Promotional letter... HELP!!!

[Lady_of_Pain]

Hi. I need some help here. I am a new (very talented) nail tech starting out at a salon that does make-up and esthetics (not hair). Before now they did not have anyone doing nails there. Since I am trying to build up a clientele, they have agreed to allow me to mail out a letter to their most regular clients. This is what I have so far. I know it needs lots of work, so any suggestions would be amazingly helpful. I am not very good at promoting myself yet, so I am not sure how to make a "hello I'm new" letter sound good. Here is what I have so far:

Hello! My name is Carol and I am pleased to join the staff at The Make-Up Studio as a Certified Nail Technician. I would just like to inform you of the services that I offer, and my new Holiday Season promotions.

I am a very well trained and talented Nail Technician, and I specialize in Gel Nails. I strive to provide exceptionally beautiful nail enhancements while also providing the best client services possible. I dedicate almost all of my time to my "art", and when I am not busy with a client I am exhaustively researching new techniques and ideas to keep up to date with the industry.

As a professional I realize the importance of the health of my clients, and I try to educate them as much as possible on proper aftercare and the health of the natural nail. My tools and work area are always cleaned with hospital grade disinfectants between each client, and I also use the highest quality products available.

I am excited to get to know the regular clients of The Make-Up Studio, so I have developed some new promotions for the Holiday Season. From November 23rd to November 30th I am happy to offer a 15% discount to special clients of the Make-Up Studio on my services, which include full sets of Gel Nails, French or Regular Gel Nail fills, Natural Nail Gel Overlays, and temporary Nail Tips with a gel overlay for added durability.

Since it is the season for Christmas parties and pampering, and I will also be offering a 10% discount for the month of December as well.

So drop by The Make-Up Studio or give me a call, I am always happy to answer any questions that you may have, and am very excited to meet you!

Carol

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Beautifully and professionally worded hun, I couldn't add or detract from anything you have said. Go for it and good luck.

 

[Lady_of_Pain]

Thanks!!! I need it to be more....how would I say.... worded to draw people in??? I'm not very good at marketing, that's my trouble!

I am scared because my regular job that I have now ends on the 22nd, and I have NO CLIENTS!!!! I have quit to do nails full time. I am so scared that I am going to be very poor for the first little while!!!!

 

[Sassy Hassy]

I am excited to get to know the regular clients of The Make-Up Studio, so I have developed some new promotions for the Holiday Season. From November 23rd to November 30th I am happy to offer a 15% discount to special clients of the Make-Up Studio on my services, which include full sets of Gel Nails, French or Regular Gel Nail fills, Natural Nail Gel Overlays, and temporary Nail Tips with a gel overlay for added durability
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Okay, if you need a "critical" view of your offers then as a nail technician I can say that you should discount your sets heavily, but never discount your infills. A heavily discounted set will get you the new business and if you are as good as you say then they will come back for infills regardless.

As a potential client I would feel that 15% discount is not that special, go for 25%, it sounds so much more, especially if you need an INSTANT response.... and how about something free for the first ten (20, 30 ??) to book (ie paraffin wax treatment, or a goodie bag worth $x) Then December is so busy so think 10% would be about right, if you needed to at all.

Another marketing tip I came across is repeat your message. So send out one lot of letters and then a week or 2 later send another .... a drip feed effect. You know what it's like, you get mail through the post and then bin it. You then forget about it, but the second or third letter often prompts you into action.

HTH

 

[Cathie!]

Totally agree with Sassy.

Your offer only runs for one week,if you're trying to attract new clients, can't it run a bit longer.

 

[Lady_of_Pain]

Thank's guy's, I will make those changes.

If anyone has any other suggestions, or examples of other promotional letters, please let me know. I think it could still use some extra touches.

 

[Sassy Hassy]

Are you able to incorporate any pictures into your letter, or include some glossy marketing material from you nail suppliers as this really stands out.

Just had a thought as well, when we used to do promo letters when I was in Ford Fleet Sales, you'd give the letter a heading, highlight the really important bits in bold (your services and discount), and do a ps at the bottom (ie the first 20 to respond get a freebie gift as well as the discount). People only tend to scan letters so these 3 parts of your letter need to be the important bit.

Another nice touch is personalise it so rather than dear sir/madam you would address to the person ie Dear Mrs Haslam, otherwise your intended audience think it's another bit of worthless junk mail.

Could you print your offer on the envelope too so you have "tickled theri tastebuds" before they've even opened the envelope?

.................... blimey think this cold weather is making my brain work for once, those suggestions came from the depths of somewhere in the old grey matter!