Babies babies babies everywhere!

[GemmiLou]

Hi All,

So just needing a girlie chat/informal convo for you girls who are interested So, to start off I am 27 yrs old and I have a group of 6 very close best friends of whom Iv known since secondary school! Today I got a message from one of them announcing she is pregnant with her first! She is the last of them to be having a baby besides myself so I am now the last one left!
Im not trying for a baby yet but now they have all had their firsts im just feeling rather overwhelmed and slightly pressured (not by them or anyone else) just by myself to hurry up and have one!
I feel very behind all of them!
Two of them are married, Two are engaged , Two have their own houses and they have all had babies or are pregnant now with seconds!

Im happy with my life but just trying to save for a deposit for our house which seems to be taking forever!! We live in a gorgeous flat in Brentwood which my boyfriend owns and he will keep to rent out so he is paying the mortgage at the mo and I am saving for a brand new deposit so we are in a good position but I just want to own my own house before I think of having babies ,I think Id also like to get married first as well!! lol
So three big events , buying a house , getting married and having a baby!!! All things Id loved to do right now but having to prioritise as cant afford all three at once! I just want it all now... why do these things take so long! I know when itll happen itll happen and im not getting edgy or driving my other half up the wall yet but in my head i feel like everyones 10 steps ahead of me and Iv got a lot of catching up to do ! Just feels like im never gona get there!

Do any of you feel like this or felt this in the past? I know you shouldnt compare your life to others but sometimes you just cant help it. I will state I Am not depressed i am actually very happy just being a spoilt kid and wanting these things now haha xx

 

[mm29]

Youl reep the rewards for thinking logically,

Get your house then babies enjoy your life just now no ties! having a baby is amazing but remember they grow up and chat back and that's not all that fun

 

[GemmiLou]

Youl reep the rewards for thinking logically,

Get your house then babies enjoy your life just now no ties! having a baby is amazing but remember they grow up and chat back and that's not all that fun

Hha thanks , They just make me feel like im missing out! They are like ohhh having a baby is the best thing Iv ever done and I love being a mummy best job in the world etc and Im like really?? Just makes me fell left out I suppose! I am really lucky i have a gorgeous loving boyfriend , good career, amazing holidays and a supportive family. just none of the BIG THREE!!! YET! LOL I think ill be bloody 50 by the time I have!

 

[mm29]

God no

I have 3 and had them in my 20's and I love them to bits and it is the best job in the world SOMETIMES

But enjoy being young splash out on amazing holidays I can't take my girls to the kind of holiday I used to have and by god I can't wait to return to a sandals hotel in 10yrs time, x

 

[adventuregirl]

Don't rush things. Remember people give you the edited version of their lives, generally.

Having a baby is a massive upheaval and changes everything. Yes, being a mum is fantastic, but it is also incredibly challenging and is a lifetime commitment.

So be happy where you are and do things in your own time. I would bet my house that your friends who have babies are (deep down) a tiny bit jealous of your carefree life and nice holidays, not having to get a babysitter if you fancy seeing a movie or a night away. I know I am x


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[GemmiLou]

Haha, ahh thanks girls!
Its just things like when we all get together all they ever talk about is babies or pregnancy ... nappies, milk , teething etc ....I could go on! I cant really contribute to the convo and it gets sooo boring!Lol.
Im honestly all happy for them and Im not feeling jealous yet just pressured , they are all like gem its gona be You next!! Id so love to say yes it will be me but I have no idea when its going to happen! Im worried about my age too! Ill be 28 this year boo hoo x

 

[LocksOfLove]

I'm 20 no joke I'm the only one not to have a child. I don't want one until I'm ALOT older maybe late 20's early 30's ... I have been with my OH since I was 16 I was told I couldn't have children due to my health and then I got told I could if I got pregnant within the next 12 months through IVF as I cannot have my own as my condition is genetic. We went to see an IVF specialist who then said he wouldn't be happy with me being pregnant - I was so upset. But now I've got over that I think I'm way too bloody young anyway. All my friends love their children but they can't do anything, never have any money, all have children to arsehole boyfriends as they were young and stupid... My OH is 27 he wants a family but is willing to wait. I'm going to live my life first plus I don't want to put my body at risk. Then we will look at adoption when I'm older, ready and prepared although your never ready or prepared enough for a child. Lol. We agreed probably start adoption process in a couple of years - it will take us ages due to my health to get approved. Took my cousin 5 years before he got his little girl through adopting. Must be a better feeling knowing it's all planned though. Most of my friends it wasn't. Xxx

 

[happyfeet]

Lots of good advice already I would also agree and say get settled first. Live your life first. When the time is right you'll be ready.

I fell pregnant at 23 (the youngest of all my friends) I was nervous at first (as to be expected) but once over the initial oh my god I knew me and my hubby were ready. We've been really lucky with our son he was a fabulous baby and now at 8 he's such a beautiful character. I'm now 32 and expecting our second child

I'll admit we were very smug thar we'd had little guy early and life would start to feel a bit more free. Then came along our little Maxi and well, those plans are on hold but we're ready.

Having a child is the biggest commitment you'll ever make. You do sacrifice many things as a parent, but I don't mind that because that's all part and parcel. You get what you put in iykwim

Enjoy your life now, once baby comes you still enjoy life but you just go in a different direction. Both directions are equally as enjoyable and rewarding.

I look back now and I knew then too that by the time I had my son at 24 I had reached a point in my life I was happy to stop and take on the new challenge of being a Mum.

I can understand that it is frustrating for you when it's all talk of babies, haha ive had to stop myself doing the same thing in the past, your friends are at the early stages of motherhood and most probably that's literally what their entire world consists of. But keep chatting to them, they'll enjoy your conversation and life updates, believe me

Enjoy life lovely, there's no need to rush as it goes so very quickly

Xxxx

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[w1nnie]

I really feel for youngsters these days when it comes to affording a house and wedding, as it's not as easy as it used to be. But that aside, having a baby in all honesty is not all it's cracked up to be.

It's amazing to get pregnant, give birth and have that bundle in your arms. BUT NOBODY will tell you about the INCREDIBLE tiredness, and the inability to even go to the toilet ! Your friends I bet you are keeping these things from you, because you won't believe how hard it is until you have had one.

Enjoy your freedom to go out, to go to the supermarket, to wander around the clothes shops, because your friends cannot do that easily in peace, as they have to go to the baby room in boots to feed and change nappies.

I was 38 when I had my youngest, 30 when I had my eldest. You have plenty of time, enjoy your life doing simple things and going on holiday.

My kids are well into thier teens now and are great people, very proud of them both, but I would not want to go back to those early years for all the tea in China !

 

[Becca@PolishedToPerfection]

I'm 20 and have a 3 year old and a 5 week old and I don't regret it one little bit! I love my boys to bits and I love being a mum. It is very hard work though, I literally left school, moved out and had a baby so I haven't done anything "fun" never been on holiday with friends, not had many wild nights out, when we do get s night off it's a meal in pub and an early night I'd be fast asleep by midnight if we went to a club! Lol. There's so much responsibility, worry and stress that comes with it I do sometimes wish I could be a carefree young girl that doesn't have to worry but honestly I wouldn't change it for the world! xx

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[StephsTherapies]

I'm also 27! married and own my house, but still don't feel ready to have kids! The girls I went to school with are on there 2nd and 3rd!
I'm constantly asked when I'm going to have one! I just respond that I have a few nice holidays to go on before popping one out!
I'm not against people having children young (each to there own) but because I've decided to wait I get the "your married! You should be thinking of having kids" and "your not getting any younger!"


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[adventuregirl]

Enjoy your freedom to go out, to go to the supermarket, to wander around the clothes shops, because your friends cannot do that easily in peace, as they have to go to the baby room in boots to feed and change nappies. !

This is especially true. I had an extremely rare outing to Boots on my own and spent so long just browsing at everything: the shampoos, the jewellery, the make up. Lovely wee time I had just wandering around sans child. So much so that I am certain the security guard was keeping an eye on me as he thought I was casing the joint. Hmm.


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[GemmiLou]

Loving the advice and view girls keep them coming
My younger sister found out shes preg today too! See?.. .. they are everywhere,I cant escape them! Ha. So thats two of my younger sisters and all of my close friends that have beat me to it now! I am sooooo behind!
Thing is How do you when the right time is? Iv built up this plan that when we try everything will be perfect , we will be in our house etc but I know lifes not like that. My other half keeps saying he doesnt want to be an old dad (he is 32) but I would love to have our house etc. I mean we have more than enough room in our flat but its not how I imagined it to be. My implant is due to be removed in Feb 2015 so im hoping we would have bought house by then and all will be well. But then what if it takes 3 years to fall preg? Am i then going to regret waiting now?!

 

[GemmiLou]

I mean how do you when the time is right to start trying? I know its silly to keep thinking about these things but I cant get it all out of my head especially when Im around baby talk all the time and get questioned about it on a reg basis!
This is just a good place to get it all off my chest! lol :lol:

 

[happyfeet]

The time is right lovey when you and your partner mutually agree it's right. No one makes and no one can make that decision for you.

There's nothing wrong with your plans because they are right for you both. It's nobody's business what you do.

As for how long it takes to get pregnant, well nobody knows that unfortunately. Get your house sorted, get where you want to be in life and in the mean time gen up on how to live a healthy life for when trying to conceive if you want.

People will always ask whens it your turn. Blimey in the last nine years if I had a pound for every bugger that asked.... when you having a second? you can't just have one child! why aren't you having more kids?... blah blah bloody blah I'd be one rich chick! But you know what I took no notice, lived my life my way (with my hubby and son obviously) and here I am at 32 pregnant again.

Chill your boots lovely, don't give yourself such a tough time, make plans, change plans. .. but do what's right for you and your beau

(((Hugs))))

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[misslady]

I'm 27 with my own home and married with 2 small children - did it in that order. Trust me, you are planning to do things in the right order. Children are not cheap, full time nursery fees for one child is more than my mortgage payment!

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[kaysmith87]

I'm 26 and pregnant with my first but it's tough. I'm married with our own house, my husband is 37 and so all of his friends were having children a long time before us but we waited as it wasn't the right time for us.

We thought now was but its only when you really realise how much it effects your life (not just having a child but being pregnant as I've been so sick) and in more ways than you realise that you'll be grateful you did. Even now with thinking about child care, getting a manager in for the salon etc I'm starting to think waiting a bit longer would have been wise!

 

[sukic]

I was 32 when I had my first, and I still had a lot of travelling I wanted to do and wasn't really ready, but we decided to be grown ups and 'settle down'. My daughter is amazing, but as said before, your freedom is stripped from you as soon as bubs pops out. Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever have, I've managed teams of 22 that was easier than parenting. Do it when you're ready, not to keep up. Everyone's life is different, I have friends from school that are grandparents already, I'm 41!! Scary thought to me, but they're happy and thats what counts. Enjoy your life, you've got tons of time.

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[adventuregirl]

I mean how do you when the time is right to start trying? I know its silly to keep thinking about these things but I cant get it all out of my head especially when Im around baby talk all the time and get questioned about it on a reg basis!
This is just a good place to get it all off my chest! lol :lol:

I was exactly the same as you. Everyone I knew was pregnant. Facebook/Babybook was littered with scan photos and baby updates. It probably had been this way all along but because I was obsessed with it, I noticed it all the more and drove myself (and my other half) mad with it!

We decided to try about 2 years ago after having talked about it seriously for months. Even when you get the green light to start trying, it can be a stressful period, as you are timing everything and sometimes the spontaneity of "getting jiggy" goes out the window.

What you could maybe discuss is removing the goalie - as in not try but not prevent. That way, it's down to fate? Xx


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[Nikki May]

Just been out for an early dinner with my 3 friends and 5 children!!! It was fun and I love them to pieces but boy am I glad to be home relaxing with my wine while they are fighting their hyperactive children into bath time and bedtime. I'm 30 now and have to admit when I was your age and my friends were all doing it I felt left behind but actually I like going at my pace with my other half right now, lots of lovely travels to exotic places, quiet afternoons in pubs long leisurely lunches. I know it will come when the time is right, no point putting pressure on yourself. Good things come to those who wait.