My son makes me feel bad for working

[tinkywinky]

:cry:My 3 year old has made me quite upset tonight.

Whilst on the phone to the client he drew on my top with a pen. Whenever I am on the phone he gets cross and starts screaming for attention.

I've got a four month old too who takes a lot of my time also but both boys are lovely and my priority and pride and joy.

When I asked him why he gets upset (i.e. drawing on my top - not impressed!) he said he gets upset when "he loses me when I go to work".

This has made me feel so bad.:cry::cry::cry: I only work around 10 - 15 hours a week max. Unfortunately I have no choice about having to work. We would get into debt if I didn't work.

Plus the fact I love what I do.

I explained I work to get us nice things, go on holiday, etc we are trying to save for our own property which I'd like to buy by next year.

It's so hard being a mum and working but now I feel even worse. I work evenings and weekends and leave him very occassionally with the childminder once or twice a week. The rest of the time he is with daddy or grandma's getting spoilt.

I chose this career as I knew I'd like to spend as much time with my kids as possible. Now I am on a big guilt trip.

I love quality time with my son and am taking him and his bro on our own to the seaside on Tuesday.

Please mums advise me do you ever get this and how do you deal with it? It's so hard sometimes...

 

[ValencianNails]

He's old enough for you to reason with him, I would explain to him that if mummy didn't work then he wouldn't be able to have any treats or go for nice days out to the beach etc, hopefully he will understand :hug:
I know you said you've done that already but maybe you need to connect it to something that will affect him directly, stay strong.

 

[Tricky]

aw bless you have a lovely bright boy , just take some special time out every day just for himxx good luck

 

[Bagpuss]

come to an arrangement with him....kids like routine.

Sit him down once a week and draw up a plan....with work times and son (sorry don't know his name)..times.

Ask him to help you fill it in...he can choose the fun things to do in "son" times.

The agreement is that he behaves when mummy has to work...

Do it like a chart...with mon, tues, weds, thurs, fri...get him to help you make it and involve him in the things he wants to do in "son" times.

He can choice his favourite colour for you to write his time on there...and put it where he can see it.

Try not to react to his "trying to get your attention" by being naughty ways...and give him loads and loads of attention for being good when you are on the phone/working.

Tell him how fantastic he was and how proud you are of him....this way he will learn that good behaviour gets him the good attention and bad behaviour gets him NO attention.

Best of luck and don't beat yourself up about this...parents have to work and kids have to understand that....he wont be like this forever babe...it really is just a stage...but nipping it in the bud now will make it easier for you later.

 

[extensionten]

come to an arrangement with him....kids like routine.

Sit him down once a week and draw up a plan....with work times and son (sorry don't know his name)..times.

Ask him to help you fill it in...he can choose the fun things to do in "son" times.

The agreement is that he behaves when mummy has to work...

Do it like a chart...with mon, tues, weds, thurs, fri...get him to help you make it and involve him in the things he wants to do in "son" times.

He can choice his favourite colour for you to write his time on there...and put it where he can see it.

Try not to react to his "trying to get your attention" by being naughty ways...and give him loads and loads of attention for being good when you are on the phone/working.

Tell him how fantastic he was and how proud you are of him....this way he will learn that good behaviour gets him the good attention and bad behaviour gets him NO attention.

Best of luck and don't beat yourself up about this...parents have to work and kids have to understand that....he wont be like this forever babe...it really is just a stage...but nipping it in the bud now will make it easier for you later.

Great advice this! you sound like super nanny!!

 

[Bagpuss]

Great advice this! you sound like super nanny!!

:lol: its took a long time to figure these little people out but i like to think i have just about sussed em...till they hit teens...then its a whole knew ball game...:Scared:

 

[extensionten]

:lol: its took a long time to figure these little people out but i like to think i have just about sussed em...till they hit teens...then its a whole knew ball game...:Scared:

Ha ha I have a 4 yr old and 13 (girls) then boy in middle at 11! The teen and 4 yr old are both goin through "special stages" lol! Sometimes is fantastic - sometimes it's a war zone! Why do they choose the exact time a brand new client calls to have a screaming match! :smack: Mind you if it's happening when the phone rings (regardless of who it might be) I don't pick up!!!

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Could it be that he is feeling a little pushed out with the new baby coming along too? No matter how hard we try the new baby always gets more attention, so make sure you involve him too if you don't already.

 

[tinkywinky]

Think you are all right. He unfortunately does feel a little pushed out by baby but I have booked us in the Big Blue Hotel in Blackpool soon, so he gets a special hotel and two lovely days in Blackpool just for him.

I am also taking him nto York today, then swimming, then we are going to the seaside tomorrow which I am sure he will love.

Sometimes it is so hard being a parent.

I want the best for him and my baby and that's why I work. Otherwise we wouldn't go anywhere or do anything and live a life close to the breadline which I personally aren't go to let us do.

Thanks all for your fab advice it is brilliant and thanks for taking the time to reply.

Best wishes xxx

 

[Sassy Hassy]

I think that you need to include the baby when you do stuff with him so you do it all together. Otherwise he may see that you can only dedicate time for one of them at a time and not together.

When I had my second, Natalie, I read up a lot on how to involve the first born, Elizabeth. We even said Natalie was her baby, not ours!!! We'd involve her with everything, getting the nappies, helping prepare feeds, holding her and so on so that she felt a part of it all. I do however remember when we were out and about and everyone was cooing over Natalie, and Elizabeth just hid behind my legs, she was so fed up with being ignored. So I just quietly said to her, go and show everyone your new baby and it worked. So don't have time out for him and time for the other, have time out for them together.

 

[HappyHands]

My eldest did more than i when it can to the second.. he would feed him, read to him whilst i got the bottles made, change nappies (but only the wet ones mummy),

Infact I used to tell him that I had to work to buy him his sweeties (always got him a packet after work) I know people these days don,t like to give their kids too many sweets but it worked for me and I also only did a few hours a week.. I used to buy the fun packs you can get with loads of little bags of sweets and kept them in the car so I never forgot..

It really is just a stage and when he gets used to the idea you are working for them he will grow to understand.. I promise:hug::hug:

 

[Jennykins]

There has been some fantastic advice given so far...think i'll be in the same boat as you soon Tink, there will be 2 and half years between my 2! Evie is very demanding so goodness knows how i'll get on!

I hope you get the situation sorted soon xx

 

[tinkywinky]

I always do stuff together, may take him swimming alone but thats because baby was too little, but we are always a family, but yes I agree we need to include everyone xxx