody gives you confrontation rather than respect then it might ay more about them.

All of this stuff is so much more easily said than done and I should take a leaf out of my own book

 

[Lauren1492]

Laura your advice is invaluable thank u so much. I know i do get upset thinking does this person not respect me enough to treat me as a valued member of her staff. The other thing that bugs me is a lot of my friends are in higher paid jobs (salons) that dont have as much responsibility as i do as i am a senior therapist, perks of the jobs 😄 x

 

[perfect10kb]

Ok Little more time now ..


Ok the fact of the matter is people will only treat you the way YOU allow them to . By not sticking up for yourself in the past they appear to just continue to treat you the way they always have - Because they can!

( remember that saying ..... If things don't change they will stay the same )


Now looking at your pic I would say i am old enough to be your mother and have been around in this business for quite a while so i have toughened up over the years and now nothing or no one will intimidate me - Which is what they are actually doing with you

From your post you appear to be the sort of employee that most people would want - Going above and beyond . Now that's great for them but it work both ways .

Don't think of it as confrontation , just think of it as being fair . You are not asking anything that is unreasonable . You are only asking them to consult you BEFORE they schedule you to work on what is your day off ( or any other hours outside those you are contracted to do). This is not an unreasonable request and if they have anything about them then they will think so too

If you don't put your foot down this time they will just continue to take advantage . You do not have to be aggressive in your approach to them but you DO need to be assertive and DEFINITE . Don't sway and stay firm .

Really really hope that you don't cancel your week away . there is no reason why you should . You should not be pencilled to work on YOUR DAY OFF without it being cleared with you first. You have made plans and the fact that they have 'pencilled' you in and you cant do it is their problem not yours !


Tell them what I said and then if they kick up with something like ' Oh but we have clients in or well you have never minded before Just quietly and firmly say something like . " Yes I am always more than happy to fill in where I possibly can outside of my contracted days/hours but it does need to be cleared with me first . In this instance I just can't do it . I am so sorry but next time if you ask me first then we could avoid this situation and unfortunately I am unable to change my plans this time "

let us know how you go


x

 

[Ashleigh_21x]

Thank you so much geeks! I actually can sleep at night not worrying about work now. Perfect10 you are awesome!!! Thank you. It makes perfect sense! Invaluable xxxxxxxx

 

[perfect10kb]

How did you get on ? Did you go away for your weekend ? .... I do hope so

 

[Chrysalis]

What does it say in your contract? Does it state set days or variable hours? And how many hours a week.

In any employment conflicts between employer/ employee it is best to check your contract first.

I it states you work a 40 hour week for example does it say how these hours are distributed?

Have a chat with your employer but take a note of what was said at the time and what was agreed and what wasn't agreed.

Then look it over a home with the hubby and decide what is the best course of action for you.
Yes we are in a recession and jobs are hard to come by but you need a life you are obviously good at your job so worst case scenario work elsewhere, go mobile if this position doesn't give you what you want.

Also check from your employers position, have they given you time off, annual leave and have you had sick days or accrued time owing since January.

There's often your perspective, their perspective, the law and ultimately your choice. You live once and you work to live not live to work!

If you have difficulty being assertive or starting discussions you could always play dumb rub your name out and say in a cheery voice, oops you've put me in on my day off, must be a mistake and see how that comment is received.
Good luck

 

[Ashleigh_21x]

Hey lovelys! I had a sit down with my employer and cleared the air. It has all been understood on both parts what is expected and I did have a marvellous weekend 😊 Also brought up the subject of pay and after a trial of me running the place and putting certain wheels in motion for 2 weeks I will get a wage rise and bonuses. I am so chuffed!

Thanks or everyone's input, It has paid off hugely!
Ash xxxxxx

 

[Ashleigh_21x]

What does it say in your contract? Does it state set days or variable hours? And how many hours a week.

In any employment conflicts between employer/ employee it is best to check your contract first.

I it states you work a 40 hour week for example does it say how these hours are distributed?

Have a chat with your employer but take a note of what was said at the time and what was agreed and what wasn't agreed.

Then look it over a home with the hubby and decide what is the best course of action for you.
Yes we are in a recession and jobs are hard to come by but you need a life you are obviously good at your job so worst case scenario work elsewhere, go mobile if this position doesn't give you what you want.

Also check from your employers position, have they given you time off, annual leave and have you had sick days or accrued time owing since January.

There's often your perspective, their perspective, the law and ultimately your choice. You live once and you work to live not live to work!

If you have difficulty being assertive or starting discussions you could always play dumb rub your name out and say in a cheery voice, oops you've put me in on my day off, must be a mistake and see how that comment is received.
Good luck

It does say 25-35 but I do probably 50 hours a week. 10 hour days 5 days a week. My days off are set to Saturday and Sunday. This can change obviously but they don't ask, they just pop it in hoping I see it before they have to ask and I cancel plans. So this week I would have worked an extra 8 hours on top of the 50 and had one day off.

I did have a sit down and took notes of what was said so I hope it is all followed through with!

Thanks for your help lovely!

Ash xxxxxx

 

[Lauren1492]

Ash im delighted you got to enjoy your well deserved break x

 

[Ashleigh_21x]

Thanks Lauren! So chuffed. Hope you get things sorted too my lovely!

Ash xxxx