post natal depression

[corrine1983]

hey there boys and girls,
when i was pregnant with umerrah, i was going through a tough time with the father and became depressed. it got to the point that i was looking through the yellow pages for adoption agencies so i could give away my unborn child, as awful as this sound i had already fallen into a deep depression before she was already born. i tried demanding the doctor to help me with medication as i felt i was in a down hill spiral. i tried pulling myself togeather to get through the birth. anyway i umerrah was born, got the usual baby blues crying all the time etc. a couple of months went by and i couldnt catch the bus, still crying, feeling lonley and let down by friends who were just doing their own thing. i was late diagnosed with post natal depression as i scored 23 which is quite high and class as servere. the doctor then put me on saroxat. at first i felt fine as though i was getting better, i then experienced suicidal thoughts but the only thing that stopped me was my daughter, who would find her, who would look after her, etc.
i took myself off the anti depressants and regained my live back and met sean. i have days where i dont want to wash, do my hair, go out and cut myself off the rest of the world. bit if i didnt have sean to pick me up when im really feeling low i dont know what i would do.

the question i want to ask is have any of you suffered from depression? wether it be post natal or just depression.... did you have anyone there to support you through the dark tunnel that you was traveling through, or did you pick yourself up on your own without support from friends and family?

there are so many women that got through post natal depression without saying anything and suffer in silence, due to lack of support from friends and family.

i hope i havent offended anyone.
xxxxx

 

[HappyHands]

you are not alone there babe... i have suffered from depression for years.. you feel as if you got in a rut and just cant get out.. you will get out babe and pick yourself up it just takes time.. i still have the odd rut but nothing as bad i have now been told it is not depression it is anxity(cant spell to save my life) and am going on a 6week course to try and help... maybe have a word with your doctor about that... i too find it hard to go outside and if im really low the hair get unwashed and the house becomes a mess.. take one day as it comes.. enjoy your young kids and what i find really stress relief is cook cakes with the little ones no matter how young they all love it.. and when you are depressed later you have some yummies to eat.. hth... if you need someone to talk to pm

 

[Lellipop]

Hi Corrine,
I too suffered pnd after the birth of my first child it wasn't treated for 2 years by which time I was very ill and attempted suicide, I was put on many different tablets some made me worse and I had years of feeling low and panicky. I was then diagonosed has having bi-polar depression also known as manic depression I have been hospitalised 6 times and have been to hell and back with my illness, I take regular medication for my illness and have remained well for the last few years. I have 2 kids aged 16 and 10 and they have help me to keep going through it all. I did have a cpn for years and also went to cognitive behaviour therapy which helped me so much.
To me an illness is just that whether physical or mental and I never feel sorry for myself I just try and get on with my life and take the highs and lows as just being part of me.

 

[florence2004]

Hi there Corrie
I was diagnosed with PND after my 1st child was born and then diagnosed as manic depressive about 18 months ago.

The best support I had was from my new GP who saw me regularly (ever 2 weeks) whilst we got my medication sorted. It took a while to get the right drug but I have now settled on citalopram and am feeling much better. I have accepted that maybe medication is what is best for me at the moment as before I just wanted to come off them as I didn't want to be another pill popping person.

I had suicidal thoughts but I couldn't bear to leave my children and at one point I considered taking them with me. That is when I new I needed the help and that I had hit rock bottom.

I still have days where I get down in the dumps and the tiredness that comes with depression doesn't help as you just feel like staying in bed all day. But I have a wonderful husband who has had such a lot to cope with but has done admirally.

I have also found that doing the nails has helped as it is something that I can take ownership of that is mine and not shared with anything else. Sometimes I find that if I am concentrating hard on nails then all of the other worring thoughts disappear. It may only be for an hour but it is better than nothing!!

 

[becki x]

Unfortunately reading your thread gave me a lump in my throat,why ?

Because i know exactly what you are describing.

It is the hardest thing in the world to not feel love for the one thing you should adore,to know that unless you have experienced an episode no one understands,not even you.

I only wish i had the strength to tell people how i felt instead of putting the slap and a smile on when i knew folks were coming to visit.

I am lucky that i got good treatment but it was only a year ago i came off the pills and was signed off by the mental health worker,who i truly believed saved me in so many ways.

There is such a stigma attached to depression and there shouldn't be.

I have since recovering told everyone about my experience,explained how i simply have no recollection of my baby's first words ,smiles etc,all the things i should be able to treasure forever are not there,but have many photos and i have him now and many more firsts to come,ones that i will remeber always .

I only hope my frankness on the subject prevents one person from suffering alone,if so then i can genuinely say my experience was worth it if you know what i mean.

Depression means a constant battle.................................... this is one i will win,without a shadow of a doubt !

 

[cobweb]

good for you for getting off the seroxat, there have been lots of reports about it in the past.. and given for the wrong type of depression it can have these effects..
i was prescribed seroxat when my hubby was coming out of the airforce and i was beside my self worrying about the future.. Iwas actually fine on it with no suicidal thoughts but i came off it because i realised that the problem was still going to be there. Hubby was very supportive and did help me get throught it. i do think i'm prone to depression anyway. it runs in my family. my nephew has bipolar and tried to kill himself with a carving knife a few years ago,, he is ok now tho and wont take anything for it, but it will keep coming back... i get very low and wont or cant do anything. it is hard to talk to anyone about it as i dont actually have any real friends. mostly my dark thoughts are of dying and getting old and being forgotten about.. cant stop them, they just come when i least expect them

deb x

 

[CadenceAlex]

You're not alone, I've been there - took me 18 months to regain my life from severe debilitating panic attacks.

I didn't get PND which I truly expected to get, I bonded with my baby but I got days where I would get in the bath and just want to stay there to ignore the crying, whilst I left my husband with my daughter.

Life is hard for us all but if you had seen the state of me 18 months ago, you would never believe I am the same person. You will get through this.

True clinical depression is apparently rare, we can all be depressed due to circumstances... don't be fobbed off with tablets unless you truly need them. :hug:

 

[Pink Tips]

Sometimes you tink you are the only person in the world going through these emotions. I'm one of those people.

For the past 2 years or so, I've felt like my whole life is falling apart, I have a lovely 6 year old daughter and a 1 year old. But like you when I was pregnant I was on the verge of giving her up to adoption. I felt I had no choice as me and my partner were going through a rough time. Even the thought of suicide has crossed my mind, but like you said the thought of who is going to look after my daughters keeps me tickng along. I've not been to the doctors and I know I should as I know I need someone to talk to desperatly. Even the other day I was driving home from work, and a lorry was coming towards me on the other side. I felt that it would be so easy to turn the wheel in front of it and just end it all.

My hubby is supportive, but I think he really just doesn't know what to say or do other than to be there listen and give me the hugs and love I need. I know he sometimes despairs and he is worried that one day I might just do something to myself.

I thought I was going mad, and had to deal with this on my own but you have made me realise that there are people out there who can help, were not lost causes. This has proably given me a wake-up call to go and see the doctor once and for all to discuss the emotions that I'm going through.

Thanks, and if anyone wants to talk about anything PM me.

 

[emma m]

when i read all the posts it made me cry and bring back so many memories.:cry:
When you are going through this you do feel like your on your own becasue you feel too frightened to tell anyone.

i went through this with my oldest little boy (now 7) i felt like if i told anyone someone would take him away from me:cry: i just felt so frightened. the only time that i did finally get some help when my health vistor dropped by one day and saw what state i was in. i went through days of not going out and only talking to people on the phone (apart from my hubby) it caused so many problems between us, we separted for a couple of weeks because i just hated him.

my oldest boy has problems of his own which another story but we had lots of problems getting this sorted and even now i sometimes just want to cry and feel like iam on the downward spiral again but iam trying so hard to put myslef into something that i really do enjoy.

take care.:hug: :hug:

 

[corrine1983]

thanks everyone for your input, it goes to show that we are not alone in that dark tunnel and all you have to do i reach out for someone in there. as they could help you to the light at the end of the tunnel. there maybe someone going through this and cant find the strength to say anything, due to being scared, frightened of being called a bad mother, etc. all your stories could of got them to open up to someone about their feelings and emotions, and get them on the road to recovery.
thanks girls
xxxxx

 

[dee]

i was never depressed until my mum died after that i was suicidal:cry: i dont know how many times i nearly walked in front of a bus, i went to the docs who gave me tablets but i didnt like how they made me feel , i felt like my head was stuffed with cotton wool and i hate that feeling, i also started with panic attacks most of this i kept to myself and no one knew (hubby though i was a bit fed up) it took years until i got myself a bit more normal , and am a lot better since i had my kids (u dont have a choice but to go out when they have to go to school ) i really feel for anyone who suffers p.n.d (i never did, luckily)and hope anyone who has it gets the help they need :hug:

 

[big miss nails]

hi after the birth of my first child i sufferd with pnd i couldn't bear to go back to work.so i gave my job up and sat at home all day my weight balloned up to 15 stone me and partner was going through a really bad patch.i decided to go doctors who prescribed tablets i took them for awhile but then thought what am i doing.i then found i was pregnant again which at come at the worse possible time my partner had left and i was left on my own with an 11 month old baby a few months prior i had lost my cousin to a terrible accident i felt at rock bottom.i lost the baby and at that point i decided claire get yourself together so got up one morning went for a job interview i got the job and my life changed so much i was happy again i joined weight watchers and lost 4 stone!then i met steve within a month i was pregnant again but this time i knew i could cope and steve has been by side through everythink since.i have had a few lapses iv recently been to see a counciler becouse i started having panic attacks but steve understands and if im having a bad day he's there for me with big wide open arms.he's my hero x

 

[carend]

hey there boys and girls,
when i was pregnant with umerrah, i was going through a tough time with the father and became depressed. it got to the point that i was looking through the yellow pages for adoption agencies so i could give away my unborn child, as awful as this sound i had already fallen into a deep depression before she was already born. i tried demanding the doctor to help me with medication as i felt i was in a down hill spiral. i tried pulling myself togeather to get through the birth. anyway i umerrah was born, got the usual baby blues crying all the time etc. a couple of months went by and i couldnt catch the bus, still crying, feeling lonley and let down by friends who were just doing their own thing. i was late diagnosed with post natal depression as i scored 23 which is quite high and class as servere. the doctor then put me on saroxat. at first i felt fine as though i was getting better, i then experienced suicidal thoughts but the only thing that stopped me was my daughter, who would find her, who would look after her, etc.
i took myself off the anti depressants and regained my live back and met sean. i have days where i dont want to wash, do my hair, go out and cut myself off the rest of the world. bit if i didnt have sean to pick me up when im really feeling low i dont know what i would do.

the question i want to ask is have any of you suffered from depression? wether it be post natal or just depression.... did you have anyone there to support you through the dark tunnel that you was traveling through, or did you pick yourself up on your own without support from friends and family?

there are so many women that got through post natal depression without saying anything and suffer in silence, due to lack of support from friends and family.

i hope i havent offended anyone.
xxxxx

Wow!Well done for being brave enough to start this thread
I too with my son had really bad post natal illness but i was in denial for a long long time and suffered on my own without telling a soul what i was going thru-for over 7months.I only finally let on to what i was feeling due to my partner wanting to leave me as i had changed totally and was always picking fights for no reason,pushing him away,cried every morning when my little boy woke up coz i just couldn't face another day feeling this way...
I eventually found a website which i believe saved my life-it was a PNI-UK: Perinatal Illness - UK but i think it may have changed its url now?not sure now...but anyway the girls who run the site were amazing-made me see that i wasn't going mad and i wasn't evil,alot of the symptoms i was getting were totally normall for PNI sufferers and i felt i could finally go through with telling my partner and doctor etc what was going on.But by then my Drs didn't really believe it was PNI/PND as my baby was 7months old and if i'd coped for that long on my own it obviously wasn't that bad!
If it hadn't have been for the girls at PNISHA who were there when i came back from my drs apppt to tell me that not all drs are dinosaurs-and they helped me to get the courage to see another dr then another til i found someone who would actually help me.
But even then there are next to no services around our area to help that specialise in perinatal illnesses so i was fobbed off with teh bare minimum of help,so as a result now I am still on my ADs adn i still don't think I'm totally recovered-but i am pregnant again! So as u can guess its a bit of a scary time-the pregnancy wasn't planned so now i've got the worry of wondering if the tablets are gonna have caused any probs for my unborn child-but the Dr didn't really want to take me off them as it would've been too dangerous for me adn they have to outweigh the risks to the mother and the child,and also on certain days where the hormones don't agree with me i feel myself falling into the black hole again.I am really scared that i'm gonna totally lose it when i have this baby,but i spose at least i know the signs this time and i know it won't go on its own if i don't tell someone-so thats all in my favour i guess
Anyway sorry for waffling just wanted to let u know u aren't alone and what u suffered from is so common-but so hard to talk about-so u r one brave lady to post on here about it so well done!!!:hug:

 

[CadenceAlex]

Wow!Well done for being brave enough to start this thread
I too with my son had really bad post natal illness but i was in denial for a long long time and suffered on my own without telling a soul what i was going thru-for over 7months.I only finally let on to what i was feeling due to my partner wanting to leave me as i had changed totally and was always picking fights for no reason,pushing him away,cried every morning when my little boy woke up coz i just couldn't face another day feeling this way...
I eventually found a website which i believe saved my life-it was a PNI-UK: Perinatal Illness - UK but i think it may have changed its url now?not sure now...but anyway the girls who run the site were amazing-made me see that i wasn't going mad and i wasn't evil,alot of the symptoms i was getting were totally normall for PNI sufferers and i felt i could finally go through with telling my partner and doctor etc what was going on.But by then my Drs didn't really believe it was PNI/PND as my baby was 7months old and if i'd coped for that long on my own it obviously wasn't that bad!
If it hadn't have been for the girls at PNISHA who were there when i came back from my drs apppt to tell me that not all drs are dinosaurs-and they helped me to get the courage to see another dr then another til i found someone who would actually help me.
But even then there are next to no services around our area to help that specialise in perinatal illnesses so i was fobbed off with teh bare minimum of help,so as a result now I am still on my ADs adn i still don't think I'm totally recovered-but i am pregnant again! So as u can guess its a bit of a scary time-the pregnancy wasn't planned so now i've got the worry of wondering if the tablets are gonna have caused any probs for my unborn child-but the Dr didn't really want to take me off them as it would've been too dangerous for me adn they have to outweigh the risks to the mother and the child,and also on certain days where the hormones don't agree with me i feel myself falling into the black hole again.I am really scared that i'm gonna totally lose it when i have this baby,but i spose at least i know the signs this time and i know it won't go on its own if i don't tell someone-so thats all in my favour i guess
Anyway sorry for waffling just wanted to let u know u aren't alone and what u suffered from is so common-but so hard to talk about-so u r one brave lady to post on here about it so well done!!!:hug:

Carend don't worry now about what could happen when the baby is born - I know exactly where you are coming from but you will be making yourself miserable unecessarily in the process. I too worried myself sick whilst pregnant with my daughter and all of it was totally unfounded!

Negative thinking is a vicious circle and it's those inner thoughts that put the blockers on being happy and worry free.

To anyone suffering I would recommend:

www.charleslindenmethod.co.uk

 

[butterflygirl]

I was so ill after my son was born I ended up in hospital for two months my son was released before me and if it was not for my wonderful husband and mum and dad I would not be here today. My husband looked after a newborn with help from my parents. I couldn't imagane and i still don't know how he did it. I suffered with post natal depression for three years. quite a black hole but just take each day as it comes there is a light but everytime I saw that light it went out on me. Until one day it was so bright and i had reached the other side. Unfortunatly for me I have had a nervouse breakdown 2 weeks ago. Again my husband was there for me!! he is there with me every step of the way. My bad and good days. Keep on going mate you are not alone

 

[Tsia]

I was in denial about having depression 3 years ago and thought it was someone that only weak people got.. I wasnt weak, I was independant and loving my life.. or was I?
I was crying every single day, at different times, over NOTHING, even at random adverts on tv!!
My doctor offered anti depressants but I REFUSED them.:irked: I heard bad stories and just think that would have made me worse.

My work at the time suffered and was signed off for a total of 3 months in the end. Lost my job.. then had a car crash with an uninsured driver, no licence either! .. and all wasnt going well at all!

I wasnt happy, my car was a total right off and I found it hard to go anywhere without my car and the more I stayed in and shut myself a way, the more severe my depression got.

After a year or so, I picked myself up, dusted myself off, made some drastic changes to my life.. re-located to 200 miles away, found a new job, and got a new car etc.

Now I am persuing careers that I never thought I would, have a great home life in the country living with my partner.. he has been my rock.

I still cry sometimes, who doesnt?
But now I can see the difference to being emotional and depressed.:green:

 

[HappyHands]

I have a wonderful hubby.. i know he loves me with all his heart cos of the wonderful things he does for me... but the only thing he does not do is except that i need help for my anxity/depresseion. When i tried to talk to him a few months ago it ended in a arguement with him saying "its all a cop out" and "why cant you just be normal" to which i answered "if i knew how i would thats why i need help" I took another few weeks but now i have finally gone to the doctors and he has said that i,m not depressed i am just full of anixity.. and is sending me on this course to try and help, if this does not work then he said we will sort it out dont worry, and has refused to give me drugs.(been there tried it and they made me worse) when i gave this information to my hubby he kind of huffed and put it to one side.. dont get me wrong he does help me with all the problems my ADHD child has and surports me in wll the ways he can with him, but with me NO!!!! i have to fight this battle on my own and it scares the s*** out of me..:cry:

 

[becki x]

I have a wonderful hubby.. i know he loves me with all his heart cos of the wonderful things he does for me... but the only thing he does not do is except that i need help for my anxity/depresseion. When i tried to talk to him a few months ago it ended in a arguement with him saying "its all a cop out" and "why cant you just be normal" to which i answered "if i knew how i would thats why i need help" I took another few weeks but now i have finally gone to the doctors and he has said that i,m not depressed i am just full of anixity.. and is sending me on this course to try and help, if this does not work then he said we will sort it out dont worry, and has refused to give me drugs.(been there tried it and they made me worse) when i gave this information to my hubby he kind of huffed and put it to one side.. dont get me wrong he does help me with all the problems my ADHD child has and surports me in wll the ways he can with him, but with me NO!!!! i have to fight this battle on my own and it scares the s*** out of me..:cry:

Liz the thing is,i know it may sound harsh,even with his support you will be fighting this on your own.

Do you understand what you are going through ?

If not can you expect your husband to ?

The reason he thinks it's a cop out is because so many people feel down and have rough periods in their lives and happily refer to it as depression.

When you suffer,you hide it and eventually get to a stage where you feel like you are begging for help.

I know how you feel because i felt the same,i just wanted him to hold me and make everything ok again,but it doesn't work like that.

The best advise i can give you is ask him for one thing only,time.

Use your time to get the right treatment,relying on him for support when he can not possibly comprehend how desperate you feel will only add pressure,i have the t shirt.

Take the treatment you have been offered and grab it with both hands,you will come out at the other side.

Anxiety is the same as depression in the sense it is a mental ilness,i used to think i am ill would you treat me this way if i were in pot or bed ridden or in hospital...... no but then again the goings on of our brain is not visable and therfore people assume it's not there.

I hope my post makes sense to you and that you see there is light at the end of the tunnel,blood sweat and tears lots of them,but you will get there.

Take care hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :hug:

 

[Snugglepuss]

I was diagonised with Manic Depression 6 years ago and after each child the depression has got worse - I was put on suicide watch several times and it is only recently that I have had to stop seeing a whole parade of different doctors on a weekly basis.

I decided a few months ago to be more open about the person I really am and what has contributed to the way and who I am. This has helped tremendously - not hiding behind a mask of "I'm ok" and the realisation that I will never be rid of this terrible illness.

What keeps me here - the little uns !

For all of you that suffer with depression, remember that it is the curse of the strong - not the weak!

Love n hugs to you all

Debbie xx

 

[HappyHands]

You see i have hidden behind a mask for sooooo long.. anyone you speak to about me will say" life and sole of the party, bubbly, none stop talker, and a great gal" but this is the person i would love to be but my mask is starting to crumble and the grummpy and angry feelings that i feel inside are slowly seeping though... i dont even think that my hubby knows who i really am cos i dont.. all i know is i want to be the person that every one see all the time and not just in frount of them.. just glad that people here understand, i think i will put a couple of you on my buddies list for those bad days.. any helppers??????